M
Maggie
Guest
I understand and I empathize. I dropped out of college after my second year because I couldn’t take the daily phone calls that would be anywhere from an hour to six hours long. My room-mate called me a “mommy’s girl” but little did she understand that I was the one doing the parenting. The night before my chemistry final my mother kept me on the phone for six hours. Mind you I was a chemistry major. She’d been talking about suicide at that point for three weeks. I decided that summer I needed to be there rather than at school. Thankfully she never attempted it (unless you count totalling seven cars) but she didn’t even get diagnosed for another 13 years. At that point she’d been in therapy for well over 25 years.I don’t know your specific experiences with bipolar, but I would like you to understand that my first act as an 18 year old was to sign a 72-hour-hold order on my mother after she had attempted suicide.
I want you to understand that although I was just starting out in life, at a time that I desperately needed my parents, I had neither. My father had died, and my mother was calling me several times per week for advice she should not have needed. In effect, I became her parent…and I am still struggling with that dichotomy, although she is better now.
God Bless you for doing so. I am sure plenty of people didn’t understand your burden or your choices, but in your heart you understood that something wasn’t right and you couldn’t just abandon her. But there’s a price to pay for that, and I haven’t figured out when we stop paying it.I was flailing in my early career life, I had no support even from extended family for my career choice, I did not know anyone in the large metro area I had entered…and yet, I had somehow to emotionally support the parent I needed to support me!
My therapist reprimanded me for that. She had to tell me that what mom expects of me now is acceptable. But that is how distorted our views become… we are so accustomed to the irrationality of their demands that we fall into the trap occassionally of writing them all off as such… I know that I and my siblings will never feel as though we will be able to rely on mom, although she is healthier now than she has ever been. It’s been necessary to excise that expectation out of our relationship with her. We still love her, but we know we cannot rely on her.I still don’t feel like I can lean on my mother, and I’m sure she doesn’t feel like she can lean on me…and finally, it’s almost the “right” time for her to be able to do so.
Sometimes for generations to come.Mental illness does not just cause suffering to those who have the diseases…it causes waves of suffering around it.
Thank the Lord that Jesus is with us or we would all be crushed under the weight.