Miffed at bikini suggestion

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Chortle

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I recently asked my 16 year-old daughter if there were any other kinds of swim wear other than bikinis for teenage girls. Not answering my question, she angrily responded that it wasn’t fair that women had to consider such an issue when men get to walk around all summer long without their shirts on.

I told her that both men and women need to be modest in their dress, but I could see her point as well. What is a wise way to address the issue of modesty with a teenage girl when (look around) almost all girls her age are in bikinis at the swimming pool or on the beach? Any thoughts?
 
Just a thought…try telling her that if she wears bikini bottoms that are exactly the same length and shape as a man’s swim trunks - she can wear the top of her choice.😃

Maybe think she’ll rethink her position!😛
 
Or the reverse, a guy wearing a bikini type of outfit. One has to take into account differences in attraction between men and women as well. Most women do not start phantasizing in a lustful way about men when they see them in bathing suits, but obviously that would be different for men seeing women in a bikini.
Maybe a tan kini would workas an acceptable alternative that is still somewhat stylish, but covers most of the body? I do not know. Maybe women out here can give a better answer.
 
jmdsc said:
Just a thought…try telling her that if she wears bikini bottoms that are exactly the same length and shape as a man’s swim trunks - she can wear the top of her choice.😃

Maybe think she’ll rethink her position!😛
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You are brilliant. 😃
 
jmdsc said:
Just a thought…try telling her that if she wears bikini bottoms that are exactly the same length and shape as a man’s swim trunks - she can wear the top of her choice.😃

Maybe think she’ll rethink her position!😛
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Unless her idea of “Man’s swim trunks” is a Speedo. :eek:
 
My suggestion would be go out looking yourself. Find some cute swimwear in styles that you feel are appropriate and let her choose from those. I’ve seen some great racing style on speedo’s website (although some are very high cut around the legs). Another option is board shorts and a fuller bikini top, although that still leaves the belly bare. Sporting goods manufactures don’t have the same guidelines we do.
 
Women being far more selective than men and having a normally far lower sex drive (this is scientifically demonstrated), we don’t have as much of a problem with men in skimpy clothing. But lots of men act seductive. Also, men in skimpy swimwear are attractive to homo/bisexual males. It seems to have as much to do with the close fit and flattering lines as with skin showing, from what I’ve heard. I have gay friends. They have an eye for style and a toned shape. So it’s as much an issue for men to be decent at the pool as women, but in a slightly different way. I think it boils down to motive, for us grownups, but the young don’t know how they look. they need a standard.
 
DailyBread said:
Most women do not start phantasizing in a lustful way about men when they see them in bathing suits, but obviously that would be different for men seeing women in a bikini.
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I’m not sure I agree with this statement.
 
Instead of presenting things to her as negatives to her, "You shouldn’t do X,Y,Z.

Maybe try and emphasize the positives, about how modesty isn’t about making yourself look ugly or unattractive - it’s about attracting guys to the most beautiful part of you - your dignity.

Unfortunately, I make no claims to being able to understand women, but even with my extremely limited knowledge; no girl really wants to be treated like an object of lust, no matter how they might present themselves.

JD
 
I would say as a young man that swimwear venues like beaches and pools are entered with a different mindset than general life so one need not be super-concerned about applying normal venue modesty rules. But the mindset is NOT 100% different so I would second the board shorts and fuller top (a full-ish bra-style top would do just fine even) idea. A 1 peice also is good provided the legs are cut reasonably. dont worry too much about the midriff so long as the bottom isnt cut too low.

As for men, board shorts, please. without being graphic, I think it is safe to say that speedos are just gross.
 
Over thirty years ago my seven year old daughter wanted a teeney weeny yellow polka dot bikini. My wife said no, but I said let her get it and wear it in the pool for swimming lessons. It didn’t take but a few lessons before she was complaining about how hard it was keeping it in place. She hasn’t wanted or wore a bikini since and she is now over forty. If todays bikinis are like yesterdays they are more for ogling and less for swimming. Ask her does she want the boys staring and imagining whats under the little bit that covers her or does she want something that is good in the water.
 
sallybranwyn said:
I’m not sure I agree with this statement.
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Remembering what I was like as a teenager when a shirtless, well-built man walked by, I don’t agree with it either.

Guys, you can tell yourselves all you want that women aren’t visually stimulated or tempted to lust, so you can wear whatever you like and it doesn’t matter. I can assure you that this attitude is a cop-out. Besides, even if you won’t dress modestly for the ladies, do it for your brothers who struggle with same-sex attraction. They have the same sex drive and low threshold for visual stimulus that you do, but theirs is disordered. Won’t you help them out?
 
I have a teenage daughter as well:eek: This is a difficult decision.
But, what I usually say is simply it just isnt modest enough to be showing most of your goodies.:eek: Luckily my daughter doesnt give me too much grief(YET!!)She is only 14:eek:

I explain that God does not want us to dress this way. I know the church explains it to them that by wearing bikinis they are allowing boys/men to look at them and possibly if not probably causing those men to lust therefore sin. Now even though it is not the girls fault if the men look at them this way—if the female is wearing a bikini to show off her body well then—she is purposely causing men to sin.😦

I know this is a conservative view but it is the truth.🤷
We were just on vacation and my daughter was wearing a tankini that covered everything and I saw men/boys checking her out!!! Imagine if she was wearing a bikini!!!:bigyikes: Its just not appropriate! For anyone really.
 
SeekerJen said:
Remembering what I was like as a teenager when a shirtless, well-built man walked by, I don’t agree with it either.

Guys, you can tell yourselves all you want that women aren’t visually stimulated or tempted to lust, so you can wear whatever you like and it doesn’t matter. I can assure you that this attitude is a cop-out.
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I agree. I don’t agree with that statement about women not fantasizing upon seeing immodestly dressed men. I also don’t agree with that bit about women haveing low sex drive – if that’s “scietifically proven”, then it’s really bad science.

With the exception of tankinis, no two-piece bathing suit, bikini or otherwise, is any good for swimming. If bikinis were good for swimming, female Olympics swimmers would wear them. It seems to me there are enough up-to-date, stylish bathing suits available that cover more than a bikini – but it’s necessary to get past the mindset that one needs to show off as much flesh as possible to be attractive.
 
One thing you can factor into this equation is your daughter’s figure. From what I see, 90% of girls/women in bikinis are seriously NOT built for them: 60% of the US population is more than 20% overweight. Do duh math!

When I see a woman with armpit rolls and a belly drooping over the top of her swimsuit bottom, I want to gag. This isn’t evena bout modesty, it’s about LOOKING IN THE MIRROR!
 
mercygate said:
One thing you can factor into this equation is your daughter’s figure. From what I see, 90% of girls/women in bikinis are seriously NOT built for them: 60% of the US population is more than 20% overweight. Do duh math!

When I see a woman with armpit rolls and a belly drooping over the top of her swimsuit bottom, I want to gag. This isn’t evena bout modesty, it’s about LOOKING IN THE MIRROR!
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Wow. Only good looking people can afford to be immodest?
Holy cow, If the discussion on how you don’t want her looking like a tart doesnt get her, telling a teenage girl she is too fat for that bikini is going to be VERY unhealthy!

I can see it now “sweetheart that bikini isvery nice, but dont you think your fat rolls are showing a little too much?”:eek:
 
jrabs said:
ewwwwwww - is that really anyone’s idea of a swim suit?
( I second the :eek: )
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I am about to sound very bad here…but have you ever noticed that the men who do wear them are the last ones that should? And they have no shame in their game! LOL!!!

 
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