My college begins on 15th of June so I’ll email her then …even if I end up chickening our he might come and find me in my class or through a teacher.
Have you considered e-mailing your pastor? He may be able to suggest a place to go to Sunday Mass where the group is small and regular, such as at a Catholic care home. He may suggest you find someone other than your cousin that you can contact to go to Mass with you. Your cousin may have a friend that will help you out.
It may be your pastor won’t “believe in” social anxiety, either–because priests are not trained in every aspect of psychology–but that doesn’t mean he can’t help you to find a way to perform your religious duties that will be the most comfortable for you.
This level of social anxiety has to be affecting other areas of your ability to function. I second the suggestions that you find someone to help you examine your thinking and perhaps find some coping strategies that will help you.
You might also want to find a book or two to read on your own, such as:
If you have social anxiety, you can still rise above life's challenges. Learn more about how to overcome social anxiety and strategies that can help you feel better.
www.verywellmind.com
The chances are that you will feel more capable of confronting the problem if you get some advice on how to go about it. If that doesn’t work, that’s OK…it is common to need face-to-face support to figure out how to cope with this kind of problem. Be ready to be patient with yourself and to have some ups and downs as you learn to expand your horizons. (As in, when you fail to do what you wanted to do, you can remind yourself:
I knew this doesn’t have an easy solution. It is going to take real work on my part and even then I will sometimes have failures and sometimes have successes. I may always be somewhat shy, but that doesn’t mean I won’t work my way to being far more comfortable in around people I don’t know than I am now.)
The truth is, though, that sometimes “painfully shy” people go through a “butterfly” process in which they go from being very shy to being very approachable people that even shy people can relate to. I know someone like that: no one ever guesses that he was once very shy. Other very shy people never become fond of social situations with strangers, but do learn to cope enough to go out and where they need to go and and do well enough to be satisfied with their situation. You never know. What you do know now, however, is that you’re not in a situation that satisfies you. You want more from life. Even if you have ups and downs, you can have better. Pray for that, believe in that, and persevere in that.