Mixed "sleep-over"?

[Giannawannabe]

One of my daughters went to a Confirmation retreat sponsored by our parish. It was held in a private home. Sometimes I was really naive when I was raising my kids, I mean, if the parish was sponsoring it, what could go wrong? After the retreat my daughter told me that ual activity had taken place. Now I’m older and wiser but its a bit late.

When I was in high school, and on a - retreat, there was the same “activity” taking place…as well as other immoral “activities”. We had quite a few chaperones and had separate sleeping quarters.too. Most of us were around 14 years old. This was a few decades ago.

I think the problem with the OP’s situation is just what she said…a “numbing” to privacy and modesty. I can see from my 12 y.o. that it would be quite “exciting” to share sleeping quarters

 

[puzzleannie]

What I would propose is that they use the classrooms as sleeping areas, with eight people - one adult and seven kids - sleeping in each classroom - boys in the east hallway and girls in the west hallway.

I .

wrong, an adult should never be alone in a room with kids sleeping. have the retreat in a facility that is set up for retreats, for teens that usually means a separate large sleeping room for each sex, with separate but nearby quarters for the adult leaders. this is also the rule for scouts by the way.

 

[JudieK]

To anyone volunteering at Church that has to go through “Protecting God’s Children” or VIRTUS training re: protecting kids from sex abuse, this just raises so many red flags. It seems so unnecessary… have a youth party and then go home at 11 or so. Why sleep over? I don’t get it. Especially with the sex abuse scandal… it seems like the church should be avoiding anything that could even raise an eyebrow. IMHO.

 

[monicatholic]

BoyScouts’ adult/ children policy used to be easilly stated as anywhere there is children, “2 adults deep.”

i agree Virtus criteria should be highest in everyone’s minds. last year, i was teaching afterschool catechism to 6th graders in a Catholic school building. i was given a far-flung 2nd grade classroom, alone in a hallway with no other classes going on.

i had a classroom assistant who was unable to attend every class, which would have left me, a woman, alone in a far-off classroom with 12 6th grade girls.

i asked to have my classroom reassigned. for my own protection and for the girls, i took a small preschool gymnasium-style playroom right across from the front office. we sat on gymnastic mats instead of desks.

but it was absolutely an agreeable solution to the original problem of me having students out of parish visibility.

 

[kage_ar]

wrong, an adult should never be alone in a room with kids sleeping. have the retreat in a facility that is set up for retreats, for teens that usually means a separate large sleeping room for each sex, with separate but nearby quarters for the adult leaders. this is also the rule for scouts by the way.

Ours has bunk rooms, adults have bunks in the room but there are ALWAYS more than one adult (women with girls, men with boys) - as well as adults that take shifts patroling the hallways all night long.

 

[Rob_s_Wife]

the whole conversation of outcome is ludicrous. having raised 5 teens so far and having 5 more to go, i’ve experienced this scenario before. parents have insisted “nothing happened. the kids were great!” my response, “well then, the kids are smarter than you!”
LOL That’s the first thing I thought when I read this thread!

This really surprises me considering I am one of the most over protective parents I know. I can’t believe there are so many of you that have no trust in your own parenting. If you instill morals in them, you have to let them test them out some time. I think that a Catholic school sponsored event is much better than a public school or other group for this type of thing.

BlestOne: It isn’t about trust to me. As other’s have said, it’s about avoiding eroding their sense of modesty and avoiding a possible sin that they are too young to navigate away from on their own.

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Smart children from great devout families can make some pretty stupid sinful choices in their weak immature moments. They are human with all the inclinations the condition comes with, but not all the battle gear neccessary to survive it yet! It’s my job as mom to help them avoid those possibly life changing moments until they are strong enough to face them on their own when they are older.

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I wouldn’t think badly of parents who are okay with this. I would simply not agree or allow it for my child and I would mention it to the priest as well. There really is not reason these things have to be over-night.

We are blessed here to have an approx 20,000 sq foot youth center. Two stories, with bunk rooms on separate floors, a large dining facility, kitchen, chapel, etc. that can be used as a retreat facility. Everything meets Virtus inspection standards

To me, this is a factor too. If it is that risky to have my kid in these people’s company - then my kid is staying home no matter what the arrangements.

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**So adults and sexes are seperated. I hate to voice this, but children do sexually abuse each other of the same sex too. **

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My personal experience? Girls can be vicious to each other! Real vipers when the parents walk out at that age. Yeah, yeah, I’m sure YOUR dd is sweet and all, really I am sure she is and I am NOT saying she isn’t, but I know I sure grew up around vipers at that age. Girls will tear each other apart over looks, boys, anything at that age. Yikes. I just wanted to take my taller than all the other girls, skinny, flat, 2x4 self to the nearest ditch every day in gym class. Usually I just ditched gym class. No way I would’ve opted to spend a night or weekend with a bunch of other girls at that age. I would have sneaked over to the guy side just for sheer safety! All my best friends were boys (dh groans at the mention of the “kiss of death” - being told by a gal that you’re her “friend” ) for no reason other than boys were way nicer than girls at that age. I never had to worry about the boys, but the girls… they were scary. I kid you not I would have felt terribly out of place on the side with all the girls. I would have hated it.

 

[mamacita]

IMO, no way would my kids be going and I too, would make it clear to the Youth minister that it is a state of temptation and that it is not necessary to tempt kids in that way. Keep them innocent as long as possible

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

BoyScouts’ adult/ children policy used to be easilly stated as anywhere there is children, “2 adults deep.”

i agree Virtus criteria should be highest in everyone’s minds. last year, i was teaching afterschool catechism to 6th graders in a Catholic school building. i was given a far-flung 2nd grade classroom, alone in a hallway with no other classes going on.

i had a classroom assistant who was unable to attend every class, which would have left me, a woman, alone in a far-off classroom with 12 6th grade girls.

i asked to have my classroom reassigned. for my own protection and for the girls, i took a small preschool gymnasium-style playroom right across from the front office. we sat on gymnastic mats instead of desks.

but it was absolutely an agreeable solution to the original problem of me having students out of parish visibility.

I work with kids in a lab that has an open french door at all times, and never put in the work order to “fix” it, so my colleague next door can “see” me and I “see” her. It is a relief. Computers can be too touchy-feely. I also insisted we use a teaching model that utlitzes the classroom teacher as the instructor for computer skills, and that those skills be applied to classroom subjects, instead of a “special” computer class. I teach the teachers and also do all the network and hardware work.

So, for the life of me, I can’t fathom why this place in the OP wants to have a co-ed sleep over on its grounds!

Martha is right about girls at that age- and they have memories like elephants! They never forget. They make Don Corleone look positively forgiving!!!

 

[God4life]

Guys, we are talking about 11 & 12 yr. old children. They haven’t even reached puberty, I am sure there will be no temptations present, especially in a place like a Gyrm with chaperones around. Besides, girls have cooties, guys are afraid of that.

 

[Rob_s_Wife]

Guys, we are talking about 11 & 12 yr. old children. They haven’t even reached puberty, I am sure there will be no temptations present, especially in a place like a Gyrm with chaperones around. Besides, girls have cooties, guys are afraid of that.

**oy! you gotta be joking? many a 11/12 yr has indeed reached puberty and many a tween/teen finds the opposing gender just breathing is temptation enough! **

 

[puzzleannie]

Guys, we are talking about 11 & 12 yr. old children. They haven’t even reached puberty, I am sure there will be no temptations present, especially in a place like a Gyrm with chaperones around. Besides, girls have cooties, guys are afraid of that.

you have how many pre-teen kids? you are so sweetly innocent, God bless you.
there is a whole range of dangerous, experimental, off-limits, crude rude lewd, malicious, bullying, and otherwise horrific behavior 6th-7th graders can get into that does not involve sexual experimentation. They have a lot more ingenuity than their chaperones. All of this is however beside the point. This youth director is ignoring diocesan rules and regulations which by itself is a red flag. If he worked for me I would have hauled him over to Father’s office by his ear when he first suggested it, and he would no longer be working for me until he attended Remedial Youth Ministry Class.

 

[SeekerJen]

Guys, we are talking about 11 & 12 yr. old children. They haven’t even reached puberty, I am sure there will be no temptations present, especially in a place like a Gyrm with chaperones around. Besides, girls have cooties, guys are afraid of that.

I’m sorry, how old are you, and where do you live? I was a 12-year-old 17 years ago, and I can tell you that the kids who hadn’t hit puberty by that age were in the vast minority, even in my Catholic school. Temptation was everywhere. I developed breasts more rapidly than many of the other girls, and I can tell you that the jokes and teasing from the boys was enough to make me stay home from school on a number of occasions. And I almost couldn’t believe some of the filthy rumors that went around the school about some of my less-parentally-supervised classmates. I say “almost”, because many of the girls dressed like little tarts once school was out, and of course the boys ate it up. Our confirmation retreat was (wisely) a day-long event, no sleepover. I can only imagine what some of the less inhibited preteens would have gotten up to had there been a sleepover.

 

[Sarabande]

Guys, we are talking about 11 & 12 yr. old children. They haven’t even reached puberty, I am sure there will be no temptations present, especially in a place like a Gyrm with chaperones around. Besides, girls have cooties, guys are afraid of that.

Um, I fully reached puberty by 11. Most of my classmates at age 11 were “going out” with each other. I knew girls who were already sexually active by age 12. This was a typical, middle- to upper-middle class parish with two-parent households, etc. They just knew how to hide it better. Thankfully, my parents were “old-fashioned” and I wasn’t a part of that.

 

[Giannawannabe]

Guys, we are talking about 11 & 12 yr. old children. They haven’t even reached puberty, I am sure there will be no temptations present, especially in a place like a Gyrm with chaperones around. Besides, s have cooties, guys are afraid of that.

I’m thinking you’re just kidding, right? Right?

 

[Lovemyfaith]

Guys, we are talking about 11 & 12 yr. old children. They haven’t even reached puberty, I am sure there will be no temptations present, especially in a place like a Gyrm with chaperones around. Besides, girls have cooties, guys are afraid of that.

I don’t think it is off the wall to think children at 11&12 should still have some innocence about them. The unfortunate thing is the ones that don’t are in no was intellectually mature to have an understanding of the consequences of their actions. When pornography is available with the touch of a keystroke, and mom or dad not always available to answer questions in a loving, faithful way, it is heartbreaking to me to think about these children trying to figure it out on their own. In my kid’s school, there is a “talk” with boys separate from a “talk” with the girls in 5th grade. It is mostly about puberty and respect, with a strong emphasis to talk to parents, or talk privately with any further questions.
I suppose 11&12 might be the age where some are starting to naturally have questions or feelings (whether they act on those feeling or not), so probably a mixed sleepover isn’t a good idea. Now talking about 16 and 17 year olds who have mixed sleepovers after prom or in my parish’s case at the annual Appalachia trip, that is really crazy.

 

[kage_ar]

OP -

Have you found out the official Regs for your Diocese? Do they fall in line with what the YM is doing?

 

[Elzee]

I checked - our diocese has no guidelines on this type of thing - sadly.

 

[ltbpoe43]

Guys, we are talking about 11 & 12 yr. old children. They haven’t even reached puberty, I am sure there will be no temptations present, especially in a place like a Gyrm with chaperones around. Besides, girls have cooties, guys are afraid of that.

Have you seen recent news articles about kids having sex in classrooms? As shocking as it is, I recall them being 12 year olds who managed to have the teacher out of the room for some time and while other 12 year olds watched and provided cover, 2 others had sex on the classroom floor. Shocking, pathetic, and so sad.

Unfortunately, its not the world we knew it once to be. Don’t allow mixers in the first place is about the only way to ensure this kind of behavior doesn’t happen. And again, I say, does it really add to the purpose of the event? How does it enhance the teaching? You can have lots of other games and fun, but you dont’ have to put them in harm’s way of temptation.

 

[KittyGabriel]

Are you serious? Ok, let me voice something. In 5th grade and 6th grade, unless for some reason kids are pre-exposed to sexual behavior, that was the farthest thing from my mind. Kids that young don’t think about doing that kind of thing.

 

[rpp]

Are you serious? Ok, let me voice something. In 5th grade and 6th grade, unless for some reason kids are pre-exposed to sexual behavior, that was the farthest thing from my mind. Kids that young don’t think about doing that kind of thing.

Sadly, thanks to television, movies, billboards and magazines at any grocery store, most 10 - 12 year olds have been “pre-exposed” to sexual behavior.