Modesty for women and men

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Relax. If you just meant attractive, that is fine for sure. I was just making sure you didn’t mean that the issue of temptation is irrelevant. By temptation, I didn’t mean alcohol either and I specifically meant dress. Anyway, it is a position that some tend to have and I did think you might be implying it as well.

As long as we agree that trying to look sexually attractive is a sin, we are in agreement.

Sorry for the misunderstanding.
While I did not say or mean the word,‘temptation,’ I did not define what 'attractive ’ means. A woman who dresses to look attractive would want to look good for herself and possibly, if unmarried, to men too. If by ‘sexually attractive’ you mean dressing with the specific intent to incite lust, then off course that would be wrong. However, being ‘sexually attractive’ is a term I would not use as there is ambiguity.
 
Look it’s like this. The term ‘sexually attractive’ is as arbitrary as it gets. Plenty of people have different tastes and thus, they obviously have differing views on what’s sexually appealing. Be the reasons cultural, personal, or whatever, the fact is you can never nail down an absolute for it.

I have no problem. Unfortunately, the Modesty Police prefer to make themselves the grand enforcers of their aesthetic preferences just as much as the Fashion Police. :rolleyes:
Of course you can never set down absolute objective guidelines for it, in a similar way to the fact that you can’t set down absolute guidelines of modesty. In the past it would have actually been immodest to wear dresses above the ankle. today that is no longer the case, etc.

I guess what I’m wondering is if you think that the idea of modesty/immodesty of dress can be linked intellectually to the concept of whether or not a garment is ‘sexually atractive’ ( and again, I realize this is not a complete question, as the term sexually attractive can mean different things even when taken abstractly and intellectually as opposed to practically applying it to particular articles of clothing).
do you have an objction to this? or is it just, as you put it, to the ‘modesty police’?

I’m sorry if I’m being unclear, and if you’re not too worried about this distinction, or if I’m just not making any sense, I can just drop it of course… 🙂
 
I realize I’m somewhat speaking for severus here, but I don’t see how that is what he is saying at all!!! Dressing so that one looks ‘pretty’ or ‘attractive’ is not the problem. dressing so that one is ‘sexy’ is. There is a HUGE difference. I somehow doubt that Severus68’s definition of looking attractive is one that amounts to inciting lust. :rolleyes:
Thanks. I certainly wasn’t saying it was fine to dress with the specific intent of inciting lust.
 
You are missing the point.

I am asking the following from you

You propose : “We can never judge intent”

I am saying that WE CAN make a reasonably judgement of intent because we do that all the time even in criminal justice courts.

So the point here is that we can judge intent and that your position of ‘‘we are unable to judge intent’’ is invalid.
Since how we dress is not an issue for criminal law unless we go naked or topless/bottomless in most countries, what is the relevance of the criminal justice system?

For there to be a crime, there has to be the act and intent and of course the act has to amount to a criminal offence. The crime has to be proved beyond a reasonable doubt. It is not a question of judgement but facts and evidence.
 
Lets not make this about me and God.

The simple matter here is that we make reasonable judgements on intent all the time and we act on them. Parents do that all the time about their kids. Judges over the people involved in the legal cases etc.

So your idea that ‘‘we cannot judge the intent of a woman who dresses a certain way’’ is unfounded. We can indeed make a very reasonable judgement about her intent and then act on it by advising her.

What is kind of nifty here is that when we do advice her, regardless of her intent, it does her good anyway. So in either case, you shouldn’t be too worried I think because all that is important is one makes a reasonable judgement and act on it. In fact, what is required is only a judgement of the dress it-self rather than intent. The fact that the woman is wearing a bad dress would mean either
  1. She is ignorant of the problem with the dress
  2. She is wearing it with the intent to sexually appeal
In both cases, the cure is to tell them right away that their dress is inappropriate. It will also help if society in general would shun these kind of dresses. The reason why many women probably build up a bad taste in dresses is probably because the society promotes sexually appealing clothing and apparel and want them to be sexually appealing.
Who decides a dress, is bad(using your term)? Parents have a right to tell their children what to do, what to wear and not wear, within reason. Neither you nor anyone else has any right or business telling a grown person her outfit is not appropriate.
 
Understandable 🙂

From what I have observed in other cultures that encourage growth of personal sensitivity and modesty, these minor things usually fall in to place after awhile.

I would think we had such things that were passed down from generation to generation and held in general by everyone by our culture as well. But since our culture took the rapid turn to abandon most cultural values and the sexual revolution kicked in, I think we lost most of these things that helped guide us on how to behave, who informs who etc. So we are kind of on the spot where we sometimes know what is right or wrong but are uncertain how to put it in place.

I think if we simply become more active in shunning and getting rid of such clothing, the surrounding framework will slowly evolve in to place. It will certainly be a rough ride at the beginning. But eventually we will figure out a nice balance.

In some of these cultures I mention that I had the fortune of observing, usually the parents play a major role in building the personal sensitivity and modesty in the children. By the time they are older, they usually know how to dress and they pass it down to their children etc. The elderly in the society would be the ones who usually point out faults immediately in dress or new forms of dress and their insight is respected. Such frameworks didn’t come in to place over night but only over time as they worked toward the common goal of making sure to shun inappropriate clothing and other things. It would be impossible for us to bring such a framework in to play at once over night because most of the things like elderly respect are not even present in our societies anyway.

So as long as we keep our priorities direct for now and keep shunning and pointing out inappropriate form of dress whenever we can, I think we will be alright though it might certainly be rough at the beginning. As long as we do it with the good intent, although it might cause loss of friends and rough times, I think its worth it. I guess its the price we have to pay for the actions of our past generations that rejected all our cultural values without much consideration.
Please tell us about these other cultures you have observed. Which non Western countries have you lived in?
 
Since how we dress is not an issue for criminal law unless we go naked or topless/bottomless in most countries, what is the relevance of the criminal justice system?

For there to be a crime, there has to be the act and intent and of course the act has to amount to a criminal offence. The crime has to be proved beyond a reasonable doubt. It is not a question of judgement but facts and evidence.
I hope you dont mind me throwing my :twocents: in here before I go to bed.

I’m pretty sure that all ourbeloved was talking about was the fact that people make judgements of peoples intent on a regular basis, and that doing so is not always bad. For instance, if a friend bought you a gift of some food you were allergic to, you would make the judgement that she had good intentions in buying you the gift. This judgement ( judgement is used here in a non-judgmental sense, if that makes any sense 😃 ) is not a wrong thing to make. The example of the criminal justice system was jut one example in a list that she provided for the sake of clarifying what she meant. Maybe I am wrong about this, but I honestly don’t get anything beyond that from her posts.🤷
 
Who decides a dress, is bad(using your term)? Parents have a right to tell their children what to do, what to wear and not wear, within reason. Neither you nor anyone else has any right or business telling a grown person her outfit is not appropriate.
Also, I’m not sure why you think there is no place for suggesting what is modest and what is not between adults. I would certainly think this is something within the bounds of friendship, even if nowhere else. The main problem is HOW this is accomplished, although the when, where and who are important as well. That’s why I gave a list of ‘conditions’ for talking to someone about this. OurBeloved seemed to agree with them. Are these conditions not enough? Is there really absolutely no place for a discussion or suggestion about what is modest clothing between adults? I find it very difficult to believe this is the case.
 
I hope you dont mind me throwing my :twocents: in here before I go to bed.

I’m pretty sure that all ourbeloved was talking about was the fact that people make judgements of peoples intent on a regular basis, and that doing so is not always bad. For instance, if a friend bought you a gift of some food you were allergic to, you would make the judgement that she had good intentions in buying you the gift. This judgement ( judgement is used here in a non-judgmental sense, if that makes any sense 😃 ) is not a wrong thing to make. The example of the criminal justice system was jut one example in a list that she provided for the sake of clarifying what she meant. Maybe I am wrong about this, but I honestly don’t get anything beyond that from her posts.🤷
OurBeloved did make particular reference to the criminal justice syste, the rules of which are very specific. Never mind, I do agree that assuming good motives of the friend in the example you gave, is a good thing and charitable. However, assuming bad motives is not good, uncharitable and to me unChristian.
 
Also, I’m not sure why you think there is no place for suggesting what is modest and what is not between adults. I would certainly think this is something within the bounds of friendship, even if nowhere else. The main problem is HOW this is accomplished, although the when, where and who are important as well. That’s why I gave a list of ‘conditions’ for talking to someone about this. OurBeloved seemed to agree with them. Are these conditions not enough? Is there really absolutely no place for a discussion or suggestion about what is modest clothing between adults? I find it very difficult to believe this is the case.
Someone could do it and speak to a friend about her ‘immodest’ dress. If that friend is rather insecure and will follow not because she thinks her friend is right but she wants to please her/not upset her, what is the point? The one who advises does earn any grace as hers/his is an act of bulling/coercion. Alternatively, the friend spoken to will not want to remain friends. There might be a few cases where the judgement of the inappropriate dress and that the friend is oblivious/without taste, is accurate.
 
I hope you dont mind me throwing my :twocents: in here before I go to bed.

I’m pretty sure that all ourbeloved was talking about was the fact that people make judgements of peoples intent on a regular basis, and that doing so is not always bad. For instance, if a friend bought you a gift of some food you were allergic to, you would make the judgement that she had good intentions in buying you the gift. This judgement ( judgement is used here in a non-judgmental sense, if that makes any sense 😃 ) is not a wrong thing to make. The example of the criminal justice system was jut one example in a list that she provided for the sake of clarifying what she meant. Maybe I am wrong about this, but I honestly don’t get anything beyond that from her posts.🤷
And no, I don’t mind.🙂
 
Using some of the recent logic, why have any guidelines with dress at all. Also, intent, in the world of fashion is made known all the time. Don’t forget the girl in a bikini in a sports car commercial waving a flag. Her revealing body was not intended to lure male viewers based on lust. :rolleyes:

It seems as well that what is required for some is a mass posting by females on this thread admitting that they wear revealing clothes to allure a man. What if this elusive speculation that we don’t know why some women wear revealing clothes was stunningly revealed?
That is to say, a woman admits that she is wearing revealing clothes so a man will pay attention to her. Is her sin conceived with purpose given special absolution?

A man does not have to look at her for her sin to be “valid”. One is not sinless because they were unsuccessful in their scheme to bring another down. Of course if the man feeds his lust he is sinning.
 
Also, I’m not sure why you think there is no place for suggesting what is modest and what is not between adults. I would certainly think this is something within the bounds of friendship, even if nowhere else. The main problem is HOW this is accomplished, although the when, where and who are important as well. That’s why I gave a list of ‘conditions’ for talking to someone about this. OurBeloved seemed to agree with them. Are these conditions not enough? Is there really absolutely no place for a discussion or suggestion about what is modest clothing between adults? I find it very difficult to believe this is the case.
I might also add that people ought to be careful that it is a significant issue before getting involved. I’ve seen too many of these debates devolve into long arguments over details. Maybe one person believes that shoulders should be covered at all times, while another believes that it’s ok in certain cases to wear strapless or spaghetti strap tops. Or one person thinks you can only wear one-piece swimsuits, while another believes that a tankini is ok or even more modest (more stomach showing but less butt - I prefer them for this reason). Reasonable people can disagree on exactly what’s ok and it really doesn’t need to come up.
 
It may be tough for you to accept this but you have been conditioned by western society. Obviously, you would appear to be an odd ball if you wore Islamic style clothes going out with your girlfriends. I said two times already a head dress is not necessary, it.s a bit much. A woman’s idea of femininity is to express themselves through clothing. Showing off your body is all part of this. Why not just come out and say, I want to wear clothes that are sexy. Are you wearing curve hugging clothes for someone else? If your married, why would you be doing that?

It’s a personal choice to accentuate your figure or show what you have. What I am trying to say is why do women need that as fulfillment? I was going to the “extreme” with Islamic clothes because this culture has already gone to extreme with female clothing, and it has for decades.
Every woman knows you can wear tight sweat pants or loose ones, the same with jeans and skirts. What do most choose? Even to the point of discomfort.

Are you saying Christianity played a role in the tight, low cut, revealing clothes women have worn for decades. Just because you assert Christianity got the “ball rolling” with clothes doesn’t mean it endorsed these styles. Scripture sites examples of modesty several times. Again, you have come to accept todays fashion. Do you know how many songs have been written about guys who go to church to pray to the Lord and the girl is “looking so fine”. A lot if you know music like me. Theres a reason for those songs.

You underestimate your power as a woman by saying men need to keep there libidos in check. Most men are not grabbing at women, it’s all about thought .As a man , I’m responsible as to what I say to a woman as far as leading her on if she’s attracted. You have a responsibility as well. The point about Jesus’ day is that men did not have to be exposed to such blatant temptation. They had to seek it out or be satisfied by their wives (and vice versa) You should be happy at not causing a man to stumble but you have bought into societys nonsense about fashion.

When I was growing up we use to say, " she looked in the mirror before she went out". Your not forced into fashion, you embrace it with a goal, and that applies to men to.
Contrary to what you may think, many women embrace fashion for themselves, not to entice men!

Regarding your argument, I can see what you mean to a (very small) point - a woman knows when she looks good and will understand that men will find her attractive. And not necessarily married men, but unmarried men, if she is single. But, if by chance a married man finds her attractive, what is wrong with that? It is human nature to be attracted to someone that is beautiful, which goes for both men and women. A beautifully dressed woman should not give a man the urge to have impure thoughts or cheat on their spouse. A man should be able to acknowledge her beauty and move on.

My above example deals with women who are dressed fashionably well - not those who are hardly clothed with their breasts and backsides hanging out. Re: your Islamic dress comparison, there are more issues than the head dress. And frankly, it is scary that you even make this comparison. Dress is used as a form of control, not as a way to show respect. It seems to me that you think modest dress means a woman should be covered from throat to wrist and ankle. A woman can dress fashionably while showing some skin but without showing everything God gave her.

It gets frustrating when women are constantly told they are the balance on which the morality of society rests, while at the same time, men use the modesty argument to sexualize women. Like other posters have noted, if a man needs a woman completely covered because of some sin it might spark in him, he is objectifying her just as much as the man who gawks at her while she walks down the street.
 
While I did not say or mean the word,‘temptation,’ I did not define what 'attractive ’ means. A woman who dresses to look attractive would want to look good for herself and possibly, if unmarried, to men too. If by ‘sexually attractive’ you mean dressing with the specific intent to incite lust, then off course that would be wrong. However, being ‘sexually attractive’ is a term I would not use as there is ambiguity.
The intent is irrelevant is a dress does appeal to the sexual faculties. The dress must be condemned.

I was initially referring to your subtle idea at this importance of “intent” as theologically meaningless in deeming the quality of dress. You did seem to agree with me then but now it appears you are sliding back the same route? So which is it?
 
Common sense tells me that abortion is wrong, but I can also justifying it on another basis. Thus, common sense is touching on something deeper. Furthermore, what I am to do if someone disagrees with me on attire? I, for example, feel that women should not show any part of their bodies at all, dressing like this when in the presence of others. Another may disagree. How does one know whether the standards for modesty he possesses are based on common sense or a disordered perspective?

So modesty should not be valued per se, because you are approaching it from a utilitarian perspective.
Dear baelor,

Cordial greetings and a very good day. Thankyou again for your response.

The moral sense of the faithful has always informed them that certain garments are indecorous and so, dear friend, it is not a matter of personal preference or whether someone agrees or disagrees with you as regards your clothing choices. The reason why certain apparel has always been deemed as trespassing the boundaries of propriety is because the good collective moral sense of the faithful has declared it to be the case. Thus our good sanctified common sense will indeed guide us correctly as to which garments/fashions are seductive and therefore inappropriate for those professing religious faith. The only reason why there multiple threads on modesty on CAF is that there has been a relativisation of standards since the sexual revolution of the 1960’s and this has, sadly, impacted considerably many contemporary Catholics. Now this relativistic mindset has weakened in consciences the notions of good and evil, sin and grace, vice and virtue, and, by analogy, standards of modesty with respect to dress. Thus the ‘New Morality’ allows and encourages all manner of immodest styles of clothing to be worn without any sense of shame, even at Holy Mass now. Not surprisingly those who do put their head above the parapet and raise a standard are accused of being ‘modesty police’ or of having an issue with overscrupulosity, which is, of course, arrant nonsense. It simply means that they have resolutely refused to succumb to the debased standards of the world, unlike so many who have allowed their moral sense to become radically defective by the moral and cultural deterioration in their midest. The only “disordered prespective” is in such people, my dear brother, because they have ceased thinking with an authentic Catholic mind.

Modesty like charity or patience should be valued for itself, but these always express themselves in practical actions, in the case of modesty that includes doning seemly attire that does not offend public decency. Catholics of all people should be setting an example here and not tarnishing their Church’s credibility by aping the worlds seductive clothing styles, such as mini-skirts and tightly-fitting garments that accentuate body shape. This is deplorable and we ought hang our heads in shame for such conformity to the godless world. After all does not modesty inspire “a way of life which makes it possible to resist the allurements of fashion and the pressures of prevailing ideologies” (CCC, para. 2523)? It certainly should inspire “one’s choice of clothing” (CCC, para. 2522), but this is precisely what is not happening in contemporary Catholicism, as more of the faithful adopt the relativistic thinking of our relativistic times.

With regards to a group of heterosexual females being unclad in private, no they would not be sinning because they are in private and not displaying themselves to public view. As for homosexual males in private, surely there would be, in their case, a very real risk of them being incited to acts of gross indecency and sodomy, since sexual desire would be very likely excited.

No upholder of Catholic standards of modesty would insist that all women should be clad in a Burka, dear brother, but our moral sense does guide us as to the exposure of an inordinate amount of flesh. A bikini is obviously inappropriate even within context of the beach (men at beaches do not automatically become immune to concupiscence) as it is an example of a voluptuous garment - effective wearing underwear in public - and has no place among pious Catholic women. Again mini-skirts are tarty garments that expose an excessive quantity of flesh and are calculated to be sexually arousing to men, reducing a woman to being a temptress, which was one of the intentions of Mary Quant, their inventor. Can a pious Catholic woman desirous of pursuing holiness and pleasing God really wear such a garment?
A well-formed conscience would say a decided no.

A well-formed conscience and the extrinsic tradition of the Catholic Church, including the Catechism and bible, will guide us aright in our clothing choices, provided we have not sold out to the godless spirit of the age and become imbued with the rampant immorality in our midst.

God bless and thankyou for a charitable discussion, dear friend.

Warmest good wishes,

Portrait

Pax
 
Since how we dress is not an issue for criminal law unless we go naked or topless/bottomless in most countries, what is the relevance of the criminal justice system?

For there to be a crime, there has to be the act and intent and of course the act has to amount to a criminal offence. The crime has to be proved beyond a reasonable doubt. It is not a question of judgement but facts and evidence.
Please, I invite you to read the post by paying more attention to what I am communicating.

The counter-example was against the claim that “intent can never be judged”.

The criminal justice system was a good example to show that we do judge intent all the time. But you seem to bogged yourself down on the criminal justice system now. The intricacies of the criminal justice system is not the point. The POINT, if you had paid attention, was that the initial claim that “intent cannot be deduced to a reasonable degree” is bogus. The proof was by counter-example.
 
Sorry. Disagree. Badly.
  1. Defining what looks ‘sexually attractive’ is an obscure folly.
  2. Following up #1, what is ‘sexually attractive’ to some would just be ‘attractive’ to others.
  3. In case you try to pull up the ‘induces lust’ card, do take note that your logic can be used against my fashion tastes as well. Just replace ‘sexually attractive’ with ‘manga-inspired cool’ and ‘induces lust’ with ‘induces wrath’ respectively.
Right now, I sympathize with your position totally.

But contrary to your popular belief, we are very much aware of what is and what is not sexually attractive. People who make commercials, design clothing, design costume for media like films, animation are all well aware of what is “sexually attractive” and what is not.

And yes, most “manga-inspired” art is usually done in a fashion to appeal to teenage sex faculties which is a sad fact.

In any case, just because you feel that you are unaware of how to draw the line between what is sexually attractive or not, you should not assume that such a line does not exist and others also suffer from the same ordeal. The right thing to do is for you to seek assistance by someone perhaps much older than you, a good solid priest, or writing of saints.

I hope that helps!
 
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