Monster Inlaw

[Celia]

My in laws are really cool people. I used to be so nervous around them but it’s lessend a lot now. (is that how you spell “lessend”? i don’t know.) For my birthday his mom sent this beautiful card saying how happy they are to have me as part of their family and consider me as their daughter, and are so happy that I make their son happy. It literally brought tears to my eyes. It was very sweet.

 

[DeniseR]

For 20 years of marriage I put up with my MIL. She is bossy and opinionated and thinks the old way of doing things was the best. I put up with her and tried to be nice. I don’t think she meant harm in our first 17 years of marriage, it’s just how she is.

Until three years ago, we lived on the family farm my husband and his brother operated. When my husband decided to quit farming (he had a cancer diagnosis) and tried to work out the situation with his brother things turned from bad to worse. His brother insisted we sell everything to him and we couldn’t stay living on the farm. We wanted to stay as his mother is getting older and lived right down the road. My husband grew up there and didn’t want to leave the farm but needed to find new employment. He wanted to help his brother during busy times, etc.

My MIL sided with her older son and we had to sell to him (at his price) in order that the farm wasn’t sold by a judge and proceeds divided, which is what would happen when a fair price cannot be agreed upon – like a divorce. We made all sorts of offers to stay and help and all were refused. Now my BIL won’t talk to either of us. My MIL will take calls but never calls us. She won’t talk to me when we are alone but will try to act polite in front of DH and the kids. The only time we see her is when we invite her out to dinner to a restaurant. She won’t come to our home.

She is still close with our kies. She will attend our son’s graduation but won’t come to his party because it’s at our house. I refuse to rent a hall to accommodate her just so she’ll come to his party. I figure it’s her loss. I’ve forgiven her and actually feel sorry for her for not being able to get over her bitterness. I pray for her but I still get angry with her for being so mean. She thinks I’m the cause of my dh’s decision to leave but I only supported him in his decision. I never really “liked” the woman but love her because she is my husband’s mother and my kids grandmother. For them I try to be nice and pray she is able to one day forgive before it’s too late.

I also understand my BILs anger and disappointment that he must farm alone (with his wife) but he decided we would have not have a part in the family or stay living there after dh made his decision to quit farming. If he only farms for about 5 years and then sells the land he can retire. We sold for the value of farmland but he will be able to sell for the value of development land. I’m afraid his anger and bitterness will one day kill him too soon and he won’t be able to enjoy his wealth.

 

[tee_eff_em]

If (God forbid) my bride and I would ever split, my in-laws would turn her out in the street and fight to keep custody of me. And she knows it.

I am my in-laws’ favorite child. Over any of their biological children. It *is * a blessing. Among the top advice I give to anyone getting married is to cultivate a relationship with their in-laws. You have a great common-ground to begin with – You’re both in love with the same person.

tee

 

[grotto]

I have the “mother” of all MTLs for 45 years! She is now 94 and lives close to us. I have been to Confession several times in the past because I felt I broke the 4th Commandment - that was when she was younger - prior to 90! I could never tell you the stories and don’t want to anymore (that is the best part - compassion and forgiveness brings you comfort and the ability through the Holy Spirit to look at her with God’s Love. Somedays its downright funny! She is able to walk over whenever she wants, will not wear a hearing aid and cannot hear unless you “yell” in her ear and is usually making something like “mystery” soup/casserole, muffins that you never want to taste again, pudding that the kids still talk about now that they are grown up! Stories, stories, stories!
My mother is now living in our home - memory impairment is what we call it (Alzheimer is what the doc calls it - second stage)
Lots of interaction there also - both STRONG women in their younger days so God is good to us - a wonderful way to sacrifice in charity towards them - I ask our Blessed Mother to help me each day (many times)! All is good!

 

[MGEISING]

grotto:

I have the “mother” of all MTLs for 45 years! She is now 94 and lives close to us. I have been to Confession several times in the past because I felt I broke the 4th Commandment - that was when she was younger - prior to 90! I could never tell you the stories and don’t want to anymore (that is the best part - compassion and forgiveness brings you comfort and the ability through the Holy Spirit to look at her with God’s Love. Somedays its downright funny! She is able to walk over whenever she wants, will not wear a hearing aid and cannot hear unless you “yell” in her ear and is usually making something like “mystery” soup/casserole, muffins that you never want to taste again, pudding that the kids still talk about now that they are grown up! Stories, stories, stories!
My mother is now living in our home - memory impairment is what we call it (Alzheimer is what the doc calls it - second stage)
Lots of interaction there also - both STRONG women in their younger days so God is good to us - a wonderful way to sacrifice in charity towards them - I ask our Blessed Mother to help me each day (many times)! All is good!

Awesome advise Grotto - thanks!

 

[Blanka]

I have to laugh when I think about in-laws. Mother-in-law (now deceased) expressed her disapproval and thought I was crazy for converting to Catholicism. When I politely tried to ask what it was she didn’t like about Catholics, she commented that “Catholics gamble” referring to bingo. (And she played bingo at the local Catholic Church every week!) She later had Alzheimer’s disease so didn’t realize it when her son (my husband) also converted. Father-in-law (now deceased) didn’t seem to care about religion except to express disbelief that we actually attend church every Sunday.
One brother-in-law sees women only as objects (married 3 times) and is only friendly when he wants something (like money or big items). Sister-in-law tries to invite self for visits only to check us out as to what kind of house and furnishings we have.
How do we handle all of the above? Forgiveness and praying for their well being BUT also living a good distance from all of them!
Husband and I are happy to be the black sheep in his family!

 

[Little_Mary]

Thanks for starting this thread to give me a chance to vent

My in-laws are very nice people I suppose - just not to me. No they do not intentionally do anything to make me feel that way, but I feel like a flat character in a book where all the other characters are round. I’ve been married for 17 years and they STILL have no idea what my interests are, what I am good at, what my outlook/life desires are. Guess I’m just not that interesting.

 

[MGEISING]

Little Mary:

Guess I’m just not that interesting./QUOTE]

**Hi Little Mary

Married for 17 years, I think you are interesting to the one that counts! **

 

[netmilsmom]

Little Mary:

Thanks for starting this thread to give me a chance to vent

My in-laws are very nice people I suppose - just not to me. No they do not intentionally do anything to make me feel that way, but I feel like a flat character in a book where all the other characters are round. I’ve been married for 17 years and they STILL have no idea what my interests are, what I am good at, what my outlook/life desires are. Guess I’m just not that interesting.

I’ve been married for 8 years and my MIL just gives me gifts that my SIL would like but off the deep bargan table (she’s worth around a cool mil, really)
I finally asked that she no longer give gifts to the adults, only our kids (after she forgot there was two of them).

 

[MGEISING]

I have not been blessed with a great mom or a great mother-inlaw. But, I learn from each of them. And I must ponder — maybe our Blessed Mother wants me to recognize her as the PERFECT mother. I have never had a real close relationship with our Blessed Mother, but it is the only thing I can come up with as to why I may have been dealt with two woman who lack the compassion of a real mom.

One thing for sure, I make mistakes as a mom, but not the same mistakes I see with the two earthly role-models I have.

I keep praying … I had a great dad, who was both a dad and a mom to me and my three siblings … praise God!

 

[Little_Mary]

MGEISING:

Little Mary:

Guess I’m just not that interesting./QUOTE]

**Hi Little Mary

Married for 17 years, I think you are interesting to the one that counts! **

Thank you that was so sweet!!

I’ll have to remind hubby of that daily!! He’s a wise man, so he’ll readily agree!!

 

[thann]

I am blessed with two wonderful in-laws. My father-in-law is wonderfully eccentric and smart, the favorite grandpa of all of his grandchildren and many neighborhood kids. My mother-in-law is unwell (suffers with bipolar disorder) so we cut her some slack, but still, she is a gentle woman and much loved. And my husband was blessed with two wonderful in-laws, as well (my parents).

It saddens me when I hear of folks who have in-law problems, and I thank God that I was so richly blessed.

'thann

 

[MGEISING]

thann:

It saddens me when I hear of folks who have in-law problems, and I thank God that I was so richly blessed.

'thann

Truly a blessing.

 

[MGEISING]

Celia:

My in laws are really cool people. I used to be so nervous around them but it’s lessend a lot now. (is that how you spell “lessend”? i don’t know.) For my birthday his mom sent this beautiful card saying how happy they are to have me as part of their family and consider me as their daughter, and are so happy that I make their son happy. It literally brought tears to my eyes. It was very sweet.

Celia

So beautiful … THANK GOD everyday for this!

 

[Fashina86]

well… my parents have absolutely great inlaws, and if all goes as planned… I will be blessed in the same way!

 

[MGEISING]

 

[Chris_Jacobsen]

People who have problems with their inlaws should take a good look in the mirror. The person staring back at them is the main problem in the relationship.

My brothers and sisters in law are wonderful and so are their parents.

 

[Melissa]

Unfortunately, it isn’t always true that the problem is with the person “in the mirror”.

My FIL is now deceased, and while he was alive, was something of a restraining force on my MIL. However, my MIL saw to it that neither she nor my FIL attended my wedding to their son–reason: because when he was a 7yo, he talked back to his mother.

The problems between my husband and his mother go back to his infancy–apparently he ‘broke’ her ideal image of a family by being #6 (she only wanted 5 children), and although his parents went on to have a total of 10 children, she despises none so thoroughly as she despises my husband.

Christmas '97, my FIL decided to gift each of his children with $500 cash from stock market gains. He died in Jan '99, and subsequent to his death, MIL discovered that my husband had been given the same $ amount as his other siblings, and she went bonkers. She insisted that she’d been told that FIL had only given him $300, and demanded that my husband fork over the $200. My husband walked out, and we have not had contact other than happening to be at parties thrown by my siblings-in-law at the same time. My youngest three children do not even know that she is their grandmother, and there is no intention to change that.

Fortunately, my parents are wonderful, so at least my husband got good in-laws. (And for the most part, my siblings-in-law are good people.

You know, at times, I wish there were a way other than cutting her out of our lives, but there isn’t–and it is not the fault of my husband nor of myself.

 

[MGEISING]

Chris Jacobsen:

People who have problems with their inlaws should take a good look in the mirror. The person staring back at them is the main problem in the relationship.

My brothers and sisters in law are wonderful and so are their parents.

I personally believe this is an unfair and uncharitable statement. My mother inlaw doesn’t like me because I am CATHOLIC!

I have the RED C on my chest … and she is anti-catholic. and my husband supports our faith 1000% and that gets her even angrier – and the fact is he doesn’t attend their baptist church or any baptist church for that matter.

So Chris, I personally know I am a wonderful person - and Have no doubt in my mind that it isn’t because of me … it is because of my faith!

Plus, her own son doesn’t even like her …!!!

 

[netmilsmom]

Chris Jacobsen:

People who have problems with their inlaws should take a good look in the mirror. The person staring back at them is the main problem in the relationship.

My brothers and sisters in law are wonderful and so are their parents.

You have it wonderful, and you have no clue.
Some people are just that, people. They are human with all their faults. All of us have things in a relationship that bother us, however when a daughter-in-law or her children are treated less than the other members of the family, that is not the DIL’s fault.
One does not marry the man, one marries the clan. All the history behind it.
I am married to MIL’s youngest and favorite. She has a problem with the woman who took her baby and our daughters (whom she also competes with). From the time I married him, I had hoped to have a mother (mine is gone) and treated her as such. She emotionally beats on me because for a long time I forgave her of anything. Then she started on my girls. Now, you can call me names, smile in my face and tell me how wrong I am about anything, buy me deep discount gifts and expect that I will fall all over them, call me fat, ugly and insult my religion, but no one treats my children any less than they are.

Chris, you are blessed with good in-laws.
I am blessed that God has given me a wonderful hubby and father. He has given me my MIL to humiliate me and make me humble.
She is as she is, it’s not me.