Monster Inlaw

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netmil(name removed by moderator):
Chris, you are blessed with good in-laws.
I am blessed that God has given me a wonderful hubby and father. He has given me my MIL to humiliate me and make me humble.
She is as she is, it’s not me.
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netmil(name removed by moderator) - đź‘Ť

what a wonderful statement. Yes, I may have the pits as a Mother InLaw (and a mother) but I do have a great husband and my MIL is a great grandmother to our children. So if anything - I always stress to people how much of a great grandmother she is to our kids!

đź‘Ť
 
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MGEISING:
Hi ByzCath:

I am sorry that you found this thread offensive. :eek: It truly was a vehicle to see how other people deal with difficult inlaws. The movie is such a hit … and so many people I know can relate one way or the other. It has been a great conversation starter.

I think you also could have been a little more charitable with your reply.

Anyway, take care and many blessings to you.
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This is NOT an offensive thread, some people are just ultra-sensative and cannot see reality for reality and live in the clouds.
Great topic.
 
I’ve been struggling with my MIL for a couple of years now, and I’ve tried my best to treat her with kindness, respect, and love. I’ve learned that I can’t change someone elses feelings or actions, just how I react…and I’ve been working on that…so that I don’t react out of anger or sink into hatred. My MIL is angry because her son joined the air force and then married me. She’s upset because he made his own choices and didn’t marry the girl she had picked out for him. I can’t change her feelings about his choices and now that I’ve realized that its gotten easier for me…and it helps that before any dealing with her I ask God for his guidance and that he help me to do His will…
 
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auroraj42:
I’ve been struggling with my MIL for a couple of years now, and I’ve tried my best to treat her with kindness, respect, and love. I’ve learned that I can’t change someone elses feelings or actions, just how I react…and I’ve been working on that…so that I don’t react out of anger or sink into hatred. My MIL is angry because her son joined the air force and then married me. She’s upset because he made his own choices and didn’t marry the girl she had picked out for him. I can’t change her feelings about his choices and now that I’ve realized that its gotten easier for me…and it helps that before any dealing with her I ask God for his guidance and that he help me to do His will…
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auroraj42 đź‘‹

Me too - but I WILL NOT change my Catholic Faith to please her … and it is too bad that people can’t look past their bias. Oh well, all I can do is pray for strength anytime we are together. Which is difficult - because they live with us in an inlaw apt. 5 months out of year! :eek: :eek: :eek:

but it really isn’t too bad, I keep my distance to my MIL.

🙂
 
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auroraj42:
I’ve been struggling with my MIL for a couple of years now, and I’ve tried my best to treat her with kindness, respect, and love. I’ve learned that I can’t change someone elses feelings or actions, just how I react…and I’ve been working on that…so that I don’t react out of anger or sink into hatred. My MIL is angry because her son joined the air force and then married me. She’s upset because he made his own choices and didn’t marry the girl she had picked out for him. I can’t change her feelings about his choices and now that I’ve realized that its gotten easier for me…and it helps that before any dealing with her I ask God for his guidance and that he help me to do His will…
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You must remember, and this is a hard one…she probably wouldn’t have “liked” anyone her son married, even the “hand picked one”…see I know, my MIL. had one “hand picked” for my hubby…later I find out, she treated her horrible also, she just wanted me to think she liked the other girl better.
I also took away my hubby from his mother. He was still living at home with her (she’s a widow) making electric bill payments, mortgage payments, the cable payment…so I took her “money bag”. 10 years later…I’m still the reason he does or doesn’t do something she wants him to do…at least your MIL “blames” your hubby for his choices…mine blames me for her son’s choices.

Hang in there and keep yourself grounded in your faith. I at one time prayed alot for her…hoping to change things, etc, but things have not changed…I like you just pray for guidance and for God to give me the strength to just tolorate her, literally. Lastly, I have had to cut off from her lately…too much to explain, but things are alot better since I don’t subject myself to her and any way, shape or form. However, I must see her soon for my son’t B’day party…
 
My MIL died 10 years ago. She came to live with us when she was diagnosed w/ cancer; she died in our living room. She was a great MIL. She made clothes for our kids and was always generous and sent money at Christmas. She lived across the country and came to visit for a week or two every summer. She helped with the kids and NEVER criticized anything we did or any decision we made. I miss her.

She and dh’s dad were divorce; I hardly know my FIL. —KCT
 
I dearly love my in-laws, even the “extended” ones. When I married my wife over 30 years ago, I got another great sister and brother, and two more awesome parents - and what makes it even greater is that my wife and I were divorced for three years before geting re-married, and I even loved and felt loved during that separation! :love:
 
Wow, some emotions are flying on this one. I do have a difficult mil - she actually made it known loud and clear that I took her son away. She would pull stunts like saying, “you bought HER a ring but not me?” or it’s Christmas. Everybody is opening beautiful, nice gifts. Mine comes, paper ran thin, no bow, and tag still on it showing she got it off the clearance rack for $2 with the top 2 buttons missing. However, in recent years (15 yrs have gone by) she has really grown to love me and had pointed out that I never called her mom. I realized that I put such a chip on my shoulder over how those first 3 or 4 years went that it was keeping me from enjoying her. So I prayed over this woman who had raised such a wonderful man that I would love her like I love her son. I started calling her mom and bought her a book that she always borrowed from my house and signed it, “love, your daughter”. I can honestly say that I am a blessed dil.
 
I hope someone can calm me down about this story.
Its really distressing.
When I call my Mom she never asks or talks about my wife. My wife is tired of it, and wants me to stop calling her. My sister in law says she never wants to see me again, but denies to everyone she made that statement. And we haven’t visited for 4 years. My brother doesn’t talk to me and never returns my phone call (Stopped several years ago.)
What really bothers my wife and I , is that my Mom loves my sister in law and brother. That cannot do wrong. I know they have a better social life than we do and they always seem to have the whole family on their side, and are the angels of the family…My wife and I are the black sheep of the family. We can’t do anything right, and never are believed when we try to defend ourselves.
I can give you the objective side of this story and tell you my wife is non-catholic. My brother and sister in law have kids, we don’t.
We just feel the chill in the air, andmy wife wants me to stop all communicatiosn Someitmes I get to crying this is so terrible.
What is the best way to start handling this? Everyone has something against someone else.
Sorry for going on so long, just needed to hear some words about this.
thanks
 
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MGEISING:
And just for your to know, David, my problem is that I am CATHOLIC …They are fundamental Baptists. Very anti-catholic. So that is where my frustrations lie.👍
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Same here, for 17 years no less…
 
Some of you did not want to get into what their MIL did or said. But it would be helpful to know what was done and how you cope. I am Catholic as well my MIL. My FIL is great. I have tried to get along and treat my MIL with respect for eleven years and still trying and praying about what I can do to make the relationship better. MIL didn’t like the fact we chose NFP over birth control pills etc and continually hounded us about it before and after our marriage. After our first child was born she told us not to have any more because we couldn’t afford the first one. After our third child was born she told my husband to have a vasectomy. We are now expecting our 4th child. When our oldest child was 2 and proud of wearing underwear and wanted to show grandma and also tell her auntie about it. Grandma told her I bet your auntie doesn’t know you still wet the bed. She has also told my oldest child she is fat from drinking too much juice. If our kids sometimes do not want to go over and give her a kiss or hug, she tells her family i turn the kids against her. Well sometimes my kids don’t want to come over and give me a hug or kiss either. When she came over to our house when my son was three months old she asked if my husband and i still slept in the same bed (my husband wasnt’ home at the time). Has also come into my house and said that if i tried to do a little housework every day the house wouldn’t be such a mess. Well I’m the only one who does the house work and I also work full time. So it is messy but liveable. She never says these things in front of my husband. When my oldest daughter was two weeks old, it was during Christmas time and I was feeling ill. I didn’t make it to my family for Christmas at all that year but I did go to two of the events on my husband’s side. My MIL called me up & said i was ruining my husband’s Christmas pretending to be sick. I went to that last celebration at her house. As soon as we got home that night I went straight to hospital and was there for a week with gallbladder and liver problems. These are just a few incidents. I am very respectful of my MIL but we do not have a warm relationship. I try hard to be a good example for our children and do not talk about my troubles with their grandmother in front of them. I want them to have a good relationship with thier grandparents. They deserve it.
 
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mnmom:
Some of you did not want to get into what their MIL did or said. But it would be helpful to know what was done and how you cope…
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I’ve mentioned this before in similar threads that ours is a long painful story and still on-goning. It’s like walking into a Jack Chick tract. Honestly. The opinions some of my in-laws hold are so outrageous, hurtful, and just plain evil. I am certain everyone here is familiar with the anti-Catholic comments, opinions, and accusations that have been posted on this forum; well that pretty much sums up views held by the majority of my in-laws. Here’s a list of what most of my in-laws hold to be true (not in any order):

Catholics…
  1. do not believe in hell.
  2. believe good works alone will get us into heaven.
  3. worship Mary
  4. believe that the pope is equal to Christ.
  5. believe Jesus is still on the cross.
  6. re-crucify Jesus in the mass.
  7. believe that Mary is equal to God.
  8. hide pagan beliefs to only appear Christian.
  9. worship idols.
  10. added books to the bible.
  11. follow man made traditions instead of God’s Law.
  12. created Islam and Mormonism to control the world.
  13. use the Mormons to gather names & address of all Protestants.
  14. created Islam to use as the Pope’s army.
  15. asinated President Lincoln.
  16. wishes to destroy the United States.
  17. seeks to dominate and control all religions.
  18. engage in witchcraft.
  19. worship & pray to the dead.
  20. do not believe the bible is God’s inspired Word.
  21. have tunnels connecting rectories and convents where priests and nuns have orgies.
  22. believe that Mary created God.
  23. believe that priests can forgive sins with their own power.
  24. used Hitler to kill the Jews and attempt take over the world.
  25. The pope is the anti-Christ.
  26. The Catholic Church is the whore of Babylon.
  27. believe priests can pull God out of heaven and down to earth.
  28. believe in cannibalism.
This list covers 17 years and it’s not complete… My father and mother in-law also hold me responsible for turning my wife way from Jesus and condemning her to hell (she converted to Catholicism). So much for their OSAS belief… To be fair though not all of my in-laws hold anti-Catholic beliefs, but most of them do.

How do we cope?

You just do it. Don’t return evil for evil, love the Lord your God…, what so ever you do… pray for those who persecute you…, love your neighbor…, turn the other cheek, etc. It is not an easy process and sometimes I don’t do it as well as I should.

When my wife decided to convert to Catholicism; we had the help of my mother and grandmother – both were converts to Catholicism. My grandmother was Baptist and my mother was a Methodist. They told us similar stories so we had an idea of what to expect from my in-laws.
 
you can add:

: :eek: you are going to hell
: :eek: we believe mary is more important than Jesus
: :eek: Their interpretation of Mary the Co-Redemptrix would turn your hair grey
:eek: We don’t have Jesus as our Personal Savior
:eek: We don’t believe in the bible
:eek: We aren’t Christians :eek:

the list goes on. Once more —the thing that worries me the most - is these people get this info from their pastors (generally). I have witnessed this in both my MIL and SIL church (both baptists) and both pastors teaching UNTRUTHS about the church. Lies really, even though I think that is a strong word.

These pastors sermons are on what they say we catholics believe - and it is truly bogus. This is where they get … and all the anti-catholic garbage they get their hands on.

I am not sure why our Catholic Churches don’t do a better job and nipping this in the bud. Especially since more than half of their members are ex-catholic. Get over to the congregations and have a COME TO JESUS meeting and get the truth out!

I think it would be terrible to belong to any church that would lie about another faith - just to, what, get members. It just isn’t christian. Yet - they have all this amo (wrong be as it may) to tell us why we are damned! And many of us can’t fire back.

It is frightening! :eek:
Mgeising
 
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mnmom:
She never says these things in front of my husband.

I want them to have a good relationship with thier grandparents. They deserve it.
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Please do look at the big picture as well.
If your MIL starts to treat your children badly, they don’t deserve that.
Set boundaries for her. Your children don’t need the example of a rude and insensitive woman who is suppose to love them.

The only reason why I am saying this is because I sit in your shoes. NO ONE will treat my children badly. MIL and I can sit in the same room, but when she gets on my girls, I know it is time to leave.
 
netmil(name removed by moderator):
Please do look at the big picture as well.
If your MIL starts to treat your children badly, they don’t deserve that.
Set boundaries for her. Your children don’t need the example of a rude and insensitive woman who is suppose to love them.

The only reason why I am saying this is because I sit in your shoes. NO ONE will treat my children badly. MIL and I can sit in the same room, but when she gets on my girls, I know it is time to leave.
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My mother inlaw used to say things bad about the Catholic Faith - but my husband put a stop to it. She might not be a great mom or mother inlaw — but she is the best grandmother ever for our two girls. She really does adore them! 👍
 
How did I deal with it? I divorced them by divorcing their son.
~ Kathy ~
 
Hi Katie1723:

Yikes, that isn’t an option for everyone - especially when the son is awesome! :eek: :eek:

But, I guess if the son is a jerk, sometimes, many times the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

I hope you are at peace! 🙂
 
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