Moral Dilemma re. a wedding

[whatevergirl]

*LOL, another thread where mainly woman are commenting…why? Because men do not care about this stuff. Why, as women, do we do this to each other? Pick apart and argue over stuff like this.

We have **no idea **the state of grace that the couple involved, is in. That’s not my opinion, it’s fact. We have no idea what they might be spending, etc…the best thing possible is that these two love each other, and are trying to make things right. They sinned by having sex outside of marriage, which I’m hopeful that they confessed and repented over. If they want to have a wedding as big as Princess Di’s…so be it. Who cares? I’m sorry, but aren’t there bigger battles to wage in the world, than this?

I think that there have been so many great points raised. But, how many weddings have you been to (be honest) where you knew FOR A FACT, that the couple wasn’t having sex prior to marriage. Me? None. NONE. I still went, I prayed for them…and was happy that they were getting married in the Catholic Church, and hopefully will be following the faith.

Other than that, what they pay for the wedding dress, the food, the cake…who cares? MANY people have costly weddings, ones they might not be able to afford…not just couples who are expecting. I get that it paints a picture to onlookers that somehow it doesn’t matter if you are chaste or not before marriage–you still get the fantasy wedding…but, are weddings rewards now, for only those who wait to have sex? Weddings are celebrations of the vows the two people are making to each other…not rewards for being good boys and girls.

If we all had a magnifying glass over us 24/7 …our sins would be visible for everyone to see. The yardstick we use to judge others, will be the one God uses to judge us.
And, frankly…the wedding is taking place with or without the naysayers present…so, if you don’t wanna go, don’t go! Stay home, and forget about it.

Ok, I’m off my soapbox…I don’t mean to sound…whatever…but, come on …we are all sisters in Christ, and instead of nitpicking another sister in Christ, we should lift her up in prayer. I am happy to hear they are at least marrying…how many choose to part ways at this juncture?! May they have an everlasting and Godly marriage. *

 

[Nanny_PK]

I personally do not have a problem with them having a wedding either before or after giving birth especially since they were planning to get married before they found out they were pregnant. I probably would have gotten married ASAP, but that’s just my opinion.

The issue I have with their wedding is their life situation. I believe whole heartedly that the sacrament of marriage is something to be celebrated BUT according to the OP this couple are not employed, have food stamps, and are in a horrible financial situation. I think the more prudent thing would be to have a smaller wedding – that can be just as nice and elegant as a bigger to-do – and start acting financially responsible. And I am assuming that this couple do not have the money since they are not employed and using food stamps. If they have money saved up, I think they would be using it to support themselves.

I think a huge part of the problem with our country right now is people are spending money they do not have and going into huge amounts of debt. If people want to spend $30,000; $40,000; $50,000 on a wedding and they can afford it, more power to them. Personally I would take a fabulous honeymoon and put the remainder of the money down on a house but, again, that’s my opinion. It’s a free world and we have the right to make those choices. But I think people need to start taking responsibility for their financial lives and that means if you can’t pay for it, you can’t afford it.

Just my two cents.

 

[sharmin]

Great googly moogly!

What has this post turned into?

We’re Catholics, people! We have confession! Absolution! And I don’t know about you, but the nuns always taught me to spend more time worrying about my own soul and less time worrying about my neighbor’s business!

I’m not going to begrudge someone else their day of joy. But if we follow this thread to the logical conclusion some of these posters are implying, well…

1. We need to have a hymen test for brides. Because some of them may be parading down the aisle in white dresses pretending to be virgins and they’re not. No big wedding for you, you slut! (Big wedding is a relative term… and some brides are savvy shoppers and it might look expensive but it isn’t as bad as you think… just sayin’…)
2. What do we do about bad boy grooms? No such test for them. If a good girl marries a bad boy does she get a big wedding? Or does he lose that privelege for her? Do we take it on his word that he waited for marriage? Do only bad girls forego the big wedding party?
3. Remember the good ol’ days when grandma or Aunt Bess had a 9 lb boy “two months early?” Remember how fun it was to count back nine months to the wedding day? Hahaha. Apparently those people passed low standards on to their children. Now everyone does it. Tsk. No one should be allowed to comment on a wedding unless they were virgins at their own wedding. Or if some did wait and yet used artificial contraception at all during your marriage, are you really any better? Why are you judging anyone else if you did?
4. Do we all get to ask all our friends and family if they are fornicating before we make the decision to road trip it to the wedding? Used to be that kind of thing was none of anyone’s business.
5. While fornicating is a serious sin, and a grave offense against God, has anyone else here ever read that it is not the MOST serious of sins? Motive has a lot to do with the degree of sinfulness, people. Two people acting out of genuine but misplaced love and falling into sin is a couple degrees different from someone murdering out of cold-blooded malice or stealing from widows and orphans.
6. Since drunkeness is a serious sin, do we ban Uncle Al from the wedding, since only non-sinners get to partake in festivities? Do we ban liquor altogether from the reception? (Jesus wouldn’t pass muster on this board then, because He apparently approved of alcohol at weddings…)
7. Do we alter wedding dress colors for brides who did everything but? Like, do we have a sliding scale from snow white to ecru to pearl gray to navy blue? Or maybe white with gray trim? This could revolutionize the wedding dress industry!
8. Do we ask the engaged couple if they plan to use artificial contraception? That should be reason enough to boycott weddings. It is sinful, you know. What about tax cheats or people who steal pencils from work? Do they get to have a big wedding if it’s being paid for by money they shouldn’t rightfully have?

I’m still not clear on why the level of condemnation here. I love the fatted calf/prodigal son theme one of the other wise posters brought in. The returning sinner deserves a party and a celebration.

And if it makes you all feel good, when you get finished with your purity tests and examination of sheets (should we demand that tradition return?) you might want to know that some couples only have true repentence on their wedding night when it dawns on them AFTER they are married and have paid the caterer what more they could have had on that night had they waited.

Judgementalism isn’t the only sin. But I wonder how many people here would quietly have to walk away if Christ came on this post and started writing in the sand. And nowhere in the bible did I read Him say to the woman caught in adultery “Go and sin no more. But don’t you dare try to have a big wedding feast when you get your act together!”

The process of conversion is a long one for some people. Ask yourselves if a pharisaical attitude brings others to a love of the Catholic Church and the grace of the sacraments, or if you might drive some people away who would now see the Church as full of hypocrites who as a group vote overwhelmingly for pro-abortion politicians but individually would sneer at a woman who had the baby before the wedding.

Not everyone reading this post is a devout Catholic. Some of you are making the mercy of Christ look like something left to YOUR discretion.

Any of you parents out there? Will you have a doctor’s exam before you pay for a wedding for your own children? Does the same standard hold true for sons? If you had a child who slipped, but they came back to the church and wanted a church wedding with their friends and family present rather than a JP, wouldn’t you want to throw a party? Or should we have a two-tier wedding system…the church for virgins and the rectory office and two witnesses for non-virgins?

Gaah!

No one is saying sin isn’t bad. But I’m just saying people need to worry more about their own souls and less about a stranger’s choices. And keep asking yourself, if that was your daughter/son, how would you want the world to treat them?

None of us knows what people do in their dating lives. But this couple had the baby. They may be far more virtuous now than a contracepting couple/couple who aborted a baby… but appearances do deceive.

How someone lived their life in the past cannot be changed. We need to encourage them to make different choices in the future. A loving attitude goes further in that respect than condemnation and scorn.

I think this is one of my favorite posts on CAF ever! Thank you.

 

[Karoline]

Don’t let this deter you. Seriously. I’m so grateful to be Catholic. I absolutely love it. Not everyone feels this way. Not everyone thinks people should slink away in anabashed shame due to having had a child out of wedlock. It’s interesting to note all the “children are a blessing!” comments from the childed, yet… should said blessing happen to arrive under scandolous circumstances, oh no! We must hide it away! **This “blessing” MUST NOT BE SEEN! **Weddings must be perfect!

BTW, do you have an extra clothe sack with ashes? I need one myself. Perhaps you, me, and mommamia can start a fashion trend! We’ll be seen at dinner with foccacia bread (hope that’s not too fancy!) and Perier Bottled water. How’s that? (I too borrowed money from the government in order to pay for my education. I’m paying it back too! So all those who felt I was “living above my means” just to get an education - well, there’s your tax money back, WITH INTEREST!)

[emphasis mine]

In response to bolded, that is why I felt so inadequate when I found myself pregnant out of wedlock. Unfortunately, I was not religious at the time and made the wrong decision. This is why this sort of judgemental talk really upsets me. At least she’s made the right choice to keep her little baby and not run away to the nearest clinic to ‘fix the problem’,

And y’know what, I’m pretty sure I’ve got plenty of cloth sacks to spare, the joys of living near a farm! I dunno, I think foccacia bread might be a bit too fancy for us sinners, we might just have to stick to ciabatta bread and evian water, and just hope we can survive! The course I’m doing, I don’t have to pay any of it back, so I should just hang my head in shame, crawl into a hole and never bother to come out.

 

[sanctamaria17]

Karoline, I’m so sorry about that! But I’ll share ciabatta and water with you all I mean, I dare to celebrate once in awhile even though I don’t have much money…

You know, at the pregnancy center I volunteer at, we have baby showers for the women who come in? And they’re single for the most part, poor, some with no intention of marrying the baby’s father…At the same time, it’s not like we’re encouraging anyone to have premarital sex. It’s a Christian center, so they are very pro-abstinence and NFP. If a woman comes in with her boyfriend or fiancé and they announce an intent to get married, it’s only met with joy. If she wants financial help, we refer her to a financial counselor. Other than that, we zip it.

So, if a pro-life place can keep their morals and stand by their principles, yet still remain tactful, loving, civil, and nothing but celebratory over the prospect of a new baby and over the prospect of marriage, then why can’t we do this on a CATHOLIC BOARD?

You know, when a sweet guy took me out to dinner recently, he insisted on paying? Even though neither of us makes much money? Is he a “horrible sinner” for “throwing money away” or does that make him a gentleman?

 

[mommamia]

[emphasis mine]

In response to bolded, that is why I felt so inadequate when I found myself pregnant out of wedlock. Unfortunately, I was not religious at the time and made the wrong decision. This is why this sort of judgemental talk really upsets me. At least she’s made the right choice to keep her little baby and not run away to the nearest clinic to ‘fix the problem’,

And y’know what, I’m pretty sure I’ve got plenty of cloth sacks to spare, the joys of living near a farm! I dunno, I think foccacia bread might be a bit too fancy for us sinners, we might just have to stick to ciabatta bread and evian water, and just hope we can survive! The course I’m doing, I don’t have to pay any of it back, so I should just hang my head in shame, crawl into a hole and never bother to come out.

We all make mistakes. I made the mistake of getting pregnant before the wedding…and just getting rid of it wasn’t an option with either of us. I too often felt inadequate, I was hounded by a few “good” Christians to just give him up so there wouldn’t be a scandal.

I asked him last night if we scarred him for life, by having him at our wedding. He says he thinks he is OK, and maybe even better off than his friends whose parents have had nasty divorces.

I even let others drive me away from the Church for a while, but no more. Its not the people we should concentrate on. After all, I’m not perfect either, and people will always let you down if you try to hold them to the same standards as our Lord. But Our Lord will never let you down.

I think I could make some cute outfits out of sack-cloth We could start a fashion trend.

 

[Pro-Life_Teen]

While it might not be the most prudent choice to have a ‘big’ wedding with a baby, it certainly isn’t the worst option. Weddings around Jesus’ time were week long celebrations with feasts and wine- today’s one or two day parties are small compared to that.

So they’re spending a great deal on their wedding, presumably. It’s possible they already paid for everything and couldn’t move it up without losing money. And with a baby, every neighbor, family member and friend is tripping over themselves to give old clothes, toys and help. While Jane may be estranged from her family, there was no mention that John was. And if they manage to save up and pinch pennies for a wedding, they aren’t that bad off.

Being unemployed now is common. Food stamps are there to help. Again, as are family and friends. Bring a gift that’ll be helpful for them as a married couple and as parents, offer to babysit if Jane needs to go look for a job. Ignoring them just seems like extra punishment.

This thread seems to be either about the moral issue of a pregnant bride, or the money spending of young people. Well, I just covered the latter. With the basic outlook of a mother marrying-- with the mindset, it implies that no one who has ever had a child outside of marriage deserves a big wedding or a white dress. Which while the colour does symbolize purity at times, was a trend started by Queen Victoria. Actually dresses with colour are now popular- red sashes or blue trimming.

They may have good reason to wait. It may be anything from guests can’t come on such short notice, they may not have their money returned, or that her dress can’t be altered. Or now that she’s pregnant, she may want her child at her wedding. If she is selfish, she’s going to grow up quite fast with a baby soon.

As for the suggestion that you won’t pay for a wedding if there are grandchildren already there- that’s more than a warning. It implies a sin that happens to end in conception as opposed to not will forfeit plans that a woman might dream about for years. In context of how it’s said, may encourage contraception and abortion, not abstinence.

 

[GodIsGracious]

My mom had the perfect Catholic wedding. She was a virgin, all her sisters (she came from a HUGE family!) were her bridesmaids. Modest in cost because she was not rich. etc. etc. Her marriage, on the other hand…

I was born in a “good” and “traditional” Catholic marriage. She ended up leaving him and civilly divorcing him (although she NEVER remarried and is still not remarried 40 years later, although he is), because he ended up beating her, raping her, etc. He had decided that she had had things under control and left us. He never sent money, never came by to see me…blah.

Yeah, I was born within a “good” Catholic marriage.

As for my situation, I am no more “innocent” than the bride to be in this thread. Why do I deserve any more of a white wedding than her simply because my sin is not present for all to see? I’m not. I’m not opposed to standards either, but continued punishment and judgement of someone simply because they did not lead the lives we would have them lead is, well… uncool. If that’s the case, then do them a favor and cut them out of your life.

At anyrate, dead horse → beaten enough. We all have our views and opinions and we’re all simply trying to do our best to live this life the best we can with God’s graces. I pray for the bride to be that she have a wonderful marriage and her child grows up with wonderful loving parents.

Peace be to all.

 

[GodIsGracious]

LOL, another thread where mainly woman are commenting…why? Because men do not care about this stuff. Why, as women, do we do this to each other? Pick apart and argue over stuff like this.

One man did respond. He called the bride a “fornicatrix.” Clearly, HE cared enough to post.

 

[GodIsGracious]

As for the suggestion that you won’t pay for a wedding if there are grandchildren already there- that’s more than a warning. It implies a sin that happens to end in conception as opposed to not will forfeit plans that a woman might dream about for years. In context of how it’s said, may encourage contraception and abortion, not abstinence.

Wow! This is INCREDIBLY brilliant! Very good point! :clapping:

 

[iluvmybabies]

No, I didn’t. I’ve repeatedly said she should have a wedding but it should be before the baby is born.

Our Lord wouldn’t want her to feel inferior. Christ would want her to follow His Mother’s example of what to do in this situation. The BVM was engaged, got pregnant, got married, had baby.

1SA 12:20 “Do not be afraid,” Samuel replied. "You have done all this
evil; yet do not turn away from the LORD, but serve the LORD with all your
heart.
And I think that’s what the couple is trying to do…GOD bless everyone…Celebrate and rejoice for this couple will be blessed under the Lord and will GOD willing raise their child in blessed love!

 

[Karoline]

Karoline, I’m so sorry about that! But I’ll share ciabatta and water with you all I mean, I dare to celebrate once in awhile even though I don’t have much money…

You know, at the pregnancy center I volunteer at, we have baby showers for the women who come in? And they’re single for the most part, poor, some with no intention of marrying the baby’s father…At the same time, it’s not like we’re encouraging anyone to have premarital sex. It’s a Christian center, so they are very pro-abstinence and NFP. If a woman comes in with her boyfriend or fiancé and they announce an intent to get married, it’s only met with joy. If she wants financial help, we refer her to a financial counselor. Other than that, we zip it.

So, if a pro-life place can keep their morals and stand by their principles, yet still remain tactful, loving, civil, and nothing but celebratory over the prospect of a new baby and over the prospect of marriage, then why can’t we do this on a CATHOLIC BOARD?

You know, when a sweet guy took me out to dinner recently, he insisted on paying? Even though neither of us makes much money? Is he a “horrible sinner” for “throwing money away” or does that make him a gentleman?

I’d definitely say a gentleman!! And I certainly wish that the pro-life movement were more active in the UK. I live just a stone’s throw away from a ‘Life Centre’ and I didn’t even know it. You’re certainly welcome to share our bread though and I reckon, with mommamia’s help, we could fashion some seriously cool cloth sacks to wear too!

We all make mistakes. I made the mistake of getting pregnant before the wedding…and just getting rid of it wasn’t an option with either of us. I too often felt inadequate, I was hounded by a few “good” Christians to just give him up so there wouldn’t be a scandal.

I asked him last night if we scarred him for life, by having him at our wedding. He says he thinks he is OK, and maybe even better off than his friends whose parents have had nasty divorces.

I even let others drive me away from the Church for a while, but no more. Its not the people we should concentrate on. After all, I’m not perfect either, and people will always let you down if you try to hold them to the same standards as our Lord. But Our Lord will never let you down.

I think I could make some cute outfits out of sack-cloth We could start a fashion trend.

I wish that I’d had the courage not to, but I felt so alone (even though I was engaged to the father of our little babe) and then so dreadfully ashamed that I felt like there was nothing else to do but end it before anyone else found out and could judge me for my horrendous lack of ‘self-control’ and my ‘stupid choices’ about pre-marital sex. Hehe, I’m sure that being born to parents out of wedlock is not going to scar anyone, certainly not in this day and age, I wish my parents hadn’t been married and my mother had been a single mum for my entire youth, my father really, truly, is a dreadful person and we’d have been better without him. I think we should seriously look into this cloth sack idea although, we’d have to make sure they were modest, and no pants, we don’t want to offend anyone…!

 

[GraceDK]

One man did respond. He called the bride a “fornicatrix.” Clearly, HE cared enough to post.

Yea, and somehow I shudder at the way he cares…
I asked him what name describing his own worst past and confessed sins he would like us to use instead of his name from now on, when referring to him. I found the question relevant, but for some reason he didn’t answer…

 

[GraceDK]

… it implies that no one who has ever had a child outside of marriage deserves a big wedding or a white dress. Which while the colour does symbolize purity at times, was a trend started by Queen Victoria. Actually dresses with colour are now popular- red sashes or blue trimming.

They may have good reason to wait. It may be anything from guests can’t come on such short notice, they may not have their money returned, or that her dress can’t be altered. Or now that she’s pregnant, she may want her child at her wedding. If she is selfish, she’s going to grow up quite fast with a baby soon.

As for the suggestion that you won’t pay for a wedding if there are grandchildren already there- that’s more than a warning. It implies a sin that happens to end in conception as opposed to not will forfeit plans that a woman might dream about for years. In context of how it’s said, may encourage contraception and abortion, not abstinence.

Yea, this post was very good.
I remember when I was an immature teenager and had my first sexual experience. Although there was no intercourse I was afraid I might be pregnant. At the time I was aboad alone. I was so scared that mental pressure postponed my period for some days.
In those days I thought about getting an abortion, and if that was not an option, then to dissapear… to hide from my family… go missing. It’s extreme thoughts an otherwise idealistic and sweet girl can have in that circumstance, just because of the shame and the horror of having her family find out that she had been sexually active… even though, or maybe precisely because she came from a home where sexuality was taboo and the only thing she had heard about her parents response to it was from her big sister who was called a whore by her father when she lost her virginity to a man of whom he didn’t approve.

 

[TamaraSieja]

I agree that you should take everyone to the wedding-- unless you feel your younger children wouldn’t enjoy it. Then take only your eldest and perhaps you and she would enjoy the celebration more if it were just the two of you.

Someone else said that some sins are more public than others. Trust me, as a single mom who was abandoned by my daughter’s biological father (this was a good thing in my situation, I promise) she’s already faced enough humiliation for becoming pregnant before she got married. Talk to your own children about how you feel, impress upon them the seriousness of these types of behaviors and the importance of remaning pure becuase once its gone, its gone! But go to the wedding and celebrate! Be happy for them. At least they are together.

And who’s to say that they hadn’t already started planning their big, white wedding before they found out they were expecting? A lot of places won’t do refunds on deposits because you “change your mind” and if they’re paying for this themselves like you said, they probably can’t aford to loose that money.

But this is just my opnion. Good luck and God Bless!

 

[iluvmybabies]

Yeah well if I would have done anything like that I too would have been called everything like that…and plus some even kicked out of the house, been banned from the family and a disgrace to human kind…When my cousin at 15 got pg and had her baby, oh the scandal of single mother at 16 and how gross and sick she was what a perv, she’s a bad influence, disgusting, the devil possessed her, and all kinds of terrible things. We weren’t even allowed to talk to her until she turned 18 and was considered an adult then it was ok because then she was a “grown-up” whom made a bad decision…My sister goes and gets pg at 17 but being mommie’s favorite gets told “you poor sweet innocent thing that man drugged you and raped you Oh we have to throw him in jail, we’ll take care of you and your baby! He’s a pig and a bast@rd we are calling the cops! He took advantage of our sweet innocent little girl! She’s an angel never even had a bf!! Ever!!” And it’s true, technically in my parent’s eyes she never presented any of the guys she dated. We all knew about them because we saw her ourselves…One time when she was supposed to be in some sports practice as a sophomore she got caught with a boy on the dark part of the school by my mother, she drove by there and the lights from the car shone on her and she saw her with this guy in a corner, but it was all innocent even though my sister was wearing a short skirt… What were they doing in the dark in a secluded area? Oh well…And then they found her again with some other boy and since he looked older our mother was like “OMG that guy was probably going to rape your poor little sister!” She’s 3.5 years younger than I am and no matter what will always be mother’s favorite and the poor baby that got taken advantage of…

Anyhow, so the fear and the necessity to always look good in parent’s eyes drives many teens into doing stupid **** and sometimes not tell, I am not saying it’s justification for the mistakes, but it does drive you into dark paths let me tell you… My parents always asked me to trust them but every time I open my mouth about something I get told off and it’s like “you wonder why I moved so far and why I won’t call you every day!?”

Like 2 days ago, mother calls and nags at me because it’s been a week since I called her, well I didn’t have enough to pay the cable, I have magic jack, so couldn’t use the “phone” I tried to explain then she starts telling me to hurry and move back or to send that “lazy bf of yours to get a job!” SO I am stuck with “hello he doesn’t live with me, hello he doesn’t pay for my bills!!! I can’t afford a lot of things like you guys have your blackberry phones and the new 500 dollar ones too! Sorry can’t afford luxuries! I don’t have a man that works for me you know?!” So she starts blabbering about how I should leave him and find someone with money, nothing new…And how I need to find someone whom will work as hard as my dad works for her, and how hard my sister’s hubby works for her… I am like yeah yeah yeah whatever…Then she starts nagging at me because I am over weight and how I need to take care of myself and eat nothing but veggies and to stop being stressed and depressed etc etc etc…So I am like “If I had the money I would be able to eat nothing but veggies, here they are expensive, 1 tomato costs me 1.50 each, so that means I still need all the green veggies plus fruits to make it into a half fruit half veggie salad! what’s your problem don’t have that kind of money!” SO here she goes again and then hangs up on me… I am like seriously?! SO yesterday I call and ask if she’s in a better mood, she goes “I was wondering the same about you?!” I was like I am the same and won’t change sorry… She said me too…

SO the chat yesterday was pretty short…BUT nothing I ever do is fine that’s why I stay away from them and can’t talk to them about anything…Because everything is bad or wrong or I am out of place etc…I understand why a lot of teens don’t turn to their parents, it’s frustrating to be put down or to feel like you don’t belong in your own home.

About a week ago family was together, friends etc…in my parent’s home in Cali…Well they are here having a party and everyone’s having some beers and jumping in the parent’s pool etc…All of a sudden the girl that lives with my parents for FREE if I may add, goes an tells my brother whom 7 months ago was unemployed-suffered a nervous breakdown, his wife just had a baby and they almost lost wife and baby- and needed a place to stay so they offered him the garage it’s fixed up it’s like a 1 bedroom effenciency. So he moves back and then this girl just tells my brother that’s he’s a sorry excuse of a man that can’t even provide for his family and has to bum off parents! And my brother’s wife calls her all these names including a freeloader because she even gets fed on a daily basis for free! My brother at least pays 500 dollars in food to pay his “rent.” Oh man it got ugly…Mother didn’t hear anything but the next day my brother was out the door… Mother was like “oh and you get offended by this poor little girl, remember she doesn’t have parents!” She’s 22 years old and she’s a poor little girl because her mother passed away when she was 19 and she didn’t want to live with her aunts any more because her aunts were forcing her to get an education and get a job!!!

 

[iluvmybabies]

And then mother was like “I didn’t do anything to him he didn’t have to leave!!” I was like OK! And to make things worst my sister was even siding with her because that’s my sister’s “cousin in law!” I was like wow, water over blood that’s pretty nice…I understand they are doing a great deed for this girl but this girl has been living there for 4 years for free…going on 5…

I told mother, you know I don’t understand what the problem is when my sister’s husband makes 100 grand a year and the only thing they have to show is their 800 dollar dolche and gabana purses, their 30 grand car, their 2000 bed, and all the brand named clothes they buy yet all they pay you is 500 dollars for rent every month??? OK so where’s the free loaders here???

And then they wonder why in the world I live far away, and why my brother wanted to leave? Believe me I understand what it’s like to deal with someone putting you down for everything and every time you have a joyous moment you wish to include everyone to celebrate with you, you get the dirty eye and the “what’s the point of celebrating something when you all ready screwed up!!”

Like my brother has been living with his gf for the past 1year just got engaged and parents made a big deal, brother’s getting married!!! YAY!!! I said congratulations I am happy for them! But as soon as I told them I was engaged since last year they were like “oh yeah ok whatever!” It’s like so you rejoice for one and not the other? Fine I accept that but that’s why my conversations with my family are short… I doubt they will be coming to my wedding, but hey at least GOD willing I will be walking down the isle and live under GOD’s blessing… That’s always something to celebrate even if it’s just myself, fiance and my 3 children… That’s how we celebrated our confirmations, we both got confirmed together, and it was just us my 3 children, 2 witnesses, the priesst and ourselves… BUT let me tell you I wouldn’t change anything at all…

 

[jmcrae]

This thread seems to be either about the moral issue of a pregnant bride, or the money spending of young people. Well, I just covered the latter. With the basic outlook of a mother marrying-- with the mindset, it implies that no one who has ever had a child outside of marriage deserves a big wedding or a white dress.

Nobody “deserves” a big white wedding. It’s something that you pay money for.

 

[Sina]

I cohabitated before my wedding. I was honest with the priest and I went to confession. My Godmother/Sponsor who is very devout simply told me “I will not do the reading at your wedding unless you stop cohabitating” I told her I understood, and that I had been to confession. She said she would do the reading. But… she was late to the wedding ( she had 4 young children ) and my maid of honour ended up having to do it last minute.

I knew she disapproved of my cohabitation. I wouldn’t have expected any less. I don’t think she judged me. She is supportive of me and loves me, and she came to my wedding with her whole family, and they all had a wonderful time.

 

[sanctamaria17]

Nobody “deserves” a big white wedding. It’s something that you pay money for.

Well, nobody “deserves” anything because it’s all something you paid money for.