More and more people want Catholic weddings in places other than church

[StephanieC]

We are a Mountian town and our Pastor is inudated with Catholics wanting to get married “in the mountains” He always replies “why would you want to get married in front of the Mountians when you can get married in front of he who made them.?”

With regard to the original poster & the original issue, I think this is*** the perfect*** response to anyone seeking a destination wedding outside a church!
I love it!

 

[estesbob]

Since people are posting pictures from their wedding heres one from mine.

(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

As a matter of fact, I am a deacon and my spouse and I do marriage prep for our diocese. They assume that because I am a deacon, I am available to do services at their request, any time, any place.

I asked for that very reason, because you actually see a trend, not just to rant. You have encountered that rising group of people known as Bridezillas. There is no real reasoning with a bridezilla. Let her family and the reception planners kow-tow to her every whim. You stand firm- If she wants to risk her immortal soul by calling in a rent-a-priest (which she is positive will not happen, because God bends to every bridezilla’s whim), she has nobody to blame but herself. I’m sure Mrs. stbruno will appreciate that you are not sauntering the beach at all hours with couples who simply must be “in nature”.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

I’m starting to think that if I go for a wedding in a Catholic church with the full Mass and nothing really extra except the fancy clothes and flowers, I’ll have a pretty unique wedding.

Indeed. And a unique marriage, too.

 

[newf]

Inconvenien to whom? The Church is not your private party planning service.

A parish provides *many *sacraments, the sacrament of marriage being only one. The parish where we married has Saturday afternoon baptisms 2x per month and Confession Saturday morning and afternoon, additional they have a Saturday vigil Mass. And, they also have weddings.

In the spring they also have special masses for First Communion and Confirmation since the classes are so large that the regular mass is too full.

Everyone has to *share *both the facilities and the priests and deacons. Therefore, there are X slots available for wedding masses, and that’s it.

This is not an actual reason.

Most people? Most rude people maybe.

Can you honestly tell me with a straight face that your primary concern about the wedding mass time is your concern for the “unchurched”?

It’s clearly that you wanted an evening reception and wanted the wedding to accomodate that choice.

No need to be so rude, 1ke.

I never said the church was my ‘private party planning service’. I was asking a legitimate question about why the mass times cannot be more accommodating. Just because you don’t like that doesn’t make it wrong, nor is it a sin. I think the wedding mass can be an occasion to also evangelize those who don’t often attend church. I don’t know why you have such a problem with that. Maybe you’ve been on too many web sites where there are bridezillas…I’m not talking about that. I’m saying a bride is every bit as worthy of a decent mass time as a first communicant, or whomever else needs to use the church.

Your hostility is very unbecoming of you.

 

[PatienceAndLove]

My florist/baker/caterer constantly referred to it as “my day”, and I had to remind him that it was DH and I’s day.

DH and I actually got married on a Friday evening, which worked out well for a lot of people. The family flew in Thursday night/Friday morning and attended the Wedding. Saturday we had DDs baptism (previous relationship) and then my parents and my father’s family went on a trip to Niagra Falls.

DH and I also did all of our pictures before the wedding, letting us go directly to the reception. The wedding was at 7pm, so we started at 3pm- and we ended up getting all the pictures done a half-hour before the wedding, so we opened the Church early and that was that.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

Where my father’s side of the family originates, traditionally the Mass is held in the late morning no later than Noon. Then, there is a luncheon. This kills a couple hours. Then, out-of-towners go to other people’s homes and everybody takes naps. Then, everybody changes clothes. Then, there’s a supper. Then, there’s a dance. Then there’s a shivaree.

Perhaps in those parishes that offer Masses no later than 1:30 PM, families could adopt this custom. Another alternative would be to offer a suculent, fancy late luncheon or high tea. It’s much cheaper. There is no etiquette law that says people can’t dance in the afternoon.

 

[Sabda]

No need to be so rude, 1ke.

I never said the church was my ‘private party planning service’. I was asking a legitimate question about why the mass times cannot be more accommodating. Just because you don’t like that doesn’t make it wrong, nor is it a sin. I think the wedding mass can be an occasion to also evangelize those who don’t often attend church. I don’t know why you have such a problem with that. Maybe you’ve been on too many web sites where there are bridezillas…I’m not talking about that. I’m saying a bride is every bit as worthy of a decent mass time as a first communicant, or whomever else needs to use the church.

Your hostility is very unbecoming of you.

The fact is most parishes have a Saturday Vigil Mass. Unfortunately the time you are talking about would interfere with that. Are you saying you would interfere with the ability of those people going to a Saturday vigil Mass because they can not make it to the Sunday Mass? If the wedding needs to be in the evening than why not just change the date to Friday or some other day of the week?

 

[1ke]

No need to be so rude, 1ke.

I do not believe I was rude. If you took it that way, I am sorry for that.

I’m saying a bride is every bit as worthy of a decent mass time as a first communicant, or whomever else needs to use the church.

1:30 pm is a perfectly “decent” Mass time. Now, 7 a.m. or 9 p.m. might be putting the bride out. But, 1:30 p.m., perfectly reasonable.

Your hostility is very unbecoming of you.

I don’t have a hostility problem. I was not being hostile. Perhaps you are very sensitive.

 

[newf]

1:30 pm is a perfectly “decent” Mass time. Now, 7 a.m. or 9 p.m. might be putting the bride out. But, 1:30 p.m., perfectly reasonable.

I am not saying 1:30 pm isn’t a decent mass time…it’s fine if that’s what you want. I’m just saying that it would be nice to have a time that is offered later in the day that would be closer to an evening reception for those that want that. My church has a 4pm Saturday mass, I just wonder why can’t they offer a 5:30 pm for a wedding mass.

 

[newf]

Are you saying you would interfere with the ability of those people going to a Saturday vigil Mass because they can not make it to the Sunday Mass? If the wedding needs to be in the evening than why not just change the date to Friday or some other day of the week?

No, I’m not suggesting that we shouldn’t have Saturday evening mass. I understand that it is the only mass some people can attend. I’m just suggesting the times can be changed so that both the mass and a wedding could be done.

And yes, Friday is fine. But it’s harder for out of town guests to leave work and attend a wedding on Friday night, so for some people Saturday is preferable.

I’m merely talking about accomodating a wedding along with all the other sacraments we accomodate.

 

[bilop]

I’ve always wondered, is there any good reason that the wedding can’t take place as the Vigil Mass? If a Church has a 4PM or 5 PM Mass, why can’t the wedding take place during the normally scheduled Mass? Most people don’t have that many guests that it would fill up a Church. Also, many Churches have upper and lower Churches. Why can’t the vigil be moved to the lower Church?

God Bless

 

[Sarabande]

I am not saying 1:30 pm isn’t a decent mass time…it’s fine if that’s what you want. I’m just saying that it would be nice to have a time that is offered later in the day that would be closer to an evening reception for those that want that. My church has a 4pm Saturday mass, I just wonder why can’t they offer a 5:30 pm for a wedding mass.

Hi newf – I’m not sure if your daughter already got married, but even so, perhaps you could talk to the pastor of your parish and make a suggestion regarding the wedding masses. Where I got married, their “official” wedding times are 11:00 a.m., 1:00 p.m. and 3:00 p.m. on Saturday. Although they do have the official times, once in a while, they permit a bridal couple to have their wedding later like at 5:00 or 5:30. I don’t know how they determine who can have it later. We didn’t want to ask for it as we were already getting the Cathedral ($800 fee normally when we got married) and the organist and choir for nothing since we volunteered in the choir and I worked there also as a paid cantor and wedding soloist/cantor. It doesn’t hurt to make the suggestion of giving the option of a wedding time at 5:30 or 6:00. At least you’ll have a discussion with him about it and might find out the reasons why they can’t offer a later wedding time or he might think it was a good idea. Anyway, no harm in suggesting or asking.

 

[Sarabande]

I’ve always wondered, is there any good reason that the wedding can’t take place as the Vigil Mass? If a Church has a 4PM or 5 PM Mass, why can’t the wedding take place during the normally scheduled Mass? Most people don’t have that many guests that it would fill up a Church. Also, many Churches have upper and lower Churches. Why can’t the vigil be moved to the lower Church?

God Bless

That’s what we do at our Cathedral. They hold the Saturday Vigil mass in the chapel connected to the Cathedral and have the wedding mass in the Cathedral.

I’ve heard that there is an option for a couple to get married during a regularly scheduled mass, but it wouldn’t be like a typical wedding (hmmm… this would make it unique, huh?) It would be like how people bring their babies in for a baptism during the regularly scheduled mass. They just show up for mass, then during the mass, the priest will call the couple up to exchange vows and that’s that. Although, I can understand couples not wanting to do that, but it’s an option none-the-less.

 

[1ke]

I’ve always wondered, is there any good reason that the wedding can’t take place as the Vigil Mass? If a Church has a 4PM or 5 PM Mass, why can’t the wedding take place during the normally scheduled Mass?

It can, just like baptisms and other Sacraments.

HOWEVER, if it were a part of the Mass there would be a very quick “stand up and say your vows” just as baptism takes about 5 minutes during the Mass.

There would be no bridesmaid and bride processional, no bride and groom focus, no wedding readings, no special devotions or music. Therefore, there are few people who would opt for this.

I wouldn’t.

Most people don’t have that many guests that it would fill up a Church.

No, but many churches fill up for regular mass and wouldn’t be able to handle 200 extra people.

Also, many Churches have upper and lower Churches. Why can’t the vigil be moved to the lower Church?

Where do you live that “many” churches have an “upper” and “lower” church?

 

[Sarabande]

It can, just like baptisms and other Sacraments.

HOWEVER, if it were a part of the Mass there would be a very quick “stand up and say your vows” just as baptism takes about 5 minutes during the Mass.

There would be no bridesmaid and bride processional, no bride and groom focus, no wedding readings, no special devotions or music. Therefore, there are few people who would opt for this.

I wouldn’t.

Oh, good, I was giving correct info on that in my post. I wouldn’t opt for that as well.

Where do you live that “many” churches have an “upper” and “lower” church?

Many of the older churches where I live on the East coast do have upper and lower churches or big chapels attached to the main church, especially in the metropolitan areas. I would say almost every old church in my city has something like that. We also have a lot of newer church constructions which will build good sized chapels. My childhood parish just did that. The poster probably lives in an area like mine, so the option is available in these areas.

 

[newf]

Hi newf – I’m not sure if your daughter already got married, but even so, perhaps you could talk to the pastor of your parish and make a suggestion regarding the wedding masses. Where I got married, their “official” wedding times are 11:00 a.m., 1:00 p.m. and 3:00 p.m. on Saturday. Although they do have the official times, once in a while, they permit a bridal couple to have their wedding later like at 5:00 or 5:30. I don’t know how they determine who can have it later. We didn’t want to ask for it as we were already getting the Cathedral ($800 fee normally when we got married) and the organist and choir for nothing since we volunteered in the choir and I worked there also as a paid cantor and wedding soloist/cantor. It doesn’t hurt to make the suggestion of giving the option of a wedding time at 5:30 or 6:00. At least you’ll have a discussion with him about it and might find out the reasons why they can’t offer a later wedding time or he might think it was a good idea. Anyway, no harm in suggesting or asking.

I appreciate your comments, Sarabande.

My daughter is getting married in November. It is disappointing that the church my children were raised in is not the church they will be married in, due to the 1:30 pm time offered. I know, it’s our choice NOT to use that time. Our church also refused to let us rent the church social hall to accomodate our guests in between the 1:30 pm mass and the 6 pm reception. Reason was ‘we don’t do that’.

Okay…so we decided to go down the road to a lovely Catholic church at a seminary where we got a 4 pm mass. And the thing is, our parish priest, whom we love, has agreed to come to the seminary church and say the mass…go figure.

 

[Sarabande]

I appreciate your comments, Sarabande.

My daughter is getting married in November. It is disappointing that the church my children were raised in is not the church they will be married in, due to the 1:30 pm time offered. I know, it’s our choice NOT to use that time. Our church also refused to let us rent the church social hall to accomodate our guests in between the 1:30 pm mass and the 6 pm reception. Reason was ‘we don’t do that’.

Okay…so we decided to go down the road to a lovely Catholic church at a seminary where we got a 4 pm mass. And the thing is, our parish priest, whom we love, has agreed to come to the seminary church and say the mass…go figure.

I can understand your disappointment and it looks like you tried different options to make it work. I remember how difficult it was trying to find affordable reception halls/sites that would have earlier reception times to accommodate the church schedule. We originally asked for the 1:00 wedding to have an afternoon reception, but the places we were interested in and could afford didn’t offer receptions that started at 3:00, so we opted for the 3:00 wedding and had the gap, which worked fine. Most of our guests were Catholic so understood the gap thing. Everything is always so expensive in the city (least expensive in the city was $150 pp in 2003 for just the basics like a piece of chicken – ridiculous!!! It’s over $200 now from what I hear from my own bridal clients and friends) and that’s why we opted for a place 20-30 minutes outside of the city, which was the best price we could get and still a big chunk out of our pockets and my parents’ pocket.

In terms of renting the social hall, I know that our Cathedral doesn’t rent their social hall because of the insurance liability. They only use it for their own event. They don’t even permit throwing rice and things of that sort because of churches around the city getting sued by wedding guests who slipped, fell and hurt themselves on the rice, birdseed, etc. I wonder if that is the real reason for your church.

But I’m glad you were able to find another church nearby which offered the 4p.m. mass and able to have your parish priest. Congratulations to your family and your daughter. This time between the wedding day and now is going to fly.

 

[kage_ar]

I am not saying 1:30 pm isn’t a decent mass time…it’s fine if that’s what you want. I’m just saying that it would be nice to have a time that is offered later in the day that would be closer to an evening reception for those that want that. My church has a 4pm Saturday mass, I just wonder why can’t they offer a 5:30 pm for a wedding mass.

4 PM Mass, Mass lasts an hour - we are at 5 PM.

The wedding guests would arrive when the parking lot is still full of Mass attenders.

People who pray after Mass would have to be rushed out to allow for decorating and wedding guests to be seated…

Every wedding I’ve been too, there is a flury of picture taking going on in the Church for 2 hours prior to the wedding -

 

[bilop]

It can, just like baptisms and other Sacraments.

HOWEVER, if it were a part of the Mass there would be a very quick “stand up and say your vows” just as baptism takes about 5 minutes during the Mass.

There would be no bridesmaid and bride processional, no bride and groom focus, no wedding readings, no special devotions or music. Therefore, there are few people who would opt for this.

I wouldn’t.

Ah, I though they would just do a regular wedding and let everyone attend.

No, but many churches fill up for regular mass and wouldn’t be able to handle 200 extra people.

Where do you live that “many” churches have an “upper” and “lower” church?

New York. Almost every Church more than 30 years old, which is most of them. Although some have taken the altars out of the lower Church.

God Bless