Moving to another pew when someone sits in front of us, a scandal?

[CradleJourney]

I go to a REALLY big church, one of those semi-circular ones. Our pastor never seems to be overly upset by crying babies (maybe he just really likes kids, I don’t know), but I do know if anyone tried to do their nails, watch TV, or something similar during Mass, he would stop and toss them out. He’s done it for less. He does like to have control of his congregation.

I have to admit, I was kind of shocked when I read your post. If someone is going to do their nails at Mass, write checks, or watch TV, why bother to even go? (Rhetorical, I don’t expect you to answer that question.) I’ve seen a lot at Mass, but never that! Wow.

In the case of the TV, it seemed to be a twenty-ish family member who was being “required” to attend by other family members - who am I to judge? He seemed perfectly normal, but perhaps had a mental condition? I first was completely shocked, but then decided to try to let it go (thankfully, I was able to move far down the pew that time so as not to be distracted by the screen or the situation)!

As for the others, many (way too many) people seem to feel that “showing up” is their only Catholic requirement. Fr’s working on it - and there are a great many who are devout, focused, attendees, but yep, there’s much work to still be done!

 

[Lily_Bernans]

In the case of the TV, it seemed to be a twenty-ish family member who was being “required” to attend by other family members - who am I to judge? He seemed perfectly normal, but perhaps had a mental condition? I first was completely shocked, but then decided to try to let it go (thankfully, I was able to move far down the pew that time so as not to be distracted by the screen or the situation)!

As for the others, many (way too many) people seem to feel that “showing up” is their only Catholic requirement. Fr’s working on it - and there are a great many who are devout, focused, attendees, but yep, there’s much work to still be done!

Thank you.

Even though I haven’t seen TV watching or manicures at my church, there are those who just seem to “show up,” and there are others who seem very much in love with Christ. Some people will rush out as soon as Father finishes the Mass. Others will stay to pray on the altar steps, though the church does seem to empty out pretty quickly. When it’s a big church, I guess one has to expect just about anything.

 

[PhiloMed]

I know that my toddler has pulled on my shirt and flashed my bra at least once during Mass. She’s lifted up my skirt once in a parking lot too, though I don’t usually wear skirts without leggings underneath. If you find that repulsive, then by all means take your fragile nerves somewhere less distracting because it ain’t gonna get any better.

She’s going to turn around and smile at you over and over again. She’ll stand on the kneeler and bounce up and down chanting “Gloria, Gloria, Gloria!” . She thinks “Let It Go” is an appropriate offertory hymn as long as you sing “Amen” at the end. She will expect you to shake her hand at the sign of peace, even though she’s had it in her mouth and it’s a tad bit moist. If you decline she will call attention to your fussiness by yelling “Hey! Peace!” and all the little old ladies will give you a look that says, “What’s the matter with you? Shake the adorable little girl’s hand!” If you leave early or have to use the facilities, she will call attention to that as well by shouting, “Bye Bye! Thank you!” And when people walk past after receiving, she will inform each person that goes by, “It is Christ!”. It will be cute at first, but after two or three verses…

Yeah, you might as well get out now while you can.

Amen, sister!

I am always amazed that people who love Christ and the mass so much cannot handle some of the most common distractions in life. Christ carried the cross while being screamed at, cursed, spit upon and we can’t get through 45 minutes without our delicate sensibilities being offended by common annoyances of life.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I think you are within your moral rights to do this. It’s kind of admirable actually…

 

[E_7]

Wow thanks everyone. I too do not believe it is a scandal, my husband needed reassurance that we were not being scandalous. We always arrive 15-30 minutes before Mass and the Church is empty. And 90% of the people there are families with little children and babies. We always sit on the same pew on the back for breastfeeding comfort, but lately this family is sitting in front of us and on those times I really can’t concentrate in the Mass. Thankfully, we discussed it last night and we are on the same boat now.

The priest has joked two times that he should put a new pew near the door so we can sit as far as possible. He is telling us to move to the front. So what we are going to do is move in the front or middle near a pillar for breastfeeding comfort.

 

[mommy_k]

I personally would not move once seated. Others are probably noticing this too, and the reaction says more about you then the offenders.

 

[Angel_Bradford]

I know that my toddler has pulled on my shirt and flashed my bra at least once during Mass. She’s lifted up my skirt once in a parking lot too, though I don’t usually wear skirts without leggings underneath. If you find that repulsive, then by all means take your fragile nerves somewhere less distracting because it ain’t gonna get any better.

She’s going to turn around and smile at you over and over again. She’ll stand on the kneeler and bounce up and down chanting “Gloria, Gloria, Gloria!” . She thinks “Let It Go” is an appropriate offertory hymn as long as you sing “Amen” at the end. She will expect you to shake her hand at the sign of peace, even though she’s had it in her mouth and it’s a tad bit moist. If you decline she will call attention to your fussiness by yelling “Hey! Peace!” and all the little old ladies will give you a look that says, “What’s the matter with you? Shake the adorable little girl’s hand!” If you leave early or have to use the facilities, she will call attention to that as well by shouting, “Bye Bye! Thank you!” And when people walk past after receiving, she will inform each person that goes by, “It is Christ!”. It will be cute at first, but after two or three verses…

Yeah, you might as well get out now while you can.

I took my niece to Mass Saturday afternoon (she’s 4 1/2). Since we sit in the second pew, she has a bird’s eye view of what’s going on. After Father reverenced the altar and was standing there waiting for the choir to finish the entrance hymn, my niece started waving at him. Father saw her waving, smiled and gave her a finger wave! I thought it was a beautiful, Christ-filled moment.

 

[Bonnie]

I personally would not move once seated. Others are probably noticing this too, and the reaction says more about you then the offenders.

That’s what I used to think, but since then I’ve gotten a backbone.

We can’t know why anyone moves to a different seat. The reason could be as simple as going to the restroom and finding someone else in “your” seat when you return. I used to get really bad migraines and perfumes were one of the triggers. If just before Mass started someone wearing perfume sat near me, the migraine would start up and by the end of Mass I’d be very sick. I was too shy, too worried about what people would think, to get up and move.

 

[AllieT]

I would think about writing a letter to your pastor, asking him to address the way people dress during Sunday Mass. I like others’ idea about sitting in the front row.

 

[Mommyof02green]

Just sit in the very front and you never have to worry about moving. problem solved.

 

[victrolatim]

I don’t think moving to another pew would be that big of an issue. With some distractions, I have found it best to just close my eyes. Yesterday, the woman in the pew in front of me was dancing and clapping to the hymns. Appropriate attire needs to be addressed though. I was at a Sunday Mass once where an elderly woman came waltzing in wearing yoga pants with glittering words on the behind. Quite distracting. The only place I have ever seen appropriate dress stated was on the door of the narthex of the local Carmelite convent.

 

[bmaj]

Hi all,

I’m such a person that if people that are dressed immodestly for Mass sits in front of us where we can see them, I get up from the pew without thinking it twice and move somewhere else where it doesn’t distract me or hubby. I do not want to give the devil the pleasure of tempting me by watching the immodest or by not paying attention to Mass for being annoyed.

I could care less if it is seen rude by others in Mass. But is it scandalous of us to get up and move from pews just when these immodest married couple arrived?

It is not just the wife who wears short dresses and her undergarments are marked, and her child grabs her and pulls her dress up a few times , but the husband too wears very tight shirts and very tight khaki pants that accentuate his butt. It is not only annoying to have this couple in sight, but also repulsive.

Thoughts?

I doubt that very many people in the Church would even notice if you move, so I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you. The front row is a very good choice as several above have mentioned - as well as closing your eyes in prayer if you get distracted. Since everyone is at their own particular place in their journey with Our Lord, I try not to judge that type of apparel (that’s not always real easy for me - both in Church and out in public!), but it does tend to upset me as well. Instead, as someone else said, when confronted with a similar situation I try to concentrate on being thankful that they’ve come to Mass at all, and hopefully/prayerfully they will become more modest in their clothing choices soon!

 

[jlc2k2]

I know that my toddler has pulled on my shirt and flashed my bra at least once during Mass. She’s lifted up my skirt once in a parking lot too, though I don’t usually wear skirts without leggings underneath. If you find that repulsive, then by all means take your fragile nerves somewhere less distracting because it ain’t gonna get any better.

She’s going to turn around and smile at you over and over again. She’ll stand on the kneeler and bounce up and down chanting “Gloria, Gloria, Gloria!” . She thinks “Let It Go” is an appropriate offertory hymn as long as you sing “Amen” at the end. She will expect you to shake her hand at the sign of peace, even though she’s had it in her mouth and it’s a tad bit moist. If you decline she will call attention to your fussiness by yelling “Hey! Peace!” and all the little old ladies will give you a look that says, “What’s the matter with you? Shake the adorable little girl’s hand!” If you leave early or have to use the facilities, she will call attention to that as well by shouting, “Bye Bye! Thank you!” And when people walk past after receiving, she will inform each person that goes by, “It is Christ!”. It will be cute at first, but after two or three verses…

Yeah, you might as well get out now while you can.

Yeah, I kinda feel like I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t on the clothing thing. I’ve been trying to wear skirts and dresses more but I’ve got 3 clingy kids and sometimes they’ll pull the skirt up a bit with their shenanigans or it will get caught while I am picking them up. I don’t think anything too terrible has been shown yet but I guess I should just switch back to jeans.

 

[mommyof4]

A few months ago I had to rearrange my seating chart at daily mass. There was an older man who would sit behind me all of the time and his timing was always off on the responses, he was LOUD, and often the responses were just wrong. I would sit there and be very annoyed at him throughout mass. Finally, I just decided to move to the other side of the church were all of the relatively quiet women and children sat, and I found I was able to concentrate on the mass much more easily. I did not do this after he had sat down, I just stared doing it at the next mass I attended.

 

[EasterJoy]

…we often have people sit in front of us…who decide to do their nails during mass, to the ones writing in their checkbooks… to even someone watching tv during the service…

I am happy to know I have not come remotely close to seeing everything. I can imagine wanted to record the check I just remembered to write for the collection, but* watching TV?*

 

[Sugabee43]

I don’t think it’s wrong to move. I also think that if you choose to stay and bear the temptation in order to offer it up as a sacrifice to the Lord, that’s good, too. It’s a shame that some people choose to come to Mass dressed inappropriately, but if they are there, maybe at some point they’ll come to realize that they need to dress more reverently.

 

[pensmama87]

A few months ago I had to rearrange my seating chart at daily mass. There was an older man who would sit behind me all of the time and his timing was always off on the responses, he was LOUD, and often the responses were just wrong. I would sit there and be very annoyed at him throughout mass. Finally, I just decided to move to the other side of the church were all of the relatively quiet women and children sat, and I found I was able to concentrate on the mass much more easily. I did not do this after he had sat down, I just stared doing it at the next mass I attended.

I like this - if these folks tend to always sit in front of you, then I would simply find another place next time rather than waiting to see if they show up and then move.

We tend to sit all over the place and my kids can be loud and distracting, although we are working on it (always, always working on it…) They do the best if we sit up close. But several times we have arrived at Mass and gone into the pew, only to have the people already present shoot us disgusted looks and move elsewhere. Now, it probably wouldn’t sting nearly so much if they didn’t make it so obvious that we were the reason they were leaving. But it can be the kind of thing that people notice and become sensitive to. I’ve gotten to the point where I realize that I am not doing anything wrong and I am trying to instruct my children on how to behave, so it bothers me less than it used to.

 

[NSFrame]

OK I guess I’m the only one who thinks this is kind of messed up. If they were in Daisy Dukes or a really cut out dress or something I could maybe understand, but I see tight clothes everywhere, so seeing them at Mass isn’t going to distract me. And I would be mortified to think that the family was thinking I was moving to get away from them - that’s just really unkind. If you did it once that would be one thing, but more than once and they might notice and feel offended. And unless you told them why you were moving (which isn’t going to happen), they won’t know why, and all that you’ll have accomplished will be to cause ill will - at church, where Jesus is.

 

[Inisfallen]

Hi all,

I’m such a person that if people that are dressed immodestly for Mass sits in front of us where we can see them, I get up from the pew without thinking it twice and move somewhere else where it doesn’t distract me or hubby. I do not want to give the devil the pleasure of tempting me by watching the immodest or by not paying attention to Mass for being annoyed.

I could care less if it is seen rude by others in Mass. But is it scandalous of us to get up and move from pews just when these immodest married couple arrived?

It is not just the wife who wears short dresses and her undergarments are marked, and her child grabs her and pulls her dress up a few times , but the husband too wears very tight shirts and very tight khaki pants that accentuate his butt. It is not only annoying to have this couple in sight, but also repulsive.

Thoughts?

I think I’m going to be a dissenting voice here, but I really don’t like this. It’s not scandalous (in the technical sense of the term), but there’s something off about it.

You’re making your (apparently very, very delicate) sensibilities the point of your time at Mass, not the Mass itself.

If you can’t stop thinking about how immodestly both men and women are dressed, and staring at their tight pants and “marked” (not sure what that means) underwear, you need to work on what the good priests who educated me in high school called “custody of the eyes.” I really thought that applied mostly to men, but apparently not so. It means that you are responsible for what you’re looking at. If there’s something offensive in your field of vision, look in another direction.

I think I’d rather go to Mass in a church full of people in shorts and flip flops and crop tops than disdainful people pointedly trying to move away from anyone whose dress doesn’t measure up to their standards. It’s a bit holier-than-thou, don’t you think? Especially to make such a point of it as to move, so that everyone can see how much holier you are.

 

[Lormar]

Hi all,

I’m such a person that if people that are dressed immodestly for Mass sits in front of us where we can see them, I get up from the pew without thinking it twice and move somewhere else where it doesn’t distract me or hubby. I do not want to give the devil the pleasure of tempting me by watching the immodest or by not paying attention to Mass for being annoyed.

I could care less if it is seen rude by others in Mass. But is it scandalous of us to get up and move from pews just when these immodest married couple arrived?

It is not just the wife who wears short dresses and her undergarments are marked, and her child grabs her and pulls her dress up a few times , but the husband too wears very tight shirts and very tight khaki pants that accentuate his butt. It is not only annoying to have this couple in sight, but also repulsive.

Thoughts?

No, it is not a scandal if you move.

You don’t attend Mass to be annoyed or aggravated.

I’d suggest the first pew for you and your family too. Many sit there for that very reason - to avoid being distracted. We’re not saintly enough to sit anywhere else.