Much Older Love

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Moonyen

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I am a young person, I know, but I have fallen in love.

He is not Catholic, but says he will do whatever it takes to marry me, love me, care for me, and respect me like I deserve. I believe he would even convert for me. However, I am worried that he doesn’t realize all that it means to be Catholic.

I am also worried because he is much, MUCH older than me. 😊

Can this relationship work?

Thank you to all who respond.
 
Moonyen said:
I am a young person, I know, but I have fallen in love.

He is not Catholic, but says he will do whatever it takes to marry me, love me, care for me, and respect me like I deserve. I believe he would even convert for me. However, I am worried that he doesn’t realize all that it means to be Catholic.

I am also worried because he is much, MUCH older than me. 😊

Can this relationship work?

Thank you to all who respond.
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How old is he and how old are you?
 
😊
I’m in college. He’s in his 40s.

Of course, I am worried. But I really think he loves me.
 
My dh is 10 yrs my senior. Someone who is in their 40’s…you’re what, 20 maybe…22? I don’t think it can’t work, I definitely have always found older men back in college when I was dating (and still do with my husband) a bit more… interesting. Not to say guys your own age or a little older are not interesting, but I don’t discount your attraction to him. Older men, especially like him…have their acts together (let’s hope) and they offer a lot of stability. It’s very attractive to see a man in control of his life, and know what he wants…I think, anyways.

There are however, potential issues with* large* age differences, but as long as you are not dating him because you have issues with your own father–(that is a very common reason why young girls date guys old enough to be their dads) AND he isn’t looking to father you…then, I don’t see anything wrong with this.

Where did you meet this man? How long have you been dating him?

Have you told your parents? :o
 
Moonyen said:
😊
I’m in college. He’s in his 40s.

Of course, I am worried. But I really think he loves me.
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You fudged on both ages.:tsktsk: That is problematic.

From what you said I could gather that he is 49 and you are 17,

Or that he is 40 and you 39.

Since you avoided giving the ages I have to assume that they are closer to the first example.

My advice to you is to fly away little bird. A man that much older than you can read you pretty well and tell you just what you want to hear in order to get what he wants,

.
 
palmas85 said:
You fudged on both ages.:tsktsk: That is problematic.

From what you said I could gather that he is 49 and you are 17,

Or that he is 40 and you 39.

Since you avoided giving the ages I have to assume that they are closer to the first example.

My advice to you is to fly away little bird. A man that much older than you can read you pretty well and tell you just what you want to hear in order to get what he wants,

.
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Hey now…it seems to be working for Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones. 😉 Just sayin.’ :whistle: He could be 45 and she could be 22. I mean, still big difference, but not 17 and 49. Yikes, if that is the case OP, that is unwise. :o
 
Hmmm…I’m in my 40s and cannot see myself dating someone twenty years younger than myself. I work in a college and see young people all the time; there is such an age gap concerning experience, interests, etc. However, I do know of several divorced gentlemen in their 40s who are much more flattered by the attention of young ladies than someone closer to their age, and quite happy to date them. I think those men are trying to re-capture their youth.

Will you be willing to take care of him when he truly is old and you’re still relatively young? He’s in good health today, but body parts start breaking down when people reach their 50s, from what I have seen around me. Is he willing to have a family with you?
 
Moonyen said:
😊
I’m in college. He’s in his 40s.

Of course, I am worried. But I really think he loves me.
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There are many relationships between people of significant age differences that work well.

My concern in your situation is that you are in a very different place in your life than he is. Although you don’t specifically say so, I presume he is working and has had a career for some time now. You are in college. Even if you are paying your own way, college is typically very different from “the real world”.

First of all, let’s be clear. To say a relationship “works” means that you will marry. If he’s not looking to get married then your relationship is, by definition, not working.

This is just me, but I would advise you NOT to marry this man before you graduate and enter the full time workforce in whatever field you are studying. Since there is a potential for more difficulties in a marriage where the age difference is large, I’d like for you to be taking care of yourself before you are in a situation where he may have to take care of you, (i.e., you get pregnant.) This is partly because there is a very real likelihood that you may have to work to support yourself sometime in the future. But it is mainly so you can be sure you are making an adult decision.
 
SMHW said:
There are many relationships between people of significant age differences that work well.

My concern in your situation is that you are in a very different place in your life than he is. Although you don’t specifically say so, I presume he is working and has had a career for some time now. You are in college. Even if you are paying your own way, college is typically very different from “the real world”.

First of all, let’s be clear. To say a relationship “works” means that you will marry. If he’s not looking to get married then your relationship is, by definition, not working.

This is just me, but I would advise you NOT to marry this man before you graduate and enter the full time workforce in whatever field you are studying. Since there is a potential for more difficulties a marriage where the age difference is large, I’d like for you to be taking care of yourself before you are in a situation where he may have to take care of you, (i.e., you get pregnant.) This is partly because there is a very real likelihood that you may have to work to support yourself sometime in the future. But it is mainly so you can be sure you are making an adult decision.
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I love this advice!🙂
 
Ailina said:
Hmmm…I’m in my 40s and cannot see myself dating someone twenty years younger than myself. I work in a college and see young people all the time; there is such an age gap concerning experience, interests, etc. However, I do know of several divorced gentlemen in their 40s who are much more flattered by the attention of young ladies than someone closer to their age, and quite happy to date them. I think those men are trying to re-capture their youth.

Will you be willing to take care of him when he truly is old and you’re still relatively young? He’s in good health today, but body parts start breaking down when people reach their 50s, from what I have seen around me. Is he willing to have a family with you?
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Have to agree with you here!!

I have a truly remarkable girlfriend who is quite the epitome of a beautiful lady. She is also incredibly intelligent (having been educated at a very high level). As such, she is very much involved with teaching her own work, involved in community projects and undergoing further study for herself. She is also very health conscious and loves to exercise whether it be walking, jogging, or swimming. She met and fell in love with her husband 30 years ago, she is now 56 yrs old (lol, she looks younger than me!!) and her children are adults with families of their own that live elsewhere due to work commitments. Her husband is a lovely man who has been retired for the past 12 years. He is 71 years old. He cannot do the exercising with her because of his health condition (bad heart). He doesn’t like to leave the house much anymore because of his increasing frailty and health, so this limits his ability to socialise with her, except for being in their own home, and he likes to go to bed REAL early! He’s left at home a lot on his own now because she’s simply not ready for retirement and the lifestyle that goes with that, yet. She certainly still loves him deeply, but these issues are really causing her some pain right now. She never complains, being the lady that she is, but one day I asked her why she was starting to have a sad look in her eyes that I had noticed for a while. Eventually she confided in me with the above. She finds herself in a very compromising situation.

Another situation - the Bishop was telling me recently about his sister who flew in briefly to see him. She had married someone 13 years her senior. I remember her being so esctatic at the time. She is now 57 and the Bishop was telling me how she was experiencing some of the above that I spoke of and was seeking his advice on it. He was like:shrug:.

Anyway, I also was wooed by a 49 yr old Italian - he would package the world up for me if I wanted it (I was only 19 at the time!). I was very flattered by all the attention, to say the least, and by his dreamy good looks. Luckily I had the resolve to decide I would not get married before I was 26, why:shrug:, maybe 'cause I had a lot of living to do first! I was also proposed to on my senior graduation lol! - so glad I chose not to marry before I was 26! (emotions can get in the way!)

So you would have to certainly take the above scenarios into consideration because they may seem in the distant future now, but they will be upon you before you know it!!
 
I have often pondered why many young women are so flattered and taken by older men? I admit…I was taken by my husband being 10 yrs my senior.

I wonder what it is? :hmmm:
 
whatevergirl said:
I have often pondered why many young women are so flattered and taken by older men? I admit…I was taken by my husband being 10 yrs my senior.

I wonder what it is? :hmmm:
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*I thought you might be able to answer this! 😃
*
 
babesinarms said:
*I thought you might be able to answer this! 😃
*
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Oh. lol;)
Hmmm…For me…hmm…I think it was that I missed my dad, who died when I was 9. I admit–I might have been looking for the daddy figure…(which is why I mention it above) Now…being married to my husband who is ten years older for a number of years, and I’m nearing 40 myself…the ‘gap’ doesn’t seem so great anymore, and I’m over the issues I had over my dad’s absence in my life. I admit that if he were 60–I’d still love him madly, but it might be different. That’s something to think about…if you marry someone 20+ yrs older, I guess.
 
whatevergirl said:
Oh. lol;)
Hmmm…For me…hmm…I think it was that I missed my dad, who died when I was 9. I admit–I might have been looking for the daddy figure…(which is why I mention it above) Now…being married to my husband who is ten years older for a number of years, and I’m nearing 40 myself…the ‘gap’ doesn’t seem so great anymore, and I’m over the issues I had over my dad’s absence in my life. I admit that if he were 60–I’d still love him madly, but it might be different. That’s something to think about…if you marry someone 20+ yrs older, I guess.
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I knew you* knew *the answer to that!! lol
 
Now, that’s MY answer. lol Every woman might be different. 😉
 
Moonyen said:
I am a young person, I know, but I have fallen in love.

He is not Catholic, but says he will do whatever it takes to marry me, love me, care for me, and respect me like I deserve. I believe he would even convert for me. However, I am worried that he doesn’t realize all that it means to be Catholic.

I am also worried because he is much, MUCH older than me. 😊

Can this relationship work?

Thank you to all who respond.
Click to expand...
I’m really sorry, but this has red flags written all over it. This guy in his 40’s is courting a young woman still in college. I’m sorry, but that’s just downright creepy. You don’t need God to tell you that it’s a bad idea; most sane people would tell you that. And seriously, you can do much better.

I’m not trying to be mean at all, but someone needed to tell it like it is.
 
I agree with SomeCatholicGuy. Why would a man that age want to date a college gal? When I read your post, my first thought was that there is something about him that is not right. Does he have a job, can he support himself, has he been married before? There has to be some reason a 40YO is dating a college gal. (I’m assuming you are under 20). I know women tend to mature faster than men and that’s one reason there is a huge attraction but the ages I have in my head don’t work. Most 40 year olds are in the middle of their careers, own a home, are thinking about retirement and raising their children while 20 years and less are in college going to frat parties and bars. Interests between people that far apart in age clashes.
 
whatevergirl said:
I have often pondered why many young women are so flattered and taken by older men? I admit…I was taken by my husband being 10 yrs my senior.

I wonder what it is? :hmmm:
Click to expand...
I have this issue myself…lack of a solid father figure would be my armature psychological guess.
 
Maybe it’s just because I’m an engineer, but my friends and I always said that the minimum non-creepy dating age was (Age/2)+7. So, let’s assume he’s exactly 40. That would mean the minimum age he could date without it being creepy would be 40/2+7 or 27.

On a serious note though, this does have red flags all over it. The mere fact that you’re asking for opinions is sufficient evidence of that. That is to say, I think you already know what you need to do.

Pax Tecum,
Zach
 
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