Must a Catholic have a funeral?

[happymommy]

I’m with you! I don’t want anything. Stick me in the ground and move on! I don’t like a fuss made over me now, so it doesn’t seem right to do it when I’m gone. My husband says too bad, he’s going to have one for me anyway because it will be about them, not me at that point. I have to say that it upsets me! I think my wishes should be respected in this! I have never gone to a viewing or funeral and left thinking “wow, I feel better now!” They have always been painful and awkward. No one knows what to say, because nothing they say is going to make you feel better. You spend hours shaking hands with people that you don’t know, go through Mass and then have lunch…like coldcuts and potato salad make everything better. I just don’t get it!

 

[benedictgal]

I’m with you! I don’t want anything. Stick me in the ground and move on! I don’t like a fuss made over me now, so it doesn’t seem right to do it when I’m gone. My husband says too bad, he’s going to have one for me anyway because it will be about them, not me at that point. I have to say that it upsets me! I think my wishes should be respected in this! I have never gone to a viewing or funeral and left thinking “wow, I feel better now!” They have always been painful and awkward. No one knows what to say, because nothing they say is going to make you feel better. You spend hours shaking hands with people that you don’t know, go through Mass and then have lunch…like coldcuts and potato salad make everything better. I just don’t get it!

However, while I respect your opinion and sentiments, there is also the matter of the Church’s perspective that might need to be considered. It’s not so much an issue of sticking oe’s body in the ground. It is also a coporal act of mercy to bury the dead.

Perhaps we might also want to look at the example of Christ. Though He, as the Second Person of the Trinity, did not need to undergo the burial rites, He allowed this to happen to Himself. Even though the rites were not yet completed, He was still buried under Jewish ceremonial ritual.

 

[happymommy]

However, while I respect your opinion and sentiments, there is also the matter of the Church’s perspective that might need to be considered. It’s not so much an issue of sticking oe’s body in the ground. It is also a coporal act of mercy to bury the dead.

Perhaps we might also want to look at the example of Christ. Though He, as the Second Person of the Trinity, did not need to undergo the burial rites, He allowed this to happen to Himself. Even though the rites were not yet completed, He was still buried under Jewish ceremonial ritual.

What if one doesn’t agree with the Church’s perspective? Should they still have to have a funeral?

 

[Miserissima]

The second part is the Funeral Rite, which doesn’t have to be within Mass.

Thanks, Phemie!

 

[Zhenia]

Just for the record, cremation is permitted in the Catholic Church as long as it is not done to show one doesn’t believe in the resurrection. ]

It is not recommended, but it is permitted.

Wow. So they changed that too? The only part of the RCC I was ever involved with was the traditional (pre-V2) church, so I didn’t know.

 

[StarFireKK]

You certainly don’t have to have a funeral. Your family could have masses said for you anytime. I don’t want one either. If you have a will you can have it state:

“I DIRECT that my remains be cremated and that no funeral services be held on my behalf.” And that leaves people with no choice, they HAVE to follow a directive in your will. It also helps to have family clued in on your wishes.

Again they could always have masses said in your memory so I always felt it was unnecessary.

Lorrie

In most states that is not correct. The decision of how to dispose of the remains is traditionally the next of kin and not the deceased. You can tell your family your wishes but they do not have a legal obligation to follow them.

Which makes sense when you think about it…what legal recourse do you have open to you if they ignore your wishes?

 

[TheMc]

You certainly don’t have to have a funeral. Your family could have masses said for you anytime. I don’t want one either. If you have a will you can have it state:

“I DIRECT that my remains be cremated and that no funeral services be held on my behalf.” And that leaves people with no choice, they HAVE to follow a directive in your will. It also helps to have family clued in on your wishes.

Again they could always have masses said in your memory so I always felt it was unnecessary.

Lorrie

Do you not believe in purgatory?!?!

 

[benedictgal]

What if one doesn’t agree with the Church’s perspective? Should they still have to have a funeral?

Have you fully studied the Church’s perspective on the matter? I suspect that perhaps the sentiments might be more akin to the “modern” approach to things.

The Church views the body as something sacred. After all, at the Final Judgment, we will all be reunited with our bodies. Christ care enough about His human body to ascend back to heaven in it, and, He care enough about His Mother’s body to reunite it to her soul in the Assumption.

What is fascinating is that even pagan’s had a lot of reverence for the funeral. Granted, in Ancient Rome and Greece, their practice was more along the lines of a funeral pyre, they still had some sort of comendation for the deceased. Lest we forget that Ancient Egypt’s funerary rites were lengthy and elaborate.

 

[Mintaka]

The funeral is for the welfare of the dead person’s soul, and for respect for his body and its coming reunion with the soul and bodily resurrection (either to eternal life, or eternal death in Hell). It’s not “a fuss” being made about people unless you also figure that feeding the poor, looking after the sick, visiting prisoners, and clothing the naked are “a fuss”. The dead need help and love from the Church, which is to say, from Christ and His Body.

It is respectful for people not directly part of the funeral rite to attend the funeral. It is kind for them to pray for the dead. It may also be beneficial to their spiritual and emotional health. But it’s not meant to be for them or about them at all.

For a Catholic to refuse a Catholic funeral outright is… well, I can’t see any reason to do it except as a rejection of Jesus and the Church, or a despairing declaration that you plan to rot in Hell.

Refusing a public funeral service is one’s choice. But refusing to let the priest (or deacon) bury you and pray for you is a choice against Catholicism and eternal life. I’d rather thrash around naked and covered with meat juice in an aquarium full of sharks, myself.

 

[Zhenia]

As I said before, my mother had converted to Orthodox Judaism in the 1940s but returned to the Church on her deathbed, about 4 years ago when she was given Extreme Unction (the Last Rites).

But I didn’t know what to do, since her burial plot was purchased long ago, in a Jewish cemetery. So I had her buried as planned in the Jewish cemetery (without a burial service or funeral however, since I didn’t know what to do in a case like that!), and I had a series of Tridentine Latin Masses said for her (partly because that is the only Mass I would consider, and because that is the only Mass my mother would have remembered).

I realize my situation was an unusual, last minute kind of thing…but maybe someone could just be buried and have Masses said for the repose of their soul later on?

 

[happymommy]

Have you fully studied the Church’s perspective on the matter? I suspect that perhaps the sentiments might be more akin to the “modern” approach to things.

The Church views the body as something sacred. After all, at the Final Judgment, we will all be reunited with our bodies. Christ care enough about His human body to ascend back to heaven in it, and, He care enough about His Mother’s body to reunite it to her soul in the Assumption.

No, it’s not a modern approach to things. I haven’t studied it in great detail. I understand that the church views our bodies as sacred. We are going to have to have a difficult conversation with my husband’s parents, as they plan to be cremated and want their ashes scattered up in the mountains. We won’t be a part of doing that.

Refusing a public funeral service is one’s choice. But refusing to let the priest (or deacon) bury you and pray for you is a choice against Catholicism and eternal life.

I guess it would be more the public funeral I don’t see the need for.

Maybe it’s the MANY funerals I’ve had to go to in the last year or two that has me thinking about it.
I was not raised Catholic, joined 10 years ago and up until last year had never been to a Catholic funeral.
The Protestant funerals I have been to have always been long, drawn out things that are truly painful to go through! Days of viewings, long funerals. It just has never made any sense to me to go through all of it.

Last year my husband’s grandmother passed away. We took care of the plans for the funeral. No eulogy was allowed to be given at the Mass, so his sister did it the night before at the funeral home for all of 15 people, including us! So the funeral itself really had nothing to do with grandma; it was just like any other Mass, in my opinion. We picked some nice readings, but that’s about it. So, I guess I question why do we have to have it? Why not just have a Mass said for them?

 

[agapewolf]

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So, I guess I question why do we have to have it? Why not just have a Mass said for them?

Because having a mass said for them is when the mass is only offered as the priest’s intention. Everyone else attending may be bringing their own intentions.

A funeral mass is a corporate prayer for the soul. Of course, people are free to have their own intentions at this mass as well, but hopefully most of them are there to pray specifically and maybe exclusively for the deceased. Like an indulgence, when done in groups for conversion is powerful.

 

[Irishgal49]

For me I also look at expense.

My children don’t have the money to have a full funeral for me and why should I saddle them with that expense?

Funerals are WELL OVER 7,000 dollars lately with many topping 12,000. Not everyone has life insurance or can afford to buy it either.

I am separated from my husband. He carries no life insurance at all. My job does not offer it. If he died I would not be able to afford a funeral. Flat out…neither could his family who are very poor.

I have told my sons I would much rather them take good care of my granddaughters in my memory than have a funeral that will financially ruin them.

 

[Irishgal49]

Do you not believe in purgatory?!?!

Of course I believe in purgatory but my children do not. They are not Catholic and neither of them believe in God at all. When their father died 2 years ago they had him cremated and buried his ashes next to their brother (my son).

I grew up in a horribly abusive home that was so full of abuse that I have no contact with biological family at all. It’s a long horrible story and after 7 years of good therapy I am doing great but this is the way our family has to be.

I have no real friends to speak of so what’s the point? My kids don’t need to be strapped with a 10,000 funeral that will most likely ONLY include people who either hated/abused me or people who don’t even know me at all and most likely didn’t bother to even speak to me when I was alive.

I’ll pass.

 

[Irishgal49]

For the sake of your soul, you need one. You will realize this eventually.

So people who have made their decision against a funeral are just “erring” and they will all come to see it YOUR way if they are smart???

My thinking is I should have better prepared my soul for eternity while I was alive. I can’t ask a father of two little kids who is broke to host a funeral that only 5 people will attend. How ridiculous.

 

[Irishgal49]

However, while I respect your opinion and sentiments, there is also the matter of the Church’s perspective that might need to be considered. It’s not so much an issue of sticking oe’s body in the ground. It is also a coporal act of mercy to bury the dead.

Perhaps we might also want to look at the example of Christ. Though He, as the Second Person of the Trinity, did not need to undergo the burial rites, He allowed this to happen to Himself. Even though the rites were not yet completed, He was still buried under Jewish ceremonial ritual.

Jesus did NOT have a funeral. Sabbath was approaching and due to the prohibitions about touching a corpse on the Sabbath he was merely wrapped in cloths and covered with oil and anointed. If you remember, Mary was going to finish the “rites” when she found out He had risen. There were no rites done due to lack of time. In fact, Jesus said, “Let the dead bury their dead.”

 

[benedictgal]

Jesus did NOT have a funeral. Sabbath was approaching and due to the prohibitions about touching a corpse on the Sabbath he was merely wrapped in cloths and covered with oil and anointed. If you remember, Mary was going to finish the “rites” when she found out He had risen. There were no rites done due to lack of time. In fact, Jesus said, “Let the dead bury their dead.”

When Jesus uttered those words, he did not dismiss the notion of a funeral. It seems to me that His words are taken completely out of context. He is telling his followers that He must come first.

As for His own burial, the rites were hastily done; however, what was lacking was the completion of the embalming.

Regarding the cost, have you thought of actually visiting a funeral home and signing up for a Pre-Need plan? My parents and I are not wealthy; however, when my mother died (from Ovarian Cancer) 14 years ago, the funeral home worked with us and we had ou’ve already reasonably priced funeral for her. Furthermore, my father was able to get a pre-need plan that locked in the price. You also can buy funeral insurance directly from the funeral home for as low as, in some cases, under $100 a month. This also locks in the price. If you die before the policy is paid up, it’s as though you’ve already paid for it.

I would invite you to not only look at the funeral from that standpoint, but, from the Church’s. If God did not mean for burials to mean something, he would not have extolled Tobit for taking the time to bury the dead and, later on, reward him for his act of charity. Furthermore, the Church’s funeral rites are primarily to offer suffrage for the repose of the soul of the deceased.

 

[Corki]

You certainly don’t have to have a funeral. Your family could have masses said for you anytime. I don’t want one either. If you have a will you can have it state:

“I DIRECT that my remains be cremated and that no funeral services be held on my behalf.” And that leaves people with no choice, they HAVE to follow a directive in your will. It also helps to have family clued in on your wishes.

Again they could always have masses said in your memory so I always felt it was unnecessary.

Lorrie

For me I also look at expense.

My children don’t have the money to have a full funeral for me and why should I saddle them with that expense?

Funerals are WELL OVER 7,000 dollars lately with many topping 12,000. Not everyone has life insurance or can afford to buy it either.

I am separated from my husband. He carries no life insurance at all. My job does not offer it. If he died I would not be able to afford a funeral. Flat out…neither could his family who are very poor.

I have told my sons I would much rather them take good care of my granddaughters in my memory than have a funeral that will financially ruin them.

Now that is something you can take care of ahead of time and save your children from the financial worry or having to make the decisions. Lot of people do pre-paid plans for burial or cremation.

As for the expense, the actual funeral doesn’t cost very much at all. When my father died a few years ago, the cost was a few hundred dollars which was for the priest’s stipend and to pay the organist.

The cremation expense is going to be incurred anyway with or without a Catholic funeral. Same with a casket/plot if you are being burried.

 

[abcdxyz]

Of course I believe in purgatory but my children do not. They are not Catholic and neither of them believe in God at all. . . .

I have no real friends to speak of so what’s the point?

I’ll pass.

Irishgal, you’re speaking to me. None of my family are Catholics, so a Catholic funeral would mean nothing to them, except that they would have to arrange a strange ritual with an alien church in a different state to set it up. My closest friends are handicapped in one way or another and would find it a burden, either physically or psychologically, to attend such an event.

I have done and am doing such good as I can during this life, and I believe that those I leave behind will have loving memories of me.

Thanks to all of those who have responded to this thread–I value your opinions and appreciate the time you took to give me your viewpoints.

 

[abcdxyz]

My next question is this: given the circumstances (non-Catholic family out of state, friends not able to attend), what is the least that one could do and still have a “Catholic funeral”? Is it possible to have a short, private prayer service with no Mass after the cremation but before interment?