Must a Catholic have a funeral?

[benedictgal]

My next question is this: given the circumstances (non-Catholic family out of state, friends not able to attend), what is the least that one could do and still have a “Catholic funeral”? Is it possible to have a short, private prayer service with no Mass after the cremation but before interment?

Why not get in touch with the funeral home now? You can make your arrangements ahead of time. That is what many of us have been saying. You can also appoint someone to act as your executor to ensure that these arrangements are carried out.

It’s not enough to “leave pleasant memories”. As a Catholic, you should have a proper Catholic burial with the rites that go along with it. Why would you deny the suffrage that the Church offers for your soul? That is the part that I do not understand.

 

[SonCatcher]

For the sake of your soul, you need one. You will realize this eventually.

I think I allowed as much in my response. Please know that I am addressing this issue just after having a funeral Mass for a loved one. We did everything we could for him.

My next question is this: given the circumstances (non-Catholic family out of state, friends not able to attend), what is the least that one could do and still have a “Catholic funeral”? Is it possible to have a short, private prayer service with no Mass after the cremation but before interment?

Have you no other friends in the parish? Just because they aren’t necessarily the ones closest to you due to neighborhood or occupation doesn’t mean they aren’t interested in your general well-being (not to mention your spiritual good).

 

[Irishgal49]

I would invite you to not only look at the funeral from that standpoint, but, from the Church’s. If God did not mean for burials to mean something, he would not have extolled Tobit for taking the time to bury the dead and, later on, reward him for his act of charity. Furthermore, the Church’s funeral rites are primarily to offer suffrage for the repose of the soul of the deceased.

I just separated and I’m broke. I’m in such devastated financial shape I cannot even afford to pay my bills without juggling. So a funeral package is out of the question. Besides it’s not necessary. I don’t want or need it. I have talked about it with my kids and they understand and both of them are barely surviving themselves. I feel bad, wish I could help them out but I cannot.

My soon to be ex was very abusive to me so I know I am going it alone.

My children will see that I am cremated and I know they will always remember me. That’s more than some people have. I told them to skip the funeral and maybe just the two of them get together and reminisce, have a beer (I’m a TOTAL beer lover) and look at family photos.

My parents abused me as a child so badly I have PTSD from it. So in order to save myself I cannot have contact with them. This shut off my entire biological family as everyone would argue and “pick sides”. It became clear that they would never attend a funeral without causing my children horrible grief when my grandmother told everyone it was my fault that my oldest son died in a car accident (a death that almost killed me).

I have no one but my two sons and my three granddaughters, who, like I said aren’t really making it either. We have enough love that we don’t need a rubber stamp on our mourning. We will do what is the least amount of financial stress and know that is good enough.

I find it hard to believe that God will discriminate about my soul after having compassion on my situation.

No one is Catholic but me so why do it? Pay 10 grand for a funeral that 5 people are attending??? Really??? It would be lost on them and they cannot afford it. My children weren’t raised Catholic (I am a convert) so they don’t understand and neither of them believes in God so not even a general Christian view is worthwhile to them.

Face it folks, funerals are simple NOT a necessity. And you’re going to see more and more of this as people become poorer and poorer in today’s economy. I truly have no way I COULD have a funeral. That’s just the way it is and I accept it.

Lorrie

 

[Phemie]

Face it folks, funerals are simple NOT a necessity. And you’re going to see more and more of this as people become poorer and poorer in today’s economy. I truly have no way I COULD have a funeral. That’s just the way it is and I accept it.

Lorrie

I’m a little confused by your post. I deal with funeral at my church all the time and of all the cost associated with death and burial (some as high as 20K or more) the funeral itself pegs in at $400 including the burial plot. Everything else is the cost of the undertaker & casket.

I’ve known families to prepare their deceased’s body themselves, place it in a cheap casket, use a family station wagon to take it to church for the funeral and then to the cemetery, dig the grave themselves and bury him themselves. Without the funeral home’s involvement they saved thousands.

I’ve had families request the use of the church for the wake and when that was questioned by the funeral home and we told them they wanted to save money, the reply we got was “Once we’re involved the cost is the same whether the wake is in the church or the funeral parlor, and whether it’s one night or three.” The only optional cost was that of the casket and that cost varies wildly. Of course different funeral homes may function differently.

 

[Irishgal49]

I’m a little confused by your post. I deal with funeral at my church all the time and of all the cost associated with death and burial (some as high as 20K or more) the funeral itself pegs in at $400 including the burial plot. Everything else is the cost of the undertaker & casket.

I’ve known families to prepare their deceased’s body themselves, place it in a cheap casket, use a family station wagon to take it to church for the funeral and then to the cemetery, dig the grave themselves and bury him themselves. Without the funeral home’s involvement they saved thousands.

I’ve had families request the use of the church for the wake and when that was questioned by the funeral home and we told them they wanted to save money, the reply we got was “Once we’re involved the cost is the same whether the wake is in the church or the funeral parlor, and whether it’s one night or three.” The only optional cost was that of the casket and that cost varies wildly. Of course different funeral homes may function differently.

You couldn’t TOUCH a burial plot alone here for that price. The MINIMUM since embalming is state law is 1250.00 unless you’re doing immediate cremation. Burial vaults are required in the grave so you cannot bury yourself, it’s against the law here. My friend had her son die and she did a one day viewing then funeral at the church and basic embalming, lowest cost casket and vault and it topped 8 thousand dollars.

Lorrie

Lorrie

 

[Irishgal49]

In Michigan (or at least where I live) they will NOT open a grave unless you pay for it UP FRONT, and that is 300 dollars. I couldn’t come up with that right now if you gave me a month. That’s in addition to the cost of the plot and I had shopped around for a couple years and that’s actually CHEAP compared to other cemeteries.

 

[Phemie]

In Michigan (or at least where I live) they will NOT open a grave unless you pay for it UP FRONT, and that is 300 dollars. I couldn’t come up with that right now if you gave me a month. That’s in addition to the cost of the plot and I had shopped around for a couple years and that’s actually CHEAP compared to other cemeteries.

I’m not sure what you’re proposing, then. Short of being stuffed and propped up somewhere, what are the options? Obviously it’s not the funeral that’s expensive, it’s all the other stuff surrounding it.

 

[Phemie]

You couldn’t TOUCH a burial plot alone here for that price. The MINIMUM since embalming is state law is 1250.00 unless you’re doing immediate cremation. Burial vaults are required in the grave so you cannot bury yourself, it’s against the law here. My friend had her son die and she did a one day viewing then funeral at the church and basic embalming, lowest cost casket and vault and it topped 8 thousand dollars.

So, immediate cremation, no viewing and a simple funeral. Again, it’s not the funeral that’s expensive, it’s everything surrounding death. What are you proposing happen to you?

If you’re immediately cremated there is no reason you can’t still have a funeral. I’ve had a family walk into the church with Mom carrying her son’s cremated remains. There was a beautiful funeral Mass and the urn was buried in the father’s burial plot. The cost of the ‘funeral’ was $100.

 

[maryjk]

For me I also look at expense.

My children don’t have the money to have a full funeral for me and why should I saddle them with that expense?

Funerals are WELL OVER 7,000 dollars lately with many topping 12,000. Not everyone has life insurance or can afford to buy it either.

I am separated from my husband. He carries no life insurance at all. My job does not offer it. If he died I would not be able to afford a funeral. Flat out…neither could his family who are very poor.

I have told my sons I would much rather them take good care of my granddaughters in my memory than have a funeral that will financially ruin them.

My mother recently passed away. Her “funeral” cost $120. That was $20 to the altar server and $100 to the priest. And either of those costs could have been lower or even eliminated.

But of course that doesn’t include the costs that come with pick up of the body or cremation. That total was $3,000. There is nothing you can do about the cost of handling the body.

So, immediate cremation, no viewing and a simple funeral. Again, it’s not the funeral that’s expensive, it’s everything surrounding death. What are you proposing happen to you?

If you’re immediately cremated there is no reason you can’t still have a funeral. I’ve had a family walk into the church with Mom carrying her son’s cremated remains. There was a beautiful funeral Mass and the urn was buried in the father’s burial plot. The cost of the ‘funeral’ was $100.

Very true, Phemie.

The largest cost was cremation, not the funeral.

 

[Zhenia]

For me I also look at expense.

My children don’t have the money to have a full funeral for me and why should I saddle them with that expense?

Funerals are WELL OVER 7,000 dollars lately with many topping 12,000. Not everyone has life insurance or can afford to buy it either.

I am separated from my husband. He carries no life insurance at all. My job does not offer it. If he died I would not be able to afford a funeral. Flat out…neither could his family who are very poor.

I have told my sons I would much rather them take good care of my granddaughters in my memory than have a funeral that will financially ruin them.

You can always do pre-need funeral planning well before you are older. Its what we did in our family. You can pay it off in installments, usually with no interest, and then when you need it, its there.

 

[Irishgal49]

My mother recently passed away. Her “funeral” cost $120. That was $20 to the altar server and $100 to the priest. And either of those costs could have been lower or even eliminated.

But of course that doesn’t include the costs that come with pick up of the body or cremation. That total was $3,000. There is nothing you can do about the cost of handling the body.

Very true, Phemie.

The largest cost was cremation, not the funeral.

But if your children aren’t Catholic they aren’t going to care about a Mass. I don’t want them to do that when they do not even believe in God.

 

[Irishgal49]

I’m not sure what you’re proposing, then. Short of being stuffed and propped up somewhere, what are the options? Obviously it’s not the funeral that’s expensive, it’s all the other stuff surrounding it.

But I’m saying that it’s not NECESSARY. My children aren’t Catholic and why spend 10 dollars on something that will be totally lost on them? If they were Catholic or even Christian then that might be different.

 

[Irishgal49]

I’m not sure what you’re proposing, then. Short of being stuffed and propped up somewhere, what are the options? Obviously it’s not the funeral that’s expensive, it’s all the other stuff surrounding it.

a 300 dollar immediate cremation and no funeral…that’s what I’m proposing. Our family rarely actually has funerals. I think with the past 6 or so relatives maybe 2 had a funeral. But no one believes in God and the 2 that did have a funeral had almost none of the family show up, they went to the dinner afterwards.

 

[Phemie]

But I’m saying that it’s not NECESSARY. My children aren’t Catholic and why spend 10 dollars on something that will be totally lost on them? If they were Catholic or even Christian then that might be different.

A funeral Mass is not for them, it’s for your soul. Guess it’s up to you what you’d rather do.

 

[maryjk]

a 300 dollar immediate cremation and no funeral…that’s what I’m proposing. Our family rarely actually has funerals. I think with the past 6 or so relatives maybe 2 had a funeral. But no one believes in God and the 2 that did have a funeral had almost none of the family show up, they went to the dinner afterwards.

Where will you be able to be cremated for just $300? Like I said, we just went through this and it was $3000. I can’t imagine that someone will be able to find a place that does it for a tenth of the cost.

 

[benedictgal]

a 300 dollar immediate cremation and no funeral…that’s what I’m proposing. Our family rarely actually has funerals. I think with the past 6 or so relatives maybe 2 had a funeral. But no one believes in God and the 2 that did have a funeral had almost none of the family show up, they went to the dinner afterwards.

But, you need to also consider the welfare of your soul. The Funeral Rites of the Church exist for a reason. They are there primarily for the suffrage of your soul. To willingly deny yourself a Christian burial proper to a Catholic is something that I cannot understand.

 

[Irishgal49]

A funeral Mass is not for them, it’s for your soul. Guess it’s up to you what you’d rather do.

I think people should have thought about “their soul” when they were alive. It’s not my non-believing children’s worry.

 

[Irishgal49]

But, you need to also consider the welfare of your soul. The Funeral Rites of the Church exist for a reason. They are there primarily for the suffrage of your soul. To willingly deny yourself a Christian burial proper to a Catholic is something that I cannot understand.

I don’t want it or need it. If I’m in purgatory I have the promise I’m going to get out eventually. I am not worried about my non-Christian children dealing with that.

 

[PatriceA]

I think people should have thought about “their soul” when they were alive. It’s not my non-believing children’s worry.

Again, its not about them, its about YOUR soul.

 

[Irishgal49]

Where will you be able to be cremated for just $300? Like I said, we just went through this and it was $3000. I can’t imagine that someone will be able to find a place that does it for a tenth of the cost.

Actually I saw an ad in a Detroit MI newspaper 330 dollars but it’s basically immediate cremation no viewing. In Michigan you have to have embalming if there is any viewing at all.