Must newlyweds use NFP?

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ExGratia

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I was curious as to why so many people seem to postpone having children after getting married and I came across this article:
I came across this article:
lifeissues.net/writers/zim/zim_159newlywedsnfp.html

It advocates all newlyweds using NFP for the first few months to a year. I am soon to be married and my fiance and I discussed NFP early in our engagement. These are the conclusions we came to:
-The right thing to do seemed (and still seems) to be to let God take the reins when it comes to our fertility.
  • NFP seems to be a responsible way to space children should a serious need arise.
    Since we have no kids, we would not be “spacing”. If we couldn’t be open to kids then we shouldn’t be getting married right now. We do not seem to have any licit reason to postpone being open to life.
    -We are aware that NFP can be used to help conceive, but since we will be newlyweds we see no reason to have the added stress of actually “trying” to conceive. I’m also pretty aware of my cycles and even my doctor advised to just relax and not chart right away.
    We are both really looking forward to uniting and to the possibility of procreating. We imagine ourselves as parents within a year of marriage. We are actually hopeful that we can be open to as many children as God sees fit to bless us with. Of course, we know we cannot see the future and know that situations could arise in the future which would make NFP necessary and we understand that possibilty.
    -We are not super young and it seems almost irresponsible to postpone having children when you don’t really know how fertile you may or may not be (we are late 20s and 30).
Does anyone have any advice either way? The most important thing is that we have a holy marriage.

Here is the quote in question:

“I would like to advocate that newly married couples should be informed, or even advised, or challenged, to use NFP during some months or perhaps a year, before using the fertile time to allow the children to arrive. If this practice can be called licit from the moral point of view, and advisable from other aspects, then it may be a very practical goal for the Church apostolate of natural family planning.”
 
By all means, go make some babies! 🙂

But I’ll make the recommendation that you learn NFP now while you are engaged so that you can learn HOW to do it and have some comfort level with what your fertility symptoms are rather than waiting to gain that skill set later on in life when the learning curve might be rather stressful. You don’t need to ever use it, but you might eventually find that you need to.

We’ve used NFP for years, but I have a different take on it than many boosters. I think that its a mistake to describe it that way. Considered by secular materialist criteria, it’s a brutal, frustrating experience. But when you recognize the way in which it allows couples to have that intimate link without unconsciously making sex unrelated to babies, it is something to be appreciated. NFP isn’t the catholic alternative to contraception, it is the catholic alternative to total abstinance!
 
My wife and I got pregnant on our honeymoon. Looking back at certain things that happened since then, we most certainly had our daughter then for a few reasons. It was without a doubt meant to be…And I would not change the way it happened for anything in the world.

But, it sure would have been nice to enjoy being husband and wife (what we had waited for all those years) for at least a little while before immediately beginning preparing to be parents.
 
NFP can be used to achieve as well as avoid a pregnancy. Learning NFP is a great way to learn about your fertility and body. If you do decide that you don’t want to avoid, knowing NFP can help you notice problems sooner rather than later should fertility problems arise.
 
Have babies as soon after marriage as you want! My sponsor gave birth to their baby a week before their first anniversary and she’s as happy as can be! May God reward your faithfulness and trust in Him!
 
If you don’t have a reason to postpone, such as health issues, serious financial issues, etc., then I don’t see any reason why you should postpone. I have heard many stories of couples who are very happy that they conceived on their honeymoon.
 
I got pregnant the first month after I got married. While I would not trade that child for the world, it was very hard on my young marriage. Since we had waited to have sex until we married, and then I was almost immediately nauseated, vomiting, and exhausted - my husband really had it rough. Then, I had a pregnancy complication and before we knew it, we had a newborn. And another one. And another one.

We never had a newlywed period, never got to travel together, never had any extra money to go out or do fun things. In fact, I do not even remember that few weeks post-wedding where we were just “us” without the pregnancy. We were immediately put into the world of parenthood and never got to just be a couple. Would I trade my child? No, of course not. Would I recommend what we did to other newlyweds? Probably not. I really wish we had had some time to get to adjust to living together, to sleeping together, to enjoying each other’s bodies in a new way… All that had to be put on hold for many years, and in fact, we’ve never been on a vacation together or even been able to spend a night alone.

Of course, that’s just my experience. Other people’s milage may vary! And yes, a child is always a blessing.
 
You don’t need to use NFP to alter when you have sexual relations. You can simply use it in order to know your body. Since that takes time, I’d even suggest you start making records of your cycles well before you marry. That way, if a serious need to avoid pregnancy arises or you are actively trying to have children and a conception is not forthcoming, you’ll already have some of the self-knowledge that you will need to execute your decision when you decide you need to abstain or make an effort to concieve that is more information-driven.

Are there couples who look back and wonder if they did not use NFP to avoid pregnancy for reasons that were not so serious as they seemed at the time?..yes. Are there couples who feel they had a serious reason and unwisely ignored it? …yes. Can you absolutely be sure you’ll not make a decision that you’ll second-guess later?..not likely, unless you make a commitment to avoid second-guessing yourself!! If you resolve to make your decisions based on honest compliance to sound moral principles, I think you can give yourself that. That sounds like what you’re doing, to me.
 
manualman said:
By all means, go make some babies! 🙂
**
But I’ll make the recommendation that you learn NFP now while you are engaged so that you can learn HOW to do it and have some comfort level with what your fertility symptoms are rather than waiting to gain that skill set later on in life when the learning curve might be rather stressful. You don’t need to ever use it, but you might eventually find that you need to.**

We’ve used NFP for years, but I have a different take on it than many boosters. I think that its a mistake to describe it that way. Considered by secular materialist criteria, it’s a brutal, frustrating experience. But when you recognize the way in which it allows couples to have that intimate link without unconsciously making sex unrelated to babies, it is something to be appreciated. NFP isn’t the catholic alternative to contraception, it is the catholic alternative to total abstinance!
Click to expand...
Ditto!!!
YES - LEARN IT!
NO, you don’t have to USE it… 😉
 
Thank you all for your replies. I could feel the warmth and honesty from every single one of them and am adding you all to my prayer intentions!

I have been doing some basic charting since Sept/Oct…mostly because I think it’s interesting! I will learn more about NFP as many of you suggested.

I appreciate your prayers and well wishes for our marriage (and yes, we will continue to hope to “make some babies” soon). I’m sure I’ll have many more questions for you married people and parents as the months and years progress!
 
Em_in_FL said:
Ditto!!!
YES - LEARN IT!
NO, you don’t have to USE it… 😉
Click to expand...
I agree as well.

I think all young ladies should have a rudimentary knowledge of how their cycle works. Not every one falls into a nice neat 28 day pattern. NFP knowledge lets a woman know what to expect.
 
I don’t have time to write much, but, the answer is: No Way! In no way are newlyweds obligated to use NFP! In fact, without the correct reasons, it would be wrong for them to do so.
 
Mary_Gail_36 said:
I agree as well.

I think all young ladies should have a rudimentary knowledge of how their cycle works. Not every one falls into a nice neat 28 day pattern. NFP knowledge lets a woman know what to expect.
Click to expand...
Our bodies have a lot to say, if we know how to listen. It often turns out to be good information to have gathered, too.
 
Mary_Gail_36 said:
I agree as well.

I think all young ladies should have a rudimentary knowledge of how their cycle works. Not every one falls into a nice neat 28 day pattern. NFP knowledge lets a woman know what to expect.
Click to expand...
I wish we had classes for teens. How much better would it have been to know when your period is due, rather than just guessing? Or knowing why in the middle of my cycle I felt like I needed a panty liner, when right after my period I didn’t have that issue. 🤷

It seems like this tightly held secret, until you get married. 😦
 
For what it’s worth I wish I’d learnt about it - but we wouldn’t have used it.

I fell pregnant straight away and although it might have been nice to get used to each other we wouldn’t have wanted to delay deliberately ! We had no reason to and got married wanting kids.
 
Also, don’t forget that you are pregnant for approx. 9 months before a new baby arrives. Plenty of time to enjoy eachother without the responsibility of a child (for the most part).
 
I am going to agree with everyone here. Learn now… you don’t have to use. I have a honeymoon baby (and 2 more after that). But already knowing NFP really helped during those post partum months when I felt I couldn’t handle more kids until a little later. For us, later wasn’t that much later, but it did give us some piece of mind during my lactational amenorrhea period, when I was most worried about becoming pregnant again and being completely overwhelmed. (By the time I got my cycles back, we were considering not trying to avoid any longer. I went through 3 transition cycles, and the cycle that would have been completely ‘normal’ I got pregnant again. But we weren’t following the rules for those months. So in a sense we never really used NFP to avoid while I was fertile. :p).
 
OSUbride0708 said:
Also, don’t forget that you are pregnant for approx. 9 months before a new baby arrives. Plenty of time to enjoy eachother without the responsibility of a child (for the most part).
Click to expand...
Boy, does that depend on the pregnancy! But yes, I remember my OB/GYN telling me to get to concerts before my legs swelled up, to get to restaurants before my stomach and bladder got squished out of the way, and to enjoy the true end of my carefree days, because, although for greater joys, certain kinds of joys were about to end and would only come back in a much-altered form. I think the doc was right. It is not something to feel pessimistic about–it is not an end so much as a turning point like you can’t imagine–but it is probably good to get out as soon as the morning sickness-type issues allow it. It is a time combined expectation and transition like none other, before or since, and I say that even though we did not even remotely achieve pregnancy immediately after marriage.
 
I think the author’s idea is that he recommends learning to use the system with your own body from the get go. It’s really just his opinion, and I can see the pros of doing so. You are under no obligation to heed his advice though.
 
Personal take - my wife and I hate NFP. Makes her feel like a lab rat. So we’ve never used it and we couldn’t care less. If you’re not actively looking to avoid, or having fertility problems, there’s no need for it.
 
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