My 16 year-old daughter flipped the bird

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JMMJ said:
Shaming doesn’t need to be a part of that, though.
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Except that when one becomes an adult, when someone does something wrong, many times it will go on a person’s permanent record (whether criminal, employment, military, yelp, etc.) and it will follow a person for a long time. That is a form of shaming. So it’s better for her to get used to it now so she learns before it’s too late.
 
First, if you read my post, you would have noticed that I did say that you don’t go for the big guns right away, but keep this as an option for a “last resort”.
JMMJ said:
Then you haven’t done the best job in raising them, and you need to do some reassessment.
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I will accept that premise…

IF the parents never taught the child that “flipping the bird” is a form of cussing…

IF the parents never taught the child that cussing is a mortal sin…

IF the parents themselves cuss in front of the child and/or “flip the bird” at others in front of the child (such as when someone cuts them off in traffic)…

IF parents do not discipline / correct other siblings / guests in the house who cuss / “flip the bird” in front of the child…

Otherwise, I’m sick of this whole notion of “blaming the parents” when the parents are themselves either penalized, shamed, or criticized when the attempt to discipline a child (abuse aside). I mean, you can’t criticize someone for not making a hot meal if you take away their food, pots./pans, and cooking appliances that heat the food. Come on, people!
 
Couldn’t disagree more. Not necessary. Our job is to help our kids grow into decent human beings with a strong moral compass. Shaming is completely unnecessary and counter productive in doing so. It is a lazy way to approach the job. It takes advantage of the emotions of the person being shamed. It is manipulative and not loving. Kids learn by example. Shaming is not an example I would be proud to set.
 
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The OP’s stated religion is anglican. Is this a Catholic religious ed class? It doesn’t matter from the disrespect vantage point but perhaps the teacher said the aglicans are wrong? Or The pope is the vicar of Christ. Or Martin Luther was a bad dude. LOL

Seriously I guess confession is out…
 
Nuns aren’t automatically the best in teaching or raising kids. A lot of people who turned away from the Church tend to cite experiences with nuns that constantly shame them as well.
Norseman82 said:
How different is that from the traditional “your sins nailed Jesus to the cross”?
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Because that is a true statement. If it’s intended to make you shameful and feel like a bad person, then I would oppose it as well.
 
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Get used to her parent shaming her? Idk I would tell her that acting out will have all of these consequences. Not shame her.

I also forgot to mention that a 16 year old will probably see right through it and think it is pathetic. She’s a teenage girl, she’s probably an expert in this too. Assuming she doesn’t have any secret self esteem/anxiety issues that would make her sensitive to it, of course.

My dad always tell my sister that my dead mom is extremely sad that she did xyz and the only reaction he gets was a scoff/laugh.

On the flip side you may have an even worse situation where the girl will internalise this.

I get that it IS an easy thing to do and sometimes we do it even without thinking. But a parent should rise above that imo
 
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Remember the big picture. When I was 18 I said something incredibly vulgar in front of my principal. Looking back, I wish I said this to her instead of just in front of her. I got punished, but it’s been so long ago I don’t even remember what happened and no one cares. What happens when you are 16, 17, 18 is totally irrelevant when you get older.
 
woolycaterpillar said:
Perhaps Daughter would like a parakeet?
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So that the parakeet could learn to cuss? The “bird” would then “flip the bird”??

Don’t laugh - I remember my mother mentioning a story of a neighbor she knew when she was younger who had a bird that learned to cuss in Polish…
 
In Missouri, its pronounced “whuppin” and it generally means a spanking, not literally being struck with a whip.
 
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