My 16 yr old friend and a 20 yr guy are becoming an item

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CamelLeopard

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The reason this kind of concern is on this website is because when ever I express my concern for the situation she says, “we have prayd really hard about it!” and that is her main line of defense. I’m unsure how to break down that argument.

the thing is, they do not even know each other in real life. They met on our youth catholic chat and have been talking. Things she tells me about them sounds like red flags, but my issue is this is a catholic group chat and he has been there for a while. So I want to keep a good oppinion of my fellow Catholic Youth, but he is a 20 year old man entertaining the idea of dating her when she goes to college. This is grooming is it not?

So my main questions are:
-how do I get her to understand that you do not truly know someone on the internet
-that the four year age gap at 16 is a big deal
-and how to i dispute her “we have been praying” argument.
 
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It isn’t grooming, but the only real concern is if she knows him or his family well enough. She certainly does not. If she did then this whole situation would be fine. To help her understand that she doesn’t know them well enough ask her about what his mother/father/siblings/aunts are like, does she know if she could live with/around them and not go insane, things like that. Her lack of an answer for many such things should show her that she doesn’t know enough. Has he even met her family? How well do her parents know him? There is not enough information for a good marriage short of a miracle
 
Yeah they do not know each other irl or each other’s families. Should I leave well enough alone or continue to express my worry?
 
I personally would continue to be worried. As a guy who was 20 once, I find it a bit troubling that a guy that age would have any interest in a HS sophomore or jr.
 
I don’t think they are considering marriage…

But, yeah, this sounds bad. Is there no moderation to this chat? They are the ones I would contact. What is he even still doing on this board?
 
CamelLeopard said:
he is a 20 year old man entertaining the idea of dating her when she goes to college. This is grooming is it not?
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I’m in my early 20s. No sane 20 year old man is interested in a 16 year old.

The ones who have expressed interest are usually the ones who intentionally go for teenagers right before they enter college, because they themselves say that it’s easier to manipulate these girls and get them to follow their “red pill” ways.
CamelLeopard said:
, “we have prayd really hard about it!” and that is her main line of defense. I’m unsure how to break down that argument.
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Probably one of the most annoying responses one could give, lol. I can say that for virtually any matter. How can she tell whether God has approved, or whether it’s just her female hormones that are excited at the thought of a “mature” man? Many Christians have “prayed” about stuff and have ended up doing things that are plain stupid and at times, sinful.

This girl needs good dad advice+ a bunch of older women’s wisdom ASAP!
 
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I don’t see what’s illegal about it. It’s certainly weird and creepy for a 20 year to be trying to date a junior in high school, but it’s not illegal.
 
I agree, her parents need to know - could you encourage her to tell them, or offer to go with her to tell them?

Unfortunately I don’t think you’ll be able to get through to her if she’s decided she doesn’t want to listen. What you can do is point out that you have her best interests at heart, and that you’d hate to see her get hurt. Talk to her about the red flags.

Does anyone run the youth Catholic chat? It may be worth getting in touch with them and letting them know of your concerns.
 
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Yeah the thing is her dad isn’t around and it doesn’t seem like she has any good adult figures in her life so I’m not sure what to do to get her good advice
 
What do her parents think?

Do they go out alone in car dates or is he willing to hang out with the family at the house?
 
They do not know each other irl only online so I’m unsure
 
I know, but it’s not illegal to talk to or hang out with a minor. If they’re having sex, that’s a different story, depending on the age of consent.

Again, I agree this is creepy and weird. It’s just not necessarily a crime.
 
Fauken said:
Her parents should be informed.
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I agree. And the site they are on should know that this kind of interaction is taking place between adults and minors.

8675309
 
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Her parents are not with her and the adults in her life may react poorly to knowing she is chatting online. So I’m looking for a solution to just get her to at least tread carefully
 
CamelLeopard said:
-that the four year age gap at 16 is a big deal
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Depends on where you live. I have a crush on a woman I know is older than me by probably more than that. I’m also in my 30s. Here in SC, whilst it’s a little creepy for me, what with the 16 and 20 year olds, it’s perfectly legal.
CamelLeopard said:
but he is a 20 year old man entertaining the idea of dating her when she goes to college. This is grooming is it not?
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Don’t know enough about the details other than what you’ve said. I kind of want to hear it from them.
 
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