My Abusive Dad

[Christus_Rex]

I really can’t take it anymore. My dad is a slimy, disgusting scumbag and I can’t stand him.

To cut a long story short, tonight, he pushed one of my brothers (age 11) over and then kicked him. Later he picked up my other brother (age 10) and literally THREW him. This sort of thing happens weekly, for as long as I can remember.

I managed to calm my brothers down and took photos of their marks, now safely on my computer, password protected, but my sisters couldn’t stop crying, nor could my mum.

If he’s not gone by the time I go back to school, I plan to show these photos to a teacher as soon as I get back to school. I need to protect my family, and if it means getting rid of him permanently, well, he won’t be missed.

Am I doing the right thing?

 

[Scout]

I would talk to a teacher whether he has left or not. What would happen if he leaves and then decides to come back? You’d be in the same situation you are in now. Physical abuse is wrong and should not be tolerated.

This is going to be a difficult time for you and your family. Go talk to your priest and let him help you in any way he can. You might also want to spend some time praying before the Blessed Sacrament.

My prayers are with you.

Scout

 

[Della]

Dial 911 and turn him in. This is domestic abuse and it is a crime. Your dad is not going to change unless he is made to change. And, your family doesn’t deserve to live with a violent, abusive man who is putting you all in serious danger of your lives. DO IT NOW!!! You have my prayers and my sympathy.

Just wanted to add–don’t hold back because of Christmas. It is a fact that abusers get even worse over holidays. You don’t want to remember Christmas as the day someone went into the hospital or worse because your father is out of control.

 

[buffalo]

Why do you think your Dad does this?

 

[mumto5]

Yes you are, but do something about it now. Don’t wait. You all deserve better.

 

[John-the-Seeker]

From a distance we cannot judge the proper action, but I do strongly suggest that you speak to a priest or trusted older family member before calling 911 or talking to a teacher. Our society today seems more bent on finger pointing and isolating one person in the problem than talking with love to resolve the issues that have led to such dangerous and deplorable behavior. You do need help in this instance. Do not try to resolve it on your own. I am concerned that you say your father would not be missed. I know it is hard and maybe even impossible for you now to separate what he does from who he is, but remember, God made him and what God makes is good. Hate the sinful behavior and pray hard for the sinner. My prayers are with you.

 

[Della]

John-the-Seeker:

From a distance we cannot judge the proper action, but I do strongly suggest that you speak to a priest or trusted older family member before calling 911 or talking to a teacher. Our society today seems more bent on finger pointing and isolating one person in the problem than talking with love to resolve the issues that have led to such dangerous and deplorable behavior. You do need help in this instance. Do not try to resolve it on your own. I am concerned that you say your father would not be missed. I know it is hard and maybe even impossible for you now to separate what he does from who he is, but remember, God made him and what God makes is good. Hate the sinful behavior and pray hard for the sinner. My prayers are with you.

This man is VIOLENT. Someone is going to get hurt or worse. He can’t wait for “advice” when the situation is this bad. It’s not “fingerpointing” to stop what is going on in this family. Lives are at stake here. A violent man is currently harming his own children, for crying out loud!

Christus Rex, CALL THE POLICE RIGHT NOW!!!

 

[LSK]

Christus Rex:

I really can’t take it anymore. My dad is a slimy, disgusting scumbag and I can’t stand him.

To cut a long story short, tonight, he pushed one of my brothers (age 11) over and then kicked him. Later he picked up my other brother (age 10) and literally THREW him. This sort of thing happens weekly, for as long as I can remember.

I managed to calm my brothers down and took photos of their marks, now safely on my computer, password protected, but my sisters couldn’t stop crying, nor could my mum.

If he’s not gone by the time I go back to school, I plan to show these photos to a teacher as soon as I get back to school. I need to protect my family, and if it means getting rid of him permanently, well, he won’t be missed.

Am I doing the right thing?

I think you are doing the right thing…violence is never to be tolerated…I mean, what could an 11 and 10 year old have been doing to justify this kind of action? Something immoral? I am glad you have documented the injuries.
The hardest thing for you will be to be able to forgive your father. His behavior is horrible, but you are going to have to learn to live up to the name you chose for this forum, protect your younger siblings and not become like your father…that is a tall order, my darling. You won’t be able to do that without the help of Jesus the Lord of All. My prayers are with you.

 

[auppie]

Della:

Dial 911 and turn him in. This is domestic abuse and it is a crime. Your dad is not going to change unless he is made to change. And, your family doesn’t deserve to live with a violent, abusive man who is putting you all in serious danger of your lives. DO IT NOW!!! You have my prayers and my sympathy.

Just wanted to add–don’t hold back because of Christmas. It is a fact that abusers get even worse over holidays. You don’t want to remember Christmas as the day someone went into the hospital or worse because your father is out of control.

I agree with Della; don’t wait. Call 911 NOW!

 

[Eireann]

You need to do something about this, I had it for 25+ years, there was no protection in place to help us, there is now.
Childline or 999

 

[BLB_Oregon]

Throwing or kicking anyone of any age is not discipline. There is no provocation that excuses it. It is abuse. The police are not even allowed to do that to prisoners.

I don’t know what exists in the UK, but here in the States we have domestic abuse hotlines. Find one and call it, and there will be experienced adults to help you and your mother through this. Otherwise, call the police. Do not delay another day.

Once you have gotten away, keep your dad in your prayers. This kind of behavior is very often learned at home, from one’s own father. You have resources at your disposal that he probably didn’t. Use them, and use them now.

If you don’t act now, someone in your family may be permanently injured before school starts again. The Christmas holidays, believe it or not, are more likely than other times to lead to greater and more serious abuse, because of the increased drinking, stress, high expectations that are bound to have some disappointments, and so on.

I have a friend whose brother suffered serious brain damage from similar treatment by their dad, who is now in prison. Do not, do not wait another minute. Call NOW, please. Let this be the first Christmas of your family’s new life, not the last Christmas of their old one.

 

[buffalo]

Boy - a lot of knee jerk advice.

I would ask - does your father love you? Is he sick? How is he other times? What do you think the problem is? Does he have trouble in his job? Is he addicted? Other? Does he love your Mom?

If the man is basically good, let’s not write him off. Is the family better off with him in jail? Will it put them in poverty? (I am in no way endorsing abuse)

Some of these are treatable without landing the guy in jail.

People, think this stuff through!

 

[John-the-Seeker]

Della:

This man is VIOLENT. Someone is going to get hurt or worse. He can’t wait for “advice” when the situation is this bad. It’s not “fingerpointing” to stop what is going on in this family. Lives are at stake here. A violent man is currently harming his own children, for crying out loud!

Christus Rex, CALL THE POLICE RIGHT NOW!!!

I would hope that no one would believe that a person, even a priest, would only ‘give advice’ without taking action. I was suggesting that someone with a basis to ‘love the sinner and hate the sin’ would be better able and perhaps, under the law, be freer to I, I, I,. That is to Investigate, Isolate victims from perpetrator, if necessary and Initiate temporary and long term solution. The first thing to do is to ensure no one is in mortal or physical danger of damage. Let us be loving.

 

[Della]

John-the-Seeker:

I would hope that no one would believe that a person, even a priest, would only ‘give advice’ without taking action. I was suggesting that someone with a basis to ‘love the sinner and hate the sin’ would be better able and perhaps, under the law, be freer to I, I, I,. That is to Investigate, Isolate victims from perpetrator, if necessary and Initiate temporary and long term solution. The first thing to do is to ensure no one is in mortal or physical danger of damage. Let us be loving.

“That is to Investigate, Isolate victims from perpetrator, if necessary and Initiate temporary and long term solution.” That is precisely the job of the police. If he goes to his priest he will tell him the same thing. But, of course, he should call his priest in to help out the family because they’re going to need all the help they can get.

 

[Della]

buffalo:

Boy - a lot of knee jerk advice.

I would ask - does your father love you? Is he sick? How is he other times? What do you think the problem is? Does he have trouble in his job? Is he addicted? Other? Does he love your Mom?

If the man is basically good, let’s not write him off. Is the family better off with him in jail? Will it put them in poverty? (I am in no way endorsing abuse)

Some of these are treatable without landing the guy in jail.

People, think this stuff through!

The man has ALREADY committed crimes against his OWN CHILDREN! When should this young person act? When one of his family members is dead? It is NOT unjustly judging this man to get him safely away from his family, which is the job of the police. And once in custody, where he can harm no one, he can face the reality of his abuse and then get some help.

 

[buffalo]

Della:

The man has ALREADY committed crimes against his OWN CHILDREN! When should this young person act? When one of his family members is dead? It is NOT unjustly judging this man to get him safely away from his family, which is the job of the police. And once in custody, where he can harm no one, he can face the reality of his abuse and then get some help.

You have way too much faith in government to solve this. Most government involvement with these things end up breaking the family apart rather than healing it.

 

[LSK]

buffalo]Boy - a lot of knee jerk advice.

That’s not fair…the advice is hardly 'knee jerk"…it is heart felt…you may disagree with it, but it is hardly “knee jerk”.

I

would ask - does your father love you? Is he sick? How is he other times? What do you think the problem is? Does he have trouble in his job? Is he addicted? Other? Does he love your Mom?

These are questions that can be addressed through proper theraputic means…meanwhile, the family is in danger. Two children were attacked. Anyone, therapists, police officers, mandatory reporters worth their salt, will tell you that the most important thing to address is the safety of the family FIRST…then you address the issues you bring up.

If the man is basically good, let’s not write him off. Is the family better off with him in jail? Will it put them in poverty? (I am in no way endorsing abuse)

Again, no one is suggesting the father be written off…we are suggesting, however, that the family be made safe. This is paramount. It is very difficult to have a ten year old who is in a coma because they have been thrown into a wall by an adult attend a therapy session.

Some of these are treatable without landing the guy in jail.

And oftentimes, an abuser - be it a man or a woman - will not go INTO therapy until they find their butts in a jail cell. Suddenly they are faced with the reality that what they did is NOT acceptable behavior. The judges ORDER them into therapy.

People, think this stuff through!

Read the posts - a great many of us have LIVED through this…and some of us have to deal with it every day through our jobs.

 

[buffalo]

LSK:

That’s not fair…the advice is hardly 'knee jerk"…it is heart felt…you may disagree with it, but it is hardly “knee jerk”.

It is knee jerk when you give advice on one post with very little information.

Dialogue with the OP to peer deeper into the problem.

 

[Della]

buffalo:

You have way too much faith in government to solve this. Most government involvement with these things end up breaking the family apart rather than healing it.

You are not getting the point. The first concern is the FAMILY whose lives are in danger. Then we can be concerned with the abuser. These children are in immediate danger of being permanently injured or killed. Isn’t that more important than worrying about the man doing this to his own family? I think you have got priorities skewed here.

 

[LSK]

buffalo:

It is knee jerk when you give advice on one post with very little information.

Dialogue with the OP to peer deeper into the problem.

then I guess your response is the same…

My response was based on information received from him…and if you were to read my response to him you would see that - and your response would have a violent man remain in the home, while you gather more information. I have picked up a lot of dead bodies of children because someone wanted to wait - after all, the abuser had a job, or was really a good person at heart…

Dialogue is good…healing is possible…reunification of the family is always the goal and is usually met…but safety is paramount.