My boyfriend always wanted to be a priest

[smurf0326]

Well I have been seeing this guy for over 1 1/2 yrs. When we first started dating he told me of his desire to be a priest since he was young but was torn with it recently. He was originally in a seminary for 3 years but then came out for a few years and was contiplating his calling. Well then we met and became friends and just hit it off and started dating. He originally was to enter a religious order before we met and decided to wait a year. Well after we started dating a few months after brought this up about entering the religous order and maybe going in now rather then waiting so he can discern and wanted my support. Well was quite hesitant being relationship so new but at the same time we fell in love. He was quite torn with this decision too as we discussed it extensively but we both agreed we rather him go in now and discern then wait. Well he entered the order and we still of course kept contact via phone. Well 79 days later he comes out of this religious order and then comes home to me and his family (who mind you I have became very close with and they are like family to me also) and proceeds to tell us he was not happy there and wanted to enter this other religious order. Well two weeks after being home he left for next order. Within three months there he came home again. You can tell he was not happy and so torn. He decided to wait a year and told me that he felt our relationship did not have a real chance and wanted to give it a try. Well I thought this was great. But then he acted differently. Again out of sorts and very torn with me and his relationship with God. So as much as we stayed togther our relationship had many emotional ups and downs. But some how we stuck this out together and our relationship really soared and became so much stronger. We are both totally in love with each other and have the greatest relationship. We discuss marriage, family lie, etc. We do everything together. Our familie have great relationship too. Plus at this point we pratically living together. But still as great as things were in back of his mine was still priestly calling. So told me that he feels he needs to go away and do this one last time and try to discern if he is called to priesthood or married life. I know he loves me as much as I do him, it is quite evident but being this is something he felt he wanted his entire life, well of course it is scary to give that all up for your first true love. He has dated other but says never ever fell in love. So this is all new for both of us. (He is mid twenties and I early 30’s.) I am not sure if I am crazy but after lengthy discussions I agree to support him this one last time. So off he went yesterday on a plane to an order farther away. I am so sad right now and confused but at same time so in love but just want him to be happy as well as myself. It was very sad moment for both of us to say goodbye yesterday. He wants me to come and visit him in a month out there.

I am not sure how this all sounds but sometimes I think maybe his path in life has changed this is his fourth try and maybe he just scared to admit it. Maybe if being priest will not be his calling anymore then maybe God has placed him hear to maybe get his life in order to be a better husband for me down the line. I dont know. I just pray and leave this all in gods hands.

 

[JoArtist]

You sure have more patience than I do. I hope he figures things out soon, because honestly it just sounds strung along at this point.

 

[jpjd]

You need to let him go. Completely. No visits, no phone calls, texts, or emails. A man in discernment needs to discern God’s will for him without the distraction of a girlfriend pining for him, waiting for the next visit to come.

Remember the saying "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be.” That applies here.

 

[Aelred_Minor]

I had a friend who was in a somewhat similar situation. In his case, he had all sorts of great options in front of him, including priesthood and marriage, but he couldn’t choose (or at least stick with a choice for long) because any choice meant rejecting the other options, and that’s what he didn’t have the strength to do.

It seems the situation has resolved itself now though, partially I think through options closing to him because of his indecision and partly through a new development.

I hope and pray your boyfriend figures his life out soon, for both your sakes.

 

[jmjconder]

**I may sound a bit hard. If he is discerning a vocation to the ordained life - praise God! You need not be concerned if it takes three, four, five or ten times. How many other ladies did your boyfriend know before he met you?

I have someone very close to me in my family that was completely in love with someone. They were together for one whole year and it was a “match made in heaven.” Two days before they were going to be reunited there was a phone call saying the one was entering formation with a religious order. Instead of being angry and bitter this person said…if that is where they are being called - there is where their happiness will be.

How many people do you know that date many people before they find the “ONE?” It is the same with answering a call…either to the married life…or the ordained life. One may “date” several people or religious orders before they find theeeee ONE!

If a person does not follow their God given vocation - they will never be happy. Would you want to live with this? Encourage…pray and sacrifice for your friend. If it is God’s will for you two to be together - then blessings. If it is God’s will for him to be a priest…then blessings.

Hard times - eternal reward.**

 

[lauraabarlow]

**I may sound a bit hard. If he is discerning a vocation to the ordained life - praise God! You need not be concerned if it takes three, four, five or ten times. How many other ladies did your boyfriend know before he met you?

I have someone very close to me in my family that was completely in love with someone. They were together for one whole year and it was a “match made in heaven.” Two days before they were going to be reunited there was a phone call saying the one was entering formation with a religious order. Instead of being angry and bitter this person said…if that is where they are being called - there is where their happiness will be.

How many people do you know that date many people before they find the “ONE?” It is the same with answering a call…either to the married life…or the ordained life. One may “date” several people or religious orders before they find theeeee ONE!

If a person does not follow their God given vocation - they will never be happy. Would you want to live with this? Encourage…pray and sacrifice for your friend. If it is God’s will for you two to be together - then blessings. If it is God’s will for him to be a priest…then blessings.

Hard times - eternal reward.**

 

[SonCatcher]

You need to let him go. Completely. No visits, no phone calls, texts, or emails. A man in discernment needs to discern God’s will for him without the distraction of a girlfriend pining for him, waiting for the next visit to come.

Remember the saying "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be.” That applies here.

I would just add that if he contacts you, remind him kindly that he is supposed to be discerning and you will wait for him to finish so you aren’t a distraction.

 

[jmjconder]

I would just add that if he contacts you, remind him kindly that he is supposed to be discerning and you will wait for him to finish so you aren’t a distraction.

**I disagree with this advice. One needs to discern their vocation in reality - not in a vacuum.

People fail to realize that the discernment is between TWO **vocations of service ****- Marriage and Holy Orders.

If he contacts you it IS part of his discernment. One cannot discern their vocation without ALL the possibilities in front of them…as hard and difficult as it may be for you. You will find so much consolation in the knowledge that you pursued your heart and he pursued his. The difficult part may be that he had decided in the other direction of vocation of service (ordination) than you wished (marriage).

Praise God that each of you is seeking your God ordained vocation. And each of you needs to rejoice in the others decision…no matter what.

Promise prayers for this situation…please IM me with the outcome.

 

[Slinger]

You sure have more patience than I do. I hope he figures things out soon, because honestly it just sounds strung along at this point.

My first thought as well. I am a bit confused on everyone’s support of your patience for HIS discernment as if that is the most important of all. I would suggest taking control of your own life and seeking YOUR path from God. All of this young man’s indecisiveness seems to be to your detriment …it could also be God’s message to you that this guy is not the one.

 

[vienna_888]

I can relate to what you are saying, I too have been in a similar situation with my boyfriend. Read my past posts if you want to know my story.*
I can understand its very bittersweet, on one hand you love your boyfriend and want him to be happy with his choice even if it’s not with you. But on the other hand, there is always a hint of sadness for you.
My advice for you would be to continue to build your relationship with Christ and to not put your life on hold. I spent many years putting my life on hold, silently waiting for my boyfriend to come back and choose me, something that hasn’t happened or might never even happen.*
Make Christ the center of your life, what is His plan for your life? Trust in Him and with His grace, you will find happiness soon enough.

 

[mamaslo]

My first thought as well. I am a bit confused on everyone’s support of your patience for HIS discernment as if that is the most important of all. I would suggest taking control of your own life and seeking YOUR path from God. All of this young man’s indecisiveness seems to be to your detriment …it could also be God’s message to you that this guy is not the one.

actually, this is a good point. what are you discerning? marriage? Single life? Religious life? have you considered religious life and tried out things, go and see?

It is a seriously valid question…

 

[smurf0326]

I can relate to what you are saying, I too have been in a similar situation with my boyfriend. Read my past posts if you want to know my story.*
I can understand its very bittersweet, on one hand you love your boyfriend and want him to be happy with his choice even if it’s not with you. But on the other hand, there is always a hint of sadness for you.
My advice for you would be to continue to build your relationship with Christ and to not put your life on hold. I spent many years putting my life on hold, silently waiting for my boyfriend to come back and choose me, something that hasn’t happened or might never even happen.*
Make Christ the center of your life, what is His plan for your life? Trust in Him and with His grace, you will find happiness soon enough.

I am going to ready your story thank you. But you are right I need to make Christ my center and focus and see what he has planned for me. I am so torn cause as much as he askes me to wait for him while discerning I think it is more challenging then he thinks and I Have been doing this since I met him. What I have noticed is that he is not willing to sacrafice anything right now. He wants to keep me there and continue to disern. But I feel you need to sacrafice something during this process. I feel before he left in lieu of making our relationship closer and stronger he should of backed away. But he was not totally honest with me about leaving until the end. I was lucky enough to see him off but he totally disconnected himself from family and friends at the end and never said goodbye. Maybe that was his way of doing things.

I am just scared that as much as I want to stick by him I feel my happiness put on hold. But you cant choose who you fall for. All this easier said then done to move on.

If he chooses god I will embrace it casue it is gods will and I will not go against that. But what is his will for me I need to discern myself.

 

[smurf0326]

actually, this is a good point. what are you discerning? marriage? Single life? Religious life? have you considered religious life and tried out things, go and see?

It is a seriously valid question…

I myself am diserning marriage. I know my future I want a beautiful family life. I felt that his strong spirituality along with mine would be such an asset to our family. No unfortunately never considered Religious life but I have a children from a previous marriage so that is not even an option for me. I have been through a lot of obstacles in my life and thought maybe this would end because his love of god has been such an asset to our relationship because I never had that before with my previous relationship.

 

[smurf0326]

**I disagree with this advice. One needs to discern their vocation in reality - not in a vacuum.

People fail to realize that the discernment is between TWO **vocations of service ****- Marriage and Holy Orders.

If he contacts you it IS part of his discernment. One cannot discern their vocation without ALL the possibilities in front of them…as hard and difficult as it may be for you. You will find so much consolation in the knowledge that you pursued your heart and he pursued his. The difficult part may be that he had decided in the other direction of vocation of service (ordination) than you wished (marriage).

Praise God that each of you is seeking your God ordained vocation. And each of you needs to rejoice in the others decision…no matter what.

Promise prayers for this situation…please IM me with the outcome.

Thank you for your advice and it is so true. I will let you know. As much as I want him to choose marriage at same time I hope if he does it is a choice he can live with and never look back cause that is a concern of mine also. I want him to be sure so I hope he truly focuses out there. But again I will embrace and be supportive no matter what the outcome is. All in gods hands. Thank you again

 

[smurf0326]

Also, sorry to all for my long drawin thread, did not realize how long it was written out. But thanks for everyone opinions they are well appreciated. I am not one to post things like this I am quite quiet person but I so torn and found this site so figure it would be safe.

Thank you all

 

[Luvz2travel]

I would move on. He sounds like the classic commit phobic. Scared to commit to you or GOD. Even if he does eventually agree to marry you how will you know he’ll stick around as many times as he’s seemed to change his mind already…dating while discerning is a bad idea in my opinion it just makes a complicated decision more complicated and leaves another person open for hurt and disappointment.

 

[JoArtist]

I would move on. He sounds like the classic commit phobic. Scared to commit to you or GOD. Even if he does eventually agree to marry you how will you know he’ll stick around as many times as he’s seemed to change his mind already…dating while discerning is a bad idea in my opinion it just makes a complicated decision more complicated and leaves another person open for hurt and disappointment.

Precisely, I had a friend who’s husband did something similar. He left her to become celibate. So basically he made it so she was forced into singleness even though she was in a sacramental marriage. At some point he needs to commit to something… either **** or get off the pot.

 

[Rudolfo]

He wants to have it all so keeps going back and forth, unfair to you, unfair to the endless stream of orders he keeps entering and leaving. The boy is obviously very immature. We don’t need more men like this in the priesthood, but maybe some miracle will wake him up to acting like a man. If he had a vocation, I believe he would have discerned it after so many years and “trial periods” and even being in love. What more is there to discern, for goodness sake? I hope he abandons the idea of the priesthood or grows up.

 

[Irishmom2]

I am wondering if You would feel as patient if he was deciding between you and another woman…

Really, this is just as much about YOU discerning what you want from this situation as it is his. Perhaps he is not meant for the priesthood. But that doesn’t mean he is meant for you either. As harsh as this sounds, if you were truly “The One,” I don’t think there would be all this confusion.

I agree with the poster that said he is unable to commit. The fact that he can’t commit to you or to God seems like he is not ready for either. And maybe that is what is really happening here. Please consider if you could really be happy with someone that could not give you a definite answer about something as serious as marriage. It was not fair of him to ever put you into this position either. If he was discerning, he should not have been dating.

I also agree that you should have no contact. He said he needs to be far away to discern, then let him discern without you. And a visit from you will either muddy the waters or not be so great for you. He needs to think this one out for himself. And the one that will give him his answer is God.

May God bless you and guide you. Pray for God’s will in your life.

 

[defenderoftruth]

I’m with the “leave him alone so he can finally make up his mind” crowd. It’s hard to think about becoming a priest/monk when you have a girlfriend around…