I don’t feel qualified to give relationship advice, but as a seminarian, I am deeply distressed about what this man is doing, so it appears I am going to do so anyways. Seminary formation or religious order formation is a courtship, and a time of preparation for marriage, and that is not an empty analogy. Can you imagine if you and he were engaged, and he kept ties with other girlfriends, because he wasn’t sure, and wanted to keep his options open? That puts both the you and the Church in a terrible situation. Emotions do not just stop on a dime, and they were not designed to–they are created by God and should be respected. Emotions help us to understand that to which we are drawn, and when we are hurt. But, that is why the Church normally asks for all candidates to seminary be single, as in not dating at all, for two years before entering seminary. (It may be different for entrance into a novitiate) He shouldn’t be viewing formation as something he just “tries on,” any more than a relationship with you. He should approach either with firm commitment to the preparation. Nor is the Eastern Rite an option that lets him have it both ways.
I feel that he is doing you a terrible disservice in continuing to contact you at all, and doing terrible harm to his own emotions at the time as well. My humble advice is this: if you want to support his discernment entirely, tell him that he needs to discern his relationship to the Church alone, since you cannot do that for him, and then do not contact him at all, and do not answer calls from him. I would avoid even responding to letters, at least for quite some time (a year). To see the road, he needs to stand in a firm place. That place may be next to you, on the road you are both walking, or it may be a different road. You may be doing him the biggest favor you’ll ever know, and he you.
I’m also quite distressed that this has not been addressed by the vocation directors.
Finally, please remember that marriage is a wonderful and beautiful vocation. It is truly blessed beyond compare! But just as a parent should give his heart entirely and without reserve to his children, so a priest or religious should give his heart entirely to the Church, who is his Bride. If his situation changes later, consider it then, but don’t consider it an option now.
Pray for him, that he find his happiness in the Lord, and that he find the direction he is being called to.
