My brother is getting married next year, but should I go?

  • Thread starter Thread starter pure_angel
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
P

pure_angel

Guest
Is it okay to attend my brother’s wedding? Would I be committing a sin if I attend his wedding?

I recently found out the officiant for my brother’s wedding is gay. My brother was raised Catholic but not practicing anymore. His fiance is not Christian; I don’t think she’s practicing any religion (she wasn’t raised Catholic either). They do have 2 kids which will be part of the wedding. They are not raising their children Catholic. The wedding is late next year.

Thank you!
 
I don’t see why the sexual orientation of the person officiating would be relevant. Persons authorized to solemnize marriage are listed in section 400 of the Family Code of the State of California: Law section (Of course, your brother may not be getting married in California, but I am providing this link as you give California as your location.) Your opinion of the officiant’s personal morality is irrelevant. All that matters of that that person holds the necessary authority from the state.

No doubt many marriages have been solemnized by heterosexuals who fall short of the moral teachings of the Catholic Church in other ways. It seems strange to focus on the fact that the officiant is gay. Would you have said, “I recently found out the officiant for my brother’s wedding doesn’t pay his employees a just wage, contrary to paragraph 2434 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church”? Also, it is engaging in same-sex sexual activity that is contrary to the Church’s teaching, not just being gay, so you would need to inquire about the officiant’s sex life to know whether he engages in any acts that are contrary to Church teaching.

I would say that getting married outside the Church is probably better than not getting married at all. It will probably be a positive thing for their two children. If it were me, I would go without thinking about it.
 
My issue would be with the fact that the marriage will be invalid because he is a baptized Catholic marrying outside the Church.

My sister married outside the Church. I didn’t go and have no regrets.
 
How did your sister take that? I can’t imagine boycotting somebody’s wedding on theological grounds. I would imagine it could only damage our relationship.
 
Some of the bigger mistakes I’ve made in my life are when I skipped weddings (twice) and funerals (once) of family members. I should have gone to all of them and it does bother me more than a little.
 
The man is marrying outside the Church - this attempt at marriage is offensive to the Lord. The man’s culpability might be diminished for one reason or another as only God knows his soul, but that doesn’t change the fact that the Lord is not pleased. What is the OP going to be celebrating?
 
do_justly_love_mercy said:
How did your sister take that? I can’t imagine boycotting somebody’s wedding on theological grounds. I would imagine it could only damage our relationship.
Click to expand...
We still have a fairly good relationship. I suspect I would be a sponsor to one of her children if I had gone but we are still speaking and I was among the first to know when the children came into existance.

I did text her wishing them all the best on the day and rang on their first anniversary.
 
Well, it is good to know that you are still in touch! I guess all families are different. I am in touch with both my siblings virtually every day and couldn’t imagine having missed one of their weddings, no matter what the circumstances.
LisaB said:
What is the OP going to be celebrating?
Click to expand...
Well, I would say, she would be celebrating her brother getting married, but I don’t think you’d agree with me.
 
And you know the Lord is not pleased how? Did he come to tell you specifically the he is not pleased with @pure_angel’s brother?
 
They have 2 kids together and are making a commitment to each other before family and friends. That seems to be taking steps in the right direction.

When we read of the prodigal son, who comes to his senses, and starts heading home, we rejoice in that working of God in his heart. Do you want to be a part of that or not?
 
pure_angel said:
Is it okay to attend my brother’s wedding?
Click to expand...
It sounds like you have several issues to consider. Mainly I think that as a Catholic his marrying outside the Church is not good, though legally marrying for their two children’s sake is.

As far as the officiant being gay, for me it would depend whether or not he is in a relationship with someone.
OKComputer said:
Some of the bigger mistakes I’ve made in my life are when I skipped weddings (twice) and funerals (once) of family members. I should have gone to all of them and it does bother me more than a little.
Click to expand...
I am the opposite. I regret going to a wedding reception of a Catholic family member marrying outside the Church, without having received an annullment from his first marriage and there were some issues with a funeral I regret participating in. It may have pleased the people at the time but not God.
do_justly_love_mercy said:
I can’t imagine boycotting somebody’s wedding on theological grounds.
Click to expand...
CilladeRoma said:
And you know the Lord is not pleased how? Did he come to tell you specifically the he is not pleased
Click to expand...
Unless a Catholic has permission (special dispensation) from his bishop, usually through the priest, to marry outside the Church, according to the Church it is not a valid marriage, so what would you be celebrating? We are to be there as witnesses of a marriage. Church laws tell us God is not pleased.
 
Last edited:
If a police officer writes you a ticket for speeding, it’s a legitimate piece of paper. His being gay does not disqualify it. As a police officer he has all the privileges of one.
 
MagdalenaRita said:
Unless a Catholic has permission (special dispensation) from his bishop, usually through the priest, to marry outside the Church, according to the Church it is not a valid marriage, so what would you be celebrating? We are to be there as witnesses of a marriage. Church laws tell us God is not pleased.
Click to expand...
That is all fine, well and good, but apparently her brother does not agree or care as he is not practicing his faith.
He is an adult, it is his choice to make.

The OP can go or not go, it is her choice. The Church does not say she cannot attend.
 
In an ideal world, your brother and his (essentially) common-law wife would present themselves to a priest, and find out how to regularize their relationship. Failing that, maybe they could just go to the courthouse and at least make it legal and not an outright scandal.

However, since that’s not going to happen, I think the best thing is to balance “is my attendance at this event” going to:
  1. Cause scandal
    OR
  2. Rupture the relationships with my family member(s).
You have to balance those two somehow. Maybe talk to your brother honestly, and see if he would even want you there if you feel grief about the way he is getting married (outside the Church)?
Shouldn’t you at least try to convince him to talk to a priest since he is Catholic, and then you will have done your duty? You’ll possibly make him so mad he might not want you there - - problem solved.
Are your parents still living? Are they practicing Catholics? Have you discussed it with them?
 
Last edited:
Jen95 said:
Shouldn’t you at least try to convince him to talk to a priest since he is Catholic, and then you will have done your duty? You’ll probably make him so mad he might not want you there - - problem solved.
Click to expand...
I think, if you look long term and strategy, trying to convince a person that is not converted to go see a priest is shooting yourself in the foot. What it will accomplish is that he’ll be mad at you, and any movement toward the church and sacraments will have taken a big hit. Is that your goal?
(Not addressing you specifically Jen, but the OP)

Your brother is getting married. This is a positive movement forward. Try to do no damage, and keep praying.
 
PennyinCanada said:
If a police officer writes you a ticket for speeding, it’s a legitimate piece of paper. His being gay does not disqualify it. As a police officer he has all the privileges of one.
Click to expand...
You are very correct, though I would want that the police officer to know what and why he was giving me the ticket. The same way with someone who is officiating at a wedding.
CilladeRoma said:
That is all fine, well and good, but apparently her brother does not agree or care as he is not practicing his faith.
He is an adult, it is his choice to make.

The OP can go or not go, it is her choice. The Church does not say she cannot attend.
Click to expand...
I agree, though there are lots of ways Catholics can choose not to practice their faith but that doesn’t make them right with the Church, nor good for us to participate.

I am not saying she shouldn’t attend but she should definitely look closely at the situation and weigh the consequences before attending.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top