My daughter got her tubes tied..mixed feelings

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grammysue731

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OK, a long story, but I will try to only include facts. My adult daughter, 32 years old, who is not a practicing catholic, is married to her 1st husband, got her tubes tied following the birth of her 3rd son. She also has a daughter. (4 children total). She had her 1st child at age 19, and single. She again got pregnant and had another child(with a different man) at age 23. Then she got married and had the last two (with man #3). I am raising her oldest, and would have had child #2 except I refused to let her live with me after she gave birth. She has a track record of not being a very responsible mom, and suffering from emotional issues. When she got married, her husband did little to nothing to help her, and when, after becoming pregnant with her fourth child less than 6 months after baby 3 came, I had serious concerns about her. She cannot use any ABC, and is not able to meet the needs of the babies she already has( financial, hygiene, proper nutrition, and the list goes on… Anyway, when she said she was getting her tubes tied, I was relieved, and supported her. I know what the church teaches, and I believe that God has it all under his control, but was I wrong for supporting and encouraging her to get sterilization? :banghead:
 
We cannot control our feelings. Your feelings of relief - perhaps partly that you won’t suddenly need to parent 4+ child - are neither moral or immoral. The sin is sad, but our feelings do not always like up neatly with God’s will.
What would be immoral? Encouraging the sin, saying the sin is okay, telling people you’re glad and relieved and think she made a good choice.
You can know intellectually that it’s a grave sin. You can - and should - pray for her to confess her sin. You can pray to bring your feelings more in line with God’s will. But the feeling itself, if not acted upon, is no sin.

ETA: I reread and realized you actively supported and encouraged her. That is a sin. It would probably help you very much to talk to a priest about this, beyond even Confession (which of course you must do).
 
Yes, it was a sin to encourage her to get her tubes tied. You need to go to confession

Angie
 
Anglewannabe said:
Yes, it was a sin to encourage her to get her tubes tied. You need to go to confession

Angie
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Since I came into the Church, I have learned to be more compassionate in some matters, but I have also learned that Truth is Truth, no matter the difficulty. Angie is right. I know not your family; I only know the facts as you have presented them. You cannot control the free will of your children; however, you can control your free will. Believe me – I know. My free will forces me to confession way too often!

Regardless, your struggles are never too mighty for the Cross. Jesus opened His arms wide enough for me … I know His arms are enough for you and your family. Pope Francis tells us to come to the Cross, to come to Christ, to come back to Him, over and over if need be. Come to Him. That is all I can do. Without Christ, I am nothing.
 
trevor1055 said:
Since I came into the Church, I have learned to be more compassionate in some matters, but I have also learned that Truth is Truth, no matter the difficulty. Angie is right. I know not your family; I only know the facts as you have presented them. You cannot control the free will of your children; however, you can control your free will. Believe me – I know. My free will forces me to confession way too often!

Regardless, your struggles are never too mighty for the Cross. Jesus opened His arms wide enough for me … I know His arms are enough for you and your family. Pope Francis tells us to come to the Cross, to come to Christ, to come back to Him, over and over if need be. Come to Him. That is all I can do. Without Christ, I am nothing.
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HI Trevor,

Thanks for adding in the compassion I forgot to include in my post 😉
 
grammysue731 said:
OK, a long story, but I will try to only include facts. My adult daughter, 32 years old, who is not a practicing catholic, is married to her 1st husband, got her tubes tied following the birth of her 3rd son. She also has a daughter. (4 children total). She had her 1st child at age 19, and single. She again got pregnant and had another child(with a different man) at age 23. Then she got married and had the last two (with man #3). I am raising her oldest, and would have had child #2 except I refused to let her live with me after she gave birth. She has a track record of not being a very responsible mom, and suffering from emotional issues. When she got married, her husband did little to nothing to help her, and when, after becoming pregnant with her fourth child less than 6 months after baby 3 came, I had serious concerns about her. She cannot use any ABC, and is not able to meet the needs of the babies she already has( financial, hygiene, proper nutrition, and the list goes on… Anyway, when she said she was getting her tubes tied, I was relieved, and supported her. I know what the church teaches, and I believe that God has it all under his control, but was I wrong for supporting and encouraging her to get sterilization? :banghead:
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Code: 
I of course going against the grain.....  # ! ,your Daughter did the right thing..
                                                        #2, you have done the right thing by supporting 
                                                               Your Daughter..

         End of story.... it's between you and your god..
 
Phil_Marinus said:
I of course going against the grain… # ! ,your Daughter did the right thing…
#2, you have done the right thing by supporting
Your Daughter…
Code: 
         End of story.... it's between you and your god..
Click to expand...
I disagree and so does the Catholic faith. It was wrong what you did, but no sin is too big for God :). Just go to confession, maybe as a family thing with your daughter??? 😃 If you are sorry Jesus knows you are and is ready to forgive you always at confession. What a cool guy huh? Haha God bless! 🙂
 
Phil is not wrong.
I would have driven her to the doctor myself had she been my daughter. Sounds like she should not have any more children.
Her decision is between her and God.
 
Personanongrata is also wrong, expressing opinions against Church teaching. Ignore this person’s lies, too.
 
You need to discuss this with your priest and make a good confession.
 
Soren_Itenu said:
Personanongrata is also wrong, expressing opinions against Church teaching. Ignore this person’s lies, too.
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Whenever I met such a Gentleman like yourself I think of Matthew 7:3-5
Thank god for the bible.
 
Personanongrata said:
Phil is not wrong.
I would have driven her to the doctor myself had she been my daughter. Sounds like she should not have any more children.
Her decision is between her and God.
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And I would have bought you both a coffee …
 
Fill me in.

Church teaching is Church teaching. It is free of error. It’s not open for debate.

I’m sorry you don’t get what you want.
 
Getting one’s tubes tied is a sin according to the Church, and encouraging the sin (as you did) is also a sin if you want to adhere strictly to the law. However, responsibility for the sin is diminished with mitigating factors. It sounds to be that this is an ongoing drama, with many passions that can impair judgment and that can alter your sense of what is right or wrong. I would also say that, even though it is never right to do evil so that good may come of it, we all do it to survive. Sometimes I feel that, when it comes to sex, that line always gets thrown out. No sexual sin, not ever, because you can never do evil that good may come of it! But how often have we not been honest when we should have been, to preserve harmony? How often have we been so honest that we hurt others unnecessarily? How often do we sacrifice the teachings of the Church to pursue political agendas, presumably for the good of the Church or the greater good of society (as, say, was done in the Inquisition?) This does not give us license to commit sin of any kind, don’t get me wrong, but be consistent. Is it ever right to do evil so good may come of it? No? Then apply that to all sins. Yes, it is? All rules have exceptions? Then apply that to all sins.

Pray about it. Go to confession when in doubt. I would agree with others there, that your feelings are not sinful, just your actions. In the future, reinforce positive (and faithful) decision-making in your daughter and just don’t participate in her negative decisions. And I personally suggest that you not worry about the past. TL is irreversible, the procedure was not yours, and you can only move on from here.
 
Soren_Itenu said:
Fill me in.

Church teaching is Church teaching. It is free of error. It’s not open for debate.

I’m sorry you don’t get what you want.
Click to expand...
Generally God Always gives me what I need, not what I want…
And sometimes I am made to wait… but thats ok…
Thy cup runneth over… I Myself have been truly blessed, underserving I know…
God Bless...
 
That was a sin and the OP needs to go to Confession.

However, this is one of those cases where there would be grave sin no matter what happened. If OP’s daughter didn’t get her tubes tied, she’d most likely be having more babies she’d not properly care for. OP’s daughter is not interested in learning to use NFP or following God’s will at this time. Both OP and her daughter are in need of our prayers.
 
I think this is relevant here:

**“Faith cannot be negotiated, it requires courageous testimony” **(Pope Francis, April 6, 2013)
vaticaninsider.lastampa.it/en/the-vatican/detail/articolo/23861/?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter

In his homily – Vatican Radio reports – the Pope commented on the reading in which Peter and John courageously testify the faith before Jewish leaders despite the threats made against them, while in the Gospel, the Risen Jesus condemns the apostles’ disbelief. So the Pope asked this question: “How is our faith going? Is it strong? Or is it sometimes a little bit superficial?” When the going gets tough “are we courageous like Peter or a bit lukewarm?” Peter – he pointed out– did not keep his faith on the low and did not make any compromises because “faith cannot be negotiated.” “Throughout history, the people of God have always been tempted to chop a piece off faith,” the Pope said. More or less everyone is tempted “not to be too rigid.” “But when we start to cut down on faith, to negotiate faith, selling it to the highest bidder – he emphasised – we take the path of apostasy, we begin to lack faith, lack faith in the Lord.” Vatican Insider]
 
stephe1987 said:
However, this is one of those cases where there would be grave sin no matter what happened. If OP’s daughter didn’t get her tubes tied, she’d most likely be having more babies she’d not properly care for.
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With all due respect, please do NOT assume sin will occur before it does. God can work miracles and we never know when the OP’s daughter will have a change of heart. As for babies not cared for. All children come into this world by God’s will. It is not up to us to judge they should not be created because we think they will not be cared for. God cares for all of us if we learn to follow His will

Angie
 
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