My daughter, the reluctant alter server

[pammie]

Hi everyone, remember me? I’m the OP. My daughter was in a situation where someone needed help and she didn’t help–for whatever reason–she refused. To me, this was much less about alter serving and more about a SIMPLE opportunity to help her fellow man ( or alter server in this case )and an opportunity for me, her mom, to help her understand her responsibility as a Christian and as a generally good hearted person, to suck it up and just help! I do not believe she refused because she could not see a future for herself in the church as a priest or a nun or really anything at the moment as she is currently a retiree. She’s an egocentric 12 year old girl and as with most 12 yr olds, the earth revolves around her in her opinion. I was simply trying to pull her out of her self centered world to see that it’s not all about her. I was worried that I was making too big of a deal out of the whole thing but I see throughout this thread that the discussion has risen to the level of the POPE! Yikes!

 

[scylla]

Welcome to the drama\joy of Catholic Answers forums…

We do get carried away in many threads and it does go to the Pope, Heaven, Hell, God or the Devil, sinners and saints. It all comes together here and sometimes is very useful and enriching, sometimes it is just annoying and a waste of time.

Sorry for our faults, but that also is the joy of the forum. I hope some of the posts here have been helpful.

I suggest praying more with your family,
In Christ
Scylla

 

[obadiah]

Hi everyone, remember me? I’m the OP. My daughter was in a situation where someone needed help and she didn’t help–for whatever reason–she refused. To me, this was much less about alter serving and more about a SIMPLE opportunity to help her fellow man ( or alter server in this case )and an opportunity for me, her mom, to help her understand her responsibility as a Christian and as a generally good hearted person, to suck it up and just help! I do not believe she refused because she could not see a future for herself in the church as a priest or a nun or really anything at the moment as she is currently a retiree. She’s an egocentric 12 year old girl and as with most 12 yr olds, the earth revolves around her in her opinion. I was simply trying to pull her out of her self centered world to see that it’s not all about her. I was worried that I was making too big of a deal out of the whole thing but I see throughout this thread that the discussion has risen to the level of the POPE! Yikes!

Why would you even consider your daughter serving at the altar? Do you have sons? The altar is reserverved for men and boys seeking the priesthood. Maybe she could read the Epistle during Mass. I’m sorry, but I’m very traditional. In the Orthodox and Eastern Catholic Churches, we would never consider females to serve at the altar.
If she is egocentric as you say, maybe she needs more confession, less modern music, I don’t know, could she serve at a homeless shelter, serving food to the homeless? Under your direction? There are plenty of ways a woman can serve the Lord without tresspassing the things reserved only for men.

 

[BlestOne]

OK I am going to chime in now… all my kids altar served…2 boys and 1 girl. While I don’t think females belong on the altar in such a capacity. The OP was right about this… it isn’t about being a girl, it’s about helping and giving of one’s self. Now for the part I didn’t agree with the OP… I have been in similar situations, where my kids (all of them) have gotten called upon way more than any other child… to the point where the DRE referred to them as the “summer altar servers”. At one point, one of the teachers at the parish school instituted a sign in policy specifically to address my kids serving all the time.

I go to a really small parish, we only have more than 2 servers on Christmas Vigil and Easter Vigil masses. Anyway, my kids all started in 4th grade which is when they train them here. Today, my dd got called to serve a funeral mass… and she is almost 16 and going into 10th grade. My second son will be 18 in a few months, and he still gets called… senior this year.

Yes my kids have expressed that they are tired of altar serving a few times… but they still do it. Yes, I have made them and reminded them that serving God is more important than their feelings. But, now they are used to it… even in their more rebellious stages, if they saw that another one was needed, they got up and served. Even my oldest who is now 20, has gone up and served when he is with us (he doesn’t live at home but joins us for mass when he is in our town).

Whether girls should serve or not, right now it is permissible, and if a girl signs up… she should serve. It is about service and teaching your kids to give of themselves.

My dd spent yesterday working on the back to school ministry in the community…we give kids clothes and school supplies. This is the 2nd year she has been volunteered for this activity (you just don’t say no to the woman in charge, she is so sweet you want to do anything for her, and she is my bosses wife. ) Last year we both worked it… you wouldn’t believe the people who came in and insisted on getting free stuff… mom’s had bluetooth ear pieces, kids with designer clothes…but because they qualified for foodstamps, they qualified for this. But still… the kids and moms that really needed it, got clothes and school supplies, and that’s what counts. It isn’t about judging who is deserving, it’s about helping others get what they need… and believe me, most of the folks really needed help, it was just a few that slipped by. It is about serving and giving of your time your talents and yes even your treasure…

 

[JKirkLVNV]

Why would you even consider your daughter serving at the altar?Do you have sons? The altar is reserverved for men and boys seeking the priesthood.

No, it isn’t. You’re perfectly free to think it SHOULD be, but the competent authority, the Holy See, has permitted female altar servers, if approved by the local ordinary and any given church’s pastor. Pastors cannot be forced to have them, nor bishops, but where they’re allowed, they’re allowed. I happen to think it isn’t the best idea, as so many vocations rise from this ministry, but I would never issue a definitive statement like “the altar is reserved for men and boys seeking the priesthood.” Why? Because it’s a falsehood.

 

[Marian_Carroll]

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[bear06]

Hi everyone, remember me? I’m the OP. My daughter was in a situation where someone needed help and she didn’t help–for whatever reason–she refused. To me, this was much less about alter serving and more about a SIMPLE opportunity to help her fellow man ( or alter server in this case )and an opportunity for me, her mom, to help her understand her responsibility as a Christian and as a generally good hearted person, to suck it up and just help! I do not believe she refused because she could not see a future for herself in the church as a priest or a nun or really anything at the moment as she is currently a retiree. She’s an egocentric 12 year old girl and as with most 12 yr olds, the earth revolves around her in her opinion. I was simply trying to pull her out of her self centered world to see that it’s not all about her. I was worried that I was making too big of a deal out of the whole thing but I see throughout this thread that the discussion has risen to the level of the POPE! Yikes!

Again, throughout this whole thread, I’ve yet to see the reason the girl gave for not wanting to serve. Maybe she had a good one. I’ve had 2 twelve year olds so far and I wouldn’t consider either of them egocentric.

 

[pammie]

Yes, good point. I never did mention the reason and sorry about that oversight. She does not want to serve because she has been doing it for some time now and it does not interest her anymore. This is what she wrote in the apology letter to the liturgical director. She said she may consider another ministry in the future.

The egocentricity that I describe in my daughter is, in my opinion, a normal part of social and emotional developement in this age group. All the more difficult to help her think about others needs and not just her own.

 

[maherite1977]

Thank You dear maherite1977. My daughter choose to officially resign on Sunday after Mass–after she apologized for not helping out. I gave her an ultimatum–DECIDE–one way or another if you will serve or not. I guess she’s done. Now we know and she will probably not be asked anymore. Seems like the good Lord has other plans for her.

Believe me, there are other ways she can help out during Mass - she may have to be a bit older to do some of them however. But, I think the time she will have before she would be “eligible” for commissioning to, say EMHC or reader, she will have a chance to mature and feel the calling God will have for her.

Give thanks that she did have a calling to become an altar server for that amount of time though. It gave her a chance to explore options for later on in life and gave her a chance to help serve the Parish community. It is indeed a blessing to be called to be an altar server - I personally am going to “celebrate” my 20th anniversary of altar serving in November and feel blessed every time I have to opportunity to help serve the Lord in deed and action. God Bless her!