My DD is crushed -here's why- need advice

[petitfleur]

That’s great but we are talking about a nine year old. If you don’t need to try out to be on a team then it is not a competitive team. I agree with what people say about life lessons and accepting not being good at something. I guess I keep replying to this thread because I have similar conversations almost everyday. My husband started a soccer club and is the director. Most of our friends either have a competitive athlete or are coaches for competitive teams.

As great as playing competitive sports is, noncompetitive teams are great too. There are kids who either aren’t competitive or just want to have fun and socialize.Some kids don’t make the cut for a competitive team. Does that mean they shoul quit all together? they deserve an opportunity to play too. You cant get better at something if you aren’t given the opportunity to play. People complain about kids not getting enough exercise, how childhood obesity is on the rise ect. then some kids who might not be great athletes try and play a sport on a non competitive team and get no playing time. In our Catholic grade school there is no try outs for sports and as lon as your grades are decent you can play. Its a good thing. My daughter played Volleyball for the first time in her life and she loved it. If we went to the local volleyball club and put her on a team and she didn’t get to play in games, I get it, I wouldn’t like it, but I get it… But if she went to a game for her school and her coach never put her in…yeah I would be upset and I would ask why my kid did not get to play.

 

[Moore11]

That’s great but we are talking about a nine year old. If you don’t need to try out to be on a team then it is not a competitive team. I agree with what people say about life lessons and accepting not being good at something. I guess I keep replying to this thread because I have similar conversations almost everyday. My husband started a soccer club and is the director. Most of our friends either have a competitive athlete or are coaches for competitive teams.

As great as playing competitive sports is, noncompetitive teams are great too. There are kids who either aren’t competitive or just want to have fun and socialize.Some kids don’t make the cut for a competitive team. Does that mean they shoul quit all together? they deserve an opportunity to play too. You cant get better at something if you aren’t given the opportunity to play. People complain about kids not getting enough exercise, how childhood obesity is on the rise ect. then some kids who might not be great athletes try and play a sport on a non competitive team and get no playing time. In our Catholic grade school there is no try outs for sports and as lon as your grades are decent you can play. Its a good thing. My daughter played Volleyball for the first time in her life and she loved it. If we went to the local volleyball club and put her on a team and she didn’t get to play in games, I get it, I wouldn’t like it, but I get it… But if she went to a game for her school and her coach never put her in…yeah I would be upset and I would ask why my kid did not get to play.

Yeah but soccer is not a sport.
Zero Zero ties!

 

[petitfleur]

I have a 5th grade daughter as well who played basketball for the first time this year at our parish school. (BTW - our school also allows public school members of the parish to play on teams, but AFAIK this rarely happens. The public schools around here have teams also.) At the initial parent meeting last April, we were all told that the 5th-6th grade level is a learning or teaching level and that ALL will have an opportunity to play. OTOH, the 7th-8th grade level is competitve and players will be used per their abilities.

One of the girls on my DD’s team felt she was not being treated fairly and was not allowed to play as much as the other girls. She (the girl) talked with the coach and told him how she felt and pointed out the “rules” that he seemed to be overlooking. (Her mom was there also, in case anyone wonders.) She got to play more and it became a wonderful moment for her to assert herself in a respectful manner. That’s pretty awesome for an 11-year old. (I’m not sure my DD would have done the same in similar circumstances.)

I realize it’s too late this season for your DD to do this, but maybe keep in mind for the future if it should happen again? Also, it wouldn’t hurt to have the AD emphasize the learning portion of the program with all coaches.

Yes, exactly!

 

[petitfleur]

yeah but soccer is not a sport.:d:d
zero zero ties!

hahahahaha

 

[PatriceA]

it depends on the sports handbook and they probably have kids from the catechism class that attend public school which follows what CYO rules are. Likewise, if the team is short of bodies and they needed a certain amount to be able to play, then the program could have been open up to the parish which is proper because the parish does support the school. Likewise, in a tournament or championship game, sometimes “guest players” are allowed.
I’ve seen this done in CYO and travel teams. I disagree with this but if there are not rules the clearly state otherwise then some coaches use guest players, someone who is good or someone who is thinking of joining the team next year. Again, I generally disagree with guest players because of the controversy like this it brings.

The OP said it wasn’t a CYO team though. When my daughter was at our parish school, the teams were parish children only and every child on the team played. No homesechool children, no public school children. CYO teams were comprised of both the parish school children and any public school, homeschooled child registered with the parish.

 

[Moore11]

I wonder if there are any local laws that address this. In my area the local laws heavily govern school sports. Yes, even grade schools. Some of these laws even address who can play (Such as home school kids) and if they have to have playing time. While I am grateful for laws such as title nine or the time tebow laws (as a homeschooling father of 3 girls) I think sometimes SOME rules go overboard and it could explain some actions coaches take.

 

[twk001]

thanks to all. MOST of the responses have been very helpful. it’s good to hear that there are other parents who DO understand where i’m coming from. DD DOES enjoy the sport, and does want to play. SHE asked about attending camp so we’re working on that.

i also talked to her about asking the coach if there were any areas that the coach feels she should concentrate on before next season. I’m very proud of her.

BTW, she is not less in skill than the other players, as one responder made assumption to.

in the end, this has turned out well. yes, she did learn that life isn’t always fair, but she also learned to ALWAYS treat everyone equal so that nobody ever feels the way she did about this.

 

[petitfleur]

I did not mean any offense.

 

[twk001]

no offense taken from any responses, but one was a bit hurtful (not from you above person!)…one thing about these forums is that there is always a good mix of answers and so THAT in itself is helpful because it always helps me to keep perspective as i’m able to get very dramatic in general! thanks again

 

[robwar]

The OP said it wasn’t a CYO team though. When my daughter was at our parish school, the teams were parish children only and every child on the team played. No homesechool children, no public school children. CYO teams were comprised of both the parish school children and any public school, homeschooled child registered with the parish.

parish children include those that are in the catechism class and attend public schools. It borders on the snobbiness to say only parish school children. Even if this league might not be called CYO, I bet with an AD and playing other Catholic Schools that there are sports rules and guides set down by the archdiocese. Likewise, if a school is low on bodies to make a team there may be outreach to the greater parish, other parishes etc. My one son (before his injury that put him out for the season) was set to play on a Lutheran schools team because they were low on bodies to make a team. Usually Catholic schools that have team CYO or otherwise are mostly made up from the student body of the school but the team is open to those in the parish who have their children enrolled in catechism classes. If a parish has a school, the people in that parish are supporting that school by their donations to the parish whether they have children enrolled in the school or even have children or not. Likewise, there is another possibility that the “public” school child that played could be coming to the school next year, knew the coach and asked to join for those reasons, we really don’t know. Catholic HS sports leagues are joined by other schools as well, Lutheran, private, Jewish etc. Catholic sports leagues are some of the best organized and run which attracks other similar size schools to join.

 

[PatriceA]

parish children include those that are in the catechism class and attend public schools. It borders on the snobbiness to say only parish school children. Even if this league might not be called CYO, I bet with an AD and playing other Catholic Schools that there are sports rules and guides set down by the archdiocese. Likewise, if a school is low on bodies to make a team there may be outreach to the greater parish, other parishes etc. My one son (before his injury that put him out for the season) was set to play on a Lutheran schools team because they were low on bodies to make a team. Usually Catholic schools that have team CYO or otherwise are mostly made up from the student body of the school but the team is open to those in the parish who have their children enrolled in catechism classes. If a parish has a school, the people in that parish are supporting that school by their donations to the parish whether they have children enrolled in the school or even have children or not. Likewise, there is another possibility that the “public” school child that played could be coming to the school next year, knew the coach and asked to join for those reasons, we really don’t know. Catholic HS sports leagues are joined by other schools as well, Lutheran, private, Jewish etc. Catholic sports leagues are some of the best organized and run which attracks other similar size schools to join.

I am really confused why you seem to be arguing with me over the rules that was in place at the parish school that my daughter use to attend. I didn’t make the rules, we only followed them if any of the children wanted to be on a sports team. This was how it was where we live. The parish school team played other parish school teams made up of the children that attended each parish school. The CYO teams were completely different and had different schedules for competition. I really can’t help you if you don’t agree with the way the rules were applied or were created. It was just the way it was.

 

[MomaMary8]

no offense taken from any responses, but one was a bit hurtful (not from you above person!)…one thing about these forums is that there is always a good mix of answers and so THAT in itself is helpful because it always helps me to keep perspective as i’m able to get very dramatic in general! thanks again

Perhaps my post? I was not intending to be hurtful. I’m a parent and spouse to some wonderful bench warmers. We revel in our athletically inclined son.

my DD goes to a small parish school. this year she decided to try a sport. she really liked it! our school lets public school kids, who belong to our parish, also play on our teams. i’m not a huge fan of this, since we are paying tuition and sports are included as part of it….

but anyway, this past weekend was their final tournament. single elimination. you need 6 players to play. we had 7 show up. my DD was benched during the first round…we thought, ok, she’ll play next round. second round started. same players, DD still on the bench. we lost both rounds. game over. DD NEVER got put in to play. the ONLY one who didn’t play. she says that she asked the coach when she would play and the coach’s response was “When we win, then you can play”…the worse part for ME, though, is that a public school kid, who was allowed to play on our team and played in only 1 game this season, got to play (this child plays on a travel team also, thus the reason she didn’t play in OUR games)…

ok, is THAT what you want my kid to learn from you? this is a parish mom with 2 kids who also play. and, i considered her my friend. so this is kinda awkward. but i’m angry.

my DD is crushed. she cried all weekend. i NEED to do something here, i feel terrible for her- even I cried! but should i go to the athletic director, the principal, or to the coach. since we’re friendly, i’m not sure she’ll take me seriously at all. my DH is a coach in a different parish school and he said that at THEIR school they have a policy that ALL players play. how should I approach this??? i generally don’t rock the boat, and i’m not one of those whiny parents, so i want to be tactful…THANKS IN ADVANCE

Tournament play is not usually like regular season play. Players get benched, especially when the score is close.

I’ll explain myself a bit. My biggest concern is your attitude and feelings toward the “public school kid.” It is most obvious that you resent this 10-11 yr old child’s presence. Can I also assume the “public school kid” is also talented to be on a traveling team as well? (those are usually cut teams.) Is this the only person you feel should have been benched? Would you have been upset if she (the “public school kid”) was benched for the tournament? You may have reason to be sad or upset for your daughter, but to be angry and to be resentful of another child who attends a public school is a bit over the top. Don’t take it out on the other child, it’s not her fault the coach chose to play her and not your daughter.

You came off sounding as a Catholic School mom that looks down upon anyone that goes to a public school. We left a catholic school where too many parents were more interested in a private education (away from the public masses) than a Catholic eduction. They claimed to want a religious education, but worried more about keeping “public school kids” away than the heresy taught in their own school. It was and is very sad.

During this lent I think we can all try to not judge (as I have done) and falsely accuse another. Our Lord was put to death by those who falsely accused him and judged him harshly (perhaps due to jealousy over the masses of people he was gathering around him.) We must be on guard not to do the same! Mea culpa!