My Fiance does not want to convert despite wanting marriage

  • Thread starter Thread starter LizM
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Congrats! My wife was a convert in rcia during our engagement. I was her sponsor. I converted in college myself…

I love being married. Year 17 has been interesting. But marriage is my saving grace and truly my vocation
 
I think that when you grow in love with one another you have to also grow in mutual respect fro each other. You respect me and I will respect you. If he is hesitant about entering the Catholic Church I would like to know if he would be willing to allow you to bring up the children as Catholic? If he would allow his children with you to be brought up as Catholic then that could be a good start.
Both of my grandmothers converted but not right at the beginning of their marriages but after many years. Maybe if you give him some space in one sense and pray for him he may enter later on his own or he may not.
 
There is a difference with setting conditions about the person you Marry and forcing someone against their will.

But it might be harder for one to know if their conversion of heart is for the right reasons, if an ultimatum like this is required.
 
LizM,

I only suggest Marriage when you are completely ready to give yourself to the man you are Marrying.

He will be your Head.

I would want to know that Jesus is His head.
 
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You get up early so you can be with the one you love. If you think that means he owes it to you to go to Church with you step back and take a good hard look at your relationship.
 
I dont think she is saying he owes it to her. We all owe it to Jesus to go to Church.

She is right to admonish him to go to Church.

But he must accept that in his heart, if they are to be a Christian husband and wife.
 
What is more worrisome to me is the fact that he’s refusing to accept a need to step back and insisting that he IS going to marry you.

That’s not appropriate behaviour. You’re not some piece of property that he owns.

I would definitely not recommend marrying him. In fact, if he is that controlling, I would RUN.
 
So your ultimatum is not about trying to get him to go to Mass, it’s that he do something because you are the one that is making a bigger effort than him? If so, then I misunderstood. I spent many years as a bachelor so I worry about over controlling women so maybe I drew a false conclusion lol. If so, sorry about that.
 
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Here’s the question you have to ask yourself:

Am I happy to marry this man now, the way he is now, with no expectation that he’ll ever convert?

Don’t marry him with the hope that he’ll eventually become Catholic as there’s no guarantee that that will ever happen.
 
Step one: Decide if you are OK marrying someone who isn’t now, or perhaps never will be Catholic. If so…

Step two: Figure out if your value systems align. Some will say it is impossible if you aren’t of the same religion or faith. I disagree. But I believe if your core values don’t align you are asking for a world of heartburn.

Step three: If you are good with steps one and two, and you decide to get married, do so only if you are completely content to allow your husband to have his own spirtiual life. No manipulation or coercion to try to get him to convert.
 
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One thing to be aware of is that children tend to follow the faith of their fathers. So if your fiancé doesn’t attend church, your future children will be likely to stop attending. For their sakes, I recommend taking a step back, discussing with your fiancé the importance of your faith, and suggesting that you wait awhile before taking further steps.
Marriage is hard enough without being married to a non-Catholic.
 
Viki63 said:
Marriage is hard enough without being married to a non-Catholic.
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I see this on here every so often. I find it strange that some people think my wife took on some sort of “handicap” by marrying someone who isn’t Catholic or that it made our marriage somehow infinitely more dysfunctional.
 
Don’t take it personally. 😉 It definitely depends on the people involved. I know from some of your other posts that you seem to be more supportive of your children being raised Catholic than many Catholic husbands I have come across.

It’s a general statement, to be sure. It definitely can cause tensions and difficulties in a marriage when both spouses have a different religious faith. But it doesn’t always.

I think the OP definitely needs to proceed with both eyes open. She can’t presume that his conversion to the Catholic faith is just around the corner. Indeed, as has been said by others above, it would only be wise to proceed towards marriage if she can truly say that she would be content for him to continue to be as he is right now.
 
Joe_5859 said:
It definitely depends on the people involved.
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Agreed, and the level of respect they have for each other.
Joe_5859 said:
It’s a general statement, to be sure.
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Definatly, when I see it on here it’s really stated as an absolute…that there will be issues and your marriage will now be even more incredibly difficult.
Joe_5859 said:
it would only be wise to proceed towards marriage if she can truly say that she would be content for him to continue to be as he is right now.
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Agreed, because in this case it sounds like the OP is expecting conversion…and maybe sounds a little offended that he’s not interested.
 
TC3033
Forgive me I am ignorant of your story. A long time ago there was a female poster here married to a Catholic, the poster was an atheist who was more informed on Catholic teaching and reasoning than most Catholics. Her husband though was non practicing. I respected her and enjoyed her contributions.
I tell you this a a prelude to a personal question meant in Charity.
Do you find that the sexual teachings of the Church are hard for a non Catholic to respect in their Catholic partner. No ABC, the use of NFP, ordering the act to procreation (finishing correctly) that’s hard for most believing Catholics to figure out! I cant imagine the other side! Do you have some (name removed by moderator)ut in this area?
 
LizM said:
I’ve even suggested that we take a step back and not be engaged but still dating because of the fights about this subject. He refuses to do that, still saying that I am the only woman he will marry.
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Eek! Not to be alarmist, but this sounds a little manipulative…
 
TC3033 said:
I see this on here every so often. I find it strange that some people think my wife took on some sort of “handicap” by marrying someone who isn’t Catholic or that it made our marriage somehow infinitely more dysfunctional.
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This, and also why so many people think marriage, in general, is so hard. I find it a lot easier than the lives many of my single friends live. Of course there are challenges, but I wouldn’t describe them as hard.

Funny how different people see things.
 
Hoosier-Daddy said:
I tell you this a a prelude to a personal question meant in Charity.
Do you find that the sexual teachings of the Church are hard for a non Catholic to respect in their Catholic partner. No ABC, the use of NFP, ordering the act to procreation (finishing correctly) that’s hard for most believing Catholics to figure out! I cant imagine the other side! Do you have some (name removed by moderator)ut in this area?
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I am going to butt in here. The marriages of people I know who are a Catholic married to a non-catholic are ones where the Catholic doesn’t really subscribe to all of the Church’s teachings around human sexuality and marriage. These aren’t bargaining areas or areas of discontent because both spouses are on the same page with regards to these issues.

I guess it is fair to assume that those here at CAF have intentions of following all of the Church’s teaching with regards to these issues, so I think that is why those who post here with advice believe it is ill-advised for these marriages to take place to begin with.
 
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