My Fiance does not want to convert despite wanting marriage

[rcwitness]

Well a Catholic not following Catholic Teachings does not support interfaith marriages very well, does it?

At least from a Catholic perspective.

 

[TC3033]

Do you find that the sexual teachings of the Church are hard for a non Catholic to respect in their Catholic partner.

These aren’t bargaining areas or areas of discontent because both spouses are on the same page with regards to these issues.

^^^What she said. It depends on the people. It’s very possible for a Catholic and NC to be on the same page on either end of the sexuality spectrum. If they’ve gotten as far as marriage discussion…I’m going to guess they’re on the same page with each other as far as that goes.

Without getting any more personal, we are on the same page, so no issue from my end.

believe it is ill-advised for these marriages to take place to begin with.

Agreed, I’ve picked up on that as well.

 

[jlc2k2]

I’m not TC3033 but I wasn’t Catholic when I married my husband, a cradle Catholic. He made it clear that NFP and following Catholic teaching on sexuality were dealbreakers for him. I just accepted that accepting that was part of accepting him and it wasn’t an issue. Birth control was never something I felt like I had to have.

Practicing NFP, etc led me to want to understand why. Understanding why led me to understanding the faith much better. Understanding the faith ultimately led to my conversion.

 

[rcwitness]

That’s one of the most impressive things I’ve ever heard!

 

[jlc2k2]

It didn’t (and still doesn’t) feel impressive from my perspective. I just accepted it. I had my own non-negotiables that he had to accept too.

 

[rcwitness]

Were your “non-negotiables” against the Catholic faith?

 

[EnglishTeacher]

I see this on here every so often. I find it strange that some people think my wife took on some sort of “handicap” by marrying someone who isn’t Catholic or that it made our marriage somehow infinitely more dysfunctional.

I don’t believe that anyone thinks that. If they/we advise not to marry a non-Catholic, it isn’t out of a belief that the non-Catholic is inferior in any sense, or that the marriage will be less of a marriage. I don’t think people usually advise outright that a poster not marry a specific person but that the poster needs to seriously think it through.

I would have similar concerns if a friend who was an orthodox Jew and serious about his faith was talking about marrying a Christian woman. Some people make such marriages work, but it requires compromises that not everyone is able or willing to make; and one of the biggest is that it is not possible to raise the children in both parents’ faiths.

Now, the religious gulf between a Catholic and a non-Catholic Christian is not quite as wide as that between say, a Jew and a Christian, but it is still significant and the potential ramifications ought to be considered seriously before entering into marriage. Not because one spouse is somehow inferior to the other but because the Catholic faith requires some difficult things that not every non-Catholic is going to be on board with, and because you can’t simultaneously raise the children in both faiths.

 

[TC3033]

OK…user asked me a question about if it’s tough sexually as a NC married to a Catholic.

Without getting personal I said we’re on the same page, so no issue. Not sure what your comment is saying, unless you’re jumping to conclusions? Being on the same page as someone is fairly important in a marriage though…or at least that’s my experience.

 

[rcwitness]

I’m simply saying that what the Catholic faith supports, is supporting Catholic values.

If those values overlap with a non-Catholic, or the non-Catholic respects the Catholic faith and does not compel them to be unfaithful to Jesus, then that can be supported by the Church.

You said,

“It’s very possible for a Catholic and NC to be on the same page on either end of the sexuality spectrum.”

If you mean that just as long as the couple are on the same page, even if they practice contraception (or another immoral thing) then that’s what’s important, then that is not the intentions of Catholic support of interfaith Marriage (or even two Catholics for that matter).

If that’s not what you meant, then I am mistaken and glad.

 

[TC3033]

I don’t believe that anyone thinks that.

Eh…I’m not so sure about that. I’ve read some pretty impressive things putting down individuals looking at marrying NC’s

potential ramifications ought to be considered seriously before entering into marriage.

the Catholic faith requires some difficult things that not every non-Catholic is going to be on board with

Yep, that’s stuff to talk about before marriage but doesn’t necessarily mean the marriage is destined to fail or be infinitely more difficult, which would fall in line with some of the comments I’ve see here.

 

[rcwitness]

If a mixed marriage was considered doomed from the start, the Church would not approve.

But I do believe a mixed Marriage is not preferred by the Church, especially a Catholic with a non-Christian.

Yet it is permitted, so apparently the Church thinks it is not something intrinsically wrong.

 

[QwertyGirl]

Well a Catholic not following Catholic Teachings does not support interfaith marriages very well, does it?

At least from a Catholic perspective

I wouldn’t come to that conclusion. I have yet to meet a Catholic that follows every single Catholic teaching. Most do their best, though, based on their beliefs.

 

[rcwitness]

I didn’t say or imply any Catholic is impeccable.

Being a good Catholic has nothing to do with our own beliefs. It means denying ourselves and accepting Jesus’ strength to do what no man is able to do, except through the grace of Jesus.

Confessing sin and seeking His grace to overcome is a righteous person.

We are not a religion of works of the law.

None of it justifies settling for “the best we can” because the best we can is still death.

Matthew 5

For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

 

[Hoosier-Daddy]

I would say that devoutness is important. If a practicing Catholic that is strong in faith marries a non catholic I would think it would be really hard. But a cultural or cringe “cafeteria” catholic seems like less of a problem in the marriage. I’d say that to identify as a “Catholic” in an interfaith marriage one would need to actually practice the faith. It would be hard to expect a spouse to respect your faith if you dont! And that goes for the marital act probably above all others.
As newlyweds we contracepts, moved to Nfp, then nothing. It has been an evolution of both of our souls. And it’s extremely hard between two Catholics. I cant even imagine as a non believer going through all the “rules” of something I didn’t believe! Equally yoked is certainly preferable.

 

[Hoosier-Daddy]

Thanks for your answer. You need not get any more personal than that. I appreciate your reply.

 

[Hoosier-Daddy]

Hi, nice to meet you. Of course I fail at all the teachings, but I intend obedience to them. And while I may not understand them or even disagree, there is a remedy within the Church for my weakness. And a renewed promise by me to not fail again. But with every Amen, at my reception of the eucharist in a state of Grace, I solemy swear to God almighty that I believe and follow His Church and ALL of her teachings. Otherwise there are just too many protestant religions to appease me! And every single Catholic poster on here should say the same thing if they dare to receive Him.

 

[jlc2k2]

No. Things like what to name future kids, how much time/support we would provide to my parents (I’m an only child and very close to them), etc. The closest thing I can thing of is that I would not convert just because we were getting married. If I converted, it would be because I truly believed.

 

[rcwitness]

What to name your kids was terms on whether or not to get Married?

 

[Hoosier-Daddy]

Interesting. The “crunchy” crowd seems to be on board with nfp more. But within secular nfp there is use of condoms, withdrawal or completion outside the act. Again. All this comes from experience and conversion on my end as well. I like to think I’m a better Catholic now than when I was first married. And that has to do with our continued conversion within the marriage.

 

[TC3033]

If a mixed marriage was considered doomed from the start, the Church would not approve.

Yet it is permitted, so apparently the Church thinks it is not something intrinsically wrong.

That’s why I think it’s so weird to read comments about the absolute problems that will happen (when kids are in the picture, when the NC spouse doesn’t want to go to Mass, etc…), and how “dangerous” it is.

I think it’s even stranger to think that NC’s just skip church willie nillie too…but that’s another thread.