My First 4 Months of marriage

[felra]

rayne89:

Amen Abby!

Ok I’m taking a deep breath now… sorry for the rant.

Good rant! I wholeheartidly agree.

Some folks simply do not get the pervasive, primary, and central organizing role that addiction (is this OP’s unfortunate case pronography addiction–all the signs and symptoms are evident in her presentation), has on a relationship and marriage/family situation. To minimize, deny, ignore, or even equate with the reactionary behavior of the OP, is to allow the elephant in the room darkness of pornography to trounce this mariage and the dignity of the OP.

 

[Pug]

If he is not getting good loving at home, pretty soon you can bet your house that he will be looking elsewhere at his first opportunity.

There are many, many men out there who are not going to turn to adultery. They deserve credit. This guy could be one of them.

Sex is a PRIMARY need like food or drink, and being isolated is similar to being starved to death.

I must be dead then. Furthermore, I think I better go down to the rectory and check on our pastor.

I’m not sure this is a case of using sex to get your way. Women often seem different from men in various ways. For the woman, sex and love and relationship are so close together. If the relationship is to the point where she would be just lying there and trying not to cry during the whole thing and then going into another room and curling into a ball of violation and hurt, well, she probably should not agree to have relations with him. That would not be an attempt to control him with sex.

I concede that having a spouse who refuses to have relations with you is a large, splintery cross.:bigyikes:

 

[Princess_Abby]

Pug:

I concede that having a spouse who refuses to have relations with you is a large, splintery cross.:bigyikes:

And let’s not forget that HER sexual needs are being totally ignored by him, due to the pornography being a more attractive outlet. HE is the one who can choose for all of this to stop, if he gives up the porn and chooses his wife.

 

[char34]

I just want to say as a female who used to be curious about porn,while it is certainly sinful I didn’t consider a form of adultery because I couldn’t care less about who was on the screen. Adultery means to desire another person, physically or emotionally.

 

[felra]

char34:

I just want to say as a female who used to be curious about porn,while it is certainly sinful I didn’t consider a form of adultery because I couldn’t care less about who was on the screen. Adultery means to desire another person, physically or emotionally.

Does infidelity fit better?

in·fi·del·i·ty , defn;

1. 
   *]a) Unfaithfulness to a sexual partner, especially a spouse.
   

          b) An act of sexual unfaithfulness.

   1. 
      *]Lack of fidelity or loyalty.
      *]Lack of religious belief.
      
      Source: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth EditionCopyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company.

 

[Pug]

Princess_Abby:

And let’s not forget that HER sexual needs are being totally ignored by him, due to the pornography being a more attractive outlet. HE is the one who can choose for all of this to stop, if he gives up the porn and chooses his wife.

I agree that a woman would find it hard to go without relations! What a pickle. I don’t say that to denigrate the situation; rather, I am tempering my language.

 

[sjangelini]

rayne89:

Amen Abby!

A) he is not asking his wife to “make love” he asking his wife to prostitute herself -“I will give you money only if you sleep with me.”

B) He continues to look at porn. Maybe some guys really truly do not understand how devastating that can be to women. I have a friend who literally started vomiting immediately when she discovered he husband has used porn. Porn may not be a big deal to some guys but it HUGE to many women. It makes you feel ugly, unwanted and like just another whore to your husband.

This makes me so angry I could spit. Now it’s her fault if you porn using, masturbating husband cheats on her because she can’t bring herself to used as an outlet for his sexual gratification. MEN DO NOT DIE FROM NOT HAVING SEX. Guys in the military often are seperated from their spouses for long periods of time- you don’t see them all keeling over from blue b****. (Sorry-I know that’s kind of crass.) What about all the unmarried Catholic men called to chastity?

This couple needs major marriage counseling there is no doubt. And I’m sure both sides are partially responsible for this escalating to this point. But to claim she should just sacrifice what dignity she has left to be treated as a prostitute is absolutely offensive.

Ok I’m taking a deep breath now… sorry for the rant.

Yay Bravo!

 

[vern_humphrey]

rayne89:

Amen Abby!

A) he is not asking his wife to “make love” he asking his wife to prostitute herself -“I will give you money only if you sleep with me.”

Is that a direct quote? Did you personally hear him say that?

rayne89:

B) He continues to look at porn. Maybe some guys really truly do not understand how devastating that can be to women. I have a friend who literally started vomiting immediately when she discovered he husband has used porn. Porn may not be a big deal to some guys but it HUGE to many women. It makes you feel ugly, unwanted and like just another whore to your husband.

As much as porn is discussed in this thread, I don’t think it’s the key to the problem. I think if he did not have porn, it would have been something else.

 

[felra]

vern humphrey:

Is that a direct quote? Did you personally hear him say that?

As much as porn is discussed in this thread, I don’t think it’s the key to the problem. I think if he did not have porn, it would have been something else.

What is your basis for this presumptuous assertion ?

Originally Posted by vern humphrey

None of us is qualified to give a detailed answer – we are not personally acquainted with either the OP or her husband.

The only person with whom we are in contact is the wife. – nor do we know any more about him than a few paragraphs on the internet.

It would be intersting to hear his side of the story.

 

[vern_humphrey]

felra:

What is your basis for this presumptuous assertion ?

Same as your basis for this assertion:

The way that the OP presented, to engage in marital relations with her husbdand would be all but degrading to her dignity.

We would work together better if we eschewed loaded words like “presumptious.”

 

[wcknight]

Which one is worse, a husband who is having problems with porn and self gratification or one who is sleeping with another woman ???

Yes, both are equally sinful and considered adultery. BUT ask anyone who has a cheating spouse and I would guarantee you that 100% of them would rather have this situation that the cheating spouse.

Neither situation is good, BUT one is far worse.

 

[StratusRose]

char34:

I just want to say as a female who used to be curious about porn,while it is certainly sinful I didn’t consider a form of adultery because I couldn’t care less about who was on the screen. Adultery means to desire another person, physically or emotionally.

Well if you’re not convinced it’s adultery, how about LUST? You didn’t care that that person was made in the image and likeness of God? You didn’t care that the person has human dignity? Sorry, but there is NO justification for pornography.

 

[NFPfamily]

char34:

I just want to say as a female who used to be curious about porn,while it is certainly sinful I didn’t consider a form of adultery because I couldn’t care less about who was on the screen. Adultery means to desire another person, physically or emotionally.

"You have heard that it was said ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that every one who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Mat 5:27,28

 

[NFPfamily]

wcknight:

Which one is worse, a husband who is having problems with porn and self gratification or one who is sleeping with another woman ???

Yes, both are equally sinful and considered adultery. BUT ask anyone who has a cheating spouse and I would guarantee you that 100% of them would rather have this situation that the cheating spouse.

Neither situation is good, BUT one is far worse.

You implied in your earlier post that the OP would be to blame if he strayed elsewhere. That is where I have a major problem with your viewpoint.

 

[vern_humphrey]

StratusRose:

Well if you’re not convinced it’s adultery, how about LUST? You didn’t care that that person was made in the image and likeness of God? You didn’t care that the person has human dignity? Sorry, but there is NO justification for pornography.

Where are we commanded to punish sins?

God reserves that for Himself. And Christ told us, “Judge not, lest you be judged.”

We should concentrate on the one thing that counts – stopping the fighting and confrontation. That’s the only way this marriage will be saved.

 

[StratusRose]

vern humphrey:

Where are we commanded to punish sins?

God reserves that for Himself. And Christ told us, “Judge not, lest you be judged.”

We should concentrate on the one thing that counts – stopping the fighting and confrontation. That’s the only way this marriage will be saved.

What? I’m not punishing anyones sins or judging. I was simply pointing out the flaw in the poster’s thinking. She may not have been aware of the concept of lust.

 

[felra]

vern humphrey:

Same as your basis for this assertion:

We would work together better if we eschewed loaded words like “presumptious.”

I like to clarify the factual basis when one is all too ready to discard the overwhelming evidence for the key factor of current problems in this OP’s post. Your assertion does come across as presume to know.

 

[vern_humphrey]

StratusRose:

What? I’m not punishing anyones sins or judging. I was simply pointing out the flaw in the poster’s thinking. She may not have been aware of the concept of lust.

When you mention lust in that context, you are** searching** for a sin to accuse the husband.

 

[vern_humphrey]

felra:

I like to clarify the factual basis when one is all too ready to discard the overwhelming evidence for the key factor of current problems in this OP’s post. Your assertion does come across as presume to know.

That’s how I saw this:

The way that the OP presented, to engage in marital relations with her husbdand would be all but degrading to her dignity

In actuality, the way the OP presented it was refusal that came first, and the economic issue was a response, not a cause.

 

[felra]

vern humphrey:

That’s how I saw this:

In actuality, the way the OP presented it was refusal that came first, and the economic issue was a response, not a cause.

This simply begs the question, WHY WAS SHE REFUSING HER HUSBAND in good and prudent judgment?