My husband cheated and she's pregnant! I feel so betrayed

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As Monicad says, take it easy. You don’t have to make major decisions all at once.
As for forgiving, that is a good idea, but maybe not right now. First you need to be angry, as you are. You need to know what you have to forgive. You need to have some discussions with your husband and understand his thoughts.
Talking to a lawyer to know your options would be a good idea. Just don’t act on any of them right away.
Your goal is to protect your family, especially your children, from further harm. Hopefully your marriage will come out of this strengthened.
 
Hi. My heart feels for you. You have more than a right to get upset, furious and more. Your whole world has just been shattered into small pieces.

Your husband committed the ‘unforgiveable’ act in marriage by committing adultery. Moses thought it was so despicable that it is only one sin where he would grant divorce, which God made the two shall become one flesh in a marriage.

What your husband did in his action is to fracture that one flesh. That is a sin so deep, its effect is just unimaginably disastrous, not just to himself but to the family and especially yourself. The damage is far reaching, deep into your future.

There is no advice here that will be sufficient for you. … I am saying that because of the ernominity of the consequence of the problem created by your husband’s infidelity and treachery to the covenant of his marriage.

My only advice now, it is time to fall on your knees and ask God to heal you and to help you to forgive your husband. And move on from that.

May God bless you.
 
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Blessings,
Take a deep breath. Calm down. It was an accident. It is a baby, a precious life as yours are. Stay calm for your baby’s Sake. My situation was not as serious w an unwanted pregnancy. I hope he is sorry. Alcohol is not a stabilizer. NOT USING A CONDOM US STUPID W ADULTERY!! Dang! As aCatholic, he wouldn’t have been carrying any . It wasn’t a planned hook up.
One step at a time. The committment. Talking to your priest. Forgiveness and mercy. Healing your family w your love.
Now, choices—- she has baby. H gives financial support. He cannot have a relationship e child b/c he’ll see Jezebel. If Jezebel is at work, he may need anew job. I went to see my Jezebels. I’m a strange bird. NO-ONE WAS GOING TO BREAK MY FAMILY UP.! I hadmuch prayer. I just couldn’t see other women helping to raise our kids w joint custody? You might send her a letter w pics of kids. THIS IS WHAT YOU HAVE HURT! You are in spiritual warfare. If he wants his life w you, you move forward.
If he’s truly sorry, you can’t torture him. Trust comes back in 2 yrs.
He can make a video for her child explaining why he couldn’t be part of his life. She probably wouldn’t show it to the child.
Get ready for a financial set back. CHILD SUPPORT! OR——- He can sign paternity away. Get DNA testing. You never know for sure.
He is your love and you are his. It was alcohol and lust. Ask priest about changing jobs? It would be uncomfortsble w them working near each other. Any communications about Baby have to go through you. Now, vengeance is mine saith the Lord.
Does the company have rules about this? One may have to be fired. She’s pregnant. It will be hard to get another job while pregnant! She may collect unemployment…
If your husband can get new job= new beginnings. New friends. Could be exciting.
I’m so sorry. I get angry w this. I wish I could be closer to help but God is everywhere.
PM me if you need to.

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.

– St. Teresa of Avila
That is a simple prayer but covers it all. Crap happens, God is constant.
Get over it. CHUCKLE

Look up a song on YOUTUBE. ONLY YOU, A SONG OF SURRENDER. It’s by an Alice Regan.

In Christ’s Love
Tweedlealice
The sun will come up tomorrow.
My thoughts weren’t in order. They’ll give you ideas.
Corinthians 13: 1-14(?) LOVE IS PATIENT.LOVE IS KIND…
 
Now this is me, but my silly reflection:

Okay, your husband made a mistake. He is a fallen individual. As my friend said to me, because my parents failed me as well, “Welcome to the human race.” Now, not making any excuses for your husband. He is at fault. Just take the time with him, and have him be their with you having your child. Right now, elevate and leverage the sanctity, and duty he has, married to you, as the father of your child. That’s all that matters, I think, right now, is bringing this beautiful child into birth.

For the other lady, I am sure she is going through the same turmoil, knowing surely he is married to you. Again, no excuses whatsoever for her or the your husband. But if this can be the time taken, to know she has a child being born. And how confusing it will be for that child as well as yours. I would say be sympathetic to your child, and the lady’s child. Both these children are born to a man, who honestly can’t keep to himself around another woman. And that is sad for these children. I pray, and hope you are able to be the strong mother for your child. And have a heart for the other kid. it’s sad. Pray that the woman expecting doesn’t consider an abortion. Prayer before the Blessed Sacrament would be a good thing to do. Bring your husband with you. Let him pray with you before Christ. You guys both need it. You need the strength. He needs the examination of Conscience, and discernment looking at what he has done. But let Christ, let God work and do the rest. But have your husband be there for this amazing child growing inside your womb. That’s his primary responsibility in love and marriage.

If the lady ddoens’t want the child, offer to adopt the child from her, if possible. So that child may be loved by a mother who cares. But only if the woman doesn’t want the child. Be so open and loving for that child. Treat that child, the woman is having, as a stranger in your home. For that child is also a gift from God, though your husband abused the gift of bringing that child into life, by violation of his marital vows.

Let love and mercy conquer in the end.
 
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Forgive. Forgive. Forgive.

Easier said than done, I know. But that is what Jesus said to do. Turn to Him. He will help you.
 
I pray you two find financial resources to move and I pray the baby is not your husband’s.
You shouldn’t take her word for it and only conclude when the test proves it’s his.
And most importantly about your marriage - is your husband in love with her? Is it anything more than a one night mistake? You shouldn’t dismiss his claims that she came on to him while he was drunk like some ppl are suggesting here. It’s possible.it may be her fault.
The ideal situation would be that she moves out of town and agrees to cut ties with your husband even if the baby is his. But I doubt she has that much common sense since she did what she did.
The fact that she knows you make it all more horrible. What’s wrong with people?
 
Blessings,
That is what I said, Getting a pregnant woman fired is not nice. Moving his family could be fun. Her husband still working w Jezebel is not the best choice. Now, calling her Jezebel is accurate. The storyhe gave,us he got drunk and she came onto him. Their marital states were known.
They are both guilty. Satan personified, Wicked woman??! Jezebel is easier. I’m rather protective of a family. When behavior happens, such as theirs, consequences will occur. All ppl are hurt, especially the children.

In Christ’s Love
Tweedlealice

The Full Version

God, grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change…
Courage to change the things I can,
And Wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it.
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His will.
That I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
Amen.
 
Viki63 said:
One idea, which I know you may not take seriously, but it would get the other woman out of your lives: you could adopt the child.
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This is a VERY bad idea. The truth is, the child will be a constant reminder of the cheating and no matter how much the OP may want to forgive, subconsciously she will always take it out on the child. The older kids will know that daddy got another woman pregnant thus setting a bad example. Not to mention there will be a lot of fights over this for years to come and all the other kids will be mad at this child seeing this child as the cause of the fights. No innocent baby deserves to be brought up in that situation.
 
Exactly. It wouldn’t be fair to the child. It’s a small town and everyone is gonna know what happened. I hope that a lawyer can provide some good advice for this couple…
 
I would. I would absolutely adopt the child and raise him/her as my own.
 
cmscms said:
The truth is, the child will be a constant reminder of the cheating and no matter how much the OP may want to forgive, subconsciously she will always take it out on the child.
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Change the word “cheating” to “rape” and you are using the most common apologetic for allowing, even encouraging, abortion after rape.

Many women have the capacity to forgive and to love a child that was conceived in less than ideal circumstances, I’d daresay most Christian women have this capacity.

The details of the child’s conception does not need to be discussed with young siblings. They can be told the details gradually as they are old enough to have that knowledge. It can even be a powerful catechesis about forgiveness and love. About how God the Father does not desert us when we sin, He lovingly forgives and can make beauty from the ashes of sin.

The idea that everyone in town will know, why? People only know what you make public. Private matters stay private. Even if they do find out, to find out that a unsavory situation was resolved with love by all parties is a strong Christian witness.
 
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The baby was conceived 8 months ago? Will be born soon!
I’m really sorry about all this. So, you have to make some decisions soon. I really have no advice to give here, except, if you and the baby’s mother are in the same small town, a closed adoption, with her and your family in the same town is impossible! I wouldn’t even think of it. She could easily villianize YOU.

Just take care of your own life, now. When is your own baby due? It would help if you could wait until after you gave birth to make decisions.

Edit: I probably didn’t make myself clear. If she signs the baby away to you, she, while living in the same town, may want to see the baby, and will likely run into you at times. If you don’t let her at least say ‘hello’ she may complain to her friends, and make you sound like the ‘bad guy’.

But, it’s unlikely that an adult, self-supporting woman will give up her child, anyway. At least not completely. And, as you say, you live in the same small town!
 
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Blessings
This is true. But prayers for truth and healing cover all.

Heavenly Father you know how broken my heart is. I feel hurt, abandoned, angry, confused and tormented. Lord, come into my heart and heal it. Touch every part of me that is broken and aching. Heal the hurt of my husband/wife betraying me. Heal the hurt of my husband/wife lying to me. Lord I have so many hurts please heal them all. Lord, give me wisdom. I’m not sure what to do. As you speak to me give me the courage to follow through.

Lord, give me new direction. I know with you all things are possible. I would ask that you would show my husband/wife the wrong he/she has done. Show him/her the pain he/she has caused. Convict him/her. Turn his/her heart around to want to do right. Give him/her a new heart. Lord, I am asking that you would heal our marriage. I know with you all things are possible. I pray my husband/wife would be willing.

In the name of Jesus I now pull down this demonic spirit of ADULTERY – it has NO POWER over me, my spouse and our marriage. SATAN – get your hands off of our marriage in Jesus name! I now claim healing, restoration, love and forgiveness over our marriage, our family and our relationship. I now confess that Satan’s powers are broken and Jesus rules and reigns over our marriage. I now claim complete restoration in our relationship.

Lord, I cannot forgive him/her. I feel so much anger, hate and bitterness. Lord, I allow YOU to forgive him/her through me. Lord, during this time I ask that you would fill me with your love. You have never abandoned me. You have never forsaken me. I put my trust completely in you. Hold my hand as I walk this difficult journey. Send angels to minister to me.”

In Jesus name I pray.

Say prayer outloud, morning and night and anytime you feel out of control.
Read I Corinthians 13:1-10.
Love is patient and kind till Live never fails
In Christ’s Love
Tweedlealice
 
TheLittleLady said:
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cmscms:
The truth is, the child will be a constant reminder of the cheating and no matter how much the OP may want to forgive, subconsciously she will always take it out on the child.
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Change the word “cheating” to “rape” and you are using the most common apologetic for allowing, even encouraging, abortion after rape.
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Nope. When a woman is raped, there is nothing wrong with giving the child up for adoption. Also, I would like to add the OP is NOT the pregnant one
TheLittleLady said:
Many women have the capacity to forgive and to love a child that was conceived in less than ideal circumstances, I’d daresay most Christian women have this capacity…
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As a woman, I can empathise with how hurtfull it would be to have a husband cheat and thus I don’t see any wrong in making the burden easier for the OP

“TheLittleLady said:
The details of the child’s conception does not need to be discussed with young siblings. They can be told the details gradually as they are old enough to have that knowledge. It can even be a powerful catechesis about forgiveness and love. About how God the Father does not desert us when we sin, He lovingly forgives and can make beauty from the ashes of sin…
Click to expand...
’’

Kids come up with the craiest of ideas and come up with the wildest rumours. Why on earth would mom and dad bring another child home at the same time mom just had a baby ? The false rumours that would go through the siblings heads !!! It also (and more than likely) would show the kids there are no consequences for sin and send the message it is wrong to sin. How many pregnant teens are the child of pregnant teens? LOTS showing it is OK
TheLittleLady said:
The idea that everyone in town will know, why? People only know what you make public. Private matters stay private. Even if they do find out, to find out that a unsavory situation was resolved with love by all parties is a strong Christian witness.
Click to expand...
The kid couls look exactly like the mom, the whole town will wonder what happened to the baby, everyone saw them flirt at the party etc
 
I really don’t think the OP is in a position to make a decision on adopting this child and it’s a pretty massive assumption to think that this woman is giving the baby up.
 
I’ll admit I come from a culture with a different attitude to adoption to many in the US but I think making presumptions on adopting a child who isn’t yet born is really inappropriate.
 
Been married for 30 years. The tragedies or failings we have faced are private.
 
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