Thank you all for your advice, comments, kind words and prayers. Yes I have had more than one open and honest conversation with him about my worries. He tells me he is just trying to get ahead at work, to get extra work done and keep things running smoothly, that he takes pride in his work and enjoys receiving praise from his boss. He doesn’t clock in so there isn’t anything to show on his paycheck. I did see a copy of his performance review a couple weeks ago that specifically states “he goes above and beyond by even going into work at night” so I know he does at least go into work some of the time. And no he doesn’t really check himself any more than he has always done before going into work at night. He has actually gained a bit of weight lately which he doesn’t seem too concerned about.
In my previous job held for over seven years, I was a workaholic and in hindsight, quite controlling in my home life. I lost that job and was unemployed for over a year which really changed me (for the better we both agreed). I am now employed again thanks to the blessing of God. I have always made roughly double his salary which I thought didn’t matter. Looking back, I could even say that this might have all been quite demeaning for him so I’m wondering (certainly NOT defending) if what he is protecting is control of his own life (and his manhood?).
I do have to say that since our sort of break up several months ago he is much more attentive but the behaviors I worry about certainly still exist. He tells me he isn’t hiding anything from me, that he just goes to work and comes home to me, and that he does go out and for lunch with his coworkers occasionally.
My dilemma is that if I push too hard and I’m wrong I WILL push him away. If I’m right though, we can work through it. But what is IT that we need to work through is the problem.
