My husband is leaving me

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Black Jaque:
However, if she responds to his hurtful jabs with a lawyer, her husband is only going to see this as proof that she is nothing but a gold-digger. Again, it is not my opinion that she is a gold-digger, I’m just saying this is how her husband will interpret such actions.

Give yourself, 100%, unto death! As a spouse, you should be totally consumed with doing what is right for the marriage, totally forgetting your own personal needs.
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She needs to consult with an attorney in order to make certain that she will be able to responsibly defend her children. She should not wait for her husband to transfer assets out of their joint accounts.

She can explain that her interest is for the children, that she doesn’t want a divorce but that she has a duty to be prudent on their behalf. He can hardly tell her that he wants a divorce and then turn around and recriminate her for getting ready to go through one!

I hope that in the end they both do some knee-hugging. In the meantime, if they would just sit and talk with an experienced third party, they may just find out what is really going on, rather than hear our conjuctures.
 
I think we all need to remember that we’re only hearing one side of the story, and a very small part at that. This marriage has been going on for nine years now, and there’s probably a lot that happened during that time that broke-down the marriage. It takes two to build a marriage and two to bring it down.

Just my thoughts, but I think they should just give themselves a couple of weeks to cool off and collect their thoughts. Don’t make any decisions right now. Wait a couple of weeks and see what happens. Then decide from there. I don’t think giving up and running to the lawyer’s right away is going to help things (you may have to do this later, though, so keep the option open). However, pretending nothing’s wrong won’t be good, either.

So, pray about it a lot and ask God to give you definite answers as to what you should do. Ask for signs from God to give you direction. I know many of us are praying for you and your husband, and we’ll continue to do so.

On another note, I think that some people on this forum need to understand that just because a man disagrees with you, that doesn’t mean the man wants to see all women “barefoot and pregnant” or that they somehow feel women are inferior. I get tired of some of the sexist comments written on these forums-especially when I find some of them coming from women.

Scout :tiphat:
 
Children don’t deserve to live in a dumpster because a man is not responsible for his children or over a some misconstrued notion about “hope”.
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And because of this she ought to be doing all she can to repair the marriage.

Better the children have an empty belly than an empty soul.

Any bets that even if this woman did not get a red cent from ex-hubby the children will survive to adulthood? I’ll stake my claim that though they may not be well-nourished they will be well-formed spiritually.
 

And because of this she ought to be doing all she can to repair the marriage.​

No. She should show her children she is not a door mat for a direspectful husband who does not honor his wife as The Bible states a man to do. She should educate herself so she can support her children AND get what she has comming to her because her husband is shirking his duty.

Better the children have an empty belly than an empty soul.​

Just how will these children have this “empty” soul if their mother does not make herself into her husband’s door mat?
 
Black Jaque:
And because of this she ought to be doing all she can to repair the marriage.

Better the children have an empty belly than an empty soul.

Any bets that even if this woman did not get a red cent from ex-hubby the children will survive to adulthood? I’ll stake my claim that though they may not be well-nourished they will be well-formed spiritually.
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This husband may have, for the time being, reduced his family life to financial terms. He might actually be more likely to come to his senses if he realizes that his financial responsibility is the one part of his marriage he won’t be walking away from.

I’ll state it again: many is the spouse who have found their joint accounts emptied and joint assets spirited away because they chose a wait and see attitude when they got notice that their partner was going to cut and run. Not a “red cent” of the money you’re talking about belongs solely to “hubby”. They are married. It is* theirs*. The children are* their* responsibility.

She owes it to her children to see a lawyer and be clear that her purpose is both to give her marriage the best chance of survival and to secure the assets in the event of a divorce. She and her children deserve professional advice, not ours.

As far as the children having an empty belly but not an empty soul… what on earth is hubby going to be doing with that money that is more worthwhile than supporting his own children? What about his soul? There is nothing immoral about insisting that your spouse behave in a moral manner himself, too. Better to spend the money filling the children’s bellies than letting dad use it to pave his way to hell!
 
Dear Lost Wife Mom,
My heart goes out to you. As it says in the St. Michael’s prayer, the devil is always lurking about seeking the ruin of souls. There was a weakness there and the devil found it and is using it against you and your husband. Remember though, God sees and knows all. If your boys are an age where they can go to mass with you I suggest you go to morning mass weekdays as often as possible. Receive the Eucharist, go to Confession, say the rosary. Put on your armour to fight this battle that you are in. You will become stronger and things will get clearer for you. I know it is like a death but consider the spiritual marriage that you have with Our Lord and keep your eyes always fixed on Him. Remember His crucifixtion and when all looked lost new life was just beginning. Maybe you can find a prayer group from Church of other young mom’s or the Cursillio community. Do not be afraid or give into despair. The devil will use that to destroy you and your boys. Be strong. I will keep you in my prayers!
 
It would appear that he has not filed for divorce.

If that is the case, then, while you have the legal right (and some above would imply, the duty) to file and freeze assets, if you do, you can just about bet the farm that this marriage is over.

If you want to see this marriage have any chance of survival, then you should get to a marriage counselor, with or without your husband. When you start, you should let him know you are going to counseling, that you want the marriage to work, that you are aware that your actions and reactions to him are part of the problem, and you want to find a way to work it out (an don’t use too many more words than above; you have a marriage full of poor communication, so don’t keep doing what you’ve already been doing. That didn’t work.).

Obviously, you should look for a counselor who is pro marriage, and preferrably Catholic.

At the same time, whether or not he has filed, you need to find a divorce attorney. Most people don’t realize it, but there are not that many attorneys who specialize in divorce; they get one who “does divorce work”, meaning that is one of the things they do. I practiced law for 12 years, and specialized in divorce work, and I had those attorneys and their clients lunch on a regular basis. I don’t know what type of work your husband does, or what he makes, but just possibly he might wake up in the process if you are well represented and understand what the legal system will do for you as a single mother needing to go to school before she gets a job. Once he understands what the system may do to him, he might have an epiphany; one can hope and pray.

And if he doesn’t go to counseling, don’t you quit. Right now (and for as long as the grief process takes; usually about 2 years) you are part of the walking wounded, and borderline crazy. You need help identifying and dealing with the emotional firestorm this creates.

In addition, if he does or doesn’t come back, you need to figure what part you had in this divorce. And bluntly, you are not capable of figuring that out; if you were, you wouldn’t be going through this because you would have fixed it.

Sorry if this seems harsh. I’ve been there, done that, and have a closet full of t-shirts. You need plain English. Ihope it helps. If you have other questions, feel free to send a message.

God bless. As one of my twin daughters said, when her mother said she was leaving us, “This won’t be much fun.”.
 
Go slow. Say nothing to him. (My husband said that 3 yrs ago, I looked at him, said nothing, stayed happy ( or at least acted like it) going about my business and it still has not happened). Begin to protect your self, start working now, keep the money in a separate account and check out lawyers. Hopefully it may not happen, if it does - contest it. This may give you more time. When he finds out how much he has to give up, money wise, he may cool his jets- the more time that goes by with you being accepting of what ever, the better chance of it not happening. Try to get yourself in a position where you could go on in either situation. That way it is easier to remain loving and the more loving you remain the less likely he is to pursue this. Remember Jesus is with you no matter what circumstance you and your kids are in.
 
Go slow. Say nothing to him. (My husband said that 3 yrs ago, I looked at him, said nothing, stayed happy ( or at least acted like it) going about my business and it still has not happened). Begin to protect your self, start working now, keep the money in a separate account and check out lawyers. Hopefully it may not happen, if it does - contest it. This may give you more time. When he finds out how much he has to give up, money wise, he may cool his jets- the more time that goes by with you being accepting of what ever, the better chance of it not happening. Try to get yourself in a position where you could go on in either situation. That way it is easier to remain loving and the more loving you remain the less likely he is to pursue this. Remember Jesus is with you no matter what circumstance you and your kids are in.
 
I’ll state it again: many is the spouse who have found their joint accounts emptied and joint assets spirited away because they chose a wait and see attitude when they got notice that their partner was going to cut and run.
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Ok. Great. Show me the headstones of all the dependent children who died of starvation or hypothermia because mom was so totally dependent on those assets and income. I’ll bet it was excruciatingly difficult, but I doubt death is common.
 
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Lilyofthevalley:
No. She should show her children she is not a door mat for a direspectful husband who does not honor his wife as The Bible states a man to do.
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Lilly and others on this thread,

I think this summarizes what in many circumstances leads marraiges today to get to this point. One does not become a “door mat” by humbly looking at complaints you have received and attempting to improve upon any truth you find. Didn’t Christ model complete humility over vindictiveness and looking our for #1? Perhaps her husband will then see she is willing to evaluate his complaints. Then perhaps he can evalutate his own flaws.

A marriage is supposed to be composed of two people sacrificing 100% to the other person. When this doesn’t happen on one side, the worst response is for the other person to pull back everything.

In my experience, no fight between my wife and I has ever stopped escalating until one of us decided to actually evaluate the others complaints and make a committment to try to improve. In every case after this, the other will let down their guard, and the real issues can be discussed and solved.

I’'m sure there are many hard feelings on both sides, but try to see through his angry words, humble yourself, and lay down your arms as Christ would. Also, remember the man you married. Bhind all that anger is a human being with the same basic feelings and needs you have.
 
Emily,

Hire a good attorney and an even better Private Investigator. It can make all of the difference in the world. Protect yourself and protect your children because he obviously will not. Don’t forget to pray lots too!

God Bless,

Ben
 

One does not become a “door mat” by humbly looking at complaints you have received and attempting to improve upon any truth you find. Didn’t Christ model complete humility over vindictiveness and looking our for #1? Perhaps her husband will then see she is willing to evaluate his complaints. Then perhaps he can evalutate his own flaws.​

I doubt this man will feel one bit humble if his wife grovles for him to come back. For that matter, I suppose he would feel very proud and leave.
Anyman who states,"…the gravy train ran out…" is certainly not thinking like a family man. If anything he sounds like he is on his way out the door.
 
Black Jaque:
Ok. Great. Show me the headstones of all the dependent children who died of starvation or hypothermia because mom was so totally dependent on those assets and income. I’ll bet it was excruciatingly difficult, but I doubt death is common.
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You aren’t arguing that Dad’s only responsibility is making sure that his kids don’t *die? Are you? *Because your replies are beginning to sound as if you really are that callous.

Repeat: the joint assets are not the sole property of the husband, to give out as he sees fit. They are *joint *assets, and in justice they belong to both, for the good of all.

Let’s just hope this marriage doesn’t come to that.
 
I doubt this man will feel one bit humble if his wife grovles for him to come back. For that matter, I suppose he would feel very proud and leave.
Anyman who states,"…the gravy train ran out…" is certainly not thinking like a family man. If anything he sounds like he is on his way out the door.
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I think that none of us really know this man except for a few words of his we have been quoted.

People say stupid things they don’t mean when they are hurt or angry. I know this from my own experience. It could very well be that as has been said he FEELS unappreciated and that was his way (although not the best) of expressing it. (Both my wife and I have felt this way before and usually we pick pretty bad ways of expressing it) If this is the case, then what I suggested is the right decision. However, she has no way of knowing if this is the case until she approaches him in a loving manner and truely takes a look at what needs he has that she may not be meeting. Thats at least a start. They can then move forward to what needs she has that he is not meeting. Nothing can heal without dialog and dialog has to start somewhere. And I guarantee that once you bring in the lawyers dialog will stop or at least turn much more hostile.

Like I said, don’t always assume the worst of people, especially people you don’t know.

Emily, I would think twice about taking advice from people who don’t know the whole situation. Please seek out a good Catholic counselor like someone suggested, who can hear BOTH sides and give better advice based on that. I also have heard great things about Retroville which was mentioned. Don’t give up on your husband or your marraige. Love is largely a choice. At one point he chose to love you, he is capable of it again. (As DC Talk once sang - “Love is a verb”)

You will be in my prayers. May God bless you.

-Tim
 

Like I said, don’t always assume the worst of people, especially people you don’t know.​

Sorry, to state, people ,usually, do the worst. That’s life.
 
My heart goes out to you for the pain you have suffered with your husband’s announcement. You have been given all kinds of advice here, most good, especially the recommendations that you stay close to the Eucharist and the Rosary.

I see that you have previously been directed to Divorce Busting, an excellent site for working on a broken marriage. A Christian, although not Catholic, site that is excellent is Rejoice Ministries. They believe firmly in the principle of standing for one’s marriage after one or the other spouse has left or wants out of the marriage. They will send you a daily, free E-mail of uplifting and encouraging information. They are very much in line with the Catholic Church, or the way it is supposed to be in the Church, because they are against divorce and believe in changing yourself and praying your way to a restored marriage. Their site is: //http://rejoiceministries.org/

My prayers are with you (I am in a similar situation and would appreciate your prayers. I’m going to post separately.)
 
I’m sorry this happened.

Of all the advice I can give you, among being strong for your children, the most important is don’t leave your house. Not like don’t leave to buy groceries, but DON’T LEAVE BY MOVING OUT. In some states that qualifies as abandonment and by default, he gets everything. Call a lawyer, and a priest. but make sure all your bases are covered.
 
My heart goes out to you!

My husband just informed me that he’s not happy:crying: (after 17 years of marriage)
I can’t believe how selfish some men can be!
He’s going to leave because he’s not happy we have 3 kids what about their happiness??! :banghead:

Im going to pray for you. Let Gods will be done!
If they leave maybe it’s for the best! Just trust Him He’s our Father and He loves us!
God bless you!
Terri
 
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