My husband is leaving me

[BLB_Oregon]

terrilee23:

My heart goes out to you!

My husband just informed me that he’s not happy:crying: (after 17 years of marriage)
I can’t believe how selfish some men can be!
He’s going to leave because he’s not happy we have 3 kids what about their happiness??! :banghead:

Im going to pray for you. Let Gods will be done!
If they leave maybe it’s for the best! Just trust Him He’s our Father and He loves us!
God bless you!
Terri

You can remind him that he shouldn’t assume that he knows why he’s not happy or that things can’t change. He deserves joint counselling with you. Otherwise, he’s going to go out, find himself someone like you (because he did fall in love with you for good reason!), and get himself one more family that he can’t live with that he has to support. The world is full of people who made the assumptions he’s making and later realized how wrong they were–after it was too late.

He’s not happy… that is your concern, too. OK, he’s self-centered to assume that you are his problem and that abandoning you is the solution. Nevertheless, he shouldn’t be expected to just swallow his feelings and soldier on as if nothing is wrong, either. Go find out what is going on. It may be that you both could be much happier, if you only knew how.

 

[FranL]

Hi,

I don’t really know what you should do. I don’t think taking advice from a chat room or BBS is wise. As I mentioned before, I think the best thing is to get some competant advice locally.

But I would like to share something.

My wife left me and our sons early in June this year. When she wanted to know what she could take I told her “It doesn’t matter, the only thing that’s not replaceable is you”.

For five months she only called a few times and always when she knew I wouldn’t be around. When she had to drop by for business reasons from time to time she was very curt. She wouldn’t respond when I told her I loved her and wished she would return home.

Last Wednesday she called for some unimportant reason and we got on the subject of the election. She began telling me about how everyone seemed to have really bad attitudes this year and the conversation went on for about half an hour. First time she even really talked to me since she left.

Last Friday I let her know that we were going to clean out some junk from around the house and if she thought there was anything here she wanted she should come by soon and sort through the stuff. She made an appointment to come by this afternoon at three.

I had the kids cook a nice dinner just in case she stayed that late. I got home from work a few minutes after she arived.

Things were a bit stiff at first. But the kids and I made it plain that we were really glad she was here. We never got around to sorting through the junk. We had a very nice visit and our conversation ran the gamut of our lives, the news and pretty much anything else people talk about. And she stayed for dinner. After about four hours, when she was leaving, after she gave the boys their hugs and kisses she came over and put out her arms to me for a hug. She let me kiss her. After months of keeping me at arms distance.

I walked her out to the car. She hugged me again and while I held her close I wispered in her ear that if it ever came to her that she wanted to come back, no one would shake a finger at her and she wouldn’t hear an “I told you so”. All she would find is a bunch of people who were real glad to have her home.
When I let go, there was a tear in her eye. She said “I’m working on it.” Then she got in her car and drove off.

I feel very hopeful tonight.
I know a lot of single moms who make a better living than I do. But they aren’t as hopeful as I am tonight. The “assets” are replaceable. Your family isn’t.

The very next time I pray that second bead, I’ll pray it for you. I will pray that you soon feel hopeful too.

God bless,

• FranL

 

[Romick]

Fran L., I’m so sorry that you and your children are going through this, but think you are handling it well. It’s good to let the spouse who walks away know that you can forgive them. From what other spouses who have walked away have said, coming home is often dependent on that forgiveness.

The Sacrament of Marriage is so filled with unused graces. Sadly, too often they are only called upon when one spouse decides to walk out. Walking away is never a solution to marital problems and separation rarely is, other than in cases of real abuse. But people let so many un-Godly things get in the way of what marriage is supposed to be and the Sacrament is abused by one or both spouses.

My marriage is an alcoholic one, but I had a part in my husband’s unhappiness, I have to say. I didn’t always do the right things, by any means. But for him, or for any spouse, to walk away rather than choosing to seek counseling or a deep prayer life about the problems is not only wrong in the worldly sense, but goes against the very laws of God.

It is my prayer that the church will emphasize the Sacrament of Marriage more. They have done very well with Right to Life, but fail to see that preserving marriages is another way to fight for life. It is also my prayer that God will restore so many of the broken marriages in the world today.

God bless us all.