My husbands aunt took my boy name

[Millie123]

Yes I do care and am making a big deal of it because if we ever have a boy and name him Jude she is the type if person who will turn around and tell everyone I copied her and never admit it was the other way around. I am going to continue to be irritated especially when I hear her talking about it.

This is the part of your post where I think your anger is a little unhealthy. Being mad at her because you had it first is the type of argument that my kindergartner would make. We’re adults here, and you’re an adult and fretting over who had it first and who is copying who is juvenile.

Also, yes, you are going to hear her start talking about the name Jude a lot now, so it would actually be more healthy for you to let go of your anger and bitterness and come to accept it. What are you going to do everytime she talks about her baby Jude? “Jude finally slept through the night last night” “Jude rolled over for the first time”. She is going to be talking about her baby Jude a lot, so yes you’ll need to accept it and move beyond anger and irritation.

 

[PhiloMed]

Really? You are mad that she might name her baby Jude, a name that you love? Only one person can have that name? You might want to examine how selfish you are being. Name your child what you want and she can do the same. I also recommend not sharing your ideas for names when pregnant.

Exactly. Your misplaced anger sounds very childish.

I mean this with all sincerity. Given your other posts it seems like you are on an emotional rollercoaster that is truly unhealthy.

 

[acadiANNA]

Be happy for her. Be flattered that she liked the name you picked. Of course I would find it odd that a close relative would want to use the name I’ve already chosen for my son. Just think of it as if her son would have a classmate of the same name-it wouldn’t matter. What I do appreciate about your choice of a name is that St. Jude Thaddeus is revered throughout the world and a wonderful patron Saint for you to pray for intercessions for your son, should you be blessed with one. I worked with a girl named Jude - we all loved her name. Middle name may have been Mary or Marie, can’t remember. Pray that you can forgive her. It’s not ok to hold on to a “grudge”. Choose a healthy way to deal with it-give your disappointment to God so you can be at peace with it. You can’t control what other people will say or do. In our family, we do consider other babies’ names while choosing a name for a newborn. Not all family systems are the same. Praying for all concerned.

 

[pensmama87]

Exactly. Your misplaced anger sounds very childish.

I mean this with all sincerity. Given your other posts it seems like you are on an emotional rollercoaster that is truly unhealthy.

Yes, have you looked into any treatment options yet?

I’d be annoyed, too, but practically speaking the only thing is not to share baby names. I’ve held onto a couple girl names for years. I may never get to use them, but I won’t be inviting this situation, either.

 

[Rose71]

Why not tell her you like the name ‘Watchtower’

No, seriously, let it go because otherwise it will eat you up. Many big families have duplicate names and nobody argues about who thought of it first, or why! The only person you are hurting by the way you feel, is you.

 

[powerofk]

“Star” is English for “Stella” so it’s not too weird, essentially. Stella has a bit more history (as a given name) than Star, though…

It would be strange for a person to name a person “King” or “Queen” and yet we do name people “Rex” and “Regina.” It’s all very interesting how these things develop…

To the OP: you can always take credit for that child’s name. Hopefully, he will like it. And, there is nothing wrong with cousins having the same first name.

Dan

Archbishop Alexander Sample’s (of Portland, Oregon) middle name is King.

But in all honesty, in my family, there’s been a few name repititions (not many, but I have both an uncle and a cousin named Andrew and both an aunt and a cousin named Laura). In my wife’s family (which is a large Mexican family), though, there are a lot of repititions - many women named Maria, several men/boys with the name Leonardo, a couple men named Oscar, a couple named Epifanio, two women named Adela (or variations of it), men and women named Manuel and Manuela, etc. So names repeat. As for the name Leonardo, two of the boys named Leonardo are first cousins and are the same age!

 

[MomaMary8]

Star of the Sea is one of Mary’s titles, so she fits right in!

“Star” is English for “Stella” so it’s not too weird, essentially. Stella has a bit more history (as a given name) than Star, though…

Dan

Morning Star as well. We have a few Citlalis in our family (husband’s side). Citlali is a Mexican indigenous name that means star. It’s on our list of possible names if we ever have another girl. Citlamina (shooting star) is more common in my husband’s family. Both are used to honor Mary. They also use Anam (means Earth) as a Marian name. Not sure how that works out though, but I think it’s pretty.

Ah yes! That works, and means she’s on my team (but honestly that may not have been the intention at birth )

No she did not like the name before I told her. She liked Emmett. She is not Catholic, she’s jahovahs witness. Yes I do care and am making a big deal of it because if we ever have a boy and name him Jude she is the type if person who will turn around and tell everyone I copied her and never admit it was the other way around. I am going to continue to be irritated especially when I hear her talking about it. Oh well. Guess I’ll have to find a new name for my son even though Jude Thaddeus has been my top pick for a long time now.

You are choosing to remain in your anger and jealousy. We control our own actions. We cannot control other’s actions, only how we react to them. Are you pregnant with your son now? Or are you imagining a fight that doesn’t even exist yet?

 

[Lorelei12]

No she did not like the name before I told her. She liked Emmett. She is not Catholic, she’s jahovahs witness. Yes I do care and am making a big deal of it because if we ever have a boy and name him Jude she is the type if person who will turn around and tell everyone I copied her and never admit it was the other way around. I am going to continue to be irritated especially when I hear her talking about it. Oh well. Guess I’ll have to find a new name for my son even though Jude Thaddeus has been my top pick for a long time now.

So what if she does tell people that? Truly, other people (aside from maybe grandparents) don’t care what you name your kids. And if she went around telling people you “copied her”, any mature adult is going to think she is acting foolish.

I always liked a certain name for a boy; it’s still my favorite and was always my “top pick”. It turned out that my husband really didn’t like it, so our son has a different name, which I love now and can’t imagine him being called anything else. If you do have a son, you really are not going to care about this in the long run.

 

[Sarcelle]

Star of the Sea is one of Mary’s titles, so she fits right in!

Talking about Star of the Sea, the neighbor’s daughter is named Stella Marie.

 

[Graceful_Lamb]

I can see how something like this would make you upset. However, I agree with the others that you could still use the name Jude Thaddeus. I have family members who are sensitive about this same issue.

 

[RPRPsych]

No she did not like the name before I told her. She liked Emmett. She is not Catholic, she’s jahovahs witness. Yes I do care and am making a big deal of it because if we ever have a boy and name him Jude she is the type if person who will turn around and tell everyone I copied her and never admit it was the other way around. I am going to continue to be irritated especially when I hear her talking about it. Oh well. Guess I’ll have to find a new name for my son even though Jude Thaddeus has been my top pick for a long time now.

Sorry to hear this. Here in India, Catholic names are so often replicated that my wife and mother share the same name and maiden surname* D) and so do my father and father-in-law )).

If Jude Thaddeus is out, how about another apostle’s name? How about Simon (not Simon Peter, but the zealous one?) Bartholomew? Andrew? Thomas? All of those are nice names. (Anything but Philip, because that’s the “P” in RPR. I was almost a Paul.)

• our concept of “surnames” is patronymics…

 

[Phemie]

Annoying? Yes. But worth making a fuss about? No.

Both my godfather and my godmother, a brother and sister, named their sons Paul after their father. Nobody thought that was odd.

 

[EasterJoy]

You had the name chosen and then had a girl, so she’s not supposed to use any part of that name, ever?

That makes the practice of asking relatives about baby names a bit hazardous, doesn’t it?

Either name your child Jude Thaddeus, saying, “Jane may not remember it, but we were planning on having a Jude Thaddeus from the first time we got pregnant. Anyone who doubts me can ask my mom” or name him “Thaddeus Jude” or else let go of this, find another name, keep it a guarded secret, and realize that someone else in the family may still choose the same name from the rolls of all the saints before you manage to produce a son. I come from a big family; it happens fairly frequently.

The best response is to realize this is a very common problem and not something that needs to bother you for the rest of your life. Do your best to let go of the disappointment (when it comes, because you are upset on behalf of a son you don’t even have yet) and move on with Plan B. After all, what did you plan to do when you looked your son in the face and realized that the fellow looking back at you was* not* a Jude? It happens! Always be ready to go to Plan B, Plan C, Plan D or some other plan you didn’t even see a reason to consider. That is the lot of parents.

By the way, whatever you do, don’t spread this story all over the place. Unless you had a name picked out that was made unfortunate and unusable because some famous person ruined it, it is better if your son never figures out that his name was not Plan A. I’d let “Jude Thaddeus” become the name your daughter would have had if she had been a boy, let “Jude” become the name you didn’t want for your son because a relative already had it, and the name he gets as the name you and your husband like much better, anyway.

 

[EasterJoy]

Annoying? Yes. But worth making a fuss about? No.

Both my godfather and my godmother, a brother and sister, named their sons Paul after their father. Nobody thought that was odd.

Weren’t 2/3 of the men in Bach’s family named Johann?

 

[Phemie]

In large Catholic families, names often repeat, especially if the families tend to favor traditional Saint names. It’s usually a positive in families. Between my cousins and their children (and now grandchildren) we could creat teams based on first names. Everyone named after Mary…team one. St. Joseph? Team two. This is where nick names come in handy. I’m not sure where my cousin’s daughter Star fits in…

True. My siblings and I and most of my cousins go by our middle names because otherwise we’d all be Marie and Joseph and that would be just toooo confusing.

 

[Bonnie]

She is not Catholic, she’s jahovahs witness.

What a great opening for continuing evangelization! At every birthday & any other gift-giving event you can give the kid a St. Jude-related present. By the time she was 10, my daughter, Kateri, could have opened a St. Kateri gift shop.

 

[ejlo1]

Honestly, we are expecting baby #4 in August and not once have we wanted to use a name that we picked out but didn’t use for an older child. I always thought we would pick out names for a boy and a girl and if we had a boy then we would save the girl name as a possibility for the next child but it has never happened that way. So while you are irritated that she used a name you currently like, you might not have wanted that name in the future.

 

[bitterhope]

Honestly, we are expecting baby #4 in August and not once have we wanted to use a name that we picked out but didn’t use for an older child. I always thought we would pick out names for a boy and a girl and if we had a boy then we would save the girl name as a possibility for the next child but it has never happened that way. So while you are irritated that she used a name you currently like, you might not have wanted that name in the future.

Now that you mention it, it seems to have gone that way for our kids too. A couple of names have resurfaced at a later date, but none have actually been used. We always planned to have a Christina (Cristi) and a Jesus (Chucho) and neither one has happened. But we don’t seem to actually settle on a name until we see the baby. They kind of make their name known to us instead of us picking a name for them.

 

[kdbueno]

It seems a matter of life and death, to me. Do cool yourself and cheer-up. Understand that your husband’s aunt may have a genuine interest in your intellect. Have faith.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

So I have always wanted to name my first son Jude Thaddeus (st.Jude, you know) and my husbands aunt (his moms half sister who is much younger, only a few years older than us) was asking me what we were going to name our baby if we had a boy when I was still pregnant. Naturally I told her,she told me how cute it was. We had a girl so Jude wasn’t used but I still wanted to use it in the future. Well now she’s pregnant and wants to name her son Jude Caden George idk why I am so annoyedt for all I know I might not ever have a boy but if we do I very well can’t name him the same name as his cousin. But literally there are so many boys names. When I voiced my opinion about her copying it she basically told me she came up with the idea and even insinuated that she thought of it first. I am normally nice and understanding but I am just done with everyone acting like my opinions or ideas don’t exist oR matter!! And yes this kind of thing happens quite a bit !

When there is a thread like this, I realize that there is a difference between men and women. For the life of me I cannot understand why this is upsetting or why you would give it a second thought…