My husbands aunt took my boy name

[pensmama87]

When there is a thread like this, I realize that there is a difference between men and women. For the life of me I cannot understand why this is upsetting or why you would give it a second thought…

Are you familiar with the poster’s history?

It’s not just “a woman thing.” It’s a “very likely severe postpartum depression” thing.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Are you familiar with the poster’s history?

It’s not just “a woman thing.” It’s a “very likely severe postpartum depression” thing.

Ah… No I was not aware… Thanks.

 

[Maximilan_Kolbe]

I can see how something like this would make you upset. However, I agree with the others that you could still use the name Jude Thaddeus. I have family members who are sensitive about this same issue.

Yeah, my wife generally calls the siblings and in laws as a courtesy when discussing new babies and sees if there are any names that are “reserved.” Obviously, none of it is set in stone, but she does it as a courtesy to the mom or dad if they truly have their heart set on a certain name. Generally, aside from such common names like Mary (there’s something about Mary…), it isn’t an issue. And if we were set on a name, we’d choose it, either way, and would understand if others did the same…

I can understand your annoyance because of how it transpired, and how special both your prospective son and St. Jude are to you, but regardless of the name, try to focus on raising the son to emulate St. Jude, and know him personally as a role model for a young man. That will give your son a closer connection to a friend of Jesus than any shared name. I love St. Jude dearly, and pray to him often for intercession, but have an unrelated name.

On a lighter note, you could always name him Danny Thomas.

 

[MaryT777]

I admit that I would probably be annoyed too, but it isn’t really fair to ask someone not to name their child something they want to just because you might use the name in the future, even if she did get the idea from you. It is possible that she liked the name before you even mentioned it, too.

If you have a son and want to name him Jude, you can still name him Jude. My husband has a cousin with the same name, and everyone is okay.

I agree, I am named Mary and two other cousins with the same name and no one minds. We also have two named John.

Mary.

 

[Bonnie]

I agree, I am named Mary and two other cousins with the same name and no one minds.

Sharing names can bring closeness. When my daughter was young, she & 3 friends started the “St. Rose Club.” One had Rose for a first name, the other 3 as their middle name.

One thing to think about is that kids don’t always keep the name you choose. My now-adult son still goes by Critter sometimes, and my daughter has given up on people pronouncing her name correctly & goes by Kitty. I have several friends & relatives who have changed their given names completely, or choose to go by their middle names. Sometimes baby nicknames stick right from the start - our son was the Critter from day 1.

 

[Indigo_Cardinal]

I’m going to have to echo the sentiment of others–while annoying, build the bridge and get over it. It’s a name you like, not access to your bank account.

Unless you’re joining the “Yooneeke and Cre8tive” naming club, there’s always a chance a name you pick will be used by somebody else (whether intentionally or not.) You don’t have a patent on the name “Jude”.

My grandpa, dad, brother, and cousin all shared the same first name. Somehow, everybody survived. (Well, my grandpa’s dead now, but of natural causes, not of “Oh my God, I’m sharing my name with somebody!” syndrome.)

Names frequently get re-used in my mother’s family. One of my cousins wanted to name her second daughter after me, but had trouble coming up with a middle name. (My first name falls under the ‘unusual’ category.) My mom told her my middle name, and my cousin loved it. I certainly had no problems with it (I was kind of excited, really)–but my dad threw a fit, because my middle name was his mother’s first name, and he didn’t feel my mom’s family had a ‘right’ to use it. It caused a big fight (not helped by the fact that in an uncharitable moment, I threw it at my dad that his mother had been dead since the late 1960s and that it’s my name now), my cousin wound up feeling uncomfortable and named her daughter something else, and relations there have been a bit…strained.

And all over who had a ‘right’ to a name. And I’m sure, OP, you are reading that account, and thinking that when it’s somebody else’s story, it sounds petty and for a stupid thing for a family to fight about, doesn’t it?

Well, you’d be right. It was a stupid and petty thing for a family to fight about.

Is this what you want?

I’d focus on something more fun–that you could always teach the two Judes to sing the Beatles song of the same name in harmony. You’d all be better off.

 

[dixieagle]

Annoying and irritating, but hardly worth wasting sleep over. I wouldn’t change your name of choice.

Most of the male members on my dad’s side of the family were named Edmund (at least 3 come to mind) and Edward on my mother’s side. Half the people in the room at holidays answered to “Ed.” Funny, but not problematic.

 

[WJeffrey]

So I have always wanted to name my first son Jude Thaddeus (st.Jude, you know) and my husbands aunt (his moms half sister who is much younger, only a few years older than us) was asking me what we were going to name our baby if we had a boy when I was still pregnant. Naturally I told her,she told me how cute it was. We had a girl so Jude wasn’t used but I still wanted to use it in the future. Well now she’s pregnant and wants to name her son Jude Caden George idk why I am so annoyedt for all I know I might not ever have a boy but if we do I very well can’t name him the same name as his cousin. But literally there are so many boys names. When I voiced my opinion about her copying it she basically told me she came up with the idea and even insinuated that she thought of it first. I am normally nice and understanding but I am just done with everyone acting like my opinions or ideas don’t exist oR matter!! And yes this kind of thing happens quite a bit !

If this is the worst thing that happens to you today, you have had a wonderful day. Talk about a First World, Million dollar, Cadillac problem. Are you planning to tell his school that they are not allowed to have any other student named Jude enrolled in the school?

 

[kptrs]

So I have always wanted to name my first son Jude Thaddeus (st.Jude, you know) and my husbands aunt (his moms half sister who is much younger, only a few years older than us) was asking me what we were going to name our baby if we had a boy when I was still pregnant. Naturally I told her,she told me how cute it was. We had a girl so Jude wasn’t used but I still wanted to use it in the future. Well now she’s pregnant and wants to name her son Jude Caden George idk why I am so annoyedt for all I know I might not ever have a boy but if we do I very well can’t name him the same name as his cousin. But literally there are so many boys names. When I voiced my opinion about her copying it she basically told me she came up with the idea and even insinuated that she thought of it first. I am normally nice and understanding but I am just done with everyone acting like my opinions or ideas don’t exist oR matter!! And yes this kind of thing happens quite a bit !

This is why DH and I have chosen not to reveal our kids’ names until after they’re born.

Does she know her baby is a boy? Unless she actually has a baby boy before you have a baby boy, you get to name your child whatever you want. Simple as that.

 

[Allegra]

There is no reason you can’t name your future hypothetical son whatever you want. My sister was laboring under the delusion that if she had a boy before I did, she was going to steal my baby boy name. I told her I was naming my first boy that name, even if she did. I ended up having a boy first anyway and she’s was annoyed by it. She calls my son Baby D, because she doesn’t want to use his real name. She may end up using the same name someday and that isn’t going to rock my world either. Name your kid whatever you want.

 

[Sneaux]

I would be annoyed too, but I would also name whatever future children I had, whatever I wanted. In my family there was a big fight, one of my cousins wanted to name her daughter Kory Dawn since she was a child, well, another cousin named her son Corey, and when Kory Dawn was born they threw a fit, but everyone gets along now.

 

[Anglewannabe]

A friend of mine was pregnant with twins. She told her friend what name they were going to use for the boy. The ‘friend’ said ‘What a great name’ bought a dog and gave it the boys name

My friend was annoyed and didn’t want her son names after a dog, so she chose a different name. That was her choice, she could still have used the name.

Another story is about a couple who were thinking bout buying a dog. They decided on a name for the dog. When the find out the lady was pregnant, they decided not to get the dog and gave the name to their daughter.

Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with using a person’s name just because someone used it on a dog.

Now that I have finished sharing my stories, I do understand your frustration. But there is one thing I have learnt years ago. If we don’t like how someone reacts to information we have shared, it is better to quit sharing such information. When I was in the market to buy a home, everyone and their brother told me what to do. So I just set a boundary that I was no longer going to discuss it since I did not want their advice. Same holds for baby names. If you don’t want people ‘getting too close’ then you can’t share your baby name.

By the sounds of it, this aunt doesn’t sound like the type of person I would want to share anything with in the first place anyways

Angie

 

[EasterJoy]

A friend of mine was pregnant with twins. She told her friend what name they were going to use for the boy. The ‘friend’ said ‘What a great name’ bought a dog and gave it the boys name

My friend was annoyed and didn’t want her son names after a dog, so she chose a different name. That was her choice, she could still have used the name.

Another story is about a couple who were thinking bout buying a dog. They decided on a name for the dog. When the find out the lady was pregnant, they decided not to get the dog and gave the name to their daughter.

Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with using a person’s name just because someone used it on a dog.

Now that I have finished sharing my stories, I do understand your frustration. But there is one thing I have learnt years ago. If we don’t like how someone reacts to information we have shared, it is better to quit sharing such information. When I was in the market to buy a home, everyone and their brother told me what to do. So I just set a boundary that I was no longer going to discuss it since I did not want their advice. Same holds for baby names. If you don’t want people ‘getting too close’ then you can’t share your baby name.

By the sounds of it, this aunt doesn’t sound like the type of person I would want to share anything with in the first place anyways

Angie

There are so many dogs (not to mention horses and cats) out there with good old-fashioned names like Jake, Lucy, Maggie, Abby, Sophie, Emma, Sam, Teddy, Max, Jack, Sam, and so on that it hardly seems that anyone should concern themselves that someone might give a pet the same saint’s name as their child has.

I think this all goes to show it is better not to ask what someone plans to name their child and better for parents not to answer if asked. Whoever has their child first gets to choose what name they want, and those who come after can decide if they want to duplicate or not.

After all, no one is going to reject someone as a marriage prospect because a cousin or even a sibling “already has that name.” When two members of the family have the same name, the family learns to cope with it. It happens all of the time.

 

[Ms_Manners]

Name your future child whatever you want and don’t worry about it.

This.

My child is named after her father.
It was only after I’d had the idea that I realized both of my grandmothers had the same name. I know, silly, but they were always Grandma to me, never thought about it.
Some people on his side didn’t like this. I could not possibly care less, honestly. It wasn’t my motivation to exclude their side (although they do have names that aren’t very good for a baby now), so let them think whatever they want.

 

[Phemie]

This.

My child is named after her father.
**It was only after I’d had the idea that I realized both of my grandmothers had the same name. I know, silly, but they were always Grandma to me, **never thought about it.
Some people on his side didn’t like this. I could not possibly care less, honestly. It wasn’t my motivation to exclude their side (although they do have names that aren’t very good for a baby now), so let them think whatever they want.

Similar thing happened when we had our first child. I tried every which way to give her names that no one in the family had. Nadine Elizabeth. There, I thought, nobody can complain that we favoured one side or the other.

We go home to have her baptized and my dad’s sister says, “Why did you call her Elizabeth? I’ve always hated my name.” Oh, right, Aunt “Bessie” is short for Elizabeth. Having never, ever, heard her referred to as Elizabeth, that had been completely off my radar.

 

[Bonnie]

Similar thing happened when we had our first child. I tried every which way to give her names that no one in the family had. Nadine Elizabeth. There, I thought, nobody can complain that we favoured one side or the other.

We go home to have her baptized and my dad’s sister says, “Why did you call her Elizabeth? I’ve always hated my name.” Oh, right, Aunt “Bessie” is short for Elizabeth. Having never, ever, heard her referred to as Elizabeth, that had been completely off my radar.

That’s funny!

My sister ran into a similar problem but from the other side. Growing up, we had a mentally unstable relative who happened to have the same name as her fil, who died shortly after she married. So when their first son was a boy, mil really wanted her husband’s name as either a first or middle name. My sister couldn’t even think of that name without bringing to mind the particular relative. I think my bil talked with his mother about it, but she was still disappointed.

 

[pianistclare]

Hispanic culture here.
Every girl in every family named Maria- fill in the blank.

Who cares?
No one.

You shouldn’t either.
It’s your child’s NAME for heaven’s sake. It will go with him for the rest of his life. He and his cousin may not even see each other after they go off to college and marry, possibly relocating.

As Philo Med and Pemsmama said…get health some advice in real life.
These kinds of things should not be that upsetting to you.
There’s always going to be awkward and unoriginal people.

 

[acadiANNA]

“Every day, God grants us the precious gift of life. Yet every day, we squander it with our selfish, petty concerns, rather than helping someone as He helps us.”
― Kirn Hans, Behind My Mask
Now I do believe your feelings are hurt. Some things are serious and some are not. It’s up to you to use that negative energy and turn it into a positive. You would help this relative by just letting it go. God does not want us to keep a list of slights and insults. By the grace of God, I learned to weigh what is important and what is not. You can feel ‘rage’ just don’t hold on to it. Things happen, it’s how we react to it that we have to control.

 

[Mulligan2]

So I have always wanted to name my first son Jude Thaddeus (st.Jude, you know) and my husbands aunt (his moms half sister who is much younger, only a few years older than us) was asking me what we were going to name our baby if we had a boy when I was still pregnant. Naturally I told her,she told me how cute it was. We had a girl so Jude wasn’t used but I still wanted to use it in the future. Well now she’s pregnant and wants to name her son Jude Caden George idk why I am so annoyedt for all I know I might not ever have a boy but if we do I very well can’t name him the same name as his cousin. But literally there are so many boys names. When I voiced my opinion about her copying it she basically told me she came up with the idea and even insinuated that she thought of it first. I am normally nice and understanding but I am just done with everyone acting like my opinions or ideas don’t exist oR matter!! And yes this kind of thing happens quite a bit !

I agree with the other posters who have said that you should still name your future son whatever name you so choose.

A way to have avoided this is to be guarded with what information you share. For instance, if you are asked if you have a name picked out, you are under no obligation to share what the name is, thus avoiding this predicament altogether.

 

[Kit15]

I admit that I would probably be annoyed too, but it isn’t really fair to ask someone not to name their child something they want to just because you might use the name in the future, even if she did get the idea from you. It is possible that she liked the name before you even mentioned it, too.

If you have a son and want to name him Jude, you can still name him Jude. My husband has a cousin with the same name, and everyone is okay.

I had the first child of the new generation. If I had a son, I would have named him Robert after our grandfather. 4.5 years later I have a daughter, I’m still not pregnant again, and I have 4 nephews, no nieces, and my sister is pregnant with her third, who everyone is betting will be another boy. It really wouldn’t have been fair of me to continue my “claim” on Robert with how many boys everyone else has had and a second child looking less likely for me let alone a son. Other people would have wanted to pass on our grandfather’s name too.

We actually named our daughter what turned out to be the most popular girl’s name of the year. It was on my short list for years and suddenly everyone was using it. It was enough to make me back off from the name but then my husband said “Since when have you stopped liking anything just because it became popular?” Couldn’t argue against that really…