My now homosexual husband wants custody

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Rozellelily said:
I also think you need to find a way to become more dispassionate about his homosexuality and homosexuality in general.
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I don’t think this is good advice.

To be honest, I think the idea that the mother will alienate the kids is a bit overstated. Kids aren’t stupid. They will wonder why their dad abandoned their mom and created such an upheval in their lives. They will almost certainly see the injustice of this situation as they grow older and probably blame the dad for not sticking to his commitments rather than the mother for disapproving of the lifestyle of the dad.

Kids have an acute sense of justice. I speak from personal experience of dealing with my own father’s lack of commitment to me. I’d be very surprised if the kids became more sympathetic to the dad here.
 
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It is still an option that she can pursue if she wants her kids raised in the Catholic faith only. She should be the one that has it placed in the divorce decree, not the other way around as it was done to me.

Which is what we as Catholics are required to do, no?

Edit: After reading through a couple of your posts I can see why you would say what you said as an agnostic.

You have to remember that this is a Catholic forum and Catholics are going to give advice that favor Catholicism.
 
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lonegreywolf20 said:
You have to remember that this is a Catholic forum and Catholics are going to give advice that favor Catholicism.
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I understand, but in this case, the advice should favor the kids as well. I don’t see how alienating them from their dad, and his religion, is going to work in the kids’ favor. Maybe that is just me, though.
 
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I know that this community at least doesn’t see how exposing them to their father’s faith would be beneficial.
 
[quote="Capta(name removed by moderator)rudeman, post:99,

I suspect that the husband “as dad” and his religion are a package deal (the same as it is for the mom and her Catholicism). I don’t think it is prudent to expect one can separate the parent from the religion. That is why I suggest they find a way to work through it amicably and without putting religious restrictions on eachother.
 
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I stand by my post as someone has seen first hand what advice such as your leads to.
 
I think it’s a balancing act, and it will require more compromise than any Catholic parent would naturally want to offer. Parental alienation is something family courts are aware of and constructed to discourage. The OP will have to walk a fine line between not obstructing the father’s legal right to parent and express his religion yet not openly approving of it. Otherwise, she could be perceived by courts as detrimental in the calculation of the children’s best interests and undermine her cause, and theirs. We have to work within the reality of the court system, which is horribly broken and ill-suited to handling such delicate matters.

You’re definitely correct that water will seek its own level, and the children will wonder at the reason for their family structure. The father will likely become less credible to the children and be perceived by them as less secure and trustworthy. I’m sorry that your father showed a lack of commitment to you, and I have a lot of respect for you for advocating for a better outcome. 🙂

If the mother is able to maximize custodial and access rights in her favour, she will mitigate the damage to the children from these unfortunate events, and that will mean operating within the confines of the legal system.
 
withdrawing post; don’t know how to delete.
 
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Yeah. I agree. And really, all the OP has to do to be the “good parent” in all this is to work within the legal system and make some attempt to be civil. The kids will make heir own mind up when they see mom struggling to come to terms with this and they themselves coming to terms with it.
 
Im very sorry for your situation with your father.
Children need their father, and it is sad that I see so often examples of broken homes where the father is an absent figure and/or living a “self focused” life.
While the OP’s children might react the way you describe as they are young while their mother is their primary influence,could there not be a concern that as they get older and are exposed to pro gay marriage ideology which is so prevalent now and become more influenced by friends and society,that if she comes across “too strong” emotionally about it,that they could then negatively affect their view towards the catholic faith (and even towards her)?
 
Yeah. That’s why I’m saying that all she has to do is NOT come on too strong. Anything’s possible, but I just think that if the OP plays her cards right she has nothing to worry about. And whild kids need their father, it sometimes isn’t best for the kids to see their father. In an ideal world, the OP would get 100% custody.
 
That’s what I was saying too😀
Maybe it was my wording that caused the confusion.
 
I can maybe understand your ignorance on homosexuality. Maybe. But adultery? Really? It’s Commandment 6. Elementary level stuff.
 
Sorry I haven’t felt up to posting. The judge granted my ex joint legal and physical custody. We rotate weeks and holidays. It is a ridiculous schedule. The judge disagreed with my lawyer, he claimed 2 religions wouldn’t hurt the children but open them up to a wider world view. 😑

Friday afternoon they went with their father and I won’t get them back until this Friday. I talk to them on the phone every evening and they sound happy and have told me all about meeting ‘Paul’ daddy’s fiance. 🤢

Im dying inside.i don’t know how to tell them their father is living in sin and going against everything we as Catholics believe.
 
catholickate147 said:
I’m dying inside.i don’t know how to tell them their father is living in sin and going against everything we as Catholics believe.
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I’m sorry you are going through such a difficult time. But please, do not do this. Or at least, check with your attorney to see what the ramifications of saying this would be.

If the court believes you are influencing your children to see their father in a negative light, you may not have the level of custody you do now.

There have been some excellent suggestions about teaching your children the faith in a positive way, and trusting that eventually they will realize your ex cheated on you. But you shouldn’t be the one to point that out.

Believe me, I know how hard this is. But I also know you’ll get through it, and your relationship with your children will benefit from you keeping silent about their father.
 
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That judge is definitely not an expert on child behavior. What would make him think two faiths are better?

I think time is the only cure here. Eventually, they’ll realize that their dad was a cheating you-know-what and they’ll resent him for ruining their happy family. They’ll probably pick up on your emotional distress, too.
 
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