My parents want me to date women with at least a college degree

[chevalier]

It hasn’t been said, but with work and dedication, it’s possible to complete even a Ph.D. with a slightly below average IQ - probably very uncommon and certainly shouldn’t serve as justification for forcing less IQ-laden children to stay long in the academia.

 

[BadTurkey]

so Bad Turkey, what are your parents reasons for insisting she have a bachelor’s degree? Do you know? We’re curious, or at least I am.

OK, this is what they said. Bear with me, because it may come off as a bit offensive to some. To paraphrase it, they basically said that they didn’t raise me up and pay for my education for me to marry someone who doesn’t even have a college degree. They think the girl is trying to get a free ride or something. Like I said though, this is what my parents think, not what I think. You have to understand though, that they have worked really hard to get where they are and to get me to where I am, and they only want the best for me. That said, I still think their characterization is unfair, so much so I’m now afraid to tell them about any girl I date who doesn’t have a 4-year college degree. What they don’t know can’t hurt them, right?

 

[whatevergirl]

*I see, BadTurkey…I sort of ‘thought’ that was where they were coming from. To me, it would depend on what the girl has been doing with her life in the interim. If she was sitting around doing nothing, not going to college, not holding a decent job…graduated high school in hopes of finding a guy to take care of her, I would not be happy if my son brought home a girl like this. However, if she opted out of college because she decided to work in the family business, or went right into the business world after high school, or she became a missionary, feeding the homeless, climbing mount everest, training for a marathon…or was considering religious life at one point…(fill in the blank with another option)…I would have a different opinion.

But, I wouldn’t want EITHER my son or daughter to marry someone who didn’t have any direction, or ambition, indepedent of meeting a potential spouse. Considering you have your masters, you are probably older than 22 at this point? So, if you did meet a girl around your age…or even older someday…it would be odd if she had done nothing in those years after high school, and was just lingering around waiting for life to come her way.

A person doesn’t have to go to college, but they do need to do something productive after high school…I don’t want my own daughter or son sitting around, doing nothing with their lives…if they were not going to attend college. They need to use their lives in the direction God places them…that doesn’t necessarily mean college for all people. *

 

[whatevergirl]

OK, this is what they said. Bear with me, because it may come off as a bit offensive to some. To paraphrase it, they basically said that they didn’t raise me up and pay for my education for me to marry someone who doesn’t even have a college degree. They think the girl is trying to get a free ride or something. Like I said though, this is what my parents think, not what I think. You have to understand though, that they have worked really hard to get where they are and to get me to where I am, and they only want the best for me. That said, I still think their characterization is unfair, so much so I’m now afraid to tell them about any girl I date who doesn’t have a 4-year college degree. What they don’t know can’t hurt them, right?

I probably wouldn’t tell them about every girl you take out to the movies, or dinner…only those that you feel are special and heading in a more serious direction, would I share with them…only those you’d consider introducing them to. I mean, why cause yourself a headache? That’s my advice…unless you feel like things are getting serious with a girl…I wouldn’t share every dating experience you have. Hopefully, if you decide to marry a girl without a degree, your parents will not give you a hard time…God bless!

 

[Sheeniac]

OK, this is what they said. Bear with me, because it may come off as a bit offensive to some. To paraphrase it, they basically said that they didn’t raise me up and pay for my education for me to marry someone who doesn’t even have a college degree. They think the girl is trying to get a free ride or something. Like I said though, this is what my parents think, not what I think. You have to understand though, that they have worked really hard to get where they are and to get me to where I am, and they only want the best for me. That said, I still think their characterization is unfair, so much so I’m now afraid to tell them about any girl I date who doesn’t have a 4-year college degree. What they don’t know can’t hurt them, right?

If you tell them about a girl, do they ask if she has a degree? I doubt I would mention anything unless I was serious.

Intelligence is important, no doubt. But some people wouldn’t do well in a college immediately after high school. Some people might need extra time.

It seems to me that they are considering a college degree to be an indicator of character, and I don’t think it is. Personally, I would date as I please, but just be sensitive of any red flags in the areas your parents are concerned about. It’s either that your parents are a bit more materialistic than you’d prefer, OR… perhaps they think you are a bit too naive.

 

[Sheeniac]

When I was dating (I’m now discerning religious life), I always ended up dating men with no education beyond high school. And I always got bored (MAXIM is NOT literature). It probably didn’t help that I have an IQ that qualifies me for MENSA. Guys tell me I’m too smart, lol So, to them, I’m not wife/girlfriend material. OUCH. I think it is because I would be aware of the crud they like to pull.
If I were dating, I would not date anyone who doesn’t have at least a master’s degree. I would want him to value education and want a educated woman by his side.

I’m in Mensa, but my fiance does not have a college degree. He’s on the path to his BA, and we’re both in our 40s. However, he is very smart and has a lot of common sense. I will say that when I was younger, I did run into similar problems though. However, I dated a wide variety of men and didn’t always make the best choices!

 

[SamH]

Certianly there are people who value education for their children, even if they don’t have a collge (or high school) degree themselves. However, I have often seen the situation I described, and almost never seen a college-educatied person say that education was not valuable…

I would never say that an education wasn’t valuable. However, many people have “earned” a degree without gaining an education.

Being stupid is not the point. If someone does have a learning disability or is simply just not very smart, they may not be able to complete college prepartory work, let alone college. But being stupid and not applying yourself to your schoolwork are two different things.

That would be the difference in our views on the world. When I was in college I saw many people that were to lazy to apply themselves to their course work. Given the amount of time, money and resources going into their education I viewed their laziness as just another degree of stupidity.

I know many “smart” people that didn’t go to college but went to votech instead. Men (and women) that are now running their own businesses as plumbers, electricians and mechanics that make a better living than many lawyers and accountants.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

I would say if you meet a young woman who is a master plumber or master electrician, marry her immediately.

She doesn’t need college, and she will ALWAYS have work.

And she’ll be the most popular person in the family.

 

[ahoyhoy]

OK, this is what they said. Bear with me, because it may come off as a bit offensive to some. To paraphrase it, they basically said that they didn’t raise me up and pay for my education for me to marry someone who doesn’t even have a college degree. They think the girl is trying to get a free ride or something. Like I said though, this is what my parents think, not what I think. You have to understand though, that they have worked really hard to get where they are and to get me to where I am, and they only want the best for me. That said, I still think their characterization is unfair, so much so I’m now afraid to tell them about any girl I date who doesn’t have a 4-year college degree. What they don’t know can’t hurt them, right?

Someone has mentioned this before, but the reasons the girl didn’t go to a 4-year college should be taken into account. If she couldn’t go for financial reasons but is fairly well-read and can carry a conversation with your parents, then I’d think they could overlook this. On the other hand, if she didn’t want to go to college because she had aspirations to be an actress and is still working at a restaurant waiting for that big break to come along, then she’s probably the last thing your parents would want as a daughter-in-law. Anyway, I don’t imagine anyone with a master’s degree can have anything in common with someone who has never even been in college. It’s not so much about “intelligence” as it is about being on the same page. Physical attraction can only last so long.

 

[SamH]

I would say if you meet a young woman who is a master plumber or master electrician, marry her immediately.

She doesn’t need college, and she will ALWAYS have work.

And she’ll be the most popular person in the family.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

It’s not so much about “intelligence” as it is about being on the same page. Physical attraction can only last so long.

This is what I was trying to say about introducing an inequality into the relationship.

 

[Ailina]

Maybe I’m just old fashioned, but WHY does a woman need a college education to be a good wife, mother, housekeeper, companion, mate, etc… ? You say you can see where they are coming from, could you tell ME where they’re coming from?

I’m a little smart alecky though, I’d probably have told them Mary didn’t have a college education. LOL

Neither did Joseph or Jesus for that matter, concerning post-secondary education. Of course, there weren’t a lot of options in that regard in those times. Today there are.

Your wife could be widowed or abandoned, and unlike in Mary’s day, when a male relative usually took such women in, that doesn’t happen anymore (remember Jesus asking John to look after his mother?). For your childrens’ sakes, a wife should have some kind of post-secondary education and the work skills that go along with it, not necessarily a four year degree (which these days doesn’t mean much anyways, unless she also gets a masters and PH.D.). It is being prudent and a help-mate in times when the cost of living (especially housing, be it renting or owning) is very expensive.

 

[Ailina]

A heafty life insurance policy would acheive the same goal though. My husband has a large enough policy that I could stay home with my children until they are all in school themselves, THEN pay for me to finish my education.

A college degree won’t be worth the paper it’s written on if she doesn’t use it for 20 years while staying home with her children and tending to the family & home.

Hmmmm…my ex also has a healthy life insurance policy. It doesn’t mean beans when he abandons his family, however. I still have to work for money and raise the kids on top of that.` Sometimes, things don’t go as planned.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Some life insurance policies are invalidated depending on how someone dies. Unless you can be very sure just how a spouse will die, then view these with caution as your parachute.

 

[Just_Lurking]

That said, I still think their characterization is unfair, so much so I’m now afraid to tell them about any girl I date who doesn’t have a 4-year college degree. What they don’t know can’t hurt them, right?

If you start to get serious, just tell the girl she needs to go back and get her degree!.

 

[BadTurkey]

OK, hypothetical situation. Yes, hypothetical.

Let’s say there’s this girl. After high school, she went to community college for 2 years, but did not get an Associate’s degree for some reason. After that, she worked somewhere in the industry she wanted to work in for some time, but quit b/c the hours were really bad. Now she’s working in the service industry, and she no longer wants to go back to the industry she had previously wanted to work in. When I asked her if she has plans to go back to college, she said no, for a couple of reasons. One is that she didn’t really enjoy college, and the other is that she doesn’t have the time and resources to go back. The second reason I’m OK with, but I’m kind of taking issue with the first one. It just seemed to me that she doesn’t have a lot of ambition and she doesn’t really have a lot of direction in life. She’s 24, by the way.

Yes, completely hypothetical.

 

[shannyk]

Let me be honest…

I think your parents attitude is frightening. Frightening that they would feel someone that you’d choose as a wife would be getting a ‘free ride’ if she didn’t have a degree and frightening again that they think that because they have invested in your education they think they can tell you who to marry.

Do they care if the woman is Catholic? Just wondering.

The one man I’ve dated since my husband passed away repeated 9th grade so many times…he ended up quitting school at 17 and the last grade he’d completed was 8th. He is one of the sweetest most devoted and brilliant people I’ve ever had the privilege to know. Circumstances having been different I’d have been elated to have him as my husband, no woman could ask for a better husband. What he didn’t have was a head full of arrogance and useless knowledge, he knew about real life and he really lived it. He valued knowledge highly just wanted to get it on his own from experience not from a classroom. He also made twice the money I do and I have a masters degree Yes, he’s an exception, and also an exceptional person. Don’t discount people like that because they don’t look good on paper.

Prayers for you and your quest for a spouse.

 

[whatevergirl]

OK, hypothetical situation. Yes, hypothetical.

Let’s say there’s this girl. After high school, she went to community college for 2 years, but did not get an Associate’s degree for some reason. After that, she worked somewhere in the industry she wanted to work in for some time, but quit b/c the hours were really bad. Now she’s working in the service industry, and she no longer wants to go back to the industry she had previously wanted to work in. When I asked her if she has plans to go back to college, she said no, for a couple of reasons. One is that she didn’t really enjoy college, and the other is that she doesn’t have the time and resources to go back. The second reason I’m OK with, but I’m kind of taking issue with the first one. It just seemed to me that she doesn’t have a lot of ambition and she doesn’t really have a lot of direction in life. She’s 24, by the way.

Yes, completely hypothetical.

*Nothing wrong with wishing to meet a girl who is hardworking, and has some ambition. I said this above, doesn’t have to be a college degree, but the girl, if she’s 24…should have some handle on life at this point. If she is floating from job to job, with no direction, and no ambition…you don’t sound like you’ll have much in common.

Hypothetically speaking, that is. *

 

[purplesunshine]

OK, hypothetical situation. Yes, hypothetical.

Let’s say there’s this girl. After high school, she went to community college for 2 years, but did not get an Associate’s degree for some reason. After that, she worked somewhere in the industry she wanted to work in for some time, but quit b/c the hours were really bad. Now she’s working in the service industry, and she no longer wants to go back to the industry she had previously wanted to work in. When I asked her if she has plans to go back to college, she said no, for a couple of reasons. One is that** she didn’t really enjoy college, **and the other is that she doesn’t have the time and resources to go back. The second reason I’m OK with, but I’m kind of taking issue with the first one. It just seemed to me that she doesn’t have a lot of ambition and she doesn’t really have a lot of direction in life. She’s 24, by the way.

Yes, completely hypothetical.

I’ll cover your issue that she didn’t really enjoy college as I stated before the enviroment of a CC is very different than that of a private 4 year or even a state 4-year school. Most of the attendees are in it for credit only, are juggling jobs and kids and other things. They don’t want to participate, they don’t really want to be there. A good college with fun discussions can change that. I’m also a firm believer that not all colleges are for every person. I had a friend who was quiet who LOVED the anonimity CC and hated the “interactive” classrooms of our 4 year, dorming and knowing EVERYONE.

Secondly, many HS are VERY poor and learning disabilities aren’t caught until a student’s skills are put to the test. Unfortunately, this now means that a student can go 18years with ADD, dyslexia, dysgraphia, discalcula, spacial problems, audio processing disorders and other problems in the mild to moderate range and NEVER know.

She’s proven that she’s a hard and competent worker and is capabable of making the best decisions she can in her life. She had a goal, pursued it, stuck with it and discovered it wasn’t for her…she didn’t have quality of life. So she moved on. How is she pursuing her goals now? If she still likes industry “A” is there a way for her to perhaps eventually find a job with better hours with a better education?

Would you be willing to let her finish school before children came along? Would you be willing to let her take a class and take on the responsibility of caring for children during an afternoon or two a week?

I don’t think its fair to say that you need a degree as a hard and fast thing, but these days it can say alot about a person’s character and goals.

 

[perfectpeach]

I think it depends on what your plans are for your future family. Do you want a wife who stays at home with the children or one who works outside of the home?

A bachelors degree doesn’t do a lot of good for a mom who stays home with her four children!

I am currently working towards my bachelors degree, but I have to be honest… I feel I’ve learned more with my outside research that I do on my own time.

I would also like to say that even if your future wife does work outside the home that there are many noble jobs that do not require college degrees.