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CountrySinger
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And I’ve already heard that wome who DON’T go college are too dumb/lazy to work, lol.
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sharmin
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That’s what I meant when I said it’s all anecdotal. We only have our own life examples to go by.
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whatevergirl
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My daughter plans to go to college, just like our son. There was a time when women were not permitted to pursue such things…I am grateful my daughter has the opportunity. I would never ever want to go back to a time when women were not afforded the same educational opportunities as men. But, not all men AND women need a degree to pursue a goal…or make something of themselves. I think that is a myth too that our society perpetuates…that one MUST go to college, or they will have no hope. No, I don’t believe that either…but, I’m just saying, I’m grateful for the opportunities that exist for women. And an education, once achieved, is never a waste. Nothing we do in this life is a waste, if we grow from the experience. 
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CountrySinger
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It is much harder to find a job without some post-high school education. I’m in Oregon, where the job market is tight. My education is making it a lot easier for me to get an interview, where my roommate won’t even have people talk to her (she has customer service experience, but that is it. I guess employers want that piece of paper). For reference, my degree is in Elementary Education and Psychology, with a minor in business. And it took me four years! And people think college students party the time away. And with this with community service and working full-time while in college.
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SamH
Guest
Must have been the crowd you hung out with that told you that.
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kage_ar
Guest
Is the hypothetical 24 year old young woman a practicing Catholic? Does she love Jesus? Does she give to the poor? Does she have the same life goals as you? THAT is how you find a friend and a spouse.
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whatevergirl
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*I agree, kage.
I think what we are talking around here though, is the OP’s parents’ view…They may very well want BadTurkey to meet a woman who is Catholic, and loves the Lord. This may just be ‘another’ thing that they’d like to see in the young lady, that’s all. I don’t think BT said…‘my parents only want me to look for this one quality,’ some of us are jumping to that conclusion. That’s a leap.
That said, people typically get degrees, who value education. Doesn’t mean that people who don’t have degrees don’t value education…but people who obtain them, see the value in going to college, and obtaining the degree. (unless they are forced by their parents, that is always a chance) But, if BT is going onto his second masters, obviously HE feels there is some value in receiving a degree. The parents see the value also…so, to them…they would LIKE to see their son choose someone who sees that same value. I don’t see anything inherently wrong with that, so long as that is not the only thing they are looking at, of course. If someone is wonderful, puts God first, etc…but does not have a degree, that would be a shame if that girl is dismissed by the parents. I don’t think anyone is disputing that, but I think we are getting carried away with our own assumptions that this is the main or only characteristic the parents here are interested in. I have a feeling they only want this for their son, because of the value the whole family places on receiving a formal post-high school education, that’s all.*
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chevalier
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I don’t know a single woman that I’d know to have gone to college just to get a guy. All of them I’ve known have gone there for natural progression after highschool or maybe to acquire some skills or specific education they wanted rather than learning everything like in highschool.
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ComputerGeek25
Guest
You’ve gotten some reasonable advice here - It may be a good start, a nice to have, but it is not the be-all-and-end-all.
There are many practical things one can achieve with a college education - better salary, more job oppurtunities, and so on. Personally, in my area of the country, one needs to have a college education in order to be seriously considered for jobs that pay a wage that is enough to live on. Not to say, that people who haven’t graduated college can’t find anything, but it seems much more difficult and people who do are usually much older and have many years of experience instead.
I also find more in common with people who are educated and are more ambiotious and put a high value on self improvement.
This is not a knock on people who haven’t gone to college.
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ahollars
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Oops.
I didn’t mean you. I meant some of the responders.Good for you, and I know how you feel. When my wife first took me home to meet her dad, I was still just a Private. He was a retired First Sergeant!!! Needless to say, I didn’t impress him, even though I was only 20 years old at the time. By the time I married her, I was a Sergeant, but that’s another story.
Good luck.
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maria29
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Really? I know tons of women that went to college for that reason. But I also went to a small and extremely conservative Catholic college.
In fact by senior year I knew several women who were extremely panicked because they felt it was their last chance to ever meet a Catholic guy and get married.
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chevalier
Guest
I’m overseas, so things may be different. We do make jokes about women going to certain departments to find a husband, but it never seems to be the case with a particular woman when it comes to it.Really? I know tons of women that went to college for that reason. But I also went to a small and extremely conservative Catholic college.
Some people go to university just to have a degree and they might pick some “unprofitable” areas of arts or soft science, or things like tourism because it looks like something where they could become an MA (here, you still are a degree instead of having one). Some time ago, they introduced Bachelor’s (it didn’t exist, we only had the equivalent Engineer’s degree that was awarded in surprisingly theoretical areas - or stuff like administration, but no true Bachelor’s) and now it looks like half the people have it. People don’t want to call it quits after highschool.
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BadTurkey
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OK, here’s a question. In that hypothetical situation, when the girl learns that I haven’t told my parents about her, and she’s really surprised and wants me to tell them about her, what do I do/say? Hypothetically speaking, of course.
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ComputerGeek25
Guest
That is not their last chance to meet a guy, by any stretch of the imagination. I think some women want to graduate and go straight into family life and it probably happens less than often than they would like.Really? I know tons of women that went to college for that reason. But I also went to a small and extremely conservative Catholic college.
This reminds me of a saying. If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.
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Mrs_Sally
Guest
If you are serious about her, you arrange for her to met your parents–perhaps over dinner at a resturant.
If you are just having a fling, then this throws cold water on your plans and you break off with her so that she can seek out someone who might be serious.
Remind yourself that the purpose of dating is to find a mate (wife). As a Catholic, you shouldn’t be entering an exclusive relationship with a woman that you won’t introduce to your parents, no matter what the reason. As a 24yo man, you shouldn’t be afraid of your parents’ reactions, but you should consider any advice they give you because presumable they are wiser than you.
I think perhaps the bad hot dogs from the other night affected you more than you realized!
Review again the ideal requirements for a wife realizing that the purpose of marriage (a sacrament) is to help the spouses get to heaven. Having a family and helping your children get to heaven being a close second. Is this woman a Catholic? Is she devout? Does she inspire you to be more devout? Does she want to have children? Do you have common interests and goals? All these are more important questions than whether she has a collge degree or is capable of getting one.
HOWEVER, if you won’t introduce her to your parents it seems that you are somehow ashamed of your relationship with her and that is a huge red flag. I think that it may be time for you to rethink this whole issue.
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whatevergirl
Guest
*Hypothetically speaking, you either a) don’t like her enough to introduce her to them or b) are concerned that your parents will balk because she doesn’t have the ‘credentials’ they’d like her to have…
I agree with Mrs Sally…if she sees it as serious, and you don’t…you might want to rethink the relationship. Again, it is up to YOU to choose your mate, not your parents. But, all in all, if someone is more serious than you in a relationship, and you really aren’t all ‘that into the person,’ then might be best to move along, and let that person find someone who wishes to get serious with her.
I guess you’d have to ask yourself, why haven’t you told your parents about her? When YOU ask yourself that question, what’s the answer?
Hypothetically speaking, again.
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Em_in_FL
Guest
Good points…*Hypothetically speaking, you either a) don’t like her enough to introduce her to them or b) are concerned that your parents will balk because she doesn’t have the ‘credentials’ they’d like her to have…
I agree with Mrs Sally…if she sees it as serious, and you don’t…you might want to rethink the relationship. Again, it is up to YOU to choose your mate, not your parents. But, all in all, if someone is more serious than you in a relationship, and you really aren’t all ‘that into the person,’ then might be best to move along, and let that person find someone who wishes to get serious with her.
I guess you’d have to ask yourself, why haven’t you told your parents about her? When YOU ask yourself that question, what’s the answer?
Hypothetically speaking, again.
But another angle… Have you mentioned your parents “credentials” to her? Maybe she would understand your hesitation more clearly if you opened up with the details?
Hypothetically…
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chevalier
Guest
Boyfriend and girlfriend is not a relationship in its own right, it’s just transitory. It’s not like there are unique perks of that position. If you’re engaged, it’s only fitting that you introduce the future bride to your parents, but in a “dating” relationship I don’t see a reason.
Before you bring a girl home, warn the parents that she doesn’t have a degree, which is something they might adversely react to, and ask them not to give her a bad time about it.
By the way, watch how the girl behaves. Is she just upset that you haven’t told the parents, or does she see the relationship as more serious than it is, does she try to fast-forward the relationship dynamics or does she want things to happen at her rate, instead of the natural one or some form of compromise?
Before you bring a girl home, warn the parents that she doesn’t have a degree, which is something they might adversely react to, and ask them not to give her a bad time about it.
By the way, watch how the girl behaves. Is she just upset that you haven’t told the parents, or does she see the relationship as more serious than it is, does she try to fast-forward the relationship dynamics or does she want things to happen at her rate, instead of the natural one or some form of compromise?
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CountrySinger
Guest
It can’t go worse than when my mom met my last boyfriend. My family is very educated (my mother had a Master’s, and the lowest degree anyone has is an bachelor’s).
Me: “Mom, this is Elliott (not his real name).”
Mom : “Hi Elliott, where did you go to school?”
Elliott: “North Salem High School.”
Mom: glances at me with eyebrows raised “Well, after that? Did you go to a university?”
Elliott: “Nope”
Mom: “So you are too lazy or too ignorant to go? Did you join the military? That would be a good reason to not go to college.”
The rest of dinner was just as awkward. We did end up breaking up, because he cheated on me with a bimbo.
My mom was a sweet woman, but also VERY picky about who her only daughter would date.
Me: “Mom, this is Elliott (not his real name).”
Mom : “Hi Elliott, where did you go to school?”
Elliott: “North Salem High School.”
Mom: glances at me with eyebrows raised “Well, after that? Did you go to a university?”
Elliott: “Nope”
Mom: “So you are too lazy or too ignorant to go? Did you join the military? That would be a good reason to not go to college.”
The rest of dinner was just as awkward. We did end up breaking up, because he cheated on me with a bimbo.
My mom was a sweet woman, but also VERY picky about who her only daughter would date.
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ahoyhoy
Guest
I think the point is, the average woman marries and has children in their 20s and can’t do much with whatever degree they have. In a sense, those who went to a four-year college did attend college mainly to meet “someone” who’s qualified to be their husband.I’m overseas, so things may be different. We do make jokes about women going to certain departments to find a husband, but it never seems to be the case with a particular woman when it comes to it.
Btw… that comment was supposed to be a joke. Didn’t know everyone would take it so seriously!
I think your mother knows what she’s doing. If Elliott hadn’t cheated on you and you guys got married, he’d have no place in your family and divorce would probably be looming in your future.
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