A
Angels_Unaware
Guest
Yes, this is what makes me the most sad and discouraged about this story. The Bishop needs to intervene and prevent this from happening again.
- Status
S
sarabram
Guest
Hi,
I respect this forum and the religion-based opinions here. But, with the consent of members here, I wanted to give you a different opinion, one more based on reality and personal experience, especially from a female like myself who went through the same ordeal of yours, except that I am not like you involved or with children.
I do not feel that cutting a relation is always healthy. Why? Because when people are emotionally vulnerable, a fact that many members here acknowledged, it is possible that they become incredibly depressed that they may commit suicide or suffer from psychological problems or develop symptoms of acute depression. There are contemporary life examples on that. Would you like to risk the possibility of feeling an eternal guilt if this priest hurts himself, directly or indirectly?
My objective non-religion-based suggestion is this:
Test his intentions to know whether he really loves you or is just fooling around. Ask him if he’s ready to marry you. And even if he said yes, see if he takes an action after that. I am sure he will not, but at least you made him see it for himself before you get seriously involved, unless you already reached a stage where you can’t live without each other and it’s too late to leave him. If he is ready to leave the Church and marry you, then be honest and confront your husband with the truth. If your husband doesn’t love you and will not deeply get hurt, then talk about divorce, decide what to do with the children and then marry the man. This is of course a scenario that may seem religiously unethical but is not impossible and you are at least honest with yourself and self-content. If you are not a happy person inside, how can you bring happiness to others?
I say this because there is no point denying our feelings, and live a double contradicting life. How many priests are living this kind of life because they can’t leave their parishes and endure the pain of getting stigmatized with the word ‘betrayal’ from people like the members here, while at the same time can’t continue serving because they love a woman? Prayers do not always work. If they did, then we should expect all monks and priests to be infallible. If people here are concerned that the church gets scandalized, then it’s like hiding our heads in the sand overlooking the mistakes and sins committed there. Christian belief should be strong enough not to be impacted by some priests leaving the Church. It is better for priests to leave and live an honest life, rather than stay and continue their improper behavior. How else will you trust a church if you know that these priests are just there because they are facing pressure from their community? Yes they made vows but we are all humans and some priests discover too late that they just were never meant to have the call. Should they ignore this and harm us and themselves? Is it better for the papers to discover this and run a report about a woman pregnant from a priest thus a real scandal, or simply have the priest leave the parish thus less damage is done?
So back to you again. If you feel that you can live without him then I agree with the members here to leave him but softly and slowly. Also be careful not to love him. By the way you are lucky. Three years ago, a monk made me believe that he cannot live without me. I fell in love with him but I didn’t understand what a monk really means. He asked for marriage and I was getting ready. But his superiors downplayed this need asking him to cut the relation, keep praying, and then pressed him to accept priesthood even before the due date. It was too late because I was already completely attached to him. Result: He became a priest against my will. I was emotionally destroyed loosing my faith knowing that this was all forced on me. Ever since then [3 yrs] and until today, every day I sleep crying and when I wake up I wish to die. No my friend, the pain did not stop no matter how long he or even I tried to cut the relationship. Praying did not help. We are still in this on and off relation, and he can’t leave priesthood because he fears he will become a betrayer in the eyes of his people. And he knows how much I am suffering but he thinks that somebody has to pay the price for his people, and he thinks this person should be me. He told me that his people and his superiors will forgive him because he is a priest and they will support him; I am just a woman and no one will care. So yes you are very lucky that you did not reach this stage. Just put one thing in your mind, no one will loose more than you.
I respect this forum and the religion-based opinions here. But, with the consent of members here, I wanted to give you a different opinion, one more based on reality and personal experience, especially from a female like myself who went through the same ordeal of yours, except that I am not like you involved or with children.
I do not feel that cutting a relation is always healthy. Why? Because when people are emotionally vulnerable, a fact that many members here acknowledged, it is possible that they become incredibly depressed that they may commit suicide or suffer from psychological problems or develop symptoms of acute depression. There are contemporary life examples on that. Would you like to risk the possibility of feeling an eternal guilt if this priest hurts himself, directly or indirectly?
My objective non-religion-based suggestion is this:
Test his intentions to know whether he really loves you or is just fooling around. Ask him if he’s ready to marry you. And even if he said yes, see if he takes an action after that. I am sure he will not, but at least you made him see it for himself before you get seriously involved, unless you already reached a stage where you can’t live without each other and it’s too late to leave him. If he is ready to leave the Church and marry you, then be honest and confront your husband with the truth. If your husband doesn’t love you and will not deeply get hurt, then talk about divorce, decide what to do with the children and then marry the man. This is of course a scenario that may seem religiously unethical but is not impossible and you are at least honest with yourself and self-content. If you are not a happy person inside, how can you bring happiness to others?
I say this because there is no point denying our feelings, and live a double contradicting life. How many priests are living this kind of life because they can’t leave their parishes and endure the pain of getting stigmatized with the word ‘betrayal’ from people like the members here, while at the same time can’t continue serving because they love a woman? Prayers do not always work. If they did, then we should expect all monks and priests to be infallible. If people here are concerned that the church gets scandalized, then it’s like hiding our heads in the sand overlooking the mistakes and sins committed there. Christian belief should be strong enough not to be impacted by some priests leaving the Church. It is better for priests to leave and live an honest life, rather than stay and continue their improper behavior. How else will you trust a church if you know that these priests are just there because they are facing pressure from their community? Yes they made vows but we are all humans and some priests discover too late that they just were never meant to have the call. Should they ignore this and harm us and themselves? Is it better for the papers to discover this and run a report about a woman pregnant from a priest thus a real scandal, or simply have the priest leave the parish thus less damage is done?
So back to you again. If you feel that you can live without him then I agree with the members here to leave him but softly and slowly. Also be careful not to love him. By the way you are lucky. Three years ago, a monk made me believe that he cannot live without me. I fell in love with him but I didn’t understand what a monk really means. He asked for marriage and I was getting ready. But his superiors downplayed this need asking him to cut the relation, keep praying, and then pressed him to accept priesthood even before the due date. It was too late because I was already completely attached to him. Result: He became a priest against my will. I was emotionally destroyed loosing my faith knowing that this was all forced on me. Ever since then [3 yrs] and until today, every day I sleep crying and when I wake up I wish to die. No my friend, the pain did not stop no matter how long he or even I tried to cut the relationship. Praying did not help. We are still in this on and off relation, and he can’t leave priesthood because he fears he will become a betrayer in the eyes of his people. And he knows how much I am suffering but he thinks that somebody has to pay the price for his people, and he thinks this person should be me. He told me that his people and his superiors will forgive him because he is a priest and they will support him; I am just a woman and no one will care. So yes you are very lucky that you did not reach this stage. Just put one thing in your mind, no one will loose more than you.
T
turtle18
Guest
You just have to look at it this way–a priest is a married man. Great, you give into your passions, he leaves the priesthood, you get married and “live” happily ever after (after I am sure your friendly divorce with your husband.)
Well your ex-priest, now husband will get bored with YOU. Oh he may not tell you that to your face. But he won’t think twice about telling his mistress how his wife just doesn’t understand him.
All I see in your posts is an obsession with this man–I don’t hear any concern for your husband, the man you vowed to love, honor and cherish.
Well your ex-priest, now husband will get bored with YOU. Oh he may not tell you that to your face. But he won’t think twice about telling his mistress how his wife just doesn’t understand him.
All I see in your posts is an obsession with this man–I don’t hear any concern for your husband, the man you vowed to love, honor and cherish.
T
Tosk
Guest
Not to mention the scandal you will give every Catholic if you divorce, get an annulment and then legitimize your relationship with your now laicized priest. You will basically have to move to a new town and assume a new name to live that one down.
S
Serap
Guest
wow!!! I will pray for you to get the strength you need to get away from this toxic relationship.
to me, dating a priest is the same as dating a married man…it’s dangerous and like the poster here, it is very difficult to walk away once you are in-love.
I had to end a relationship with someone I was in-love with once and I stuck to my guns and wouldn’t take him back even after flowers, dinners, etc. Sometimes you just have to be strong and hold your ground if the relationship becomes toxic.
We have to seek to do the will of God; not the will of ourselves. That’s what love is all about. Loving God is about willing to sacrifice our own selfish needs and trust in what God has planned for us. We cannot live out God’s plan if we are living our own plan. We need to be diligent in loving God above all things even if it means suffering in the process. Suffering is only temporary…eternal life is forever.
K
Kindness
Guest
Always Catholic. there are a number of issues here.
Firstly, you and this priest are in positions of trust and leadership in your respective Catholic parishes and communities. Others look to you to support and guide them in their faith. Do you know that the position of leadership is one of great responsibility? You are partly responsible for the souls of those you serve. God will hold you accountable for how you guided those who look to you. By feeding this relationship and keeping it alive (with texts/emails whatever it may be) you are living a lie the rest of the day when you claim to love God and all of those around you: your husband, your children, your extended family, your friends and your faith community. We are to treat our neighbors as ourselves and you are betraying everyone around you by engaging in this inappropriate relationship.
We all come to points in our lives when we have to make hard decisions to either do what we want or do the right thing. You are a married mother with children and now is the time to decide to be an adult. You must understand that all married people, single people and those consecrated to God such as priests and nuns confront situations when they are attracted to other people. It is normal and part of being human. What makes the difference is that when we get to a point of maturity in our lives and faith we say no to pursuing relationships that are not appropriate. God helps us by making it very clear which side we need to be on and we make vows - promises to God and to others - that help us in times of temptation to remember where God and our community stands on these matters.
Right now you are focusing just on yourself and this man and both of your desires and feelings. But if you think outside yourselves for just a moment you will see the pair of you in a huge circle of relationships. First your immediate family, then extended family and friends and then all the parishioners and people you know.
If this continues all of those people will be directly affected by your actions. You will destroy your family and also your reputation. Nothing you have done such as the good work you have done in your parishes will be what you will be known and remembered for. You will be known for having a relationship with a priest. Your parents will be known for having a daughter who had a relationship with a priest, your children will have a mother who left their father for a priest etc. etc. it will cause pain and scandal for everyone who knows you. People who don’t have faith will laugh at you and make jokes at your expense. You will have many, many painful years to relive all the actions and decisions you are taking now. This may seem melodramatic but this is what I have witnessed in my life so far when people decide to put their desire for another person above all other considerations. I knew one family where a man ran off with his cousins wife. The repercussions of that decision are still being felt to this day. The extended family and friends are still estranged and the pain echoes through all their relationships.
You are still a young woman, I’m sure that’s one of the reasons this priest is still pursuing you. It sounds like you have already experienced extreme pain in your marriage that made you vulnerable to, and flattered by the attentions of this older man. Please put on the mind of Christ. Recognize that your marriage has serious problems and you and your husband need to work together to restore the trust and intimacy that is missing. It sounds like you need a second honeymoon or counseling or other intervention such as retrouvaille.org/.
If you love the church and God and want to stay in right relationship with everyone you know and remain “Always Catholic” then please understand you are deeply undermining and betraying two Sacramental covenants: your marriage and the priesthood.
This priest is acting in an immoral and immature manner. You should definitely speak to his bishop. Not to “report” him but to get him the help he needs and protect other vulnerable women whom he had access to.
If you end up ignoring all the people on this thread understand that you are knowingly and willingly separating yourself from your loving community and your God and all the pain and suffering that comes your way in the future is because of your own actions and decisions. The distress that is evident from all these believers on this forum will be the response of virtually everyone you know and love.
Firstly, you and this priest are in positions of trust and leadership in your respective Catholic parishes and communities. Others look to you to support and guide them in their faith. Do you know that the position of leadership is one of great responsibility? You are partly responsible for the souls of those you serve. God will hold you accountable for how you guided those who look to you. By feeding this relationship and keeping it alive (with texts/emails whatever it may be) you are living a lie the rest of the day when you claim to love God and all of those around you: your husband, your children, your extended family, your friends and your faith community. We are to treat our neighbors as ourselves and you are betraying everyone around you by engaging in this inappropriate relationship.
We all come to points in our lives when we have to make hard decisions to either do what we want or do the right thing. You are a married mother with children and now is the time to decide to be an adult. You must understand that all married people, single people and those consecrated to God such as priests and nuns confront situations when they are attracted to other people. It is normal and part of being human. What makes the difference is that when we get to a point of maturity in our lives and faith we say no to pursuing relationships that are not appropriate. God helps us by making it very clear which side we need to be on and we make vows - promises to God and to others - that help us in times of temptation to remember where God and our community stands on these matters.
Right now you are focusing just on yourself and this man and both of your desires and feelings. But if you think outside yourselves for just a moment you will see the pair of you in a huge circle of relationships. First your immediate family, then extended family and friends and then all the parishioners and people you know.
If this continues all of those people will be directly affected by your actions. You will destroy your family and also your reputation. Nothing you have done such as the good work you have done in your parishes will be what you will be known and remembered for. You will be known for having a relationship with a priest. Your parents will be known for having a daughter who had a relationship with a priest, your children will have a mother who left their father for a priest etc. etc. it will cause pain and scandal for everyone who knows you. People who don’t have faith will laugh at you and make jokes at your expense. You will have many, many painful years to relive all the actions and decisions you are taking now. This may seem melodramatic but this is what I have witnessed in my life so far when people decide to put their desire for another person above all other considerations. I knew one family where a man ran off with his cousins wife. The repercussions of that decision are still being felt to this day. The extended family and friends are still estranged and the pain echoes through all their relationships.
You are still a young woman, I’m sure that’s one of the reasons this priest is still pursuing you. It sounds like you have already experienced extreme pain in your marriage that made you vulnerable to, and flattered by the attentions of this older man. Please put on the mind of Christ. Recognize that your marriage has serious problems and you and your husband need to work together to restore the trust and intimacy that is missing. It sounds like you need a second honeymoon or counseling or other intervention such as retrouvaille.org/.
If you love the church and God and want to stay in right relationship with everyone you know and remain “Always Catholic” then please understand you are deeply undermining and betraying two Sacramental covenants: your marriage and the priesthood.
This priest is acting in an immoral and immature manner. You should definitely speak to his bishop. Not to “report” him but to get him the help he needs and protect other vulnerable women whom he had access to.
If you end up ignoring all the people on this thread understand that you are knowingly and willingly separating yourself from your loving community and your God and all the pain and suffering that comes your way in the future is because of your own actions and decisions. The distress that is evident from all these believers on this forum will be the response of virtually everyone you know and love.
J
Jan_Bolbot
Guest
This is really pernicious.
- There is no such thing as something that okay to do but “religiously unethical”. Unethical is unethical, period.
- “Decide what to with the children”: wow, a bit like what do with the dining room set, eh? We are talking about two kids whose lives you are blithely consigning to destruction. Children of divorce bear deep life-long scars and do worse in nearly every measure of well-being. See: The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A Landmark 25-Year Study
- Are you saying it is okay to bring suffering and pain to the husband? I am in the position of this lady’s husband. I love my wife and the pain it is causing is almost unbearable. Your statement comes off as utterly lacking in compassion.
- The priest is violating his vows. The wife is violating hers. So…this is a good way to start a new relationship–based on mutual lies and betrayal? Oh, yes, they are betraying other people and the Church so I guess that’s okay then.
- The priest has abused his position of trust to exploit this woman and to cover his crimes. This is wrong on so many levels that even a secularist should be able to recognize it.
- The assumption I see here it that “if it feels good, do it.” This won’t lead to happiness only emptiness and suffering. Pursuing selfish desires at the expense of others and at expense of what is right will never lead to true happiness. What the wife wants, what the priest wants, what the husband wants are not important. Doing what is right and good–that is, following God–is what matters. My daughter wants a big dish of ice cream half an hour before dinner. But that’s not right and it won’t be good for her. Children can’t control their wants or distinguish between their wants and what is right. Adults are supposed to be able to.
M
matris_domi
Guest
:ehh: Sh’yeah… whatever. I am sorry but there is no one in the world who doesn’t understand that a monk is not free to marry. And even if you didn’t know that at first, you found it out pretty quick. You CHOSE to keep trying to pull him away from his obligations and his vows. You got smacked in the face by that immoral choice. No one forced any of this on you. You did it to yourself by thinking you are more important than God.
He’s a real loverboy, ain’t he? I can totally see why you would pursue him to the damnation of your soul. This guy is a narcissist who has been yanking your chain the whole time. He thinks he has the right to the love and support and privileges of the priestly community, while at the same time tasting your forbidden fruit, which you refuse to withhold even though he treats you like dirt. He sounds like the gang bangers who refer to their girlfriends as “mayonnaise jars.” (I’m sorry if that’s too vulgar, but my dad was a gang enforcement officer in SoCal for a decade, and I got that straight from him.) Because that’s the only thing they’re good for. They have no love or respect for those girls, they feel no obligation toward them. They are not protective and they don’t cherish. Just like your marginally male acquaintance. (I refuse to call him a man.) You are a pressure valve for his sexual tension and his ego, nothing more.
Get some counseling to fix yourself. For God’s sake, stop dishing out destructive, disgusting advice like you did above. How dare you tell this woman that it’s just fine to destroy her children’s lives, her husband’s life, their vows and commitment, and likely ALL of their faith, just so she can pursue some illicit sexual passion she has for this betrayer priest?
S
Snerticus
Guest
Sarabram,
Wow. I’m so sorry that you had to go through this. I’m praying for you even though you don’t think prayers work. They do, just perhaps not to our own satisfaction. God knows what he’s doing. Most often, we don’t.
I’m going to make certain assumptions here that may or may not be true. I’m fallible just like the rest of humankind, so if I’m wrong don’t get upset.
That said, I would venture to guess you are a young person, probably under 30. I’ll also venture to guess that you are not experienced in relationships or in Catholic spirituality. You display wisdom in neither. Yet I sense a deep depression that I am familiar with myself. I have already briefly written what happened to me here in a much earlier post. Your post makes my own difficult experience seem inconsequential and yours more important and more “real” - using your own description. That is insulting, because both of our experiences are as real and as devastating as anyone elses, including the OP’s.
I assume by your post you used to be Catholic, because you mention you lost your faith during your horrible experience. A Catholic should embrace their faith and cling to God even more in such an experience. If not, they would be giving in to evil and despair. God loves you, and he forgives you for what you’ve done and He also forgives the monk - provided you both repent. Not repenting and resenting God for not answering your prayers is spiritually dangerous. Not that God isn’t forgiving but that you reject His forgiveness. Remember, God knows more than you. I am certain that things you are unaware of happened and were initiated by God as a result of your prayers. The fact that you are still hurting by what happened is blinding you to anything good that has happened.
Having any relationship with anyone who is attached to someone else is treading dangerous waters and should never be attempted, let alone thought about. But entering in a relationship with a married man or a priest/religious is so much more dangerous for your soul - and may I remind you the soul of the other.
So sarabram, I’m going to start by asking you some questions and giving you some thoughts.
Lastly, you said to the OP “put one thing in your mind, no one will lose more than you”. I disagree. Although she might lose tremendously, the cost of a fallen religious is much higher. Both the OP and the priest, and you and the monk need to realize you are in the positions to damn each others soul for eternity. Although you may have lost your faith and not believe this, the monk, priest and OP most likely do believe it. Understand that it’s not just a brief life here on earth we’re talking about. It’s eternity, and I’m sure you don’t want to be even partially responsible for someone else entering eternal damnation.
As for depression. Believe me I know. I overdosed after my bad relationship and almost killed myself. So we don’t need lectures on how it will affect someone, as I am living proof that falling on your knees to God in agony will not only save one’s soul, but one’s life as well.
Never, ever give up the faith, even if you have to maintain what you deem as feeble attempts at prayer. To God, those feeble pleas for help are louder than anything you’ve ever done because He understands how distraught you are. Even if you just say over and over again “God help me”, He will. But you have to give Him something in return.
Time.
God bless and you, the OP and others will be in my prayers.
Snert
Wow. I’m so sorry that you had to go through this. I’m praying for you even though you don’t think prayers work. They do, just perhaps not to our own satisfaction. God knows what he’s doing. Most often, we don’t.
I’m going to make certain assumptions here that may or may not be true. I’m fallible just like the rest of humankind, so if I’m wrong don’t get upset.
That said, I would venture to guess you are a young person, probably under 30. I’ll also venture to guess that you are not experienced in relationships or in Catholic spirituality. You display wisdom in neither. Yet I sense a deep depression that I am familiar with myself. I have already briefly written what happened to me here in a much earlier post. Your post makes my own difficult experience seem inconsequential and yours more important and more “real” - using your own description. That is insulting, because both of our experiences are as real and as devastating as anyone elses, including the OP’s.
I assume by your post you used to be Catholic, because you mention you lost your faith during your horrible experience. A Catholic should embrace their faith and cling to God even more in such an experience. If not, they would be giving in to evil and despair. God loves you, and he forgives you for what you’ve done and He also forgives the monk - provided you both repent. Not repenting and resenting God for not answering your prayers is spiritually dangerous. Not that God isn’t forgiving but that you reject His forgiveness. Remember, God knows more than you. I am certain that things you are unaware of happened and were initiated by God as a result of your prayers. The fact that you are still hurting by what happened is blinding you to anything good that has happened.
Having any relationship with anyone who is attached to someone else is treading dangerous waters and should never be attempted, let alone thought about. But entering in a relationship with a married man or a priest/religious is so much more dangerous for your soul - and may I remind you the soul of the other.
So sarabram, I’m going to start by asking you some questions and giving you some thoughts.
- Why do you feel asking a priest if he wants to marry you is a good thing? It is not. I don’t feel from the OP that she wants to marry the priest or leave her husband. So why even have her do this horrible and evil thing? The priest did make vows. Not human law vows, but HOLY vows. Vows to God. He is now married to the Church, and is untouchable by anyone else but God. Unlike your situation, he was married to the Church before he was involved in this relationship. So no, she should not go there. It is wrong.
- Cutting a relationship with someone that you shouldn’t be in a relationship with is always a good thing. The way you do it may not be, however. You have to come to your senses, though, before doing it in order to do it correctly. Rash decisions caused by emotion and not thinking things through are not the correct way to end a relationship. So by the Grace of God I hope both you and the OP will be able to have a clear head so as to see what exactly is going on, because neither of you can see clearly at this point. (Although we haven’t heard from the OP in a while and perhaps she is seeing things a bit more clear at this point - I pray.)
- You are still hurting from what is happening and by your own admition it is still going on, albeit in a very small way. You are in no position to give advice at this point, as you have no idea what it is that you are doing. Obviously, niether does the monk, but we don’t have him here to give his point of view, just as we don’t have the OP’s priest here to share his, so I’m not going to discuss the intricacies of what they did wrong.
- You say there’s no point in denying our feelings. YOU BET THERE IS! This is a fallacy that today’s society has spread like the plague. Jesus said “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me.” It wasn’t meant to be easy. In order to be obedient to God, Jesus teaches us that temptations of the flesh must be denied, among others. Denying oneself is what sets Christians apart from the rest of the world, and Catholics know this quite well. It is necessary to deny oneself in order to follow Christ. Deny what is bad and causes harm to the soul, accept what is good and allows the soul to grow.
Lastly, you said to the OP “put one thing in your mind, no one will lose more than you”. I disagree. Although she might lose tremendously, the cost of a fallen religious is much higher. Both the OP and the priest, and you and the monk need to realize you are in the positions to damn each others soul for eternity. Although you may have lost your faith and not believe this, the monk, priest and OP most likely do believe it. Understand that it’s not just a brief life here on earth we’re talking about. It’s eternity, and I’m sure you don’t want to be even partially responsible for someone else entering eternal damnation.
As for depression. Believe me I know. I overdosed after my bad relationship and almost killed myself. So we don’t need lectures on how it will affect someone, as I am living proof that falling on your knees to God in agony will not only save one’s soul, but one’s life as well.
Never, ever give up the faith, even if you have to maintain what you deem as feeble attempts at prayer. To God, those feeble pleas for help are louder than anything you’ve ever done because He understands how distraught you are. Even if you just say over and over again “God help me”, He will. But you have to give Him something in return.
Time.
God bless and you, the OP and others will be in my prayers.
Snert
M
matris_domi
Guest
Snerticus, with all due respect, just because someone is sad and suffering does not automatically make them depressed. Depression is a neurochemical imbalance. Sadness and suffering are the normal, natural consequences of immoral choices, and the refusal to stop indulging in them. Just because she feels bad does not make her depressed. That’s another modern fallacy that has infected people’s thinking.
S
Snerticus
Guest
I had given the caveat in my post that I am infallible and therefore may be wrong about my assumptions.
Having said that, the way she worded her post leads me to believe she herself may be depressed. Her post most certainly pointed out her defense of depression, in any case.
And I will repeat as I did before - I may be wrong. Don’t get upset.
God Bless,
Snert
M
matris_domi
Guest
I’m not upset. You could be right…
But I think “depression” gets way overused as a dodge for responsibility. So that’s why I said that.
But I think “depression” gets way overused as a dodge for responsibility. So that’s why I said that.
S
Snerticus
Guest
F
Friend_forever
Guest
First of all, your job is not to be there for him when he needs you. Your job is to be there for your family when they need you.
Second, he DOES NOT NEED YOU. Priests have God in a more fully way, or at least a very different way, than the rest of us, and who has God in that way, needs no one else. Your “being” there does not let him see that.
Of course he might cry and plead the same way children do when you leave them in school the first days of classes. Even if it breaks your heart, you still need to leave your children at school because you can see the whole picture that they cannot see.
If you pay attention, no one in this forum has advised you to keep this relationship going.
Second, he DOES NOT NEED YOU. Priests have God in a more fully way, or at least a very different way, than the rest of us, and who has God in that way, needs no one else. Your “being” there does not let him see that.
Of course he might cry and plead the same way children do when you leave them in school the first days of classes. Even if it breaks your heart, you still need to leave your children at school because you can see the whole picture that they cannot see.
If you pay attention, no one in this forum has advised you to keep this relationship going.
J
Joya
Guest
What has happened to the OP? Is she still around?
J
joandarc2008
Guest
Wow- yes what she did was wrong. Yes, what he did was wrong. But obviously she is still suffering and we do still need to show some compassion - Jesus loved most of his fallen away back to the fold- he didn’t berate any but the Pharisees who thought they were the center and the be all end all. I think even the OP knows she is wrong, I believe she is here gathering strength to do what is right as she it is not as she can talk to anyone about it. Please God may this be true.
I
iluvmybabies
Guest
YES! Just walk away…You have a husband whom needs you, a person in your life whom you decided to devout to…Why would you want to spend time getting to know this other man when you all ready have one in your life? Why instead of spending time talking to your priest about politics and sexual things why not do that with your husband? What your husband works 2 jobs? And a Part-time in the weekends, then even more for you to work hard at keeping your marriage alive! Instead of thinking about a PRIEST-whom by the way do you know if he’s doing this to any other women? Imagine if you are just being played by this man? He has fallen into temptation once what makes you think he isn’t doing this with someone else? Why risk your marriage for someone whom is all ready married to GOD!? He chose his path, he needs counseling, I understand that temptation is difficult, I have heard many stories of a few women falling for their priests and sleeping with them and then getting pg by them and then the priest leaves them because they realize it was a mistake etc etc etc…And other’s they end up leaving their faith and all for the woman…But still, why risk such a thing when you all ready chose your path?
You need to seek counseling, some higher power than that priest and go to seek counseling as soon as possible…Take your hubby with you as well so that you can work on yourself and your marriage all at once!
Also pray, pray a lot really hard that GOD may help you make it out of this!!!
I will keep you in my prayers! GOD bless and good luck!!
A
always_catholic_1
Guest
An update: Thank you to all who have posted! I receive and read all of your posts. After posting this that week I did go to confession and spoje to a priest about this situation who gave me great guidance and explained to me why this sometimes happens, on both ends women to priest and priest to women. I thank you all for your prayers. I just woke up one day and it smacked me. It must of smacked him too because he told me that he needs help!! I was so happy that he said that and told him that he should get it and I cant be the one to help him or be in his life because his calling is higher than me and he belongs to all of us not just me!! He finally agreed with me that contact isnt the best thing maybe years down the road but not in the near future!! He was shocked by my understanding but what I was is very happy for two reasons: Happy to know that he is devoted enough to his vocation that he could NEVER let anything physical happen and happy that he wanted to let go as much as I did. Our care for each other should have never taken this path. To answer some’s question, I would never ask a priest if he wanted to marry me, that wasnt what this was about, It was a deep care that we mistoke for something sexual when it could have been a brother sister love. Also yes my husband found out and it has not destroyed my marriage. He said he understood where I was coming from because he was negelecting that aspect in my life and has vowed to make me happy again no matter what it takes!! I again thank you for your prayers and please continue to pray for the priest, my husband, my family and me!!
S
Serap
Guest
I can’t help but think that our prayers helped you. I still get overwhelmed by the power of prayer! It’s just amazing!!! I’m sure your Confessor has been praying for the both of you as well.
Good for you! You are doing the right thing! Jesus and the saints are all really proud of you right now. I remember when I went to my first Confession in 12 years (just last year) and I confessed my abortion, premarital sex, etc. and when I left…wow…I was floating on air. I literally felt God all around me.
You must be feeling great right now! You are full of grace and have been given the strength you needed to do the right thing.
This priest also sounds repentant…it’s beautiful !!!
I’m just curious, why did the Confessor say that this sometimes happens? I would like to gain some insight into this in case I ever need to help someone down the road.
I’m just so proud of you both! That’s so beautiful!!! Just like the prodigal son…
J
Joya
Guest
I am glad to read your post and learn that you are on the right track. Good luck and God bless you as you repair your marriage. Sometimes experiences like this make us stronger than ever.
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