My sister....how could she do this

[Liberanosamalo]

And just a little side to Liberanosamalo – there is NEVER, EVER a reason to abort a child, assist in a suicide, commit euthanasia or execute a prisoner. ALL life is to be protected and respected from conception to natural death.

I know. If you’ve read any of my posts, you’d know I know that. I was trying to help Shanny see that if God can pull anything “good” out of this evil, it’s the idea that HE will take much better care of that little soul than her flawed and confused sister and useless boyfriend would. And I repeat, often those people seem to think that killing a baby is preferable to giving it away. I have NEVER understood that pro-choice logic.

Do we care more about the child? Well… sometimes yes. Because it’s the child’s life at stake. In the hierarchy of moral choices, first you defend life. Then you defend someone’s financial situation, which is often fluid and can be improved, while death…cannot. Since the woman in question and her useless boyfriend are not motivated to behave like adults and are sponging off grandpa, the proper focus of concern is on the unborn child whose fate is more imminent and grave.

 

[shannyk]

Thanks SO MUCH to everyone for the kind words and prayers. This has me SO down for the obvious reason of loosing a niece or nephew this way, but for SO many other reasons too. It’s just one more thing that solidifies the great divide that exists in our family and that, especially with holidays near, is very depressing. The roots and history of this are DEEP and I won’t bore everyone too much with details.

This is so sad.
She was so casual about it…and without shame. Maybe someday the severity of what she has done will hit her, and you can be there for her. For now, it doesn’t sound like she grasps it. Praying for everyone involved.

Mercy Mia, she is, as far as I can tell, completely un-remorseful about this abortion and her past one. She has said as much. She even said as much to my daughter, a few years back (DD was 1 at the time) when I wasn’t present. She knows my stance on abortion, and she choose to tell my DD about hers behind my back, deliberately, in what I would call a passive aggressive attempt to get at me. Needless to say my Dd hasn’t been and won’t be alone with my sister. Maybe I’m taking it too personally but it did seem like a kind of…look what I can do…in your face…type way she stated this to me yesterday.

I’m sorry to hear this. I’m praying for your sister. I can’t imagine how that child is going to feel knowing his mother aborted he two would be siblings. I honestly hope that child does not become raised to take a pro-choice stance.

He will be no doubt raised in that mind set. My sister thinks anything less is wrong and intolerant. My only hope is the other influences he has in his life and prayer of course.

Sorry. I can’t imagine how sad that is for you.

Perhaps the child is better off in God’s loving embrace than the life it would have with parents like that. (I know that sounds horrible even as I type it. But what else can you say?)

She has a hole in her conscience big enough to drive a truck through. How responsible she is for that only God knows. He hung on the cross forgiving those who don’t know what they are doing. Maybe someday she’ll be like Shelley Winters, crying on tv for the children she killed, realizing too late her mistake.

Stay close to her so you can stay close to your nephew. He needs you more than you know. Someday, as Eagleswings said, he will realize his siblings were killed by his own mother. The hole in HIS family will be horrible. He will need you and your kids to fill the void.

I pray that God gives you wisdom and an extra supply of charity. Her complete cluelessness as to the gravity of her actions may be her actual salvation someday. If she was morally conflicted and did it anyway, that would be a sign she knew how horrible what she did is but did it anyway.

Sadly, I find these people are the kind who would be horrified if you took a bag full of kittens and threw it in a river. But they see no moral problem with abortion.

liberanos it’s becasue of my nephew that I will attempt and have attempted to stay close.

You have her pegged exactly, with the kittens analogy. She learned the great art of rationalizing just about anything from my dad.

Shanny, I would call her and say that you’re sorry you had to cut the conversation short, but that you are truly concerned about her. Also, maybe suggest that if/when she ends up in that situation again, that you would be willing to adopt her child (or, if you’re not comfortable about that that you’ll help her find a loving home for her child). I guess that, reading your reaction, it kinda seems like it “proves” that pro-lifers only care about the babies (which I know is not true for you, but that may be playing in her head). Maybe it’s time to start working toward a closer relationship with her. But, prayers for you and she now has two souls in heaven praying for her. Sometimes, when you talk to her, mention that (like if she’s complaining about something going on in her life, etc.). I have a cousin who did the same and though she’s not interested in post-abortive counseling, when she became pregnant for the third time, she chose life for her son. I still occassionally mention her other children praying for her in Heaven. Now, she reacts to that and says that when I say that it makes her cry (much different than 5 years ago when she didn’t say anything about it).

gmarie I thought the same thing too, that maybe her argument against pro lifers (which is vehement) would be bolstered by my ending the conversation. However, i did it to keep myself from saying things I’d regret or something that would start a fight.

I have been down this road before with her…talking about how I would have taken gladly her first child, how my mom would have, how we’re concerned about her. My mom has sent her project Rachel material which she sent back, unopened. My mom and I have invited her to go to mass, and that is met with an onslaught of why the Church is evil and will never set foot in one. If I told her I was praying for her or her children she’d literally laugh and call me a holy roller, she has before. In all honesty, she will not hear anything but affirmation and agreement. This is why I ended the conversation like I did, I felt as if there was truly nothing I could say that would be heard or productive. I’d love for there to come a day when we can talk civilly about it, but right now it’s hard to see that as even a possible reality.

cont’d…

 

[shannyk]

Shanny, I am deeply sorry for the suffering you are going through – few realize that abortion isn’t just about the woman, but everyone in her life is affected by it as well. You are in my prayers, and I will add you and your sister to our Parish’s prayer intentions. Please, above all else, be loving and kind to your sister – your support will do more to win her over than angry words and sermonizing. There are numerous things wrong with your sister’s situation, but she is the only one who can change it. Pray for conversion, that the Holy Spirit will soften her heart, and the hearts of those who will be most influential in helping her change her circumstances. She is probably depressed and that makes her even more vulnerable to the evil that is working in her life, and affecting the poor choices she is making. There are a lot of people here who will pray for you and you can offer up your pain and suffering with that of our Lord, Jesus Christ to ask for her conversion.

you’re absolutely right. thank you for your prayers.

there is a LOT wrong with her situation, a lot. Unfortunately a lot of it stems from my dad whom she is highly influenced by and very close to, almost in an unhealthy way…

I’m just hoping this all doesn’t get ‘leaked’ to my mom who is scheduled to have a pacemaker put in tomorrow. She will be absolutely beside herself if she finds out.

I realied just now that it seems I’m blaming all of this on my sister and really her BF shares a good part of the blame. I want to make it clear I am not just sister bashing here…he deserves nothing short of a boot in his rear end frankly. He could get a job…he could work to support his family and his ‘significant’ other to save her from having to go through an abortion, but frankly he doesn’t give a darn. I wish she’d wake up and get the heck away from him.

 

[jjbulano]

But the child also could have, if it were born, brought about her conversion. It happens all the time. Women who have been rapped and want an abortion, assume that they can never love a child conceived that way, yet find the child to be the light of their lives. Yes, this child will not suffer, but we cannot know what God had planned for that child, and we should never assume that conversion will not take place in the mother for the benefit of the child. Saving the child is first and foremost, but if the child cannot be saved, than every effort should be made to help the mother – her soul must be fought for just as stridently as the life of the baby was fought for.

 

[Consecrated]

Prayers, Shanny. What a burden for you to bear… but you do not bear it alone. :console: May you and all your family, especially your sister, be pulled into the arms of Mary.

 

[RedSoxWife]

Oh Shanny I’m so sorry! Prayers for your family!

 

[dixieagle]

I am so very, very sorry - for the poor innocent baby, your sister and family, and for you, who had to hear this and now are troubled. It’s like a kick in the stomach to pro-lifers when we hear someone talk so casually about doing something like this.

I’ll keep all of you in my prayers.

 

[Orchanian]

Did you know that you can have a mass said for a baby who has been aborted? We are planning to have one in our church for all babies who didn’t make it to birth, either through abortion, stillbirth, or miscarriage. It’s a way to give this child back to God. Our plan is to give people pieces of paper and tell them to write the baby’s name(s) on it. During the offering, those names will be brought to the altar as a gift to God. You are committing the child to God with this Mass.

Another suggestion for you is to get the book, Forbidden Grief. It explains how women respond to abortion. It might help you understand what has led your sister to do this (and other things in her life).

My prayers are with you and your family.

 

[sherimarie]

I am so very sorry for you. I felt sick when i read your post. Can’t even imagine the suffering.

 

[kage_ar]

Prayers for you and for this poor child and entire family.

 

[SMHW]

I’m very sorry to here this Shanny. Prayers for you, the baby, and the family.

Given the circumstances I think you did the best thing possible. You didn’t blow up at your sister but you were obviously shocked and incredulous.

 

[gardenswithkids]

Shanny–

Prayers for you, your sister, her live-in, your nephew, the neice(s) or nephew(s) who were aborted, your mom & dad and your whole family. As your mom undergoes her pacemaker surgery tommorrow, may God repair your sister’s heart too.

 

[HarmonyServant]

 

[monicatholic]

shanny,

such a tragedy-- the loss of a baby, and all the other resulting losses. thank you for telling us. the baby deserves to be mourned by many, and you deserve companions in your mouring. we bring this to the foot of the cross.

m.

 

[tampagrl]

Thanks SO MUCH to everyone for the kind words and prayers. This has me SO down for the obvious reason of loosing a niece or nephew this way, but for SO many other reasons too. It’s just one more thing that solidifies the great divide that exists in our family and that, especially with holidays near, is very depressing. The roots and history of this are DEEP and I won’t bore everyone too much with details.

Mercy Mia, she is, as far as I can tell, completely un-remorseful about this abortion and her past one. She has said as much. She even said as much to my daughter, a few years back (DD was 1 at the time) when I wasn’t present. She knows my stance on abortion, and she choose to tell my DD about hers behind my back, deliberately, in what I would call a passive aggressive attempt to get at me. Needless to say my Dd hasn’t been and won’t be alone with my sister. Maybe I’m taking it too personally but it did seem like a kind of…look what I can do…in your face…type way she stated this to me yesterday.

He will be no doubt raised in that mind set. My sister thinks anything less is wrong and intolerant. My only hope is the other influences he has in his life and prayer of course.

liberanos it’s becasue of my nephew that I will attempt and have attempted to stay close.

You have her pegged exactly, with the kittens analogy. She learned the great art of rationalizing just about anything from my dad.

gmarie I thought the same thing too, that maybe her argument against pro lifers (which is vehement) would be bolstered by my ending the conversation. However, i did it to keep myself from saying things I’d regret or something that would start a fight.

I have been down this road before with her…talking about how I would have taken gladly her first child, how my mom would have, how we’re concerned about her. My mom has sent her project Rachel material which she sent back, unopened. My mom and I have invited her to go to mass, and that is met with an onslaught of why the Church is evil and will never set foot in one. If I told her I was praying for her or her children she’d literally laugh and call me a holy roller, she has before. In all honesty, she will not hear anything but affirmation and agreement. This is why I ended the conversation like I did, I felt as if there was truly nothing I could say that would be heard or productive. I’d love for there to come a day when we can talk civilly about it, but right now it’s hard to see that as even a possible reality.

cont’d…

Such a horrible tragedy, but you probably did the best thing in that moment by just ending the conversation. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’m even more sorry that this happened to your sister. It’s so sad to see someone in such pain, and I think that’s exactly what’s going on w/your sister. The very fact that she is so, as you say, “in your face” and “look what I can do” shows how angry she really is. And why would she just throw it out there like that over the phone? Was that to hurt you? Or was it her desperate attempt to avail herself of this huge burden she’s carrying? She got some release by telling you, whatever the reason.
I think she does care and I think she has to force herself to remain, at least on appearances, unremorseful. Her vehement stance against pro-lifers, coupled w/her carrying around anger and resentments from her past over other things, is a receipe for disaster and probably some depression. If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t be so angry, and she wouldn’t be so angry if she wasn’t hurting. If she acted like she was sorry, she would have to condemn herself and the act of aborting her child, and even for someone w/a strong personality, that’s incredibly difficult to do. Her anger could exist right now, if for no other reason, than to have to be dealing w/the physical ramifications of this - the pain of the cramping, the bleeding, the possible risk of infection, not to mention, b/c she does have a living child, she KNOWS what she did. But in order to survive, she has to turn her back on it. She has to justify it somehow and even though she has a waste case for a bf and a father who’s supporting this madness, they’re at least there for her so she feels like she has that “support”.
She’s going through all this torment while she’s watching her bf just lay around and exist. He’s not dealing w/anything physical. His body wasn’t just violated. He’s not in any pain. And quite frankly, he sounds way too disconnected to even have an understanding of his role in this. I think she probably resents the heck out of him. You must take this to the Lord in prayer. Go visit Him in Adoration. And be there for your sister. Have hope that she will come to terms w/this and be ready to really support her. Be willing to do whatever it takes. Many times women will feel like they’re already damned, so what’s one more abortion. She needs to know how much Jesus wants to be with her and how His mercy & forgiveness is infinite. There are obviously bigger problems and the abortions are symptoms. It really breaks my heart. All of you are in my prayers.

 

[datingtrappists]

Shanny, my deepest sympathies… I have a good understanding of what you’re going through, as I have lost a sibling and two nieces or nephews through this scourge… Perhaps that is why I am so pro-life. With you, I am mourning your loss, and my losses, and also with you, I am praying for your sister and her family, and my parents and my brother’s ex-girlfriend and ex-wife (in both cases with the nieces and nephews, it was my brother’s child…) Like your sister, my brother is filled with a lot of anger, and though I actually haven’t heard anything from him about the abortions–in fact, I heard about them from his exes, several years after the fact, I know that perhaps is at least part of his anger towards life. I know they are hurting, and also are somewhat unresponsive to any post-abortion counseling, but I let them both (his exes… I’m somewhat afraid for my own health and safety to bring this up to him) know about Project Rachel, and that if at any time they were interested in information, I could get it for them.

Please, also take care of yourself… I have moved past the anger at them into sadness and heartbreak… It was almost too much to bear, but on the advise of my confessor I became involved with the local pro-life efforts in my diocese, and it has been very healing for me. I know that I’ll never get to know my sibling or my nieces or nephews here on earth, but I pray that perhaps, I might be able to save others… and also I know that I have 3 great prayer warriors for me in heaven. I’ll ask their intercessions for you and your sister’s behalf… and for your whole family. Also praying for your mother as she undergoes heart surgery.

 

[jrabs]

I am sorry for your loss and will pray for your family. Man - what a casual way to address the topic. I guess that is part of the whole heartbreak.

 

[shannyk]

Shanny–

Prayers for you, your sister, her live-in, your nephew, the neice(s) or nephew(s) who were aborted, your mom & dad and your whole family. As your mom undergoes her pacemaker surgery tommorrow, may God repair your sister’s heart too.

That is my hope too, that her heart can soften. Unfortunately she shows more cold heartedness last night in very bluntly telling my mom about the abortion…my mom being in the hospital at the time and worried for her health and surgery today. It was a very calculated move on my sisters part, she HATES the fact that my mom is so pro-life and knew it would hurt her. She could have waited, if she really had to tell her, until after her surgery and recover. The fact that she called my mom, which she rarely does, and told her this now is really very maddening to me.

Such a horrible tragedy, but you probably did the best thing in that moment by just ending the conversation. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’m even more sorry that this happened to your sister. It’s so sad to see someone in such pain, and I think that’s exactly what’s going on w/your sister. The very fact that she is so, as you say, “in your face” and “look what I can do” shows how angry she really is. And why would she just throw it out there like that over the phone? Was that to hurt you? Or was it her desperate attempt to avail herself of this huge burden she’s carrying? She got some release by telling you, whatever the reason.
I think she does care and I think she has to force herself to remain, at least on appearances, unremorseful. Her vehement stance against pro-lifers, coupled w/her carrying around anger and resentments from her past over other things, is a receipe for disaster and probably some depression. If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t be so angry, and she wouldn’t be so angry if she wasn’t hurting. If she acted like she was sorry, she would have to condemn herself and the act of aborting her child, and even for someone w/a strong personality, that’s incredibly difficult to do. Her anger could exist right now, if for no other reason, than to have to be dealing w/the physical ramifications of this - the pain of the cramping, the bleeding, the possible risk of infection, not to mention, b/c she does have a living child, she KNOWS what she did. But in order to survive, she has to turn her back on it. She has to justify it somehow and even though she has a waste case for a bf and a father who’s supporting this madness, they’re at least there for her so she feels like she has that “support”.
She’s going through all this torment while she’s watching her bf just lay around and exist. He’s not dealing w/anything physical. His body wasn’t just violated. He’s not in any pain. And quite frankly, he sounds way too disconnected to even have an understanding of his role in this. I think she probably resents the heck out of him. You must take this to the Lord in prayer. Go visit Him in Adoration. And be there for your sister. …

Thanks, your 100% right I think, about her being depressed and angry, especially with her BF. She seems to have no belief in anything good or evil, so it’s hard to appeal to er morally on this or anything. My only hope is that something from our upbringing or from her Catholic schooling will someday ‘click’ in her mind and help change her heart. Maybe she already knows and facing the truth of what she’s done is too painful, I don’t know. I certainly do feel for her she has to be very sad inside.

I’m going to try to get to adoration…it’s been too long anyway. Thanks for your prayers.

Shanny, my deepest sympathies… I have a good understanding of what you’re going through, as I have lost a sibling and two nieces or nephews through this scourge… Perhaps that is why I am so pro-life. With you, I am mourning your loss, and my losses, and also with you, I am praying for your sister and her family, and my parents and my brother’s ex-girlfriend and ex-wife (in both cases with the nieces and nephews, it was my brother’s child…) Like your sister, my brother is filled with a lot of anger, and though I actually haven’t heard anything from him about the abortions–in fact, I heard about them from his exes, several years after the fact, I know that perhaps is at least part of his anger towards life. I know they are hurting, and also are somewhat unresponsive to any post-abortion counseling, but I let them both (his exes… I’m somewhat afraid for my own health and safety to bring this up to him) know about Project Rachel, and that if at any time they were interested in information, I could get it for them.

Please, also take care of yourself… I have moved past the anger at them into sadness and heartbreak… It was almost too much to bear, but on the advise of my confessor I became involved with the local pro-life efforts in my diocese, and it has been very healing for me. I know that I’ll never get to know my sibling or my nieces or nephews here on earth, but I pray that perhaps, I might be able to save others… and also I know that I have 3 great prayer warriors for me in heaven. I’ll ask their intercessions for you and your sister’s behalf… and for your whole family. Also praying for your mother as she undergoes heart surgery.

I’m so sorry for your losses. How awful that family members have to just sit back and watch this violent loos of another family member and have no say, no chance to save them. It’s just so wrong.

Thanks again to everyone for the kind wishes and prayers.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

I’ll remember your mom in my prayers. I’m sure, like a good mother, she’s offering up her sufferings for her daughter’s conversion.

God bless you, Shanny.

 

[sanctareparata]

I’m so sorry. How awful.