My sister is dying

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I just came back from spending two days with my sister who is in hospice. I was in awe and greatly saddened by her situation. One is always saddened by the imminent death of a loved one, but more when others take it upon themselves to accelerate a person’s passing. When I arrived, I was expecting to see my sister in a weakened state because of her illness. What I did not expect was to see that her feeding tube, hydration and antibiotics had been removed.

I quickly asked why this had been done and was told that the doctors had informed her husband that there was nothing else that they could do to preserve her life. Unfortunately, her husband, who seems not to understand the concept of “death with dignity” authorized the removal of life support systems that are ordinary: water, food, and medication. After serious attempts to reason with him about the immorality of this choice, I found that I was talking to myself. When I inquired about the legality of this measure, I found out that the state considers such measures extraordinary and that the next of kin or the guardian appointed by the patient has the legal authority to authorize the removal of feeding tubes, water and medication. There is no legal recourse.

We live in a society that has clouded our judgment concerning the dignity of life and the dignity of the terminally ill and redefined “death with dignity.” One no longer dies with the dignity of sons and daughters of God. One dies according to an arbitrary definition of dignity that is based on our fear of suffering and our desire not to deal with pain, forgetting all along that suffering and pain are as much a part of life as are joy and pleasure.

When I founded the Brothers of Life I never thought that I would be having this discussion and debate within my family; but here I am. The devastating blow of the Culture of Death has permeated every family, from the pagan to the Christian family. Men are no longer consumed with the search for the Will of God, but the search for escape from suffering. More than ever do we need men who will protect and stand as prophetic voices that cry out in the wilderness preparing the way of the Lord of Life.

I am reminded of the Gospels. It is interesting to note that there is no single story in the Gospel where Jesus allows someone to die, except himself. Even this was not an acceleration of the events. He died at the time and in the manner determined by his Father from all eternity. Throughout the Scriptures we see Jesus raise the dying, healing the sick and calling the dead out of their tombs.

As Franciscan Brother of Life I have faith in what is presented to us in Scripture. It is never our call to accelerate the death of a person, even in the hope of relieving their pain and suffering. Christ calls us to do as he did, to relieve the pain and suffering of the sick and the dying by treating them with dignity and doing all that is within our power to protect their lives. Christ is the eternal Son of the Father. He had the power to heal and to raise the death. We may not have that power, but we have the power of Truth and of prayer.

Let us join together to proclaim the Gospel of Life within our families and to the world. Let no man perish because he believes that he is a burden. The only human burden is sin, but Christ relieves us of that burden through contrition and absolution.

When all medical intervention fails, let us bring to the sick the medicine of charity and solidarity.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF 🙂
 
Bro JR,
My sympathy and prayers for your sister and family. I do hope that it will turn out that what the doctors meant was that she has reached a stage at which the nutrition and water were not helping her but instead making her less comfortable as I can only imagine the pain for her and for you otherwise.

Almighty and Everlasting God, preserver of souls, Who dost correct those whom Thou dost love, and for their betterment dost tenderly chastise those whom Thou dost receive, we call upon Thee, O Lord, to grant Thy healing, that the soul of Thy servant, at the hour of her departure from her body, may by the hands of Thy holy Angels be presented without spot unto Thee. Amen.
 
My heart goes out to you Brother Jay. I will be praying for your sister, and for you as well.
 
Brother JR, I’m so sorry to hear this. I will pray that God and His Angels shall embrace your sister and help her through her agony. Removing someone’s feeding tube, hydration, and antibiotics, in the name of “death with dignity”, are based on a lie. Calling these life preserving measures “extraordinary” is another lie. The truth is that keeping someone fed, hydrated, and giving them ordinary medications as needed would mean keeping the person comfortable, and would constitute the course of action consistent with the dignity of the human person. What they did to your sister is barbarous, horrible, and it only inflicts unnecessary suffering on her. The people who should be relieving her suffering, are instead inflicting more suffering on her. Satan must have clouded the minds of those who think that letting someone die of hunger and thirst, and hastening the death of an otherwise ill person in this way, are acceptable and “dignified”. I have also heard it said that feeding someone through a feeding tube is actually LESS work than cooking and feeding them that way. We may yet see the times come when some will start calling the feeding and hydrating (giving water to) of newborn babies as “extraordinary” measures. God have mercy on us all!
 
Thank you for your concern and prayers. I am at peace, because I have done what the Gospel calls us to do. I am surprised at the progress of the events. We had expected that I would die first, since I have terminal cancer. But it is not up to us to write the final chapter of our lives or the lives of those whom we love. God has decided and we accept filled with trust that he has a merciful plan for all of us.

I posted this on the morality sub-forum because I know that this and other end of life issues are a common discussion on this forum. If the life of my sister and my own death are to mean something, they should serve to proclaim the holiness of God and his great love for his people.

Often in this forum, people raise questions about such things as end of life deciions, decisions about abortion or the choice between the life of the mother and child in her womb. Many often post positions that are contrary to the teaching of our faith which has been revealed to us through Sacred Scripture and the Church.

I cannot stop my sister’s death, nor can I cure my own incurable cancer. But I can try to use this experience to drive home one simple message. Life is sacred. It is a gift from God. He has elevated the dignity of life by vesting his eternally begotten Son with humanity, allowing him to die on the cross and raising him on the third day.

If we truly believe in the resurrection, then we have no reason to fear death, be it our own or that of a loved one. If we are truly in love with the cross, we should not fear suffering, be it our own or that of a loved one. Suffering, when it is accepted with the same composure and silence with which Mary accepted the sufferings of her son, acquires a different meaning in human existence. It does not take away from us. Instead, it makes us more like the Son of God.

Suffering, whether it be our phyisical suffering or the suffering that comes from watching a loved one die, can be used to transform the world, if we unite it to the suffering of Christ on the cross and his sorrowful mother.

As I look at my sister and at my own precarious health, as I realize that we are both destined to go home soon, I am filled with sorrow at the loss of my sister, but also with great joy at the knowledge that she is going where we long to be, HOME.

Does it hurt? Yes, very much. Why? First of all, I am human. Second, there is a feeling of impotence that accompanies this journey. Nothing is more painful than impotence.

Is it devatating? No at all. We have lived out lives in faith. We have accepted our illness as part of God’s plan for our lives.

Does this threaten or shake our faith? I would say not. On the contrary. I would say that it has stengthened our faith and our resolve to live and die according to God’s infinite plan.

Why? Because there is nothing in this life that is eternal. Everything that we have ever loved or ever wanted has an end to it. Why should we want anything other than eternity, where nothing comes to an end and where love is a never-ending journey?

My hope is that those who advocate for that which is contrary to the Gospel of Life will learn something from this testimony. It is my hope that those who question the value of a single life, regardless of its stage of development, will rethink their positions. For those who struggle with these issues, I offer for them the graces that can be acquired at this difficult time that God may open their hearts and minds to accept that he alone is the author of life and death. Let us never forget that we who suffer with Christ shall also rise with Christ, for “eternal is his mercy.”

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF 🙂
 
Joseph_L_Varga said:
Brother JR, I’m so sorry to hear this. I will pray that God and His Angels shall embrace your sister and help her through her agony. Removing someone’s feeding tube, hydration, and antibiotics, in the name of “death with dignity”, are based on a lie. Calling these life preserving measures “extraordinary” is another lie. The truth is that keeping someone fed, hydrated, and giving them ordinary medications as needed would mean keeping the person comfortable, and would constitute the course of action consistent with the dignity of the human person. What they did to your sister is barbarous, horrible, and it only inflicts unnecessary suffering on her. The people who should be relieving her suffering, are instead inflicting more suffering on her. Satan must have clouded the minds of those who think that letting someone die of hunger and thirst, and hastening the death of an otherwise ill person in this way, are acceptable and “dignified”. I have also heard it said that feeding someone through a feeding tube is actually LESS work than cooking and feeding them that way. We may yet see the times come when some will start calling the feeding and hydrating (giving water to) of newborn babies as “extraordinary” measures. God have mercy on us all!
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Yes, this is truly a barbaric at and a distorted view of “death with dignity.” That being said, I have only pain for my sister. It encourages me even more to be a more committed Franciscan Brother of Life.

Our Holy Father St. Francis would expect nothing less of me at this point in time. Many years ago I made perpetual vows as a Capuchin Franciscan. Several years ago I was allowed to gather a group of brothers to start a new foundation, the Franciscan Brothers of Life. The mission of this new foundation is to preach the Gospel of Life.

Maybe this is God’s way of making my vocation within a vocation more credible. Now I know of which I speak. I am no less convinced of the truth concerning the dingity of life and the unadulterability of the Divine plan today, than what I was when God called me out of my community on this new mission.

This only strengthens my resolve to preach the Gospel of Life with greater fraith and a deeper commitment and to invite all who will listent to join in this mission. If you can’t be a brother, because you’re life’s circumstances do not allow it, you can still be a brother or sister of Life. Let the world know what we do to each other. Let the world know that there are other options, because with God nothing is impossible.

But whatever way you choose to proclaim the Gospel of Life and the immorality of euthanasia, abortion, or fetal embryonic stem cell research, forget not love.

Those who commit such horrible sins against humanity are also sons and daughers of the same Father. They too deserve our love and our compassion. They probably need our compassion more than anyone else, because they do not see.

Are we not compassionate toward the blind man who stumbles and falls? His blindness is physical. It is not a threat to his eternal salvation. Are we not compassionate toward those who cannot hear? Their deafness is also physical and not a threat to their eternal salvation.

Let us be exponentially more compassionate toward those who live with moral blindness and deafness. Let us go out to them and knock until they hear us. Let us turn these situations into tools of grace.

A long time ago I made perpetual vows. I still remember kneeling before my superior reciting the profession of vows written by our Holy Father Francis. “I vow and promise to observe the Holy Gospel of Our Lord Jesus Christ, according to the Rule of the Friars Minor, in obedience, without property and in consecrated celibacy.”

When I vowed obedience, I promised to submit to the Will of God, even if it’s his passive will in the face of great evil. If is a vow of trust that says, “I am willing to walk in the Dark Night, trusting that God is leading.”

The vow of poverty is one of total detachment. I own nothing, not even my loved ones. All things are on loan from him. All things and people are to be protected and cared for until he asks for them in return.

And the vow of chasity is the total surrender of the one right that a human beings have, the right to be a spouse and have a family. Letting go od my sister is is part of that vow. As a consecrated religious I relinquished the right to a family.

As I see it now, my life as a vowed religious takes on a new meaning. It’s not about a habit or a particular ministry. It’s not even about how many prayers I say or how many people I serve. It’s about fidelity to a promise. I promised to live the Gospel until death. I will die defending the dignity of life and forgiving those who violate it.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF 🙂
 
Brother JR, both you and your sister are in my prayers. “Dignity” has become the evil one’s euphemism for legal and medical persecution of the innocent. And this is done by those who likely claim to consider the death penalty immoral. Lord, have mercy. Christ, have mercy. Lord, have mercy.

Terri Schiavo, pray for us!
 
JReducation said:
Suffering, when it is accepted with the same composure and silence with which Mary accepted the sufferings of her son, acquires a different meaning in human existence. It does not take away from us. Instead, it makes us more like the Son of God.

Suffering, whether it be our phyisical suffering or the suffering that comes from watching a loved one die, can be used to transform the world, if we unite it to the suffering of Christ on the cross and his sorrowful mother.
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I have struggled to accept the above statements. I am not at the same level of obedience to God as you are, brother, but I am slowly getting there. It is hard to hear of educated people declaring their support for death, when I, as a child, knew it was wrong to end one’s life prematurely. I’m sorry to hear a replay of Terri Schiavo’s terrible ordeal in your family’s life. No one deserves this. Be assured of my prayers for your sister, yourself, and your family. God bless.
 
Brother Jr. Your story brings tears to my eyes. Know that I give my love for you and your sister through Jesus Christ. You know how much God loves you and your sister, and how He set you aside to live in eternal joy with Him. You will both be in my prayers.
 
I still can’t get over it, this has to be the saddest day since I first came to CAF.
 
You and your sister will be in my prayers, Brother JR. So will her husband and all who struggle with accepting the Church’s teachings on end of life. It’s an area fraught with difficult emotions that can at times cloud reason and good judgement.
 
**Wow…
Praying in East Iowa!
I have made it clear to my wife
to keep me alive at all cost because
You never know when the miracle
can happen, May God be with you all.

**
 
I’m so sorry to read this, it is perciesly because of this type of senario that both my wife and I talked about a need to create “living wills” which clearly outline our desire to be treated as is mandated by the moral teachings of the Catholic Church (only in more legallyl defenceable terms).

Sadly, this is a course of action that both my parents (cradle Catholics) and her parents (mother fallen away Cradle Catholic, father protestant) support.
 
My prayers are with you and your sister at this time.

God Bless.
 
I’m so sorry to hear about your sister and your own illness.

I just wanted to mention that in many cases, shortly before death, the body cannot process food or water, let alone medications, anymore. In those instances it’s the humane thing to do to stop those treatments, because it only lets the dying person suffer more.

It’s of course totally different from euthanasia, i.e. letting someone starve or die of thirst - that’s not what I’m talking about.
 
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