My stepmom probably has Alzheimers/Dementia

[TheRealJuliane]

She’s 92 and has lived alone since her last husband died (3 total, my dad was the 2nd). She’s always been able to take care of herself but lately her hallucinations have become more and more persistent and troublesome. She sees a girl, who has “grown up” from about age 6 to maybe age 18? And a man, who might or might not be the girl’s father. They are in her house, living in an upstairs room (her house is a one-story ranch). Sometimes this girl calls her names.

I am very distressed about all this. I live 2 states away. She has a dear friend who is more like a daughter, who has thus far been able to keep Mom out of a nursing home, but it’s getting more difficult all the time what with the hallucinations. Mom still knows who she is, where she is, and who all of us are, and as far as the mechanics, can still take care of herself. It’s the hallucinations that are the problem. I thought that maybe it was due to her macular degeneration, but she also has delusions about things she sees and hears that aren’t there, and that’s an indicator of dementia.

I don’t really know what to ask for here. Maybe just prayers? She has been such a wonderful stepmom to me, for years. And I hate to see her spend her last years in such a turmoil from these hallucinations and delusions. Her friend has taken her car so she can’t take a notion to get in and drive somewhere. But I think she’s not safe to be alone now, because who knows what her imaginary companions will want her to do?

So sad.

 

[Annie39]

She’s 92 and has lived alone since her last husband died (3 total, my dad was the 2nd). She’s always been able to take care of herself but lately her hallucinations have become more and more persistent and troublesome. She sees a girl, who has “grown up” from about age 6 to maybe age 18? And a man, who might or might not be the girl’s father. They are in her house, living in an upstairs room (her house is a one-story ranch). Sometimes this girl calls her names.

I am very distressed about all this. I live 2 states away. She has a dear friend who is more like a daughter, who has thus far been able to keep Mom out of a nursing home, but it’s getting more difficult all the time what with the hallucinations. Mom still knows who she is, where she is, and who all of us are, and as far as the mechanics, can still take care of herself. It’s the hallucinations that are the problem. I thought that maybe it was due to her macular degeneration, but she also has delusions about things she sees and hears that aren’t there, and that’s an indicator of dementia.

I don’t really know what to ask for here. Maybe just prayers? She has been such a wonderful stepmom to me, for years. And I hate to see her spend her last years in such a turmoil from these hallucinations and delusions. Her friend has taken her car so she can’t take a notion to get in and drive somewhere. But I think she’s not safe to be alone now, because who knows what her imaginary companions will want her to do?

So sad.

Did she ever adopt you or do you have power of attorney? If not does she have any blood relations who live near her?

Annie

 

[PaulfromIowa]

I have seen various people with age related dementia and Alzheimer’s disease but I don’t think that seeing imaginary people is an ordinary part of dementia. Can you get her to see a geriatric psychiatrist? Does anyone have a health care power of attorney, a financial power of attorney?

She should probably be looking into assisted living facilities, like an apartment but with staff nearby.

 

[Joan_M]

This does not sound like Alzheimers or any of the other dementia’s. Your stepmother urgently needs to be diagnosed. None of us could possibly diagnose her from what you have posted, but, while people with dementia may “see” people who are not there, it usually happens long after the other symptoms are seen - usually after the person is no longer able to care for herself.

Try to arrange for her to see a good medical practitioner.

 

[JRKH]

Oh Juliane…I am so sorry to hear this. You definitely have my thoughts and prayers. I am going to mass later this morning and will offer it for you and your step-mom.

Others have mentioned some good and important points. For myself, being the caregiver to my dear wife, I know that the decisions you will need to make will be difficult ones.

I would suggest that you need to get over there as soon as you can, do a personal evaluation, talk to her friend, get in touch with local senior services and/or C.O.A. etc so that you feel you have a handle on what is available…Also, you might want to contact your local Alzheimer’s people and talk things over with them…
In short, try to get as much information as you can so that you will be able to make well informed decisions.

May God be with you and with your stepmom.

Peace
James

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Did she ever adopt you or do you have power of attorney? If not does she have any blood relations who live near her?

Annie

No, I was a grown adult when my dad married her. And her friend has power of attorney which is as it should be, given that they’ve known each other much longer than I’ve been in her life. She has a brother who is almost blind, he can no longer drive. That’s it, she was never able to have children.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

This does not sound like Alzheimers or any of the other dementia’s. Your stepmother urgently needs to be diagnosed. None of us could possibly diagnose her from what you have posted, but, while people with dementia may “see” people who are not there, it usually happens long after the other symptoms are seen - usually after the person is no longer able to care for herself.

Try to arrange for her to see a good medical practitioner.

Thank you for the information. She lives in a very rural area where doctors are scarce. Just from looking on the internet, I discovered Charles Bonnet syndrome, which is caused by eyesight deterioration like hers from macular degeneration. The one difference is that people with that problem do not, as far as I have read, have delusions about their visions, and the visions themselves don’t interact with the person, which hers definitely do. She will hear things and then it’s as though she makes up a story about it in order for it to make sense. Her friend says this started not long after her last husband died, about 6 years ago. She also recently had a cancerous breast tumor removed but the tamoxifen that was prescribed gave her terrible side effects so she’s not taking anything right now for that.

Her cognition is not what it used to be - she is still mostly aware of her surroundings but has some delusional thinking. She hears voices coming out of her heating vents and thinks people are talking to her through them. But she also has managed to mostly hide this from me in all the visits we’ve had over the last several years. She doesn’t want me know - maybe she’s afraid I’ll have her put into the nursing home (again, not connected to reality because I would never do such a thing myself, not that I can do it legally). She has called the police a few times to report the people in her house and different things outside the house (none of which exist), and that means the police don’t respond to her calls now. They must deal with this sort of thing on a regular basis since it’s a small town and lots of elderly people who have lived there their whole lives.

I will check with her friend again about getting more medical treatment. She’s pretty healthy for such an old person, other than these hallucinations which could cause her to get into a dangerous situation.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Oh Juliane…I am so sorry to hear this. You definitely have my thoughts and prayers. I am going to mass later this morning and will offer it for you and your step-mom.

Others have mentioned some good and important points. For myself, being the caregiver to my dear wife, I know that the decisions you will need to make will be difficult ones.

I would suggest that you need to get over there as soon as you can, do a personal evaluation, talk to her friend, get in touch with local senior services and/or C.O.A. etc so that you feel you have a handle on what is available…Also, you might want to contact your local Alzheimer’s people and talk things over with them…
In short, try to get as much information as you can so that you will be able to make well informed decisions.

May God be with you and with your stepmom.

Peace
James

Thank you so much for your prayers. I know that you are going through this, only on a much more personal level. I will get in touch with some people today. I know that older people especially in more rural areas tend to be quite passive when it comes to medical issues - they take what the doctor says as gospel and don’t try to push for more or better care. Of course, there is a doctor shortage as well as, let’s face it, medical rationing for elderly people. She’s not going to get 5-star medical treatment at her age and health conditions. But I can perhaps get her another evaluation by a different type of professional - it might take a 90 minute ride in the car (yes, it is THAT rural!) but I can see what I can find.

The one blessing I’ve had is that medical people in her area tend to treat me as though I were her actual daughter, blood kin, and will talk to me about her medical treatment although according to the HIPPA laws I don’t think I have any legal right to the information.

OK, it looks as though I have some work cut out for me. Thanks again for the prayers, I can always draw strength and comfort from them. And I will remember to pray for you too.

:hug3:

 

[Snowwhite16]

OP:
I am so sorry to read about your Step Mother. It is more difficult when you live apart. I understand your concern with GREAT compassion.
My Grandmother saw people too very near the end of her life. This was back in the early eary 90’s and Alzheimers started to become a name we could relate to. Prior to that we would call it “old age”…

Difficult decisions may be ahead for you and her family. Sometimes those decisions, although difficult to make are in the best interest of her well being.

Does she use the stove? A lot of people dont think about something as “normal” as using a stove. But for a Senior who is experiencing mounting concerns the stove could be life altering for her and those around her if she lives in an appartment.

You may wish to look around and google Senior Services OR Office of the Aging in the town she lives in and ask for support.
I’ll keep your Stepmother in my prayers and you too. How wonderful to read how much she meant to you and still does. See not all step mothers are Evil.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

OP:
I am so sorry to read about your Step Mother. It is more difficult when you live apart. I understand your concern with GREAT compassion.
My Grandmother saw people too very near the end of her life. This was back in the early eary 90’s and Alzheimers started to become a name we could relate to. Prior to that we would call it “old age”…

Difficult decisions may be ahead for you and her family. Sometimes those decisions, although difficult to make are in the best interest of her well being.

Does she use the stove? A lot of people dont think about something as “normal” as using a stove. But for a Senior who is experiencing mounting concerns the stove could be life altering for her and those around her if she lives in an appartment.

You may wish to look around and google Senior Services OR Office of the Aging in the town she lives in and ask for support.
I’ll keep your Stepmother in my prayers and you too. How wonderful to read how much she meant to you and still does. See not all step mothers are Evil.

My father had 12 great years with her before he passed away. He was able to move back to the area where he grew up and he was so happy being able to live in the country again. He hunted and fished and was just so happy. She was a firecracker, a wonderful cook, and could hand quilt 12 stitches an inch (quilters know how good that is). My sons know her as their grandmother although she had no children of her own (but had to bury 3 husbands from cancer). I miss the woman I grew to love, although she’s physically still here.

 

[EasterJoy]

I’m sorry to hear she’s having these troubles, and especially that you are not closer to her to help her out with them.

I don’t think it is a good idea to try to diagnosis this yourself. There are many treatable reasons for mental status changes that need to be ruled out before concluding that a geriatric patient has dementia, and even dementia itself can arise from quite different physical conditions. Contact her doctor and ask about whether you can get a consultation with a geriatric psychiatrist concerning her hallucinations. It is even possible that she is having adverse drug interactions with medications that she’s taken for years without trouble or that she has an occult infection…well, it could be a lot of things. As they say, dementia is the diagnosis of exclusion. Don’t try to diagnose it yourself, and try to have it diagnosed by a doctor with particular experience with geriatric patients, who are as different from their younger selves as a pregnant woman is from her pre-pregnancy self.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I’m sorry to hear she’s having these troubles, and especially that you are not closer to her to help her out with them.

I don’t think it is a good idea to try to diagnosis this yourself. There are many treatable reasons for mental status changes that need to be ruled out before concluding that a geriatric patient has dementia, and even dementia itself can arise from quite different physical conditions. Contact her doctor and ask about whether you can get a consultation with a geriatric psychiatrist concerning her hallucinations. It is even possible that she is having adverse drug interactions with medications that she’s taken for years without trouble or that she has an occult infection…well, it could be a lot of things. As they say, dementia is the diagnosis of exclusion. Don’t try to diagnose it yourself, and try to have it diagnosed by a doctor with particular experience with geriatric patients, who are as different from their younger selves as a pregnant woman is from her pre-pregnancy self.

I’m not trying to diagnose her, EasterJoy, just trying to get help. One problem is that her friend has helped her to hide this from me for years now, and only now that it’s getting quite difficult am I hearing the true extent of the problem. When we visit, she never talks about things she sees and hears. Or, until my last visit that is. Then she would say she can tell that the neighbor “up the road” has been working in the woods all night because she has seen the lights and heard the machines going all night. There’s nothing like that happening. But she’s been able to keep it mostly quiet from me because I only call her and we see her twice a year, maybe 3 times.

She has a PA, and one main doctor. Lots of little things that could play into this. I’m thinking I need to take another trip up there, but I want to line up some resources first, so I don’t go up without a plan ready to execute. She’s a very old lady now, and can’t take being dragged all over the county to see doctors.

Thanks for your feedback.

 

[Pax2u]

I have no words of wisdom, but wanted to let you know that I’ll keep both you and your stepmom in my prayers. Hard times to go through.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I have no words of wisdom, but wanted to let you know that I’ll keep both you and your stepmom in my prayers. Hard times to go through.

Thank you very much for the prayers. She sure can use them. Her given name is Geraldine, in case anyone needs it.

 

[Sunbreak]

Those kind of hallucinations don’t fit with what I’ve seen with elderly friends and relatives who had dementia. Maybe she should have a complete medical evaluation. Has she had a change in any medications? I’m thinking that possibly a drug interaction or a reaction to a drug could be a possibility.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Those kind of hallucinations don’t fit with what I’ve seen with elderly friends and relatives who had dementia. Maybe she should have a complete medical evaluation. Has she had a change in any medications? I’m thinking that possibly a drug interaction or a reaction to a drug could be a possibility.

This started after her last husband died, about 6 years ago. She got very depressed and needed medication for a while, and then she picked back up but her friend says she started to see things from time to time. But it wasn’t very frequent.

As for changes in medications, I do wonder about whether or not she takes her medication correctly.

I am looking into getting her to a specialist, a geriatrist. I think they used to call it “gerontology,” the care of the elderly. I hope we haven’t waited too long.

Her friend did say the PA gave her something to maybe help with the hallucinations but it made her much worse, she couldn’t sleep and really went crazy so they didn’t take those any more.

 

[Rence]

She’s 92 and has lived alone since her last husband died (3 total, my dad was the 2nd). She’s always been able to take care of herself but lately her hallucinations have become more and more persistent and troublesome. She sees a girl, who has “grown up” from about age 6 to maybe age 18? And a man, who might or might not be the girl’s father. They are in her house, living in an upstairs room (her house is a one-story ranch). Sometimes this girl calls her names. .

I know we’re not supposed to give medical advice…but perhaps a home health nurse can visit and get some urine and blood. Many times in the elderly and/or disabled, infections such as urinary tract infections, can cause hallucinations and terrible confusion and diorientation. Not saying that’s the problem. Just suggesting that maybe she can be assessed for it…

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I know we’re not supposed to give medical advice…but perhaps a home health nurse can visit and get some urine and blood. Many times in the elderly and/or disabled, infections such as urinary tract infections, can cause hallucinations and terrible confusion and diorientation. Not saying that’s the problem. Just suggesting that maybe she can be assessed for it…

Yes, I am going to get her evaluated by someone - She is on blood thinners and her blood gets tested every 2 weeks or so but I don’t know if they test anything but her clotting time. In more rural areas, it’s rather difficult to get good medical care, and that is sure to get worse over time.

Thank you for the feedback. It seems almost unanimous that her hallucinations are not usual for dementia/Alzheimer’s. Even her friend, who has been a caregiver for people with Alzheimer’s, has said that Mom’s situation seems different. It’s just that she doesn’t know what to do about it. She has taken Mom to the doctor for it but she saw a PA (who operates as the doctor for many patients) and he may be out of his depth. Or, again, because she’s on Medicare, they may not want to do a lot of testing. Well, we can pay for that if she needs it.

 

[Susansmum]

I know we’re not supposed to give medical advice…but perhaps a home health nurse can visit and get some urine and blood. Many times in the elderly and/or disabled, infections such as urinary tract infections, can cause hallucinations and terrible confusion and diorientation. Not saying that’s the problem. Just suggesting that maybe she can be assessed for it…

While that is true, the symptoms have been going on for 6 years. It is unlikely that she has had an ongoing infection that has not effected her in other ways.

There is more likely something else going on, ha she not had a medical check up in the last 6 years?

If she is good at hiding it, it shows that she at least has some insight into what is happening.

 

[EasterJoy]

While that is true, the symptoms have been going on for 6 years. It is unlikely that she has had an ongoing infection that has not effected her in other ways.

There is more likely something else going on, ha she not had a medical check up in the last 6 years?

If she is good at hiding it, it shows that she at least has some insight into what is happening.

Chronic infections can last a long time, and older people do not necessarily mount a recognizable immune response. Again: Medicine for geriatric patients is very different.

Many (if not most) dementia patients “hide” their dementia the way you “hide” that you can’t remember a name at a party or that you had a paranormal experience that you don’t think anyone will believe. IOW, they do not think they have any sort of long-term problem. They think they are perfectly fine, but have it together enough to realize that letting other people in on their inner life causes them problems. Dementia can also cause paranoia and make people secretive about really strange things.