My wife just left me

[Marie80]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. You and your wife are in my prayers.

 

[gracepoole]

31 and 29. We’ve been together for 7 years, married for 2. No children, and no we don’t practice together.

I thought so. She isn’t religious, however. After as long as we have been together, I would have thought we would be able to work out any issues that we have. And do whatever it takes to save our relationship.

Thank you, I am waiting to hear back from Church in regards to counseling. I hope to have an appointment set up for Monday.

I am crying out to the Lord. I need His help.

Were you married in the Church? Is it a sacramental marriage? You may be surprised that you can’t handle everything after being together for 7 years but a) that’s honestly an extremely brief length of time given the average lifespan of men and women, and b) without God, a marriage can be blown around as easily as a weather vane. If you weren’t married in the Church, you may not have a valid marriage. Your priest can tell you more.

 

[Catholic13]

I get the feeling she isn’t being completely honest with you. Staying out late, sleeping at a “friends” house, I hope I’m wrong but that’s the impression I’m getting.

 

[Caprotodox]

Were you married in the Church? Is it a sacramental marriage? You may be surprised that you can’t handle everything after being together for 7 years but a) that’s honestly an extremely brief length of time given the average lifespan of men and women, and b) without God, a marriage can be blown around as easily as a weather vane. If you weren’t married in the Church, you may not have a valid marriage. Your priest can tell you more.

No, we were married by a Christian Non-Denominational pastor.

I know as it is, that I cannot partake in communion due to my marriage being outside of the Church. The deacon I just spoke to said that if we’re separated that would change everything in regards to it.

While 7 years may sound brief, that amounts to a less than a quarter of my life currently. I was adamant that we be married by a Christian pastor. Yes, I would want to involve God more in my marriage, but I didn’t want to force her to go to Mass with me.

 

[Caprotodox]

I get the feeling she isn’t being completely honest with you. Staying out late, sleeping at a “friends” house, I hope I’m wrong but that’s the impression I’m getting.

I can see that. I don’t think that she is cheating on me or looking for a way out to go to another guy. I’m nearly 100% positive she was at the friends house that she said she was at.

But I do appreciate you giving an honest perspective. I prefer having people give all possibilities and thoughts. It helps me to better assess.

Right now, I’m leaning towards that she wants to remain married but have some separation (not to see other people, that would be a deal breaker for me). I think she is going to use the $8000 to get an apartment (but that is a lot more money needed to just get an apartment and furnish it). I foresee us doing a dating type thing for awhile. If, we can get this back on track.

My fear with her taking the $8000 and not telling me, is that she may try and take more stuff. Mainly take my dog. For me, she can have pretty much anything, I don’t care, but my dog is something that I would fight for. I have thought about changing the locks on the house so she wouldn’t be able to come and get him (I don’t know if she would do this), but I feel that may be unnecessary escalation.

 

[Caprotodox]

I found out that she is looking for divorce attorneys right now.

 

[CountrySteve]

Prayers for you

 

[Lou2U]

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

I know you don’t want to, but as other posters have said, the best thing for you to do is find an attorney of your own. You have to protect yourself.

Lou

 

[Caprotodox]

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

I know you don’t want to, but as other posters have said, the best thing for you to do is find an attorney of your own. You have to protect yourself.

Lou

I understand, it looks I have to do that now.

I am still 100% wanting to save my marriage. I want this to work.

I also have an appointment setup with marriage counselor through the church for Monday.

 

[pianistclare]

Good.
I suspected that was what the 8 grand was for, but didn’t want to say anything.
I caution you to be realistic, open your eyes, and not to shirk away from anything.
If you’ve been married for 7 years and had no idea things were as bad as she thinks they are…you’re in for an awakening.
Be strong. Pray hard.
Get BACK to Catholicism. People don’t “force” their spouses to worship with them…if they feel like it’s an important part of your life they often want to share that with you.
I’m sorry she didn’t get that sense of togetherness. You can only move forward. Pray hard.
Good luck.

 

[Caprotodox]

Good.
I suspected that was what the 8 grand was for, but didn’t want to say anything.
I caution you to be realistic, open your eyes, and not to shirk away from anything.
If you’ve been married for 7 years and had no idea things were as bad as she thinks they are…you’re in for an awakening.
Be strong. Pray hard.
Get BACK to Catholicism. People don’t “force” their spouses to worship with them…if they feel like it’s an important part of your life they often want to share that with you.
I’m sorry she didn’t get that sense of togetherness. You can only move forward. Pray hard.
Good luck.

We’ve been married 2 years, been together a total of 7 years. I’m sure that I’ll be in for an awakening. I just wish that this was expressed to me earlier, so that we could work on our issues together and gone to counseling.

I think I may be hit financially hard here soon. I’m thinking she is going to be moving her direct deposit into another bank soon. I’m assuming she is going to open up another account.

Our house is both our names, but we got this house because we had dual incomes. Now that’s gone, while I can pay for the mortgage by myself, the bills are going to be tough to cover on my own. I believe that I can do it, but I will not have anything to save at the end of the month.

I plan on going to mass on Sunday. I’ve been praying so much. I really need the Lord’s guidance and help right now.

 

[on_the_hill]

She ended up going a happy hour with her co-workers last night after a completion of a big project, I started to get irritated when I hadn’t heard from in a while, and at 10 PM, I finally texted her to sarcastically ask if she was coming home. She ends up coming at 11PM and I’m pretty irritated and as she got into the house, I told her, “This is unacceptable, I feel really disrespected, this is unacceptable for you to be out so late and to not let me know what was going on.” This set her off, where she said she was leaving. She left and stayed the night at her friends house.

**I realized that I had over-reacted, and apologized to her for my overreacting, and I could understand that I was in the wrong.
**No, you didn’t overreact. No, you weren’t wrong. She’s the one who went out, didn’t respond to you, came in late, and then blamed you for your being upset.
She comes home this afternoon, with her friend. She goes upstairs, and starts grabbing her clothes and makeup. I ask her are you moving? She said that she is. I told her, that I want to work this out, and talk this through. That I love her, and that we should work this out as a couple. She says that she is unhappy, and that she shouldn’t have to deal with being unhappy. She keeps repeatedly saying “I’m sorry”. I ask her if she loves me, and she says, she does. I then tell her, then lets fight through, this lets do this together, lets go to a marriage counselor. She said she will think about it, and that she wants space. She says she isn’t sure that working together and that we want different things.
**This is entirely one-sided. You’re the one making the effort. She’s finished. **

You deserve better. When someone loves you, she doesn’t treat you like this. It’s a harsh reality, but it is the reality. I had a long-term girlfriend who acted very similarly to your wife. Eventually she dumped me. It was really, really hard for me, and it took months, but I got over it. Then she wanted to get back together. I fell into it again, but held my guard up and about a month later I ended it once and for all. (now I’m happily married for 20+ years )

 

[rafarose]

Praying for you

Our Father who art in heaven
Hallowed be your name
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day our daily bread
And forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those who trespass against us
Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil
Amen

Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion inexhaustible, look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us, that in difficult moments we might not despair nor become despondent, but with great confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will, which is Love and Mercy itself.

 

[MaryT777]

Her actions are telling that answer, however tough it is for the op.

Hopefully the op logs off here and gets ducks in a row.

Seems odd she would pull cash if desire is to split. The lawyers and courts figure all that out.

I’d be curious if that act even hurts her case in court.

It depends on the law in the state. In Nebraska my friend had his wife drain their every dime from their savings and checking account. While he was at work she came and took everything in their house that was not nailed down in a moving fan and moved to a house her parents had bought for her. Later she filed for divorce.

He called an attorney and then which was years ago there was no recourse for him because her name was on the account, as was his, and the property was considered their joint property.

Thus once a person takes a big chunk of "change’ out of your account your first call should be to an attorney.

I tell you this story so you will be aware that it may not matter one whit if assets were not frozen given your marital status and I might think she has already consulted an attorney given her boldness to take out that sum. Just a guess but protect yourself and…

GET AN ATTORNEY so you don’t lose more.

So sorry for your troubled marriage. May God be with you during this difficult time and may the Church be able to provide you with counseling or a referral for such.

I have been where you’ve been and the best thing I did was call the attorney.

Mary.

 

[Caprotodox]

You deserve better. When someone loves you, she doesn’t treat you like this. It’s a harsh reality, but it is the reality. I had a long-term girlfriend who acted very similarly to your wife. Eventually she dumped me. It was really, really hard for me, and it took months, but I got over it. Then she wanted to get back together. I fell into it again, but held my guard up and about a month later I ended it once and for all. (now I’m happily married for 20+ years )

Thank you for your help. I agree, the running out after an argument, makes me think she may have just been looking for an excuse.

I am not perfect, I have my faults. I could work on being more patient, and more affectionate. However, I understand I’m not totally to blame for this, she could be helping more too.

Praying for you

Our Father who art in heaven
Hallowed be your name
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day our daily bread
And forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those who trespass against us
Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil
Amen

Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion inexhaustible, look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us, that in difficult moments we might not despair nor become despondent, but with great confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will, which is Love and Mercy itself.

Thank you kindly for your prayers. I have been praying so much throughout the day. I really do appreciate the prayers. It is nice to know that I have other people, complete strangers, making prayers to our Lord on the behalf of my wife and I.

It depends on the law in the state. In Nebraska my friend had his wife drain their every dime from their savings and checking account. While he was at work she came and took everything in their house that was not nailed down in a moving fan and moved to a house her parents had bought for her. Later she filed for divorce.

He called an attorney and then which was years ago there was no recourse for him because her name was on the account, as was his, and the property was considered their joint property.

Thus once a person takes a big chunk of "change’ out of your account your first call should be to an attorney.

I tell you this story so you will be aware that it may not matter one whit if assets were not frozen given your marital status and I might think she has already consulted an attorney given her boldness to take out that sum. Just a guess but protect yourself and…

GET AN ATTORNEY so you don’t lose more.

So sorry for your troubled marriage. May God be with you during this difficult time and may the Church be able to provide you with counseling or a referral for such.

I have been where you’ve been and the best thing I did was call the attorney.

Mary.

Thank you. I know she had reached out to some divorce attorney’s. Once I found out, I knew I had to start making calls. I have three consultations set up for Monday and Wednesday next week.

It pains me so much to do that. I feel like I’m letting my vows down. I feel like I’m hurting my relationship with God, because this is a marriage between God, my wife, and I, and by getting an attorney it’s like I’m giving up.

But I feel that I have to do it, to protect my legally in this world. Spiritually, I hope and pray that I am doing what Christ wants me to do in this situation.

 

[abinjoy]

Prayer said

 

[ffg]

Desiring to work out problems is not letting your vows down.

Working with the cards that are now dealt, is being wise.

Sounds like you need an answer for a thumbs up about moving cash to an account that is only in your name, or you might lose all of it. If you’re in a state similar to Mary’s story, I don’t know if I would wait, I’d be at the bank now.

Don’t forget to update your beneficiaries for work benefits and change your will.

Between now and Monday is a long time, if the house is in your name, I would change the locks.

Protect yourself.

 

[Caprotodox]

I haven’t heard from my wife since she left. When she left a month ago, she said that she was unhappy and that we needed to work on things. When she left the other day, she said she was unhappy.

Today, I have a lot of empathy for her feeling that she is unhappy. I understand that it must be hard to deal with. There were times where I felt unhappy, but it was more fleeting, maybe for half a day or so. I really wish I understood how unhappy she felt, so I could have taken steps on my end to help. I can’t be fully to blame for that though, she also needed to take steps too. I think we could have worked on, and I still believe that we can, work on that part of the marriage.

I know what I need to change on my end. But I feel it’s too late to show her. I’m starting to feel that there may be no coming back from this, no matter how hard I try.

I have a feeling that when I see her, she is going to tell me she wants a divorce. I will do my best to let her know that I feel like that we’re going from 0 to 100 by getting a divorce, and that we should try everything we can first before going that route. I will suggest to her that we can live separately so we can work on ourselves, but get together once or twice a week for going on dates. Hopefully, she would be receptive to that.

At this point, my confidence in it working out is low. But I’m trying to hold out some hope.

 

[Caprotodox]

Desiring to work out problems is not letting your vows down.

Working with the cards that are now dealt, is being wise.

Sounds like you need an answer for a thumbs up about moving cash to an account that is only in your name, or you might lose all of it. If you’re in a state similar to Mary’s story, I don’t know if I would wait, I’d be at the bank now.

Don’t forget to update your beneficiaries for work benefits and change your will.

Between now and Monday is a long time, if the house is in your name, I would change the locks.

Protect yourself.

Thanks, yes I need an answer on what to do with the cash. I’ll be speaking with some attorneys on Monday, so I’ll find out more then. I don’t want to get myself into legal trouble by being rash.

The house in both our names. I think she will be moving her direct deposit over to her new bank account soon. We’ll have to talk about paying for the mortgage since I can’t handle it all on my own, nor should I since it’s in both our names, and she is the one that decided to move out.

 

[Caprotodox]

I have came to the conclusion that I need to focus on building a stronger relationship with the Lord. I think that I will use this time to focus on Christ and working to be a better Christian.

I went to confession a little bit ago. I burst into tears as soon as I walked in. I was just overcome with emotion. I read the parables of the lost son, read Corinthians 7:5, and James 1:1, as I waited to go into confession. James 1:1 and the lost son overwhelmed me.

I miss my wife. I will pray for my wife. I pray that she will understand that we can still work together, and reconcile. I pray that that the Lord will give her signs that she can understand, so that she can realize that we need to work together. I miss her dearly, I hope and pray that she returns.