My wife wants out - help needed

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Leap, this does not sound like a good idea. I know you think the children will benefit, and you know your family, but there was a poster on another thread who warned against 2 parents trying to make believe they still had a marriage of some sort and continue to live together although there was no love between them. The kids saw through it and got royally messed up. Of course, there’s no good way to deal with divorce, and the children will be hurt no matter what you do. You deserve to think about yourself as well as your children, in trying not to hurt them, you may hurt yourself and then you will end up hurting them anyway.

I think you should get some other advice before you agree to these terms. And you know how I feel, which is that if a spouse wants to leave the marriage, they get NONE of the benefits of that marriage. But that’s my boundary - if my husband wanted to walk away and into the arms of another woman, so be it, but he sure wouldn’t be living in this house with me and his sons.

Please think carefully about this and MAKE NO DECISIONS yet.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Leap, this does not sound like a good idea. I know you think the children will benefit, and you know your family, but there was a poster on another thread who warned against 2 parents trying to make believe they still had a marriage of some sort and continue to live together although there was no love between them. The kids saw through it and got royally messed up. Of course, there’s no good way to deal with divorce, and the children will be hurt no matter what you do. You deserve to think about yourself as well as your children, in trying not to hurt them, you may hurt yourself and then you will end up hurting them anyway.

I think you should get some other advice before you agree to these terms. And you know how I feel, which is that if a spouse wants to leave the marriage, they get NONE of the benefits of that marriage. But that’s my boundary - if my husband wanted to walk away and into the arms of another woman, so be it, but he sure wouldn’t be living in this house with me and his sons.

Please think carefully about this and MAKE NO DECISIONS yet.
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They won’t be pretending though. They will be telling their kids straight up the situation. They won’t be pretending to till be married…they will be living on the same property, but different apartments.

I think this could work. The kids would not be pulled from their home into a small apartment living in near poverty situation.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Leap, this does not sound like a good idea. I know you think the children will benefit, and you know your family, but there was a poster on another thread who warned against 2 parents trying to make believe they still had a marriage of some sort and continue to live together although there was no love between them. The kids saw through it and got royally messed up. Of course, there’s no good way to deal with divorce, and the children will be hurt no matter what you do. You deserve to think about yourself as well as your children, in trying not to hurt them, you may hurt yourself and then you will end up hurting them anyway.

I think you should get some other advice before you agree to these terms. And you know how I feel, which is that if a spouse wants to leave the marriage, they get NONE of the benefits of that marriage. But that’s my boundary - if my husband wanted to walk away and into the arms of another woman, so be it, but he sure wouldn’t be living in this house with me and his sons.

Please think carefully about this and MAKE NO DECISIONS yet.
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I was the one who brought it up in the other thread. I wrote about a boy I dated for the better part of two years in high school. His parents did this. They lived seperate lives, but slept in the same house, different rooms. Their plan was to share a house until he graduated from high school. They couldn’t hide their dislike of each other. The father moved on with his life, dating and coming and going as he wanted; because they had said that their marriage was over. The mother poured every moment she wasn’t working into spoiling her kids to make up for the chaos that was happening in their home. It caused harm to all 4 of their children, 2 of which were not living at home anymore. Not only did it cause problems with their relationships with their parents, but also with dating/ marriage relationships.
It was a very sad thing to watch and I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone! I know divorce is a terrible thing, but I have seen first hand what this type of arrangement can do to the kids.
 
happymommy said:
I was the one who brought it up in the other thread. I wrote about a boy I dated for the better part of two years in high school. His parents did this. They lived seperate lives, but slept in the same house, different rooms. Their plan was to share a house until he graduated from high school. They couldn’t hide their dislike of each other. The father moved on with his life, dating and coming and going as he wanted; because they had said that their marriage was over. The mother poured every moment she wasn’t working into spoiling her kids to make up for the chaos that was happening in their home. It caused harm to all 4 of their children, 2 of which were not living at home anymore. Not only did it cause problems with their relationships with their parents, but also with dating/ marriage relationships.
It was a very sad thing to watch and I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone! I know divorce is a terrible thing, but I have seen first hand what this type of arrangement can do to the kids.
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It is a very bad thing to do. It sounds good for the kids, but it’s a rare person who could stand that kind of arrangement. Your description of your boyfriend’s parents should be sobering to LOF.
 
I have no idea if this arrangement would work. I’m not sure I’d do this with my husband. HOWEVER, I have a feeling I would want to gut any person coming in and dating him… LOL! Just sayin’… or you know… Send the kids screaming into his side of the house, so she could endure “reality”…

I have a feeling problems are likely to arrise when either of you start to date. Also, I would wonder about the person willing to step into this situation. Especially a woman. In no way, (granted I’m already married) would I start dating a man that is “divorced” but living with his wife and kids. Will your agreement prevent people from moving in. What if she decides to have a guy move in? That you’re supporting. I’m sure that’s part of the agreement… even if she says there is no one.

I suppose it COULD work… just can’t imagine it…

And I’d like to say… First of all, I have NO IDEA if your wife is having an affair. BUT IF SHE IS… you can rest assured this guy has no sense of morals. Any man sleeping with a married woman is glad he doesn’t have certain living expenses. He already doesn’t mind sharing. Because he’s not COMMITTED… (this goes both ways, I’m sure…)

Just don’t project your ideals on a man that would cheat with a married woman… he already doesn’t have your sense of morals.

Hugs and prayers!
 
Hi LOF,

I know you do not know me from anyone else. none of us for that matter. we are simply kindred spirits of a sort who have all gravitated here to this forum bc of common beliefs. but i AM where you are. maybe the exact details of my situation are not identical to yours, but that is to be expected.

my gut instinct would tell me that this would NOT be a good decision. your wife is proposing to stay in your marital home with you taking an “apartment” as part of the same home? so your W will presumably come and go when you’re there, go on dates, have men over whilst you watch the children? she will lead a singles life under your very nose? i know you ardently wish to avoid divorce in the hopes that your W will one day turn back towards you, but where is your pride? however much she wishes to be single again, she is not. she is married to you. she wishes to take the easy way out. if she wants out then dont let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya. i understand how you feel about your children. what kind of example would that set for them though? mommy decided she didnt love daddy so she decided to date other men? what kind of lesson would that teach them. better to be divorced and show them that you can be happy by being there for them than to be in a charade of a marriage.

i too have asked myself that very question. i have 5 children. my W gave her heart to another man. twice in the past 2 years. she struts around our home even now, after filing for divorce. she wears this mantle of anger and self righteousness as if she were the aggrieved party. she is blind to the hurt that she has done, she is blind to the hurt she will do to her children (let alone me) by pursuing this course of action. i have been so resistant of the idea of the divorce. i keep on telling myself that it will change, she will “wake up.” she is supposedly an “ardent” Catholic who was just recently appointed to be a Eucharistic minister! but i know i am deluding myself. please do as i say not as i do.

you are a man. i could not imagine living in a house where my W was cavorting w/ other men while i was close by taking care of my children. better to remove myself from the home and not have to witness it. let her own her choice. let her get a job. let her realize the enormity of what she is choosing. do not make this easy on her for the sake of your children alone. you have feelings. you would be denying reality if you think that it would not affect you.

i most wholeheartedly believe that God does not support nor condone divorce. does it happen? unfortunately yes. but you and i both deserve better. for the sake of our children, we need to demonstrate that we can be strong, effective fathers who will not accept a marriage that is “open.”

i have been keeping you in my prayers amigo. God bless.

SMM
 
and Faithfully hit upon something… i am almost certain that your W is in the middle of an affair. everything she is doing is a sign of that. go to the MB site, LOF. post your situation. start a new thread. please. you will see that i am correct. i wish it werent so. your W would not be so quick to give up your love if she did not have another. that would run counter to her nature as a woman.
 
Leap_of_Faith said:
To continue…if she agrees to except this offer, I would sign the divorce papers whenever she wants, and would be willing to start the annulment process for each of us to move on with our lives and date other people.
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I beg your pardon? Is this what the American Church has come to be, some anullment mashine? I can’t believe what I am seeing. Are you for real? One moment you are here to save your marriage the next moment you talk about anullment like its just a little procedure. When I see such lines here on CAF I realise something is very sick in the Church and in Catholics that live by the letter but not the Spirit. You can fool society, but you cannot fool God. I start getting the feeling a whole load of people on CAF are anulled but still married in the eyes of God… there is a severe abuse of these things going on, and maybe for that reason also, people are less willing to work on their marriage because, if it doesn’t work, well we can just “get an anullment and get on with dating other people…”. 😦
 
GraceDK said:
I beg your pardon? Is this what the American Church has come to be, some anullment mashine? I can’t believe what I am seeing. Are you for real? One moment you are here to save your marriage the next moment you talk about anullment like its just a little procedure. When I see such lines here on CAF I realise something is very sick in the Church and in Catholics that live by the letter but not the Spirit. You can fool society, but you cannot fool God. I start getting the feeling a whole load of people on CAF are anulled but still married in the eyes of God… there is a severe abuse of these things going on, and maybe for that reason also, people are less willing to work on their marriage because, if it doesn’t work, well we can just “get an anullment and get on with dating other people…”. 😦
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I don’t see how this even works out - the decree of nullity is not for the end of the marriage, but for when it began. If both of those individuals had no conditions that would impede the marriage WHEN IT BEGAN, they cannot ever remarry. It’s not just “get a divorce, get annulled and move on with life.” Maybe most people don’t understand that, but the Church needs to educate them and then stand FIRM
 
TheRealJuliane said:
I don’t see how this even works out - the decree of nullity is not for the end of the marriage, but for when it began. If both of those individuals had no conditions that would impede the marriage WHEN IT BEGAN, they cannot ever remarry. It’s not just “get a divorce, get annulled and move on with life.” Maybe most people don’t understand that, but the Church needs to educate them and then stand FIRM
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Indeed it needs to. I feel its already starting to effect younger generations how the older ones are living now, seeing… suddenly after 10-25 marriage something happens and then all of a sudden the marriage is invalid. How can eg. children grow up and respect Catholic marriage if all they see is that Catholics go and have annullments as much as pagans divorce… come on. What a loss of credibility.
I have a bad taste about this really, more and more… In this area I really think the Catholic Church starts to look like the pharisaism in the day of Jesus where eg. adultery was prohibited but men interpreted only the letter and not the Spirit of the Law and they had concubines and extra wives.

I met a priests who works in Rome with the anullment business and he told me and my class mates straight out that there is a great abuse going on in this area, especially in America and Europe.
I hope that Catholic faithful then will not trust the tribunals blindly but test their own hearts and consciences. If they are serious Christians and were serious when they took their vows, and had no great impediment (which normally would have shown within the first few years marriage ) they should know they are married for life.
God sees our hearts.
 
That sounds like a tough living arrangement to me. You will not be married but still together. You will be a daily part of each other lives. Neither of you will have privacy to move on with your lives.

I think you wife wants a divorce without any of the negative consequences. She can still be a stay at home mom, she has someone to take care of the house and car maintenance, pay the bills and a built in babysitter. You are going to want to spend time with the kids so she will be able to come and go as she pleases when you are not at work.
 
GraceDK said:
Indeed it needs to. I feel its already starting to effect younger generations how the older ones are living now, seeing… suddenly after 10-25 marriage something happens and then all of a sudden the marriage is invalid. How can eg. children grow up and respect Catholic marriage if all they see is that Catholics go and have annullments as much as pagans divorce… come on. What a loss of credibility.
I have a bad taste about this really, more and more… In this area I really think the Catholic Church starts to look like the pharisaism in the day of Jesus where eg. adultery was prohibited but men interpreted only the letter and not the Spirit of the Law and they had concubines and extra wives.

I met a priests who works in Rome with the anullment business and he told me and my class mates straight out that there is a great abuse going on in this area, especially in America and Europe.
I hope that Catholic faithful then will not trust the tribunals blindly but test their own hearts and consciences. If they are serious Christians and were serious when they took their vows, and had no great impediment (which normally would have shown within the first few years marriage ) they should know they are married for life.
God sees our hearts.
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I think the bold part is important. I know someone that did get an annulment but chose not to date because he feels he is still married to his wife.
 
The above discussion on annullment interests me. I am married w/ 5 children, and my W has filed for divorce. She has had 2 affairs in the past 2 years, but i still think we can and should try to work things out (as crazy as that may seem). i have tried counselling LOF bc i believe his W is also engaged in adultery as all the signs are there. I am deadset against D, love my W (still) and feel that D would be disastrous to my wife, my family and my children. my W is supposedly an “ardent” Catholic who was recently appointed a Eucharistic minister in our parish by our priest who has counselled the both of us (and he actually KNOWS about her current A bc i showed him some intel i had gathered yet he still approved her to be an EM or EMHC). i cannot begin to understand and realize you cannot. there is no point. really. my W is currently NOT the woman i married. she has betrayed her values and right now i would say she is not sane in the true sense of the word. she is behaving irrationally. she walks around with this rage and anger which is atypical for her. it is ALL directed at me. i sense it is displaced guilt and insecurity. deep down she realizes that she is committing a sin and is doing the wrong thing, but she cannot bring herself to stop. there is no point to trying to reason with her bc have tried and besides she is not open to it currently.

so annullment? as much as i would like to believe that in the event of D i would be amenable to an annullment i realize that that would be disingenuous and wrong. it is her choice to D me. but how that would qualify us for an annullment i cannot see. i keep on hoping that my W will wake up from this nightmare but i can only resist her for so long. she is proceeding along w/ her plans for a D, and there is nothing i can do to stop it. i can only hope to slow it down. it is VERY hard living with someone in house w/ our 5 children where she is constantly negative, vindictive and angry. if she even talks to me, it usually involves her lashing out at me. i have chosen to try and emotionally detach from her as much as i can. i do occasionally look at her and realize that i still have great feeling for her, albeit one sided. i am sorry to thread jack on LOF’s thread. he and i are on the same journey here, albeit with different details.

and as much as i know he is also deadset against D, like i am, it may be inevitable for the both of us. there are many stories just like ours. our W’s have decided that they want out. the more you cling, the worse it will become and the more they want out. his W, like mine, wants the trappings of the marriage without the actual marriage. they want to have the cake and eat it too. my W wants the house, alimony and child support but doesnt want me or the marriage. i stopped direct deposit and she has had her lawyer ask for it to be reinstated, funny enough. “i don’t want my marriage but i want your paycheck.” um, no. he too would probably want to consider annullment, but i read up the rules on it. neither he nor i should qualify bc it seems pretty limited.

it is better to D then to live in a house divided. your children learn by watching you. what will they learn by watching mommy traipsing in man after man w/ daddy just sitting there? it would be two parents engaged in immoral behavior. if mommy chooses to do so, then so be it. but as a father and a man i will not be a party to such behavior. marriage and monogamy is a choice and a decision. you either choose to do it or not. if you do not, then do not be married. i am soo fearful of what is going to happen to my children and the lessons they will learn from their mother’s behavior. i am sure LOF feels the same way. he so wants to save his M that he would probably be willing to accomodate his walkaway W (WW) as much as possible, but ultimately would come to despise himself if he did so. he would be a doormat. no self respecting man can allow himself to do that. that is my fear for myself as well. i have indeed thought about giving in at times for the sake of peace for the family. my W at one point broached the idea of an open marriage which i immediately shot down. “i will not be a party to that.” imagine, this was proposed by my W the “diehard” Catholic? so here you have the sad stories of LOF and I. i can only hope that with continued faith and prayer that all will turn out well.
 
savemymarr - You are in a very difficult situation. You can not force your wife to stay with you but the divorce will be her sin not yours. You are doing everything possible to save your marriage. If you do not have a valid reason for an annulment then unfortunately you will not be able to date or remarry if you want to continue to receive the sacraments.

I don’t understand your priest. While engaging in an affair or when she filed for divorce, she should not be a EM. This makes me sad and disappointed. She is not allowed to receive communion when in a state of mortal sin but she can be a EM. Is she receiving communion?

Your wife is no longer a “diehard” Catholic or she would not being doing the things she is doing.
 
cviolette said:
savemymarr - You are in a very difficult situation. You can not force your wife to stay with you but the divorce will be her sin not yours. You are doing everything possible to save your marriage. If you do not have a valid reason for an annulment then unfortunately you will not be able to date or remarry if you want to continue to receive the sacraments.

I don’t understand your priest. While engaging in an affair or when she filed for divorce, she should not be a EM. This makes me sad and disappointed. She is not allowed to receive communion when in a state of mortal sin but she can be a EM. Is she receiving communion?

Your wife is no longer a “diehard” Catholic or she would not being doing the things she is doing.
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I would have to pray not to do this out of vindictiveness, but I would be tempted to report that to a higher level. That priest is using very bad judgment in allowing someone in mortal sin to be a Eucharistic Minister.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
I would have to pray not to do this out of vindictiveness, but I would be tempted to report that to a higher level. That priest is using very bad judgment in allowing someone in mortal sin to be a Eucharistic Minister.
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This is not bad “judgement”, this is out and out against our teachings. No one KNOWN to be in mortal sin should be handling the host. And even if she’s said she’s sorry… I think her too high a risk as a repeat offender. This seems fair, since she’s pursuing an unwarranted divorce while requesting an “open” marriage. This isn’t even speculation, if these are in true statements. Surely there exist better choices within the church for EM’s? I suspect a wolf (priest) in sheeps clothing. The church WILL be invaded. of this we know. These invaders just will not prevail. But MAN oh MAN are we likely to take a beating… We’ve been through this with the sex scandles. …Why not with “priests” that allow things that SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED. Our church is in a battle. That’s obvious.

Let it be known, I do not suspect every priest out there. Far from it. But when a priest acts blatantly against our teachings. He’s a bad man that worked the system IMO.

Personally, I would report this to a Bishop. It appears to be absolute fact this woman is cheating. As she admits it. She claims to be a staunch Catholic, and then asks for an “open” marriage… Those 2 things do not, without a doubt, do NOT go together.

With regard to the OP, Perhaps the signs are there. I’m not suggesting to act stupid and ignore them. I just don’t think another who is in a very negative situation should be the decider of truths based on postings… I do agree, it’s possible. As is most anything.

Hey…SMM… I know you don’t want to give your wife any $$… I can understand the hurt and pain. It sounds as though she was a SAHM. Working I imagine an unpaind job of raising children?? Perhaps I"m wrong. You do realize that in a court, she’s VERY likely to get half.

If I were you, I’d start putting that in an escrow account (talk to your lawyer about that.)… But you really don’t want to come off as the guy that decides he wife can’t have $$. She’s very likely going to get the kids and half. Unless she just throws in the towel so she can go play. But if she’s as angry as you say, she’s going go for the throat. She’ll take everything she can. When you come off hostile, you lose. I’ve seen it happen time and time again… Just suggesting you not cut of your nose in spite of your face… I’m sure this is very painful… Many prayers… for you and LOF!
 
Hello All,

WOW…lots of topics to discuss here!

Let me start by saying again “I will never condone this decision for my wife to end this marriage, and I will never understand or agree with HER decision”. THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT TO DO, I simply have no choice. The topic of annulment, because I believe divorce is a sin against God, I will never condone the annulment either, but again, I can not stop her from pursuing is. I pointed out a paragraph to my wife explaining Pope John Paul II view about divorce in the Catholic Church “…Divorce is an evil that is plaguing our country”, she tells me “nowhere does it say that you will be excommunicated from the church, and furthermore this is between me and God…STAY OUT OF IT”.

I mentioned that I would sign the divorce papers and sign the annulment papers (should the church deem to nullify the marriage), but if the priest asks me my thoughts on the subject I will be very honest with him.

The topic of the living arrangement…the only way I can keep my kids close to my daily life is to let my wife go completely. I explained to my wife just yesterday that (because of my Catholic views on marriage) my door will always be open should she change her mind, however if she does change her mind we will have some serious issues that will need to be addressed before I will ever agree to get back together.

As for her and I dating other people…safe to say you all probably already know that this would never be an option for me since I took my marital vows seriously. As for my wife dating…this is again her decision, and as she told me, this is between her and God.

I honestly feel that we could make this work for the next 16 years. My children will not suffer wondering why we don’t live together any more because they will be able to see us both daily in this makeshift duplex. If my wife wants company, the kids can come to my apartment. We both have agreed to never bring home our dates (HER dates). We would have very specific ground rules in place in order to make this work.

My wife is very private and does worry about what people think about her. This way we wouldn’t have to tell the kids that Mom & Dad are getting divorced until they are much older. Kids aren’t stupid, they will see the changes but they will also see the sacrifices we are making for them, and I will be trying to be the best example I can be showing that kids come first no matter what. We talked to each other this morning saying we haven’t got along this well in the past 5 years. This is because I will do anything for my children, even at the expense of my own happiness…my children will always come first.

Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. I will continue to review all your comments, they truly give me food for thought through all of this. Please remember, I don’t want this and will never condone her decision.

God Bless you and your families always!
 
sorry for the thread jack LOF… but what do i think in my priest’s eyes, it is TOO hard to say to my W:

"I know you are lying. Tell the truth. Come clean. You have engaged in adultery and been unfaithful to your husband and your vows. You will have to answer for your sins and your transgressions against God, his Commandments, your husband, your children, your family and yourself. You need to repent and ask for His forgiveness. There will be no path to salvation if you do not do so. You know what is right and what is wrong. What you have done is wrong. And I have made a mistake as well. I did not call you out on your behavior. I made you a Eucharistic minister when I should have done anything but."

my priest basically told me i should think about annullment. um, yeah. so i could remarry in the Church in the future. THAT is BS. annullment applies when you marry someone under false pretenses. at the time we took our vows, we both agreed that we would be faithful. we did not go into our marriage with the idea or the plan that we would break our vows. to say that she didnt bc of her recent actions would be lying. so how does that qualify me for an annullment?

but my faith? she cannot take that away from me. my weakhearted priest cannot either. i have worked too hard to try and find it again. honestly i have every intention of slowly letting my priest know that i am upset with him. i will draw him out and get him to ask “is everything ok? is everything ok betw us bc i noticed that you havent been as expressive or forthcoming w/ me as much lately.”

"actually Father, you are correct. i have not been forthcoming with you lately bc i am disappointed in you. i had hoped that you wouldve taken a stronger stand against sin and adultery than you did. my W and I came to you for help. my W has lied to you. you have accepted her lies as truth all the while knowing they were lies. you ask ‘what is the truth?’ this is not some philosphical argument. [he’s a philosopher by training so this will be a dig at him] my W is pursuing divorce so that she can pursue another married man. it is wrong in the eyes of God, in the eyes of the church and in the eye of society. it is not enough to answer that ‘everyone does it.’ i have been trying to understand your position and cannot. you are a passive accomplice to her sin. so i will continue coming to church looking for God’s guidance. but i will not ask to be a Eucharistic minister or a Cathechist [both things my W does]. i will not seek out an annullment either bc on what grounds could i do so? she is an adulteress and a liar. she has broken 3 of God’s 10 Commandments. God bless you Father, and thank you. I will see you around church and will wave."

i will not look to get angry or shout at him, for the same reason i have more or less NOT done that with my W. it is counterproductive. if i deliver the above address quietly but forcefully i will compel him to think about it. if i shout at him, all he will remember is that i was impertinent and disrespectful to him as my priest. just bc you’re a priest doesnt make you infallible. obviously. and i WILL go over his head. let him answer to the bishop. i am tempted to inform my priest ahead of time to see if he will change his tune and take a stand here. doubt it though bc he will probably run to the bishop and try to paint me as a kook.
and that is your decision LOF. that will be a terrible way to live i am afraid. it is allowing your W to have an open marriage the way she wants. she will NOT respect you for any of this bc you are letting her walk all over you. seek out the counsel of others in your family, your circle of friends before you think to walk this path you are talking about. imagine your children? do not for one second think that they will not figure out how things are betw mom and dad. do you think they will not realize that mommy has “boyfriends” or “uncles” while daddy is the celibate, ascetic? our children pattern what they see? so which would be preferable? divorced couple but daddy found someone else who has the same values that he does, he is a good dad forced to do something wrong in the eyes of the church bc mommy was loco? or is what mommy is doing what we should do if we cannot make a decision?

your W needs to make a decision. you need to push her. she needs to go bye bye. she needs to go out and get a job. you start to push back and your W will start to realize that you are stronger than she initially realized. she may even derive a new found respect for you. it may even lead her to reconsider her choice to do this. you have a better shot at getting your W back if you stand up to her, because if you roll over and let her do this to you she will surely conclude that you have no values that you were willing to stand up for.

my mistake was letting my priest go ahead and approve my W to be a EM without really putting up a protest. well am not done there. am still a Catholic. still have my faith. but will not lay down and let the two of them brush this under a rug. i will be speaking w/ my priest then the bishop. let the W find out what happens later on when THEY call her and tell her she cannot be a EM.

we are in the same boat LOF. i would implore you to reconsider your proposed course of action. your desire to hold onto her is admirable and to be commended, but there IS a limit.
 
LOF…many here are against the living arrangement, so perhaps you should listen to them. I’m no expert on divorce and the pschological consequences, but their arguments make a lot of sense.
 
LOF…I met my priest friend for lunch yesterday and we were talking about your type of situation.

Fr. explained to me that children ALWAYS want to keep their parents together. Children are ALWAYS looking for stability. Fr. also told me that he has seen living arrangements (like your proposed arrangement) work out very nicely for the children. Fr. said it’s a sacrifice that the parents make for the children. Fr. said it’s harder on the parents than the children, but you have 4 reasons to stay close to eachother physically.

He also told me that he believes that 50% of divorces are 100% avoidable if they seeked help and took the help seriously. If you give your wife time, she may have a change of heart. Fr. told me that some divorced couples have actually married again.

Don’t give up hope. I honestly believe that the Holy Spirit was giving you some good advice through my priest friend. Perhaps this was a prayer being answered? Just a thought. Don’t listen to CAF members…listen to God through your prayers!!! God knows what is best for your children.
 
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