Naked pictures to spouse

[PatriceA]

Sorry…

I appreciate the advice, and the discussion has been interesting… so thank you for the (name removed by moderator)ut. I just don’t agree that it’ll be a problem for the reasons I’ve given, that’s all. You may have gone through some similar circumstances with your husband being gone, but that doesn’t mean we’re all the same people and will automatically react to circumstances exactly the same.

Thank you for being a military family!

I think that part that is troubling to me is that you are refusing that it COULD, not that it automatically will, be a problem and have already dismissed that you and your husband will never, never, ever experience the problems that sending these kind of photos can cause. And you are right, we are not all the same people, but you won’t be the same person you are now once you go through a deployment or long separation. You won’t be the same married couple, your marriage will not be the same as it was before a deployment as it will be after. It can either be stronger, or it can be weaker. You have to consider that, and you can not guarantee you will or your husband will react to the issues a long separation brings up as you might think you will at this point in your relationship. It is not wise to say it will never happen to us as a married couple.

 

[The_Bucket]

And besides, why would any man be going around telling their buddies “hey dude, I just got a naked picture from my wife!!” That right there already shows that he doesn’t respect her to begin with. No one is supposed to know you’re getting them.

This kind of thing does indeed happen. It’s not something that would happen in your case, but it does happen and it’s quite sad and disrespectful indeed.

 

[Debora123]

At a certain point I think the subject becomes a bit of a dead horse, doesn’t it? There are all kinds of potential dangers lurking out there that could give one pause, but if debora decides the positives outweigh the negatives, the worst anyone could say is that the decision was “imprudent” because it’s decidedly not sinful.

It’s like the thread some time ago about making love with a mirror nearby or something to that affect. With some people that might be uncomfortable or even lead to objectification issues. With others, it’s not. And the same goes for threads on certain sexual acts where some people are cool with it and others are not. It’s not a case where the Church has authoritative doctrine written down.

The rules for sexuality are thus: Sexual contact is for marriage. Acts involving sexuality must be ordered towards both procreation and unity. No other people involved be they real or on video/pictures. The end. Your mileage may vary when it comes to the rest of it, including video/pictures involving the spouses themselves.

Prudence is another matter and one that’s been hammered into the ground at this point. The summary is “Be careful with this kind of thing because X, Y and/or Z could happen. But it’s not inherently immoral.” I don’t know what else you can say.

I can agree with this completely.

 

[The_Bucket]

I think that part that is troubling to me is that you are refusing that it COULD, not that it automatically will, be a problem and have already dismissed that you and your husband will never, never, ever experience the problems that sending these kind of photos can cause. And you are right, we are not all the same people, but you won’t be the same person you are now once you go through a deployment or long separation. You won’t be the same married couple, your marriage will not be the same as it was before a deployment as it will be after. It can either be stronger, or it can be weaker. You have to consider that, and you can not guarantee you will or your husband will react to the issues a long separation brings up as you might think you will at this point in your relationship. It is not wise to say it will never happen to us as a married couple.

Yeah but it’s not the pictures themselves that cause the problem PatriceA and I think you well know that. Pornography is absolutely rampant in society today and very much overlooked on the front lines. It’s pretty much part of the culture there even though it’s contraband; those rules are really only enforced during training.

For the record, a nude/suggestive picture of your spouse is not going to push someone into pornography. It just isn’t. Trust me. I speak as a recovering porn addict myself. Started at a young age courtesy of my father’s addiction, though it ebbed late in college. I thought getting married and having actual sex would “cure” me permanently and that I’d never have to fight against it again. HAH! Just pour in a few years of stress, a couple of kids, a health scare and I was right back on my “drug.” A photograph of my wife would never have pushed me into it. I pushed myself into it because it’s what I did to deal with anxiety. Just like someone who was hooked on booze or drugs.

The stress of deployment can mess with both partners and lead to bad habits or mental problems. But a picture of a spouse is not going to be the impetus for those negative changes. Truth be told, a suggestive picture of my wife would have really messed me up mentally when I was in my addiction. Why? Because the allure of pornography is that the women are not “real.” That the whole thing is a fantasy and contrived and I’m in control of everything. A picture of my wife would remind me that there is an actual person there and might have even pierced my addicting brain and remind me that those women in pornography are actual people, not just images for my mental amusement.

Don’t believe me? Just go look at some of the responses ex-pornstars get from people who are hooked on porn. They are called the most vile of names and told that they are still you-know-whats who are not worth anything because of what they did and they need to stop trying to take their precious porn away. It’s pretty sick. Upon reflection, I was a pretty sick person too.

 

[PatriceA]

Yeah but it’s not the pictures themselves that cause the problem PatriceA and I think you well know that. Pornography is absolutely rampant in society today and very much overlooked on the front lines. It’s pretty much part of the culture there even though it’s contraband; those rules are really only enforced during training.

For the record, a nude/suggestive picture of your spouse is not going to push someone into pornography. It just isn’t. Trust me. I speak as a recovering porn addict myself. Started at a young age courtesy of my father’s addiction, though it ebbed late in college. I thought getting married and having actual sex would “cure” me permanently and that I’d never have to fight against it again. HAH! Just pour in a few years of stress, a couple of kids, a health scare and I was right back on my “drug.” A photograph of my wife would never have pushed me into it. I pushed myself into it because it’s what I did to deal with anxiety. Just like someone who was hooked on booze or drugs.

The stress of deployment can mess with both partners and lead to bad habits or mental problems. But a picture of a spouse is not going to be the impetus for those negative changes. Truth be told, a suggestive picture of my wife would have really messed me up mentally when I was in my addiction. Why? Because the allure of pornography is that the women are not “real.” That the whole thing is a fantasy and contrived and I’m in control of everything. A picture of my wife would remind me that there is an actual person there and might have even pierced my addicting brain and remind me that those women in pornography are actual people, not just images for my mental amusement.

Don’t believe me? Just go look at some of the responses ex-pornstars get from people who are hooked on porn. They are called the most vile of names and told that they are still you-know-whats who are not worth anything because of what they did and they need to stop trying to take their precious porn away. It’s pretty sick. Upon reflection, I was a pretty sick person too.

Depends upon where you are training or deployed when it comes to the rules on pornography. It was strictly forbidden where my husband was sent. Their emails and snail mail were monitored.

Debora, if you are so certain that sending naked pictures to your husband won’t be a problem to your marriage, why even discuss it on a Catholic message board, or any message board for that matter? If I was totally convinced it was a natural thing to do, I would never have sought out the opinions of others. I just would have sent them. But perhaps there is a small part of you that isn’t convinced its not a problem at all and that’s why you need to be validated in your views on the matter.

 

[mtbender]

There are all kinds of potential dangers lurking out there that could give one pause, but if debora decides the positives outweigh the negatives, the worst anyone could say is that the decision was “imprudent” because it’s decidedly not sinful.

I’d be curious as to what the positives would be…

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

Even without the internet my hubby says he found a pic of his mother taken by his father. Right there I said----ewwwwww.

Something like that happened to me…except it was a picture of myself.

I’ve been losing weight every since…

 

[clem456]

Yeah but it’s not the pictures themselves that cause the problem PatriceA and I think you well know that. Pornography is absolutely rampant in society today and very much overlooked on the front lines. It’s pretty much part of the culture there even though it’s contraband; those rules are really only enforced during training.

For the record, a nude/suggestive picture of your spouse is not going to push someone into pornography. It just isn’t. Trust me. I speak as a recovering porn addict myself. Started at a young age courtesy of my father’s addiction, though it ebbed late in college. I thought getting married and having actual sex would “cure” me permanently and that I’d never have to fight against it again. HAH! Just pour in a few years of stress, a couple of kids, a health scare and I was right back on my “drug.” A photograph of my wife would never have pushed me into it. I pushed myself into it because it’s what I did to deal with anxiety. Just like someone who was hooked on booze or drugs.

The stress of deployment can mess with both partners and lead to bad habits or mental problems. But a picture of a spouse is not going to be the impetus for those negative changes. Truth be told, a suggestive picture of my wife would have really messed me up mentally when I was in my addiction. Why? Because the allure of pornography is that the women are not “real.” That the whole thing is a fantasy and contrived and I’m in control of everything. A picture of my wife would remind me that there is an actual person there and might have even pierced my addicting brain and remind me that those women in pornography are actual people, not just images for my mental amusement.

Don’t believe me? Just go look at some of the responses ex-pornstars get from people who are hooked on porn. They are called the most vile of names and told that they are still you-know-whats who are not worth anything because of what they did and they need to stop trying to take their precious porn away. It’s pretty sick. Upon reflection, I was a pretty sick person too.

As for the bolded Bucket, it’s usually impossible to establish direct casue and effect. We don’t know what an indiscretion leads to. It will be different for everyone. In a moment of desire people do silly things, sure who hasn’t?..and only God knows degrees of culpability for that person. Probably not a huge deal. But it could be part of a problem or could begin a problem. As one poster asks, what “good” comes of it? That word Good is used casually but is so important. We should whenever possible order our acts to the Good (God) and not vaccilate. This whole thread really is about vacillating…A person having an inclination that something may be unwise or immoral, and yet wavering between the courses of action. Just asking the question indicates the conscience is working at this issue. So don’t do it. What Good can come of it?

Getting drunk once does make one an alcoholic. It’s a process, or could be part of a “structure of sin” as the Catechism refers to. One occasion of being willfully angry and cruel with your wife does not make one an abuser. In each instance there is an isolated act that is technically immoral, but doesn’t cause an addiction. For many, engaging in borderline activities fuels lust, and vice versa.

If I willfully do things that are borderline or immoral, I am behaving willfully. The focus of the problem is not the naked body, it is behaving willfully, when I know the best course of action but will something else. If I know that the absolute best thing for married sex is purity and modesty, and willfully go against it, I am not supporting the best and highest good for my marriage. I am weakening my will as well, making it easier for the next step to be taken. For many people this will seem like a lot of melodrama over something trivial, but in essence it’s like Eve saying “but I only took a small bite of the apple”. For some people (I am one) keeping these things in right order is essential. And also, as I get older I realize these small indulgences are just not important anyway.

 

[28562]

I am sorry Debora…but you seem to be extremely naive to the dangers of Satan. It’s not some fairy tale make believe stuff. Your husband isn’t perfect. He isn’t Jesus. He may be tempted at some point. The picture could possibly be one straw on the camels back. Don’t tell me he has no privacy. That is a lame excuse. I sure he isn’t monitored when he uses the bathroom. You also say that you do it so he will hurry home. That’s lame too. I would be on a bigger hurry home if I had not seen my wife naked in ANY form in months. The longing and desire would be greater if I hadn’t had something to hold me over. Don’t dismiss the danger we have warned you about. I still can’t understand the purpose of starting a thread asking if it is immoral if you are going to argue with everyone that doesn’t give the answer you are looking for. It’s frustrating to the rest of us that are trying to protect you and your husband. Since you know your relationship, and apparently morality, better than anyone else, why would you even want our advice in the first place?

This is a bit of an afterthought, but something that has stuck with me since early in the thread. I really can’t see another purpose for sending naked pics than to sexually excite your spouse, which it will certainly do. You mentioned, in defense of him, that it isn’t dangerous because he says ‘he doesn’t even think that way’ while he is there and this ‘makes you sad’. I think this might be a main reason that you want to do this. You can’t stand that his sexual relationship and thoughts are taken away right now. So you don’t get ‘sad’ about this, you have to try to bring them back to make yourself feel better. I’m probably wrong about this, but it is how it looks from the outside.

Perhaps you should think a little more about taking advice from people who admit that they haven’t had perfect marriages. Yours won’t always be…and you should be careful that you try as hard as you can to not give it any reason to get imperfect.

 

[Debora123]

Debora, if you are so certain that sending naked pictures to your husband won’t be a problem to your marriage, why even discuss it on a Catholic message board, or any message board for that matter? If I was totally convinced it was a natural thing to do, I would never have sought out the opinions of others. I just would have sent them. But perhaps there is a small part of you that isn’t convinced its not a problem at all and that’s why you need to be validated in your views on the matter.

Out of curiosity… and I figured it might lead to interesting discussions.

 

[Debora123]

I’d be curious as to what the positives would be…

Hi bender,

I don’t know if you’re male of female, but if you’re married, isn’t the sight of your spouse pleasing to your eye?

Don’t you enjoy/appreciate looking at your loved one?

In short, it’s just fun. It helps us deal with the separation by giving us something to look forward to each day. Kind of like taking a bad situation and getting something fun and special out of it.

 

[Debora123]

Getting drunk once does make one an alcoholic. It’s a process, or could be part of a “structure of sin” as the Catechism refers to. One occasion of being willfully angry and cruel with your wife does not make one an abuser. In each instance there is an isolated act that is technically immoral, but doesn’t cause an addiction. For many, engaging in borderline activities fuels lust, and vice versa.

The problem with this is that you’re not comparing apples to apples.

Getting drunk, and being cruel to your wife are sinful actions… so you shouldn’t be doing them anyway. Sending your spouse a nude photo of yourself isn’t in itself a sinful action.

A more appropriate comparison would be comparing it to introducing someone to chocolate. Eating chocolate, in and of itself, is not sinful… though it could lead to sin for someone who has tendencies for gluttony and food addiction. But even then, it’s not going to be responsible for causing someone to become a food addict when that person didn’t already have gluttony issues to begin with.

 

[Debora123]

Yeah but it’s not the pictures themselves that cause the problem PatriceA and I think you well know that. Pornography is absolutely rampant in society today and very much overlooked on the front lines. It’s pretty much part of the culture there even though it’s contraband; those rules are really only enforced during training.

For the record, a nude/suggestive picture of your spouse is not going to push someone into pornography. It just isn’t. Trust me. I speak as a recovering porn addict myself. Started at a young age courtesy of my father’s addiction, though it ebbed late in college. I thought getting married and having actual sex would “cure” me permanently and that I’d never have to fight against it again. HAH! Just pour in a few years of stress, a couple of kids, a health scare and I was right back on my “drug.” A photograph of my wife would never have pushed me into it. I pushed myself into it because it’s what I did to deal with anxiety. Just like someone who was hooked on booze or drugs.

The stress of deployment can mess with both partners and lead to bad habits or mental problems. But a picture of a spouse is not going to be the impetus for those negative changes. Truth be told, a suggestive picture of my wife would have really messed me up mentally when I was in my addiction. Why? Because the allure of pornography is that the women are not “real.” That the whole thing is a fantasy and contrived and I’m in control of everything. A picture of my wife would remind me that there is an actual person there and might have even pierced my addicting brain and remind me that those women in pornography are actual people, not just images for my mental amusement.

Don’t believe me? Just go look at some of the responses ex-pornstars get from people who are hooked on porn. They are called the most vile of names and told that they are still you-know-whats who are not worth anything because of what they did and they need to stop trying to take their precious porn away. It’s pretty sick. Upon reflection, I was a pretty sick person too.

Awesome post, thanks for sharing!

 

[PatriceA]

Out of curiosity… and I figured it might lead to interesting discussions.

It would have made for a much more interesting discussion if you had ever really considered the opposite point of view or the advice that some of us have been trying to give you. It has felt more like you wanted a debate than a discussion, and to somehow vindicate your position than rather to consider every side of the situation.

 

[Debora123]

It would have made for a much more interesting discussion if you had ever really considered the opposite point of view or the advice that some of us have been trying to give you. It has felt more like you wanted a debate than a discussion, and to somehow vindicate your position than rather to consider every side of the situation.

I’m sorry you feel that way.

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

It would have made for a much more interesting discussion if you had ever really considered the opposite point of view or the advice that some of us have been trying to give you. It has felt more like you wanted a debate than a discussion, and to somehow vindicate your position than rather to consider every side of the situation.

Realize that you may be guilty of that which you accuse others of.

The biggest inspiration for me when having a debate are the Lincoln/Douglas debates. Not the debates per se, but rather the thought processes behind the men in the debates. Douglas knew one side of the debate…his own…and defended his ideas. However, Lincoln studied not only his side of the debate, but also the opponent’s side. It is Lincoln’s manner of study that leads to a valid, defensible point of view.

That is the way i have viewed this particular subject. Many people in this discussion are incorrectly applying concepts in this thread. The concepts being applied deal with situations not involving spouses. Debora is dealing with a situation involving a spouse. They are no remotely similar.

There in NOTHING wrong with spouses seeing each others naked bodies; period, the end. Nobody can cite such a prohibition. There is nothing to discuss regarding this matter. Trying to create some line of reasoning that views this situation in a negative manner, IMHO, is a degradation of the sacrament of marriage.

Could abuse occur in marriage? Of course. I seriously doubt that neither Debora nor her husband views the matter in that manner. So, my opinion? Go have fun, do what you want, none of my or anyone else’s business. The only caveat, as I noted earlier, is that caution is prudent.

 

[Greg_N]

Greg, I am fo real, yes!

All right sister, let’s lay this out.

I don’t understand why so many people have been like “what’s the point of sending nude photos to your husband, just send clothed ones!” I’m just like, really? You can’t think of a single reason why a married couple would enjoy that unless it were being put to sinful use??

Okay, so we’re focusing on the nude images you send, and the ‘reasons’ you suggested were:

To be fun, romantic, and give him a reason to want to hurry home. And to please him.

Can you please explain why a nude image is needed to achieve these ends over and above a fully-clothed image?

What is the distinction you make between a clothed image of yourself, and a naked image. Why are they different?

 

[Greg_N]

So, my opinion? Go have fun, do what you want, none of my or anyone else’s business.

Appalling advice.

 

[Debora123]

What is the distinction you make between a clothed image of yourself, and a naked image. Why are they different?

Lol, I’m assuming you’re a guy, given the name “greg”… therefore I am confused as to why you’re asking me why seeing your spouse naked is different from seeing them clothed.

It shouldn’t be something I have to explain.

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

Appalling advice.

Hey, if you think you should be the morality police in people’s marriage, you take a much more hardcore stance than the Church takes.

I personally do not understand the very negative, unhealthy perspective of viewing one’s spouse wearing his/her birthday suit that is prevalent in this thread. But to each their own…

If my wife sent me such a picture, I’d simply smile; it’d make my day. That’s all. Nothing unhealthy or appalling about that.