Naked pictures to spouse

[TheWarriorMonk]

I just read through the last two days of posts, and all I can say is “Wow!”

The conflating of concepts between the married and unmarried is just stunning. What’s next…are we going to discuss how it is very immoral for us regular folks to attempt to consecrate the Host, and using those concepts to say that a priest does is wrong? Of course not…they have nothing to do with each other. Yet posters are doing just that.

Example:

sending nude photos of oneself IS using sex in a wrong way.

i didnt compare it. i contrasted it. and i’ll do it again for further clarification:

the goodness and marvelousness of marital intimacy is hijacked by porn, prostitution and adultery.

why then, treat the marital embrace like porn, prostitution or adultery? along those lines, then it follows that it’s sometimes “fun” or “arousing” that your husband should ***pay ***you?

same story.

No offense to Monica, but how can anybody take the above seriously. Seeing a picture of one’s wife is comparable to objective mortal sins such as porn, prostitution, or adultery? A few of my brain cells exploded just trying to comprehend that, which isn’t good given the relatively few number I have left. Even in the worst case scenario, how is lusting after one’s own wife adultery? I don’t believe Jesus had that in mind when He was talking about adultery.

As already noted ad naseum, yes, this can be abused. But the potential for abuse shouldn’t be the starting point of the discussion, especially when it’s an absolute given that one is going to see their spouse naked, and nobody sees anything wrong with that. Really, folks, it’s no big deal. Let’s all take a deep breath, eat a Peppermint Patty, and imagine we’re on a cool, crisp mountain top.

 

[28562]

It’s definitely just you.

I never said “okay,uh huh, thanks a lot, shutup, bye bye now…” I did say things like “I appreciate your (name removed by moderator)ut” and “thanks for sharing” and “thank you for your thoughts” a number of times on this thread specifically because I was actually trying to be polite and show appreciation, even though I don’t entirely agree. Sounds like you took it as sarcasm, but it was 100% genuine.

Then I stand corrected. If you say it was genuine, then I believe you, but it did, IMO, seem sarcastic…just like ‘sorry you feel that way’ and ‘sorry you seem so bitter’ did.

Here is what I think a lot of people are finding so frustrating about this thread. But I guess I could be wrong about this too…most people on this forum genuinely care about each other and want to do whatever we can to make each other feel better or prevent pain from happening in the first place. I think people are truly concerned about your nonchalant attitude…ie ‘it won’t happen to us’ because it seems like you don’t believe that the devil actually works on each one of us when he gets the chance…and you and your husband are no different. It’s like giving a cup of gas to a guy holding a book of matches that is just waiting for his chance.
The bottom line is that just because something is legal or not specifically immoral doesn’t necessarily mean it is a good idea. But if you see no danger and see no need to heed the warnings of people that care and may have been there before, then go ahead and do what you want. Good luck, and I pray it never comes back to bite you…

 

[Debora123]

No offense to Monica, but how can anybody take the above seriously. Seeing a picture of one’s wife is comparable to objective mortal sins such as porn, prostitution, or adultery? A few of my brain cells exploded just trying to comprehend that, which isn’t good given the relatively few number I have left. Even in the worst case scenario, how is lusting after one’s own wife adultery? I don’t believe Jesus had that in mind when He was talking about adultery.

As already noted ad naseum, yes, this can be abused. But the potential for abuse shouldn’t be the starting point of the discussion, especially when it’s an absolute given that one is going to see their spouse naked, and nobody sees anything wrong with that. Really, folks, it’s no big deal. Let’s all take a deep breath, eat a Peppermint Patty, and imagine we’re on a cool, crisp mountain top.

Yeah, I honestly didn’t really understand the post either.

And I also agree, lusting after your own wife (assuming it would even happen) would still be awful and immoral, but I don’t think it would fall under the category of adultery. Though I guess someone here can correct me if I’m wrong.

Regardless, I still don’t agree that a husband receiving a naked picture of his wife is equivalent to him going out and getting some porn. And definitely has nothing to do with prostitution!

 

[Debora123]

Then I stand corrected. If you say it was genuine, then I believe you, but it did, IMO, seem sarcastic…just like ‘sorry you feel that way’ and ‘sorry you seem so bitter’ did.

I did tell PatriceA “sorry you feel that way” and I did tell MoniCatholic “sorry you seem so bitter.”

Honestly, when someone gets upset over me not entirely agreeing with them, and then proceeds to kind of insult me, the most polite things I can think of to say to these people are things like “sorry you feel that way” and “sorry you seem so bitter.”

Was it rude of me? I don’t know… I honestly didn’t know how else to respond to what was being said to me/about me.

 

[28562]

Yeah, I honestly didn’t really understand the post either.

And I also agree, lusting after your own wife (assuming it would even happen) would still be awful and immoral, but I don’t think it would fall under the category of adultery. Though I guess someone here can correct me if I’m wrong.

Regardless, I still don’t agree that a husband receiving a naked picture of his wife is equivalent to him going out and getting some porn. And definitely has nothing to do with prostitution!

Do you really think that she was saying it is equal to porn? I sure didn’t think her point was that hard to understand! What she was getting at is that she, personally, would not want to cheapen the marital embrace in her marriage by doing something that is exactly like something as awful as porn…like reducing herself to a picture that is simply to be viewed for pleasure, unlike seeing your naked spouse directly in front of you, when you can actually use your sexuality for what it was intended for.

Another way to explain her point is that she probably wouldn’t rent a dirty motel room for an hour to have sex with her husband because it would be too much like prostitution.

 

[Debora123]

Here is what I think a lot of people are finding so frustrating about this thread. But I guess I could be wrong about this too…most people on this forum genuinely care about each other and want to do whatever we can to make each other feel better or prevent pain from happening in the first place. I think people are truly concerned about your nonchalant attitude…ie ‘it won’t happen to us’ because it seems like you don’t believe that the devil actually works on each one of us when he gets the chance…and you and your husband are no different. It’s like giving a cup of gas to a guy holding a book of matches that is just waiting for his chance.
The bottom line is that just because something is legal or not specifically immoral doesn’t necessarily mean it is a good idea. But if you see no danger and see no need to heed the warnings of people that care and may have been there before, then go ahead and do what you want. Good luck, and I pray it never comes back to bite you…

Thank you, I do appreciate it.

(fyi, no sarcasm)

 

[28562]

Thank you, I do appreciate it.

(fyi, no sarcasm)

Haha…ya got me.

 

[sstrider]

I just read through the last two days of posts, and all I can say is “Wow!”

The conflating of concepts between the married and unmarried is just stunning. What’s next…are we going to discuss how it is very immoral for us regular folks to attempt to consecrate the Host, and using those concepts to say that a priest does is wrong? Of course not…they have nothing to do with each other. Yet posters are doing just that.

Example:

No offense to Monica, but how can anybody take the above seriously. Seeing a picture of one’s wife is comparable to objective mortal sins such as porn, prostitution, or adultery? A few of my brain cells exploded just trying to comprehend that, which isn’t good given the relatively few number I have left. **Even in the worst case scenario, how is lusting after one’s own wife adultery? I don’t believe Jesus had that in mind when He was talking about adultery. **

As already noted ad naseum, yes, this can be abused. But the potential for abuse shouldn’t be the starting point of the discussion, especially when it’s an absolute given that one is going to see their spouse naked, and nobody sees anything wrong with that. Really, folks, it’s no big deal. Let’s all take a deep breath, eat a Peppermint Patty, and imagine we’re on a cool, crisp mountain top.

Hi

John Paul II, General Audience

It is significant that in speaking of the object of this act, Christ did not stress that it is “another man’s wife,” or a woman who is not his own wife, but says generically, a woman. Adultery committed in the heart is not circumscribed in the limits of the interpersonal relationship which make it possible to determine adultery committed in the body. It is not these limits that decide exclusively and essentially about adultery committed in the heart, but the very nature of lust. It is expressed in this case by a look, that is, by the fact that that man—of whom Christ speaks, for the sake of example—looks lustfully. Adultery in the heart is committed not only because man looks in this way at a woman who is not his wife, but precisely because he looks at a woman in this way. Even if he looked in this way at the woman who is his wife, he could likewise commit adultery in his heart. (bold added)

 

[Debora123]

Do you really think that she was saying it is equal to porn? I sure didn’t think her point was that hard to understand! What she was getting at is that she, personally, would not want to cheapen the marital embrace in her marriage by doing something that is exactly like something as awful as porn…like reducing herself to a picture that is simply to be viewed for pleasure, unlike seeing your naked spouse directly in front of you, when you can actually use your sexuality for what it was intended for.

Thanks for the attempted clarification, but I’m actually even more confused here. First you say she isn’t saying it’s equal to porn, and then you refer to is as “doing something that is exactly like something as awful as porn…”

So which is it… is it “exactly like something as awful as porn” or is it not equal to porn?

Another way to explain her point is that she probably wouldn’t rent a dirty motel room for an hour to have sex with her husband because it would be too much like prostitution.

I still don’t get this. A husband and wife sharing the marital embrace would feel like prostitution if it were done in a cheap/dirty motel for an hour? Really??

I guess I just feel completely differently about all this than you 2 seem to…

 

[Debora123]

You know, 28562…

I just had another thought.

Perhaps what she meant was that she personally wouldn’t like it because it would remind her of porn, and feel too much like porn.

If all she was saying was that she is opposed to it because this is how she’d feel about it, then I totally understand and respect that.

However, she didn’t make it sound like she was speaking in terms of how she would personally experience it, she was making it sound like literally, sending naked pics to your spouse is no different from porn, period. And that is what I didn’t agree with.

 

[28562]

Thanks for the attempted clarification, but I’m actually even more confused here. First you say she isn’t saying it’s equal to porn, and then you refer to is as “doing something that is exactly like something as awful as porn…”

So which is it… is it “exactly like something as awful as porn” or is it not equal to porn?

I still don’t get this. A husband and wife sharing the marital embrace would feel like prostitution if it were done in a cheap/dirty motel for an hour? Really??

I guess I just feel completely differently about all this than you 2 seem to…

Wow. This shouldn’t be this hard to explain. The point is that she has more respect for her and her husbands intimacy than to reduce it to a photograph that can’t be treated as your naked spouse normally would (make love to them).

I thought the second example would make it crystal clear…
I would have more respect for my wife and our sacred marital embrace to take her to a cheap old dirty motel like a man would take a prostitute to. Same idea. Different example.

 

[28562]

You know, 28562…

I just had another thought.

Perhaps what she meant was that she personally wouldn’t like it because it would remind her of porn, and feel too much like porn.

If all she was saying was that she is opposed to it because this is how she’d feel about, than I totally understand and respect that.

However, she didn’t make it sound like she was speaking in terms of how she would personally experience it, she was making it sound like literally, sending naked pics to your spouse is no different from porn, period. And that is what I didn’t agree with.

I think you are starting to get it. Maybe I didn’t have to type my last reply…which is a big pain in the butt on my iPod! Next time you are going to understand something in the middle of me replying, let me know ahead of time please…

 

[Debora123]

Wow. This shouldn’t be this hard to explain.

I thought the second example would make it crystal clear…

Yeah, I’m not the brightest. Sorry.

 

[Debora123]

I think you are starting to get it. Maybe I didn’t have to type my last reply…which is a big pain in the butt on my iPod! Next time you are going to understand something in the middle of me replying, let me know ahead of time please…

Haha, sorry. I completely misunderstood her then. I thought she was trying to say such pics WERE like porn. Immoral like porn, and completely objectifying like porn, and everything… not just that it would personally make her* feel* that way.

Of course, I wouldn’t recommend anyone who feels that way to do something like that.

 

[28562]

Yeah, I’m not the brightest. Sorry.

I’m sure it’s not you. It’s this electronic communication thing…sometimes much harder than explaining things when you are actually talking to people.

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

Hi

John Paul II, General Audience

It is significant that in speaking of the object of this act, Christ did not stress that it is “another man’s wife,” or a woman who is not his own wife, but says generically, a woman. Adultery committed in the heart is not circumscribed in the limits of the interpersonal relationship which make it possible to determine adultery committed in the body. It is not these limits that decide exclusively and essentially about adultery committed in the heart, but the very nature of lust. It is expressed in this case by a look, that is, by the fact that that man—of whom Christ speaks, for the sake of example—looks lustfully. Adultery in the heart is committed not only because man looks in this way at a woman who is not his wife, but precisely because he looks at a woman in this way. Even if he looked in this way at the woman who is his wife, he could likewise commit adultery in his heart. (bold added)

I’m actually not following this. Adultery has ALWAYS been understood to between the married and the unmarried. There have been variations on this throughout history, but NEVER dealt with situations between spouses. If you start including “wife” in the references to “woman” in adultery references, they simply make no sense. For example, substitute “wife” for “woman” in Matthew 5:28 and see what we get:

“But I say to you that whoever looks at ‘his own wife’ to desire her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

We are not allowed to desire our wife??? If that’s the case, I’m committing on average 157 mortal sins a day.

I do understand that one can objectify one’s spouse. However, that is actually difficult to do. That’s because while we desire sexual relations with our spouses, we also love their entire being. To truly objectify one’s spouse, one’s has to separate the sexual desire from everything else, which is rarely done. An example of that might be a situation where spouses hate each other, divorce civilly (no annulment), and have sex solely to satisfy themselves; it happens.

 

[sstrider]

I’m actually not following this. Adultery has ALWAYS been understood to between the married and the unmarried. There have been variations on this throughout history, but NEVER dealt with situations between spouses. If you start including “wife” in the references to “woman” in adultery references, they simply make no sense. For example, substitute “wife” for “woman” in Matthew 5:28 and see what we get:

“But I say to you that whoever looks at ‘his own wife’ to desire her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

We are not allowed to desire our wife??? If that’s the case, I’m committing on average 157 mortal sins a day.

I do understand that one can objectify one’s spouse. However, that is actually difficult to do. That’s because while we desire sexual relations with our spouses, we also love their entire being. To truly objectify one’s spouse, one’s has to separate the sexual desire from everything else, which is rarely done. An example of that might be a situation where spouses hate each other, divorce civilly (no annulment), and have sex solely to satisfy themselves; it happens.

Hi

Here are some words.

John Paul II, General Audiences

Adultery indicates an act through which a man and a woman, who are not husband and wife, unite as “one body only” (that is, those who are not husband and wife in a monogamous sense, as was originally established, rather than in the legal casuistic sense of the Old Testament). The sin of the body can be identified only in regard to the relationship between the people concerned. One can speak of moral good and evil according to whether in this relationship there is a true “union of the body” and whether or not it has the character of the truthful sign.

Christ says: “Everyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Mt 5:28). Did he not perhaps mean by this that concupiscence itself—like adultery—is an interior separation from the nuptial meaning of the body?

Now then, man, lusting, looking at lustfully (as we read in Mt 5:27-28), attempts in a more or less explicit way the separation of that meaning of the body.

 

[nute]

In heaven, nobody will marry or be taken in marriage. Married couples marry for life, not beyond. Their marriage should be about getting each other to heaven and bringing forth children who will hopefully join them in heaven. How does sending a naked picture of yourself to your husband, who could easily masturbate upon seeing it, help him get to heaven?

When I was being sexually abused I believed I was being loved, but I knew in my heart that something was wrong. I lost a sense of innocence and a great deal of pride. Losing one’s virginity to someone who doesn’t really love you hurts I wanted the sex to make her happy and make her interested in me probably as much as I felt it was exciting and wanted to experience it again and again. Love isn’t sex and sex isn’t love. Love is wanting the best for someone where** one must love oneself first to love another**. I was not accepting the reality that I was being used and abused and I failed to get myself out of a bad relationship early. God protected me: she moved away, dumped me, and remarried. Valentine’s Day is hard for me this year, in these last minutes of the day I honestly feel kinda sullen. I should trust that God will open a window, but I kinda want to cry instead and no, it doesn’t feel okay to do that.

I almost talked to a woman who I thought was interesting that might be interested in me, but I met her boyfriend and ended up talking to him instead. I felt kinda ashamed when it became clear that they weren’t related and that I had made her uncomfortable enough to speak to him in Chinese which I don’t understand. She’s very attractive, but she clearly is interested in this fellow and for all I know they are going to marry at some point. Most people stick with individuals in their own ethnic group and that is probably a good thing.

Post sex abuse, lasted about five years I"m ashamed to admit, I have been having somewhat frequent problems with pornography. I get especially depressed and want to
be aroused, usually when I’m worried about a major test or that penultimate class where passing will free me to graduate .For a man, believe it or not, he wants to meet a woman’s needs for: love, security, and fidelity in exchange for: love, support, and fidelity. Notice that I didn’t mention sex at all. There is a desire to reproduce that I feel, I think all men feel it deep down. A man has to be careful if he is going to puruse a family for God. He needs a woman who wants children that will be a partner for him when it comes to raising them in the faith. He needs a partner to pursue eternal life in heaven with. I want to beat the bad habit of choosing movies or worse media that are sexually charged when I feel down or overly stressed. If I can accomplish that this Lent, I will be so grateful for God’s help. God has helped me so much, he really has protected me. I feel like I don’t deserve all the help God has given me. This woman didn’t love me, but it has been hard to accept that and let go of wanting her to love me. I’ve come a long ways I think, but often I fear that I can’t completely heal and move on.

Deborah, I’m worried about you sending your husband a picture of yourself naked. Please Deborah, don’t give him a hormonal rush to deal with when there migt be bullets or rockets flying over his head. He probably loves you and what he probably needs is nothing more than reassurance that you are both thinking about him and functioning okay in his absence. I hope he comes home to you uninjured and I’m sure we are all grateful for his service and sacrifice.

Please Deborah, stop discussing whether or not it is okay to send a naked picture of yourself to your husband. Be secure and confident, trust that your marriage is strong.
If there is evidence to the contrary, please go to marriage counseling ASAP. Too many marriages where there is military service end. Far too many.

God bless you Deborah and God bless all women who are dealing with being seperated from their loved ones.

Sorry about the length of this and I apologize for discussing abuse, but I think supplying my experience and perspective could help you. Seriously, engage your husband in a way that will help him get to heaven in the long run. What if he doesn’t come home? Judgment comes after death, please keep that in mind.

Please private email me anyone who wants to comment to me, it’s time for me to pull out of this thread completely. My emotional health isn’t where I want it to be right now. One shouldn’t take on more than they can handle where the question of should I send my husband nude pics is a lot for me to deal with right now.

 

[epan]

Deborah, I’m worried about you sending your husband a picture of yourself naked. Please Deborah, don’t give him a hormonal rush to deal with when there migt be bullets or rockets flying over his head. He probably loves you and what he probably needs is nothing more than reassurance that you are both thinking about him and functioning okay in his absence. I hope he comes home to you uninjured and I’m sure we are all grateful for his service and sacrifice.

IC nothing wrong with sending pics to your husband, especially if he is away from you for some time.

Is he deployed to a combat zone? My only concern would be that if he is using a US gov’t computer, he could get into trouble for having naked pics on it. Under the circumstances, I doubt that regulation would be enforced. But strictly speaking, it could be. There is actually quite a bit of similar photo exchanging going on between BF/GF, husband/wife going on.

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

I find the whole “adultery between spouse” concept disturbing. We should never fear relations with out spouses in any way, shape, or form.