Name something weird you heard in a homily

[wynnejj]

More than 30 years ago, sitting in a fundamentalist, Pentecostal, Protestant church, I heard “The Wristwatch Sermon”. To this day, it sticks with me.

It was given by a visiting, elderly, evangelist (a sort of traveling preacher that local pastors brought in to stir up devotion in the flock). After a brief run up of music, he launched into a absolutely, flaming, ranting, jumping, kicking, two hour dissertation on how wristwatches were the tool of the devil and were responsible for the evils of the modern world.

It was fun to watch the pastor and most of the men in the church quietly slip their watches off and into their pockets.

Paul

I’m snickering because I remember getting really angry at a wind-up wristwatch once years ago that I had just bought that frustrated me so that I ended up smashing the thing with a hammer. The wind-up knob kept unscrewing off the stem such that in trying to fix the watch, I overwound and ended up breaking it. I had a history of bad luck with wind-up watches and this was the last straw.

It reminds me about this week’s sermon that coincidentally was about Patience and waiting for things to come from God in his time. There was a joke that came with the sermon. A man asks God “To me, a thousand years is a long time, what is it like to you?”. God answers “It is like a second.”. The man asks God “To me, a billion dollars is a vast sum of money, what is it like to you?”. God answers “It is like a penny.”. The man asks hopefully “Could I have just one of your pennies?”. God answers “Sure. Just wait a second and I’ll get it for you.”.

 

[wynnejj]

All women are tabernacles toward whom men should genuflect.

Maybe once, when proposing marriage. After that, it is completely optional.

 

[wynnejj]

A newly-ordained priest in my former parish once began his homily on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception with the immortal words: ‘Mary was present at all the important events in Jesus’ life, even His birth’.

To this day I remember the wave of barely contained mirth that rippled through the congregation…

A profound statement, I think. Mary could not be present at any events in Jesus life if she were not there at his birth. Mary’s pregnancy could have gotten her stoned to death as an unwed mother, yet she did not reject the stone of a conventional “unwanted” pregnancy that was soon to become the cornerstone.

 

[wynnejj]

All women are tabernacles toward whom men should genuflect.

I joked previously but…
If you view the woman containing a tabernacle of life within, then it is important for men to respect that tabernacle and not desecrate it by actions that lead a woman to make a desperate choice in an unwanted pregnancy. Both men & woman should be reverent towards this tabernacle, before, during and after pregnancy.

 

[yellowbird]

I joked previously but…
If you view the woman containing a tabernacle of life within, then it is important for men to respect that tabernacle and not desecrate it by actions that lead a woman to make a desperate choice in an unwanted pregnancy. Both men & woman should be reverent towards this tabernacle, before, during and after pregnancy.

Oh I agree - totally! Respect - yes. But genuflect? And no he wasn’t kidding. He is soooooo not the kidding type.

 

[kaws]

I’m not sure about in a homily…

There was one time in confession I had the priest say to me

“these are all venial sins - don’t you have any mortal sins? Haven’t you masterbated?”

I was pretty shocked - I couldn’t believe it!..and when I told him honestly that I hadn’t he acted like he didn’t believe me.

I thought that was weird to say the least Was the priest out of line?

 

[withwind]

I’m not sure about in a homily…

There was one time in confession I had the priest say to me

“these are all venial sins - don’t you have any mortal sins? Haven’t you masterbated?”

Could it occur that when he asked the same question to some other person, the person said “yes” and was glad that the priest asked? Also, maybe some people didn’t even know it was a sin to masterbate. Sometimes, people are too afraid to confess what they need to confess.

If one doesn’t commit it, just say no. There is no harm. The priest might be showing his care and concern in his way.

I was pretty shocked - I couldn’t believe it!..and when I told him honestly that I hadn’t he acted like he didn’t believe me.

Are you sure he didn’t believe you?

 

[kaws]

Could it occur that when he asked the same question to some other person, the person said “yes” and was glad that the priest asked? Also, maybe some people didn’t even know it was a sin to masterbate. Sometimes, people are too afraid to confess what they need to confess.

If one doesn’t commit it, just say no. There is no harm. The priest might be showing his care and concern in his way.

Are you sure he didn’t believe you?

I hadn’t thought about it this way. Perhaps you are right. I was just shocked because I had never had a priest flat out ask about something like that before. My perception was that he didn’t seem convinced, but I could have misread him. He didn’t flat out say that he didn’t believe me.

 

[withwind]

I hadn’t thought about it this way. Perhaps you are right. I was just shocked because I had never had a priest flat out ask about something like that before. My perception was that he didn’t seem convinced, but I could have misread him. He didn’t flat out say that he didn’t believe me.

I could understand what your reaction was like when he asked you that especially when you didn’t commit it. I don’t think he didn’t believe you. If he had not believed you, he would have not given you absolution. I don’t think he would find a good reason not to believe you unless he were St. Padre Pio.

 

[kaws]

I could understand what your reaction was like when he asked you that especially when you didn’t commit it. I don’t think he didn’t believe you. If he had not believed you, he would have not given you absolution. I don’t think he would find a good reason not to believe you unless he were St. Padre Pio.

It was pretty awkward though for me, especially as a female who was in a face to face confession. It really made me feel uneasy. I’m glad you brought up your point. It makes more sense now.

 

[withwind]

It was pretty awkward though for me, especially as a female who was in a face to face confession. It really made me feel uneasy. I’m glad you brought up your point. It makes more sense now.

I am sure it wasn’t easy for you. If it were to help you somehow, imagine that the priest hasn’t heard any sins that are new. (but I am sure some other priests might ask you in different way on that topic though).

 

[kaws]

I am sure it wasn’t easy for you. If it were to help you somehow, imagine that the priest hasn’t heard any sins that are new. (but I am sure some other priests might ask you in different way on that topic though).

I don’t know if I would say it helped me directly, as I did know that masterbation was a sin, and one that I had not committed since my last confession (or in a very long time and never with any frequency). I can understand now about bringing it up because some might be embarrassed to confess it or not think about it being sinful.

 

[withwind]

I don’t know if I would say it helped me directly, as I did know that masterbation was a sin, and one that I had not committed since my last confession (or in a very long time and never with any frequency). I can understand now about bringing it up because some might be embarrassed to confess it or not think about it being sinful.

I meant that if somehow his questioning still bothers you in any way and that you might find it awkward again to see him in the confession, then you could imagine that he wasn’t new to any of those sins.

Anyhow, I am glad that you brought this up.
BTW, I’ve found face-to-face work very well for me. I really like it.

 

[kaws]

I meant that if somehow his questioning still bothers you in any way and that you might find it awkward again to see him in the confession, then you could imagine that he wasn’t new to any of those sins.

Anyhow, I am glad that you brought this up.
BTW, I’ve found face-to-face work very well for me. I really like it.

It was the first, and actually the only time that I went to confession with that particular priest. I’m sure he and most priests have heard someone confess the sin of masterbation, and probably not all that infrequently The priest is no longer at our parish. I’m glad I brought it up now too. I feel much better about the situation now. In general I agree that I usually prefer face-to-face confession too. It feels more personal than from behind a screen to me.

 

[emill311]

Years ago, when I was a teenager, my parents had a cabin in the Poconos. When we were there we would go to the local parish for Mass. Before each Mass the priest would stand before the congregation, microphone in hand, and tell a couple of jokes like he was doing a stand-up routine. As far as I can remember, the jokes were always light-hearted and funny, and Catholic-related. He would then exit to the sacristy and Mass would begin as normal.

I didn’t think much about it at the time, but looking back it seems a bit strange.

 

[kaws]

Years ago, when I was a teenager, my parents had a cabin in the Poconos. When we were there we would go to the local parish for Mass. Before each Mass the priest would stand before the congregation, microphone in hand, and tell a couple of jokes like he was doing a stand-up routine. As far as I can remember, the jokes were always light-hearted and funny, and Catholic-related. He would then exit to the sacristy and Mass would begin as normal.

I didn’t think much about it at the time, but looking back it seems a bit strange.

I don’t think it is necessarily that strange. The priest in my parish from my hometown will occasionally tell appropriate light-hearted Catholic related jokes at the start of his homily and tie them in with the more serious message of the sermon. I never found it offensive. I suppose it might depend on the jokes and whether the priest was irreverent or not.

 

[wynnejj]

Years ago, when I was a teenager, my parents had a cabin in the Poconos. When we were there we would go to the local parish for Mass. Before each Mass the priest would stand before the congregation, microphone in hand, and tell a couple of jokes like he was doing a stand-up routine. As far as I can remember, the jokes were always light-hearted and funny, and Catholic-related. He would then exit to the sacristy and Mass would begin as normal.

I didn’t think much about it at the time, but looking back it seems a bit strange.

If he did it a little like Bill Murray on vintage Saturday Night Live episodes, doing his imitation of a second-rate stand-up comedian at a mountain resort, tell him not to give up his day job. (In fact, tell him regardless of whether he was good or bad. We need all the priests that we can get & keep.)

 

[Pacbox]

It reminds me about this week’s sermon that coincidentally was about Patience and waiting for things to come from God in his time. There was a joke that came with the sermon. A man asks God “To me, a thousand years is a long time, what is it like to you?”. God answers “It is like a second.”. The man asks God “To me, a billion dollars is a vast sum of money, what is it like to you?”. God answers “It is like a penny.”. The man asks hopefully “Could I have just one of your pennies?”. God answers “Sure. Just wait a second and I’ll get it for you.”.

I’ve heard this joke before, too, in a homily. But then our current pastor prefers to be “funny” when giving his homily.

 

[sbriton]

**Truly a loud NO!

Hell. That’s quite another thing than purgatory we where talking about. Hell, that’s where a person will be who is an absolute criminal and did wrong at the outmost. Such person will hardly have a priest at his funeral and if so, the priest would surely not talk of heaven but recommend the person to the mercy of God.

But now imagine, a parent dies. His or her Child is at the funeral and hears; his mom or dad will be in purgatory now.
No! That would be cruelty to the child and a terrible sin itself!
**

I had a very wise priest preach once that Purgatory should not be wished for, that our only goal should be to go straight to Heaven and we should live our earthly lives with that goal. For a priest to say that a deceased person is in Heaven or Hell can remove the possibility of anyone praying for them, if, in fact, they are in Purgatory and in need of our prayers. The priest should say nothing as to the disposition of the person’s soul, but offer prayers for it.

Unless canonized we cannot know the disposition of a deceased person. So, we should assume they are in Purgatory (not a nice place!) and pray for their cleansing and release into Heaven.

This idea many Catholics have that Purgatory is a desirable place and their goal in life speaks to their lack of commitment to following Christ. It’s like saying I’ll do the least I have to do to just squeak into Heaven. Sad.

To heck with Purgatory, I want Heaven!!

Merry Christmas!

Simon

 

[nilofc]

I had a very wise priest preach once that Purgatory should not be wished for, that our only goal should be to go straight to Heaven and we should live our earthly lives with that goal. For a priest to say that a deceased person is in Heaven or Hell can remove the possibility of anyone praying for them, if, in fact, they are in Purgatory and in need of our prayers. The priest should say nothing as to the disposition of the person’s soul, but offer prayers for it.

Unless canonized we cannot know the disposition of a deceased person. So, we should assume they are in Purgatory (not a nice place!) and pray for their cleansing and release into Heaven.

This idea many Catholics have that Purgatory is a desirable place and their goal in life speaks to their lack of commitment to following Christ. It’s like saying I’ll do the least I have to do to just squeak into Heaven. Sad.

To heck with Purgatory, I want Heaven!!

Merry Christmas!

Simon

It is ok to hope for heaven but do not paint a gloomy picture of purgatory.

All souls in purgatory will go to heaven. I mean ALL.

Purgatory is a place where a soul is perfected by the fire of God’s love. If you end up in Purgatory, rest assured that you will be going to heaven someday.