Need dating advice please

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Geeez, it’s amazing we’ve not gone extinct…

Within the confines of our faith & morality… touch the woman!.. take her hand, go arm in arm, open the door and gently guide her through the doorway with your hand on the small of her back… be a gentleman!

If the occasion presents itself, pull her closer and give a little squeeze… a “you know I really like you, and enjoy your company” squeeze".

Indulge me in a story:

A not so good guy, and a devout Catholic woman.

The not so good guy meets the woman in a retail environment, he the customer, she the salesclerk. The guy is buying a cassette deck. Not too long into the “pitch” some sparks are flying…Flirting…

The not-so-good guy forgets about the cassette deck and asks the girl out for a date, she agrees on the place & time, and he writes his phone number on a scrap of paper…

They meet for the “date”. Separate cars. Have dinner, some drinks, and talk. Eventually it gets late and the not-so-good guy walks the gal to her car. That incredibly uncomfortable 1st date moment comes when either person doesn’t know what to do. She is standing with her car door between herself and the not-so-good guy. Well, the guy leans over the door and kisses the girl.

With her dumbfounded look the not-so-good guy leans over and kisses her again…(I didn’t get slugged, so why not go for “twozies”…) If you’ve not figured it out by now I’m the not-so-good guy…
(I dunno, I don’t flirt… I’ll just kiss the girl. If I don’t get punched or maced I guess it was OK…)

She married me 20 months later, and we had our 18th last September.

(Not too long into our dating she confessed that "The only reason I showed up for that 1st date is I lost the paper with your number, and I couldn’t bring myself to “stand you up”…)

I don’t see anything wrong with an affectionate “Thank you for the nice evening” kiss or embrace (Not a tonsil-hockey session or grope). A nice kiss and a hug with someone you’re interested in. You’re not making “invitations”, doesn’t violate your chastity, you’re just acknowledging the fact you like this person and enjoy their company (and hope they feel the same).

She’s waiting for you, You’re waiting for her…
 
Here is my womanly (name removed by moderator)ut.

When a man only wants to see me once in 2 weeks - I get notion that he is not all that interested in me.

Why so long between dates? That’s very much a turn off.
 
Valid point by the previous poster BUT

I am sure she wonders what is up with the guy only seeing her every 2 weeks IF she likes him. I am sure if you only think of him as a friend, once every two weeks seems normal.

The real question is if the girl the original poster referred to likes him as more than a friend…

But to the original poster. This girl may seem very sweet, cool, and a one of a kind. But do not get yourself wrapped up in her and feel bad or think less of yourself based on whether she wants a relationship or not.

Continue to follow God and become the BEST person you can be, for yourself only. Then great girls will flock to you since you will be an amazing guy they want in there life.

I am sure this is not an issue to you but I just wanted to say it also in case others are using this thread for advice.
 
Thanks again for all your advice.🙂

This is all something very new for me, so I appreciate all your thoughts.

I got a Happy New Year Message from her which ended “xoxo”.🙂 The first time, I’ve ever been sent an “xoxo” from her. This is surely a good sign?

I definitely think 2 weeks without seeing each other is far too long. I’m going to ask her out today for this coming Saturday. It would be our 5th date together.

I’m going to ask her out to a very nice/pleasant/upmarket coffee shop which will give us the chance to have lots of time for conversation.

A few questions, I’d like your thoughts on
  1. What do you think about the xoxo ?
  2. If she agrees to a fifth date (which I think she will), what does that mean to a girl?
  3. Do you think coffee is a good idea (it will give us time to talk), or at a 5th date stage, should I be doing something different?
 
Great to hear things are going well and your spirits are up. Now to answer your questions.
  1. What do you think about the xoxo ?
Some girls just use that as a flirty type of thing, while others mean “I want you bad”. For everyone it means diffrent things. Do not focus too much on the TRUE MEANING of xoxo by her and just take it as she is being friendly to you and that is much better than thinking you are a creep.
  1. If she agrees to a fifth date (which I think she will), what does that mean to a girl?
It means she enjoys your company. Thats all
  1. Do you think coffee is a good idea (it will give us time to talk), or at a 5th date stage, should I be doing something different?
If you spend too much time talking sure you will get to know each other but at the same time too much talking can bore a girl. Sit down time is ok but you need to go places and experience things together. Make sure you balance the talking with the “doing stuff”. Girls will want to hang out more if they feel excited about doing new adventurous stuff. Even if a girl really likes you and loves to talk, she will still dream about a guy who can excite her emotions too.
 
I’ll tell you exactly what it means, everyone is just taking a guess, but no one really knows and no one knows what exactly what to do. I’ll say if she likes you, you can make plenty of mistakes and it won’t matter. If she doesn’t doing twisting summersults through hoops of fire won’t matter. I’ll also say that she’s been talking to you for longer than 2 months, so I don’t think she is just being nice but doesn’t really want to see you. If it is then your probably better off without her, because she doesn’t really have good judgement, unless she’s working on virtue to enjoy being with people who you don’t like.

As far as where to go for the next time you meet up. Why not take her to buy some groceries at the Super Walmart? If she enjoys it, then it’s probably not cause of the place. (Which reminds me after all plans got broken on a first date, we ended up going to a Super Walmart. All in all it was a fun date, and she ended up being my girlfriend for a while) Really though, go ice skating, go to the zoo, go to coffee, go for a nice dinner, go to the theater, go to a hockey game you know her better than us. If she likes you, it’s you she’s wanting to spend time with.

If you’ve gone out a few times, and you’ve been nervous before hand, I’m sure she probably knows you like her. She’s probably trying to read you too. Test the water, bring flowers, or try to hold her hand, or try for a kiss before you go.

Or even write an email, what you said before…“I agree 100% with taking things very slowly. My suggestion would be to continue to meet as friends, as brothers and sisters in Christ, and see if anything develops over time”. Then bring flowers the next time you meet. Or just say something like that on a date, the 10 minutes later try to hold her hand. Ahh you intend for things to go slow, and you intend to have a friendship in Christ, even while courting her. Or don’t.

If she likes you, she’ll probably think your nervous gestures are cute, and will try try to reassure you because she doesn’t want you embarrassed. Goodness, I doubt you’ll try to be nothing more than a gentleman, than trying to treat a lady with the dignity that she ought to receive. I doubt you’ll do anything that she might think is over the line, because you’ll be too nervous about anything more than little gestures. Anyway in the end, I’m sure she is looking for a good guy, and you would be doing her a favor by pressing a bit your intentions.

In the end, I’m sure you’re going to want to ask us a million questions about this and that. The main point is, if she likes you, your probably going to be allowed all kinds of mistakes. God probably made that stage when you are just getting to know each other and look past all the faults, otherwise no one dare get married. After you’ve been together a bit, you realize the faults, but hopefully your a bit too emotional attached, you can’t split and go both your own ways.
 
I’m a guy but if no one else is going to answer your question so will I.

You have to read people sometimes. There are different possibilities.

She could be wondering if she has something stuck in her teeth.

She might kind of like you but not really. It is reality that you are never going to be happy with but that’s just the way it is.

It is possible that she has different expectations in life (realistic or not). Whether or not you ever could or will live up to them is not going to really be all that obvious. Most people have one or two important criteria and don’t even know it. She may be waiting to find this out or you may have already failed those criteria and not really know it and she would seem to shallow to tell you.

In this case do not waste your time trying to convince her otherwise. Some people have completely impossible expectations. They do not fit into their own lives much less you fitting into it. This is due to influences all around us. Parents, friends, school, church, media, other people she is dating.

I would avoid further commitment if you sense that one of these things is true. It will more than likely be noticeable. While there may seem to be some sort of thing happening as far as dating goes this something else is going to jam everthing up.

That’s the negative perspective. Be happy.
 
Hi. Thanks again for your replies.

So, in the rollercoaster that is this relationship, its downhill at the moment me thinks.:confused:

I sent a text message to her yesterday asking if she wanted to meet for coffee in an upmarket coffee shop and I said I would pick her up at 2pm. (I thought it would give us a chance to enjoy each others company and have a good conversation, especially about our Faith).

Didn’t get any reply from her for over 24 hours, tried to ring her on her cell phone. It rung and rung and rung for over 1 minute, but no answer, so I sent her an other text message today just asking if everything was ok.

About 20 mins later, got a reply saying that

“she thinks saturday is fine, but will meet me at the coffee house because she is going to try and meet another friend for lunch”.

Feel fairly saddened that she didn’t reply until I rung her (and she didn’t answer!) and had to send another text message over a day later before she replied.

Don’t really know what to feel at the moment, but don’t feel very good. 😦 , especially as she didn’t reply at all for over a day (I always reply very promptly to people because I know they are waiting for one - its good manners)

Don’t know what you all could say about this, but I’d like your thoughts.

I’m tired and saddened at the moment, but maybe looking at it rationally and clearly, there is nothing to worry about - after all she is still wanting to meet me. I don’t know, I’ve been hurt a lot by Christian women in the past rejecting me, maybe here comes another sorrowful experience.😦
 
Well she could have her reasons. I still cannot say whats going on, but if you have a relationship that works out, there will be ups and downs. She could also have her ups and downs too. There could be times when she’s more open and times more closed.

I will tell you it’s ok to feel down, I sure I’d feel the same. I wouldn’t be too far down to the point you hurt your chances, by thinking it won’t work out, until you know for sure it is going to be that way. Actually if the relationship works out how you want, you’ll have a lot more times you’ll feel like this and be worried and scared.
 
Hi. Thanks for your reply.

I’m just thinking there: maybe she is really annoyed I only suggested going out for coffee, after we’ve been out for lunch?
(Although the coffee house is very upmarket and expensive)

But, then why not reply and say “lets go for lunch instead”?

Do you think this could be the problem?

Either way : it was all going so well on New Years Day morinng with a message saying “xoxo”, but now she took more than an entire day to reply.

I’m probably reading too much into all this, but something just doesn’t feel right.
 
Here I am again.:rolleyes:

I’m thinking that definitely the idea of meeting for coffee rather than lunch might have annoyed her.

So I’m thinking of emailing her and saying that with hindsight I should have asked her for lunch and then to invite her for dinner and a trip to see an ice hockey match and dinner next Saturday evening.

Although I’ll still see her on Saturday for coffee.

What do you think?
 
FanofB16 said:
Here I am again.:rolleyes:

I’m thinking that definitely the idea of meeting for coffee rather than lunch might have annoyed her.

So I’m thinking of emailing her and saying that with hindsight I should have asked her for lunch and then to invite her for dinner and a trip to see an ice hockey match and dinner next Saturday evening.

Although I’ll still see her on Saturday for coffee.

What do you think?
Click to expand...
You are worrying too much. Relax. Enjoy her company when you go out, then let her know you’d like to see her again and ask what she would like to do.
 
FanofB16 said:
Here I am again.:rolleyes:

I’m thinking that definitely the idea of meeting for coffee rather than lunch might have annoyed her.

So I’m thinking of emailing her and saying that with hindsight I should have asked her for lunch and then to invite her for dinner and a trip to see an ice hockey match and dinner next Saturday evening.

Although I’ll still see her on Saturday for coffee.

What do you think?
Click to expand...
Don’t be too stressed. ^^ There are any number of perfectly legitimate reasons why it took her so long to reply, and why someone else did the replying for her. I wouldn’t try to read her emotions over text messaging, especially when you haven’t known each other for very long yet. Maybe just ask her why it took so long for her to reply, and mention you were a bit worried? Hopefully she’ll be honest with you, and tell you if she was a bit annoyed at the coffee vs lunch thing… though I don’t think it would matter to me that much, personally.
Good luck. ^^ If you’re feeling worried, just let God take care of things. He knows what He’s doing.
 
By e-mailing her and saying you messed up your plans you look needy and indecisive.

Both are qualities women find very unattractive.

Chill out a little and relax.
 
Don’t get worried! If she is anything like me, it means she really likes you!

It took about a year of friendship for me to agree to date my DF. Don’t get me wrong, I was crazy for him all along. I just was crazier to get to know him first!

Do you know by chance if she has few friends? For example, just one or two lifelong friends and not a slew of them?

That is how I am. I only have a handful of true friends. I pick them carefully and stay very loyal and close to them. Everyone else in life is an acquaintance. She might be choosing you right now and that would be a good thing!
 
Hi. 🙂

So, I am meeting my lady friend tomorrow for coffee in an upmarket coffee shop.

She emailed me earlier to mention that because she left her phone in work, she gave me her home phone number in case I needed to contact her (to change the time etc).

She ended her email with “Likewise, if I need to change the plan, I can probably only do it via email…”

Slow me finally decided after 10 minutes from reading it, that she might be wanting me to send her my home phone number, which I did together with my mobile.

Any women out there, do you think it is encouraging she game me her home number, or am I just reading something where there is nothing. :rolleyes:

We communicate between dates by email and SMS, which
has become very cumbersome and difficult. So, tomorrow I’m gonna suggest we talk on the phone from now on, plus the confusion which has arisen this week arises from the SMS/Email method.

This is our 5th date (We have now been going out together since Saturday 18 November), but it still feels as if I am just beginning to know her. This is the first time this week we have seen each other within a week (after a brief lunch last week).

There have been no kisses, no holding hands etc, no displays of affection etc. Is that normal after almost 2 months going out with someone? Should I try and take her hand as I walk her to her car after coffee tomorrow?

I bought her a gift-wrapped box of luxury chocolates for her today. I hope she likes them.🙂
 
FanofB16 said:
Hi. 🙂
…
Any women out there, do you think it is encouraging she game me her home number, or am I just reading something where there is nothing. :rolleyes:

We communicate between dates by email and SMS, which
has become very cumbersome and difficult. So, tomorrow I’m gonna suggest we talk on the phone from now on, plus the confusion which has arisen this week arises from the SMS/Email method.

This is our 5th date (We have now been going out together since Saturday 18 November), but it still feels as if I am just beginning to know her. This is the first time this week we have seen each other within a week (after a brief lunch last week).

There have been no kisses, no holding hands etc, no displays of affection etc. Is that normal after almost 2 months going out with someone? Should I try and take her hand as I walk her to her car after coffee tomorrow?

I bought her a gift-wrapped box of luxury chocolates for her today. I hope she likes them.🙂
Click to expand...
That could have been a hint for your phone #, or it could not… it’s not an offence to send your phone # to someone, you know. ^^ It’s good to see that you understand that women like to communicate with hints and not blunt statements all the time.

Stop worrying so much about what is ‘normal’! ^^ What’s ‘normal’ depends on society. If my boyfriend and I were ‘normal’ we’d be having sex by now, which we are most certainly not! And won’t be unless we get married. If you would like to take her hand, and think that she wouldn’t be offended by that, then go ahead! But I might start by just offering you hand, really obviously, or by touching her hand deliberately with your fingers. If you go for the more subtle method, smile at her or something so she knows it was deliberate. Try to convey that you would be comfortable with it if she wanted to. When in doubt, ASK HER! ^^ She’s the only one who knows if she wants you to take her hand, etc. Again, don’t rush it. Only do it if you would feel at least mostly comfortable.
Good luck, and keep praying! ^^
 
Dude! You were IN, but you are blowing it!

Ah, if only I could have had the perspective and confidence I have now when I was young and single. In the end, it really doesn’t matter. Maybe she’ll crush you. You’ll get over it. But stop worrying so much. And coffee shop!?! yawner! Take her horseback riding, or to a museum, or GoKarts. OK, those are mine. Point is to take her out and show her what YOUR interests are and the ways you like to have fun! If she doesn’t like those things, why not move on and find someone who does? Believe it or not, it is a man’s market out there in the catholic single world. But you have to capture her imagination before she’ll be impressed with your piety and decency. Trust me, I came across this knowledge the HARD way! If you don’t show her a terrifficly fun time at first, she’s going to bolt.

Oh, and do not try to kiss until you’ve had at least several VERY fun and active dates. If she’s nervous about such things (seems possible from the posts), she’ll appreciate it. If she’s ready and can tell that you are vey interested, but you aren’t trying to kiss her, it’ll drive her mad wondering what’s going on! You need to be fun (in YOUR way), to behave honorably and to be persistant and confident. Do that and you’ll either get her or be glad you didn’t (in the long run).
 
The person above is right. Here are some added things.
  1. Stop trying to ask yourself “What does she mean”. Like with her phone number and the xxoo’s. It shows your needy. STOP IT.
  2. A secret I learned with girls (I am very shy and never used to hug or kiss them until too late) Is you need to touch them early so touching them later doesn’t seem like such a big deal. When you see her as you two walk through the door, put your hand on the small of her back. Don’t go grabbing anything! But you will see from that simple touch how comfortable a girl is with your touch. If she is ok with that, later make another small touch. These small touches get you both conformable with eachother so if you do hug and kiss your touching her wont be a huge new thing.
 
Meet her at your coffee date.

Once seated & settled…

Lean forward, and give her the “hey, come closer” signal wiggling your finger.

When she leans up over the table - say “Thank You”, and KISS HER ON THE CHEEK!!!

Geez… I’ll say it again… I’m amazed we haven’t gone extinct.
 
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