Need God's Help and Guidance from this addiction

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Needsguidance - I think you have called this addiction, but actually I think the better word to use is obsession. You need to listen to people like Roseeurekacross. You are in so much danger - not just to your body but also your soul. You have come here for help, and we are praying for you now - you have to start planning a way out. I know part of you still doesn’t want a way out, because you are obsessed with this man, he’s so big in your head. But it’s all a lie, there’s never going to be a happy ending with this situation unless you find a way to close this door to this person. He doesn’t love you.

I think some here have questioned your authenticity - I can only imagine they are doing so because they have never been in a situation of obsession like this. I have, so I know as crazy as it sounds, a person like this can have you not even knowing up from down. It can happen when we put our hopes in another person instead of God. It turns into a nightmare and hell on earth if that person is not even slightly worthy of those hopes. You ask if you are over reacting in all this.

NO! Even if you have done anything wrong in your life, that has nothing to do with this man! It is between you and God - anyone who makes you feel bad about anything you have done does not love you. HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. This surgeon does not love you. In fact he hates you. THIS MAN HATES YOU! If you gain the impression he loves you, because he stalks you etc, or obsesses over you, then you are wrong, only hatred and contempt would drive a person to act this way. Blaming you for his problems. He does not love you. No matter how handsome or clever he is, nothing makes up for that. Start planning your way out now. We are praying for you.
 
needguidance99 said:
I am grateful to be here. I need help. I am in a bad place. I’m a fallen away Catholic. I have a Mom who is very devout catholic and she doesn’t really even speak to me anymore.

Here it is in a nutshell. I filed for divorce from my ex husband and father of my 11 year old son 3 years ago. VERY quickly I met a wealthy (at the time) doctor who swept me off my feet. He lived 2.5 hours away. I had a terrific career and I was the breadwinner for my family. However, all I did was work – and my ex was working his own business from home. I business I helped him build.

When the divorce happened - he was seen as the stay at home parent and the courts gave me 20 and him 80 custody. I was always working (like typical fathers).

I was so crushed. AND i had to pay child support. Within 6 months my doctor boyfriend proposed and said he wanted to “take care of me” and begged and EVENTUALLY demanded that I quit working in my son’s town and move to his home.

I did. But, soon he started telling me that since I quit my job he was not going to help with my legal bills or even my child support. I swiftly got a new job (started my own business too) and started making money. I was so scared he was in such huge control.

Long story short, during an argument one day I tried to leave the house. He wouldn’t let me go. He was so angry I wouldn’t hand over all of my paychecks. I kept pushing and he wouldn’t let me go. He was begging me to stay. He “accidentally” broke my finger and it required 3 screws in my hand. He didn’t mean to break it he says - but within 2 weeks or so he was telling me that if I didn’t hand over my paycheck that month he would make ME pay for my surgery out of my own pocket.

My doctor told me he had called in suspicion of abuse and for a few months I quietly worked with police. I was too weak to leave my fiance, but I knew something needed to happen.

He was arrested for breaking my bone and he was removed from his position at the hospital. I tried leaving him but I ended up going back. I was miserable without him. I went back and helped him out of the charges.

He still had to start his own practice and he’s not doing well. I continued to help him finacially. I gave him every dime I made. He controlled it all.

Then one night he was yelling at me at the restaurant (mad that I was delaying with a check) and when we went to leave in 2 cars he got pulled over. He believed I called the police. He left me that night. He left me with nothing. 2k in the account and I had just deposited 12k 2 days before.

He locked me out of the house and said I could have my belonging COD. I was devestated. I had to get an apartment – no furntiure and no credit cards. He cut them all.

I was HORRIFIED but I missed him terribly. I blamed myself for getting him arrested and causing all the problems. I went to therapy and i was starting to do better.
I was living near my son again and seeing him more often too. My ex gave him to me a lot to help me.

Then 3 months later – my fiance came back. Told me he loved me and missed me. And what happened? I went back.

Now, it’s been another 3 months. I am about to move back to his town and give up my apartment and support him again. I am terrified.

He currently won’t set a wedding date because he says his family and all his friends know how crazy I have been and won’t speak to me. My family and friends also think I’m nuts for going back. My family has again – disowned me.

he controls my time. I have no friends left – I can’t even have a glass of wine with girlfriends. He thinks they are “poisioning my brain”.

So I’m about to go back to supporting him. He says that I don’t have to – he won’t necessarily leave me - -but he will “do what he has to do to feed his family” (he has 3 older kids). I would also be paying his child support for the youngest 2 who live with thier mom.

I am at a loss. I am so down. I feel like I can’t live without him but i’m so scared of him leaving me again.

he says he didn’t LEAVE Me because of money – he left because he was 'scared of me" and that he believes I called the police on him on the road that night. BTW he wasn’t even ticketed!

So… here I come for help… I love this man. He does so much to be with me – even gives up days of building his own practice to travel with me for work…becuase he says he loves being wiht me so much. He says THAT shows his commitment more than marriage.

What advice would you give me?
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It is not a man that you love. Hes a mannish boy. Something sounds wrong with him mentally. My Grandfather was no doctor but he never put a hand on my Grandmother even when she was yelling and throwing stuff at him. If she ticked him off, he went and slept in his car and still went to work. And my Grandpa was, literally, a old school ex gangster who also was ex military. One tough man. Men do not rely on women to take care of them. Not real men. Sorry if that offends people. A married couple with the woman being the bread winner is one thing but you two are not even married. It sounds like he does not sound responsible. He sounds paranoid. Blaming you for calling the cops on him when he got pulled over? Not taking responsibility for breaking your finger? That is a man that loves you?

Get ready for more nonsense if you go back. If you are supporting yourself, why do this to yourself? This is not the movies. You have to think with your head, not your heart when it comes to survival. I pray you find the courage to cut contact with this man. God bless.
 
I am working this weekend quietly to get everything lined up to leave while he’s at his parents house tomorrow afternoon.

It’s nearly impossible becuase i know he has cameras everywhere in the house and I know for a fact he watches them often when he feels “something is up”

I think obsession is a very good word for what I am doing – you are right. And you are also right that I struggle to have the DESIRE to run from him.

And someone here is also right that I rarely mention my son. It’s true. My whole life and thoughts are based on him. Not my son. Thank God my ex is a good father and picks up the slack for my erratic behavior. I am not the person I was before I met my fiance.

I was a good mom, extremely strong worker and breadwinner (still this) and I never acted even remotely as crazy as I do now.

Some suggested making a pros and cons list to staying with him.

The pro list is based on the possibility that he starts making money again and the pressure comes off of me and us. He sent me a screen shot today of his GROSS Income since January 1. It was 17 thousand dollars. He is a DYING surgeon. He avoids working for anyone because he says he can’t stand having a boss or someone telling him what to do. And he’s fine to just keep treading along, I guess?

I think he loves me in his own way. He wants to be with me all the time - and loves planning vacations and cruises with me.
He says he just wants to no longer work hard and travel with me.

He also is very good to my son. He is not supportive of me spending time alone with my son, but we are good together as a blended family.
He is often very kind – getting me coffee, lunch – opening doors for me. He APPEARS to be a gentleman. He seems to be very ethical in his profession. And smart. Texts that he loves me all the time etc

Cons: He’s irresponsible with money – he is irresponsible with his time. He puts himself in front of pretty much anyone or anything else. He gets irate. He is controlling. Jealous. He has 3 kids who are 15, 17 and 22. He rarely sees them. His 17 year old announced on facebook that he got accepted into a college. THAT is how my fiance found out about it… He puts ME in front of his kids. I will suggest that he take them to dinner etc alone and he will say “you want rid of me, eh? I see how this is going”. He is broke. Doesn’t seem to be caring when something or someone ticks him off. He can be downright rude and mean.

If I stay with him – My denial tells me that he will rebound as a successful surgeon and the pressure will be off of me and we will live a happy life together. My son will enjoy our lives and we will be balanced, secure and respected.

if I dig deep the TRUTH is most likely: He won’t make more money, he will bankrupt both of us before he does. I will lose any respect I have left from my employers and clients.
I will continue to age prematurely due to stress and constant fear of ticking him off. And possibly he will have even more trouble professionally.

Yesterday – he told me that he “accidentally” cut both nerves in the neck of an 18 year old girl who had to have a very large thryroid removed. He has NEVER had this happen before. Of course he blamed it on our stress and his overall stress that he went too fast.

This 18 year old will never have a voice again and will have to live with a trachestomy in her neck for potentially her entire life.

He is nervous they will sue. He seemed shaken up by it – but I was the one crying hearing about it. When I worried about the overall impact he said “well it’s not like she was a singer or anyting and in this texting based world – she can live almost a full life. It sucks – but it’s not like she can’t function or anything”.

I thought WOW. He slept just fine last night! For me - I feel guilt and it’s not even MY Fault. But I do.

Anyway I’m rambling – but thank you for the prayers. I’m going to continue grabbing the documents I need quietly and praying for strength. I just feel like a limp noodle. I know to most of you it sounds insane. But HE is my entire life.
 
OP,

What is so redeeming that this man is your entire life? I don’t think we’re allowed to give medical advice, but I will say this: I think a therapist who can also prescribe medicine to calm your nerves may help immensely.

Read First Corinthians 13. It teaches us how to love.
 
He is your entire life? Yeah, you do sound a bit insane. You really need to get help.

Interesting that only now you mention cameras watching you. :rolleyes:
 
Ok because he has cameras up everywhere, can he see this thread? At all?

You cannot, given he is watching, do anything out of the ordinary. Don’t go collecting anything.

When he leaves tomorrow, just get in your car and leave. Don’t blow this chance to escape by alerting him. You will alert him if you start collecting stuff up.

Does he keep film from the cameras?

It sounds like you are motivated by money. The potential of His earnings. Wrong reason to stay.

I don’t believe for a minute he cut 2 nerves. Its just the game they play.

What time tomorrow ? We can be here for you, give you courage and support.

Your life is about to start. First thing, get settled, then get into a church and just sit there , this week. Unfortunately you may not be able to go to work. Wont it be the first place he looks?

Remember , stay safe.
 
Roseeurekacross said:
Ok because he has cameras up everywhere, can he see this thread? At all?

You cannot, given he is watching, do anything out of the ordinary. Don’t go collecting anything.

When he leaves tomorrow, just get in your car and leave. Don’t blow this chance to escape by alerting him. You will alert him if you start collecting stuff up.

Does he keep film from the cameras?

It sounds like you are motivated by money. The potential of His earnings. Wrong reason to stay.

I don’t believe for a minute he cut 2 nerves. Its just the game they play.

What time tomorrow ? We can be here for you, give you courage and support.

Your life is about to start. First thing, get settled, then get into a church and just sit there , this week. Unfortunately you may not be able to go to work. Wont it be the first place he looks?

Remember , stay safe.
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The op has a violent husband who tracks her technology and has cameras to watch her.
If that’s true she should never ever post again on this site.

These threads happen sometimes and I can never understand the motive…
 
Leaving in the morning. He has been by my side all day. Please pray I have the strength. I will update after I leave.

I know he tracks everything. However he won’t see this until after I am gone.
 
needguidance99 said:
Leaving in the morning. He has been by my side all day. Please pray I have the strength. I will update after I leave.

I know he tracks everything. However he won’t see this until after I am gone.
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The other option you have is instead of going to work Monday, just keep driving. And leave your phone at work for the day. Ie go into work, dump your phone there, so he thinks that’s where you are. Get back into your car and drive away. Don’t even tell work.

Praying lots of rosaries for you. Our Lady will give you courage.

Don’t ever let him see this. Ever.
 
@ng

We lit a candle and remembered you in family prayer. I pray for your safety. Not sure if you post from a phone or tablet, but I agree to leave phone at work and pick-up a cheap Trac phone. Do you have joint accounts where he has has access to your payroll? If so, have your check directed elsewhere…after you are safe.

My prayers go out to you!
 
Roseeurekacross said:
The other option you have is instead of going to work Monday, just keep driving. And leave your phone at work for the day. Ie go into work, dump your phone there, so he thinks that’s where you are. Get back into your car and drive away. Don’t even tell work.

Praying lots of rosaries for you. Our Lady will give you courage.

Don’t ever let him see this. Ever.
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I will join you with the rosary! Mary loves you and wants you protected.
 
So, I left today – and I am feeling SOOOOOO scared about this. I miss him and I know that sounds insane to many of you.

I keep thinking of him crying and walking around the house wondering what happened and tryng to reach me.

I am trying SOOO hard to stay gone, but I have this compulsion to run back to him. Please help me stay strong.

God doesn’t speak to me – I hate the feeling of being so alone…

He was so kind to me last night and was even talking out loud about trying to get my annulment finsihed up so we could get married.

He seemed like he wanted to make it work and was even crying that it was so painful being away from me whenever we were apart.

The fact that I left is like an out of body experience to me right now. I don’t have the anger toward him that I should to feel no attachment or less attachment.
 
needguidance99 said:
So, I left today – and I am feeling SOOOOOO scared about this. I miss him and I know that sounds insane to many of you.

I keep thinking of him crying and walking around the house wondering what happened and tryng to reach me.

I am trying SOOO hard to stay gone, but I have this compulsion to run back to him. Please help me stay strong.

God doesn’t speak to me – I hate the feeling of being so alone…

He was so kind to me last night and was even talking out loud about trying to get my annulment finsihed up so we could get married.

He seemed like he wanted to make it work and was even crying that it was so painful being away from me whenever we were apart.

The fact that I left is like an out of body experience to me right now. I don’t have the anger toward him that I should to feel no attachment or less attachment.
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Honey,

It’s as if you are in a cult. You cannot think rationally. You have a dear son who needs his mom. How long have you been with guy? Where did you meet? Do you even know he is a doctor? Have you checked out his background? Do you know why 2 of his marriages failed?

I am off to church and will pray for you.
 
needguidance99 said:
So, I left today – and I am feeling SOOOOOO scared about this. I miss him and I know that sounds insane to many of you.

I keep thinking of him crying and walking around the house wondering what happened and tryng to reach me.

I am trying SOOO hard to stay gone, but I have this compulsion to run back to him. Please help me stay strong.

God doesn’t speak to me – I hate the feeling of being so alone…

He was so kind to me last night and was even talking out loud about trying to get my annulment finsihed up so we could get married.

He seemed like he wanted to make it work and was even crying that it was so painful being away from me whenever we were apart.

The fact that I left is like an out of body experience to me right now. I don’t have the anger toward him that I should to feel no attachment or less attachment.
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You go girl! You are a strong woman, you have courage, God is there, Jesus is there. Put them first. Find a Church, go in , sit in front of the Blessed Sacrament and pray a Rosary. Its a big week for Blessed Mary this week. Turn to her for courage to stay away.

What support do you have now? Do you have access to support services.

Please do not run back, do not phone him. Phone your son and tell your ex hubby what’s happening. Tell your mum too. Please don’t tell anyone where you are atm though.

You want to stay free and safe. Can you get a non stalking order out today? Let the police know. Remember the ones you were working with earlier, after your finger surgeries.

If you are on Facebook , send me a message so you can be linked to this group. If you like.
 
Remember this. He is talking suicide. They like to take us with them, murder suicide.

Don’t go back, don’t let on where you are. Don’t phone.

Be there for your son. Don’t become another statistic. Tell the police that he is talking suicide, another reason for a no stalking order.

Every time you want to go back, think of your son.
 
needguidance99 said:
So, I left today – and I am feeling SOOOOOO scared about this. I miss him and I know that sounds insane to many of you.

I keep thinking of him crying and walking around the house wondering what happened and tryng to reach me.

I am trying SOOO hard to stay gone, but I have this compulsion to run back to him. Please help me stay strong.

God doesn’t speak to me – I hate the feeling of being so alone…

He was so kind to me last night and was even talking out loud about trying to get my annulment finsihed up so we could get married.

He seemed like he wanted to make it work and was even crying that it was so painful being away from me whenever we were apart.

The fact that I left is like an out of body experience to me right now. I don’t have the anger toward him that I should to feel no attachment or less attachment.
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What a story.
 
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