Rivera,
God Bless you. I feel the same way. My wife is crazy and yet I still feel the same way that you do. I have absolutely EVERYTHING I need in life from a financial and physical standpoint and yet God has blessed me with the poverty of being alone. But like you (and to the angst of my family and friends), I’d love nothing more than for her to be healed. I understand sacrificial love like I never did before. I’m just frustrated that God doesn’t even give me the opportunity to show her that I’ve changed.
How do you stay positive? Specifically, would you describe your prayer life and your method of reading the scriptures? How do you fend off the temptations of not giving up? They are very strong for me lately and I’d appreciate your insight.
I think that one of the most important questions to ask where, is how long have you been seperated for?
Depending on the answer, if it was pretty recent, then I can certainly understand the frustration that you are going through because I did go through the same thing. Eventually as time passed I learned that what God wanted is for me to forget about what I wanted. I wanted her to notice this too, I wanted her to see that things were different and give me another chance. But eventually this turned from a want, to a complete abandonment of my needs. It may sound a bit hard, but this is a selfish act as well. I think that what may be going on is that, unconciously your are demanding God to give you that opportunity that you want. I am saying this because this is what I did. During my time of depression, I cried and begged God for Him to give me the opportunity to show her that things were different. But fortunately, God is Omniscient, He knew that things were not different. He knew that I was being selfish in asking this. I had to let time pass to show me how wrong I was. I had to totally forget about what I wanted and just focus on what she needed, no matter how hard it was for me to accept that she may not come back again.
This was the biggest obstacle to overcome. To totally have disregard of my needs and wants so He can live more deeply in me. This was the process of my purification, and as time passed my prayers changed. I no longer asked Him to bring her back and heal my marriage, but to heal her and for the Holy Spirit to show her the Light and the Way. To turn away from sin. For His will to be done in my marriage and not mine. But to send to me any sufferings that I can offer up to Him that will lead for her conversion.
As far as staying positive, I am not going to lie to you because if I do, it will make my witness worthless. I am not always as positive as you may read in these posts. Things are not always going to be ok, there are going to be times when you will still cry. There will be times when you think that things will not change anymore. More importantly, there will be times when you can not find the strength to continue. But do not despair and abandon Him. You have to remember that He suffered rejection, He cried for us all, He also despaired, but ultimately He did what the Father wanted Him to do. You are not alone, and He shares in your sufferings as well. This is a process of sanctification, and you have to remember that He not only wants to sanctifiy you, but your wife as well. I learned to cope with these things by praying, accepting that this is His will, and that He is letting this situation because He has something better in mind. His reward may not be that she comes back to me in this life, but I may be greatly rewarded in the next for standing up to Him in this world.
As you may have seen, my prayer life has been enriched because of this. I try to pray every moment I can, even though I may be doing something, like cleaning. Prayer is suppose to be a dialogue with God not a monologue. So it is important to find time to be at peace both physically, mentally, and spiritually to pray. I try to read the LOTH and pray the rosary daily. As Bishop Sheen said, if you want sinners to convert, ask our Lady to guide them. That is what I do, I ask Our Lady for her intercesion, especially for my wife. I read the bible every day, I read through it until I finish reading a certain book, right now I’m reading the psalms. I try to go to daily Mass as well, eating and drinking the Lord’s Body and Blood is the ultimate way of how God gives Himself to us. I have a prayer that I do whenever I participate in the Eucharist. I give thanks to the Lord for changing the bread and wine into His Body and Blood and ask Him to change my heart into a monstrance, where every Communion can reside. So that His light can reflect from me, that where ever I go, people will see Him and not me. So that who ever I look at, will see Him in me. That every person I talk to can hear him and not me. Every person I smile or greet can be greeted by Him. I also offer up my Comunion for my wife and others as well. And ask Him to sanctify me.
Being able to partake in the Eucharist daily has been the great foundation of my daily conversion. This is how I fend off the temptation of giving up. Family and even some people at church have told me to look for another relationship, but for me, He is everything I need. I ask him to guide me in my life, for me to be able to do His will and not mine. It’s not easy being a follower of Christ, and you will constantly be attacked for following Him. We just can not give up, because when we do, we lose the game. Do not give up and keep on trying to live a christian lifestyle. Do not fall in the traps that this world presents to you, with Him you can be stronger. I will pray for you and your wife.
I’d like to thank everyone for their prayers and blessings. I wish the same for all of you as well.
