Need some advice regarding interaction with homosexual neighbors

[Feedmysheep]

One general observation here; it has been said that the things we hate and protest most loudly in other people are often the things we hate most about ourselves. This always comes to mind when I see people exhibiting profound animosity and hatred towards homosexuals. Food for thought.

A very holy priest I know once said, “Spend the day making a list of every single thing wrong with each of your family members. Then take that list to confession, because that’s where YOU’RE sinning.” I sometimes daydream about the making the list of my family’s shortcomings. But not the owning them as my sins, though I know he’s right.

 

[dixieagle]

A very holy priest I know once said, “Spend the day making a list of every single thing wrong with each of your family members. Then take that list to confession, because that’s where YOU’RE sinning.” I sometimes daydream about the making the list of my family’s shortcomings. But not the owning them as my sins, though I know he’s right.

This is so true…I know that the things my family members do that really bug me are the things that I know are shortcomings in me, as well. (Procrastination, over-sensitivity…)

On topic however, I think we need to look deeply into our own hearts to see whence the strong feelings about homosexual activity, vis-a-vis other serious sins, originate.

 

[NewUlm1976_2000]

A very holy priest I know once said, “Spend the day making a list of every single thing wrong with each of your family members. Then take that list to confession, because that’s where YOU’RE sinning.” I sometimes daydream about the making the list of my family’s shortcomings. But not the owning them as my sins, though I know he’s right.

So, true so true, that is one very wise priest.

 

[ethant]

A very holy priest I know once said, “Spend the day making a list of every single thing wrong with each of your family members. Then take that list to confession, because that’s where YOU’RE sinning.” I sometimes daydream about the making the list of my family’s shortcomings. But not the owning them as my sins, though I know he’s right.

Be careful here. You’re making quite a leap. Apply that logic to any number of behaviors you speak out against. It becomes a ridiculous statement doesn’t it?

 

[Feedmysheep]

Be careful here. You’re making quite a leap. Apply that logic to any number of behaviors you speak out against. It becomes a ridiculous statement doesn’t it?

No, it isn’t a ridiculous statement. It’s a very useful confession tool from an extremely holy and pious priest. Any number of behaviors, when looked at closely enough, yield parallels in your own life.

Take, for example, an extreme and fictional example of a wife who cheats on her husband, gets pregnant outside of wedlock, and on the way to abort her child, runs over an old lady. The husband in question could then look at his wife’s sins and find the following:

1. infidelity is a sexually based sin. In what ways have I (speaking as our fictional husband) been committing sins against chastity?
2. abortion. How have I (the husband) been closed off to life in general, and God’s will in specific?
3. reckless driving resulting in another death. How am I behaving recklessly and perhaps committing spiritual murder?

The exercise is only ridiculous if you’re unwilling or unable to look deeply at the nature of sins to see how they manifest in your life, as well. I would suggest you try it before you dismiss it as useless.

FMS

 

[SpiritMeadow]

We are here discussing the proper way in which to handle neighbors who have same-sex attraction and make publicly manifest their decision to act upon them. Involved in that discussion is the morality involved in same-sex sexual activity. On that point, the Church is unambiguously clear about the nature of such acts. To point out that the failure to submit to this teaching might very well be found in a less than serious practitioner of the Catholic faith is not judgment; it’s pointing out the obvious.

Okay, we are here because a two gay people live together in someone’s neighborhood. You equate living together as acting on their sexual persuation. Most likely you are right, they are practicing homosexuals. I still don’t think that fact gives anyone the right to make verbal public judgments. What you think about it privately and how you choose to act in terms of staying away is your business. I find public condemnation both unnecessary, unhelpful, hurtful for no reason than to hurt, and simply not within your right as creature. You may of course differ. It is my opinion.

 

[SpiritMeadow]

When I referred to “endorsement” of the gay lifestyle I did not mean that this individual was trying to seduce me or “convert” me. I just meant that once he’s was comfortable and friendly with me, he increasingly became bolder at touting the lifestyle as “normal” and an intrinsic right and bashing or ridiculing those who felt differently. I apologize for any confusion on that point.

I understand. It would be understandable that after a time, a gay person would feel free no doubt to be more open about his life and assumed he could “let down his hair” a bit. Many gays are used to being rejected quite openly, and when they see a kindness, they may see acceptance in general. You have every right to have an honest discussion with him at this point I would say and gently honestly state what you believe. It may disappoint him, but if you are saying nothing is different between us, but its’ fair you know I don’t approve, …then you have offered to go on as usual, just without the assumed acceptance. That would be how I would handle it.

I think such discussions are fine if the friendship has gone to a point where some personal intimacies are shared. It’s just a horrid thing to do to a stranger is all I mean here.

 

[SpiritMeadow]

Be careful here. You’re making quite a leap. Apply that logic to any number of behaviors you speak out against. It becomes a ridiculous statement doesn’t it?

No he isnt. You are taking it too literally. It’s a very deep and very true statement. It is the qualities that we are lacking that we see lacking in others that we rail at to them. It is what we lack that is the true source of our pain and thus our lashing out. Actually sometimes it may be qualities we envy in others that we rail at as well because we sense our lack.

 

[fix]

We are all sinners; if we limit those people with whom we deign to interact to those who pass OUR moral litmus tests, we will likely be very lonely people.

We cannot leave out the virtue of prudence. There are plenty of circumstances where we each may have to limit our contact with others for various reasons.

One general observation here; it has been said that the things we hate and protest most loudly in other people are often the things we hate most about ourselves. This always comes to mind when I see people exhibiting profound animosity and hatred towards homosexuals. Food for thought.

Sounds like pop psychology. What about saying those who overlook grave sin or scandal because to face it would mean changing things in their own lives? Or, what about the fact we allow our consciences to be formed more by secular culture than by Church teaching?

I find those who use the line that speaking against bad conduct “secretly” are “that way” themselves usually want to divert the discussion.

 

[fix]

A very holy priest I know once said, “Spend the day making a list of every single thing wrong with each of your family members. Then take that list to confession, because that’s where YOU’RE sinning.” I sometimes daydream about the making the list of my family’s shortcomings. But not the owning them as my sins, though I know he’s right.

Would that list include ways we cooperate in others sin by not disclosing or not hindering them when we have an obligation to do so?

 

[Feedmysheep]

Would that list include ways we cooperate in others sin by not disclosing or not hindering them when we have an obligation to do so?

I don’t know what any particular person’s list says or doesn’t say. I suppose that if this is a sin you find in a family member, then it is one you are guilty of, too.

I find it extremely telling and sadly amusing the reactions some people have to this priest’s suggestion. The practice is not meant to negate the sinfulness of certain activities, but rather to help the individual examine his conscious. But we all love telling our brother about the speck in his eye, don’t we?

 

[dessert]

Dear Catholic Answers… First of all, I’d like to ask forgiveness for my obvious ignorance regarding the circumstances I’m about to describe; And that I do not intend… in any way, to be offensive. But I felt that I would be able to receive compassionate and honest advice here.

Our new neighbors, who live a couple doors down… are two very friendly, likeable and polite young men; They are openly gay (referring to each other as “partner”). I immediately took a liking to them both, and feel that they will be wonderful, considerate and caring neighbors.

The Catechism of the Catholic Faith… states the following… “They (homosexual persons) must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided.” (2358)

Now, while I certainly have no intent of treating my new neighbors with anything other than Christian Charity… I’d like to know how to do so… WITHOUT appearing to approve of their lifestyle. We are already on a first name basis. And I fear that over-familiarity might be misinterpreted as approval of the homosexual lifestyle. But, at the same time… I certainly do not want to shun my neighbors.

I’ve never been in these particular circumstances… and I want to proceed, as a Roman Catholic Christian. Thank you in advance for your consideration of my question.

I would be polite but don’t get a real friendship going, don’t be decievd this is an unnatural thing and can be dangerous, spirtually and physically. If your children see you making light of this they will think it is OK.
One of the men may be hetrasexual so there is much going on so be careful.

 

[ethant]

No, it isn’t a ridiculous statement. It’s a very useful confession tool from an extremely holy and pious priest. Any number of behaviors, when looked at closely enough, yield parallels in your own life.

Take, for example, an extreme and fictional example of a wife who cheats on her husband, gets pregnant outside of wedlock, and on the way to abort her child, runs over an old lady. The husband in question could then look at his wife’s sins and find the following:

1. infidelity is a sexually based sin. In what ways have I (speaking as our fictional husband) been committing sins against chastity?
2. abortion. How have I (the husband) been closed off to life in general, and God’s will in specific?
3. reckless driving resulting in another death. How am I behaving recklessly and perhaps committing spiritual murder?

The exercise is only ridiculous if you’re unwilling or unable to look deeply at the nature of sins to see how they manifest in your life, as well. I would suggest you try it before you dismiss it as useless.

FMS

So are you saying that since I sin, I should accept homosexual behavior as a good thing and ignore the teachings of the Church? Since I sin, I’m allowed or even encouraged to openly dissent from the teachings of the Church?

I’m going to default to my first post here and ask again, but word it differently. Who is your authority?

 

[Feedmysheep]

So are you saying that since I sin, I should accept homosexual behavior as a good thing and ignore the teachings of the Church? Since I sin, I’m allowed or even encouraged to openly dissent from the teachings of the Church?

I’m going to default to my first post here and ask again, but word it differently. Who is your authority?

Ok, let me explain this very slowly and carefully, to try and curb any more people from putting words into my posts that simply aren’t there.

Fr. Pinto, S.O.L.T., a very holy and pious priest, suggested making a list of all your family’s faults. Then, looking at this list, see how those sins are ones you are committing. End of suggestion.

Things the exercise does not, in any way, suggest:

1. homosexual behavior is a good thing
2. We should ignore the teachings of the Church
3. We should dissent from the teachings of the Church

Furthermore, none of my posts have in any way even hinted at the above. I would be more irritated at the suggestion that they do, but then that would indicate a lack of patience on my part which I might then need to confess.

The exercise does demand some thought and attention on the penitent’s part though. If you simply parrot back the list to your confessor, it doesn’t do much good.

My authority, again, is the suggestion of Fr. Pinto, S.O.L.T. if you’d like to contact him directly with any questions you have, the website is: solt.org/

 

[fix]

I don’t know what any particular person’s list says or doesn’t say. I suppose that if this is a sin you find in a family member, then it is one you are guilty of, too.

I find it extremely telling and sadly amusing the reactions some people have to this priest’s suggestion. The practice is not meant to negate the sinfulness of certain activities, but rather to help the individual examine his conscious. But we all love telling our brother about the speck in his eye, don’t we?

I find it telling you bring this example up when it has nothing to do with the OP case. Who is against examination of conscience? No one here I would assume.

The OP asked a genuine question. There is no one stock answer. It requires prudence and discernment.

 

[Teen4Christ]

Treat them like everyone else

 

[Feedmysheep]

I find it telling you bring this example up when it has nothing to do with the OP case. Who is against examination of conscience? No one here I would assume.

The OP asked a genuine question. There is no one stock answer. It requires prudence and discernment.

Please refer to post #80 for why this suggestion was even brought up in the context of the OP’s question. True, it wasn’t spot on topic, but still useful in a thread where suggestions have been made to utterly shun people based on their sins.

And since this thread has lasted 7 pages so far, obviously there is no stock answer.

 

[jwashu]

I know a number of people who are “gay” and I would suggest treating them like everyone else, with Christian charity.

If you are the one to open the door for them to Christ, you will know. I firmly believe that if God wants you to do that He will provide you with the opportunity and the words. Just ask that should the situation arise, He guide you.

Joe

 

[ethant]

Things the exercise does not, in any way, suggest:

1. homosexual behavior is a good thing
2. We should ignore the teachings of the Church
3. We should dissent from the teachings of the Church

Good. Then we should not celebrate homosexual behavior. Right?

 

[Feedmysheep]

Good. Then we should not celebrate homosexual behavior. Right?

I’m sorry, did someone suggest that “we” should?