Need some advice regarding interaction with homosexual neighbors

[sodak]

Dear Catholic Answers… First of all, I’d like to ask forgiveness for my obvious ignorance regarding the circumstances I’m about to describe; And that I do not intend… in any way, to be offensive. But I felt that I would be able to receive compassionate and honest advice here.

Our new neighbors, who live a couple doors down… are two very friendly, likeable and polite young men; They are openly gay (referring to each other as “partner”). I immediately took a liking to them both, and feel that they will be wonderful, considerate and caring neighbors.

The Catechism of the Catholic Faith… states the following… “They (homosexual persons) must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided.” (2358)

Now, while I certainly have no intent of treating my new neighbors with anything other than Christian Charity… I’d like to know how to do so… WITHOUT appearing to approve of their lifestyle. We are already on a first name basis. And I fear that over-familiarity might be misinterpreted as approval of the homosexual lifestyle. But, at the same time… I certainly do not want to shun my neighbors.

I’ve never been in these particular circumstances… and I want to proceed, as a Roman Catholic Christian. Thank you in advance for your consideration of my question.

I’ve struggled with this myself, not with a neighbor, but a co-worker. I’ve tried being very friendly, and having them over for supper, etc. I just said that they were friends, my kids are young enough to accept that.

The problem is that they won’t be happy until they force acceptance, which they’ll never get from me. I overheard one of them describing me in very narrow minded bigoted ways. This after I fixed her car, had them over for dinner, fixed their plumbing, etc. I told her calmly that I expected better than that from my friends, and she hasn’t spoken to me since.

So I think some separation is a good thing. Otherwise, your children will get mixed messages, and yes, my primary responsibility it to my children, not homosexuals that I happen to know. You can try being understanding and modeling good Christian behavior, but these days they are so aggressive, they won’t accept anything less than total acceptance.

 

[ethant]

I’m sorry, did someone suggest that “we” should?

There is no need for harsh consequences, we are all fallible people, we are all sinners. Imposing harder consequences on others because it is precieved as a worse sin than ours is not the way to go through life.

We are too look at each other’s similarities, not look for differences and judge harshly.

Same-gender monogamous relationships should be celebrated for the couple being together, not shunned and degraded as lesser on so many levels.

Yes.

 

[ethant]

I’ve struggled with this myself, not with a neighbor, but a co-worker. I’ve tried being very friendly, and having them over for supper, etc. I just said that they were friends, my kids are young enough to accept that.

The problem is that they won’t be happy until they force acceptance, which they’ll never get from me. I overheard one of them describing me in very narrow minded bigoted ways. This after I fixed her car, had them over for dinner, fixed their plumbing, etc. I told her calmly that I expected better than that from my friends, and she hasn’t spoken to me since.

So I think some separation is a good thing. Otherwise, your children will get mixed messages, and yes, my primary responsibility it to my children, not homosexuals that I happen to know. You can try being understanding and modeling good Christian behavior, but these days they are so aggressive, they won’t accept anything less than total acceptance.

I agree with you 100%. What I find alarming is the number of Catholics who are choosing to accept it also.

 

[NewUlm1976_2000]

Good. Then we should not celebrate homosexual behavior. Right?

We should treat them like a person and not focus on their gender preferences.

Are your relationships threatened by your relationships of your neighbors? Mine are not. Mine rise on fall between myself and my girlfriend.

If two people of any gender can find a loving monogamous relationship for the rest of their life then I see no problem with that.

 

[Feedmysheep]

CCC 2358: …[Homosexuals] do not choose their homosexual condition; for most of them it is a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided.

Not quite sure how respectful, compassionate and sensitive it is to avoid someone simply based on their homosexuality.

In the case Sodak mentioned, one is avoiding someone who proved to be a poor friend. The offer of Christian charity was extended, boundaries established, and the friendship severed on the part of the homosexual. This is a far cry from cutting a fellow human, made in the image and likeness of God, off from social contact, just because they’re a sinner.

Anyway, this is one of those things that keeps going on and on and on. I’ve said my peace, and will keep all of us in my prayers.

 

[ethant]

If two people of any gender can find a loving monogamous relationship for the rest of their life then I see no problem with that.

What does your Catholic faith have to say about that?

 

[NewUlm1976_2000]

What does your Catholic faith have to say about that?

Easy, part of my everyday, day-long spiritual exercises is to try to see God in everyone, and love others as I love myself. In this I try to work against any discrimination and prejudices towards others. (2nd Greatest Commandment, Love others as you love yourself)

I do not look at the gender of a loving, monogamous couple. I see two people who want to spend the rest of their lives with one another, with all that entails (ups and downs) and will be there for each other.

 

[ethant]

Easy, part of my everyday, day-long spiritual exercises is to try to see God in everyone, and love others as I love myself. In this I try to work against any discrimination and prejudices towards others. (2nd Greatest Commandment, Love others as you love yourself)

I do not look at the gender of a loving, monogamous couple. I see two people who want to spend the rest of their lives with one another, with all that entails (ups and downs) and will be there for each other.

Let me rephrase my question. What does the Catholic Church have to say about that?

 

[NewUlm1976_2000]

Let me rephrase my question. What does the Catholic Church have to say about that?

The Church follows what Jesus taught. Which is

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” (Matthew 22:36 NIV). Jesus replied, " ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments" (Matthew 22:37-40 NIV).

Anything else is not Loving your neighbor as yourself, which is my daily spiritual exercise which I always strive to the best of my ability daily.

 

[sodak]

Anything else is not Loving your neighbor as yourself, which is my daily spiritual exercise which I always strive to the best of my ability daily.

I agree absolutely. Loving thy neighbor is also trying your best to help them, which includes gently trying to convince them not to make a fatal, unending error.

I was hiking in the mountains with my extended family years ago. One of my small nieces, about 5 or 6 at the time, was jumping up on rocks and balancing precariously. She was close to the edge of the trail and a 50 ft. drop. I grabbed her and pulled her in as fast as I could, since I was the closest. Unfortunately, it was a rough grab, but it worked. Her mother (not the brightest) got pretty mad at me, but my Father (who had common sense) approved.

Perhaps I wasn’t too gentle, but I didn’t have time to be. And she’s still doing well to this day.

Would it have been more loving to let her fall, at least she would have died happy?

 

[NewUlm1976_2000]

I agree absolutely. Loving thy neighbor is also trying your best to help them, which includes gently trying to convince them not to make a fatal, unending error.

I was hiking in the mountains with my extended family years ago. One of my small nieces, about 5 or 6 at the time, was jumping up on rocks and balancing precariously. She was close to the edge of the trail and a 50 ft. drop. I grabbed her and pulled her in as fast as I could, since I was the closest. Unfortunately, it was a rough grab, but it worked. Her mother (not the brightest) got pretty mad at me, but my Father (who had common sense) approved.

Perhaps I wasn’t too gentle, but I didn’t have time to be. And she’s still doing well to this day.

Would it have been more loving to let her fall, at least she would have died happy?

It all depends on what “error” is in this discussion. Living a loving, monogamous relationship with two people of the same gender is not an “fatal, unending error”. The couple are what they are and loving them like yourself is to show support to them and wish them well in their loving union.

 

[Abigail]

I believe there is a way to be true to Catholic teaching while respecting the dignity and free will of others.

One person observes a homosexual couple, disapproves of their actions, and feels compelled to eventually let them know “I am Catholic and, while I love you as people, I don’t approve of homosexuality.” They believe they have a duty to make certain the homosexuals know that what they are doing is a sin, so they can amend their lives and gain Heaven. They believe they are doing this out of genuine love.

The second person observes a homosexual couple and thinks “these people have made some very bad choices in life. I have no way of knowing why they are doing what they are doing, or what kinds of difficulties may have influenced them. The Church teaches what it does because it knows these types of decisions cause misery. What, if anything, can I do to help them?” Instead of saying “I don’t approve of homosexuality,” such a person will first of all pray for the welfare of his friends, and then be there as a genuine friend to provide support. It is when providing genuine support that the teachings of the Church can be useful – “I am so sorry about the abuse you suffered as a child. Have you ever considered talking to God about it?”

If one is genuinely concerned about others they see the teachings of the Church as a way of helping, not a way to condemn. The second method is very slow and uncertain, but in my experience far more likely to help.

 

[sodak]

It all depends on what “error” is in this discussion. Living a loving, monogamous relationship with two people of the same gender is not an “fatal, unending error”. The couple are what they are and loving them like yourself is to show support to them and wish them well in their loving union.

You are absolutely wrong. Check the Catechism and the Bible.

 

[ethant]

It all depends on what “error” is in this discussion. Living a loving, monogamous relationship with two people of the same gender is not an “fatal, unending error”. The couple are what they are and loving them like yourself is to show support to them and wish them well in their loving union.

This is too painful to continue with.

 

[NewUlm1976_2000]

This is too painful to continue with.

I know looking inside others is hard, but it is a growing spiritual exercise and very helpful in day to day life. I have extended family who have same-gender preferences and I do not see anything more than a normal person who wants a lifelong, monogamous relationship with another. They are not different in any way.

You will notice that the 2nd greatest commandment is unconditional. Any conditions I have seen referenced have come after the teaching.

One of the strengths of faith is accepting and supporting differences in each other. We are much more alike than we often think. Many parts of society would love to see us divided on this or that but they are all really petty reasons in the end.

 

[blessedtoo]

I know looking inside others is hard, but it is a growing spiritual exercise and very helpful in day to day life. I have extended family who have same-gender preferences and I do not see anything more than a normal person who wants a lifelong, monogamous relationship with another. They are not different in any way.

You will notice that the 2nd greatest commandment is unconditional. Any conditions I have seen referenced have come after the teaching.

One of the strengths of faith is accepting and supporting differences in each other. We are much more alike than we often think. Many parts of society would love to see us divided on this or that but they are all really petty reasons in the end.

My friend, you have been seriously misguided on this issue (as well as a few others). Yes, we must love everyone but we are not to love sinful behavior or “support” those behaviors. This notion you have that “monogomous same sex” relationships are to be applauded is in direct contradiction to the teaching of the Catholic Church. There is no such exception, no matter how you parse the “love one another” commandment.

 

[fix]

Please refer to post #80 for why this suggestion was even brought up in the context of the OP’s question. True, it wasn’t spot on topic, but still useful in a thread where suggestions have been made to utterly shun people based on their sins.

And since this thread has lasted 7 pages so far, obviously there is no stock answer.

Yes, I saw #80 and replied to her. I have not studied the entire thread so I missed the shunning comment. I have seen posts that directly contradict moral teaching on the illictness of certain sexual acts. It is a scandal.

 

[SpiritMeadow]

I believe there is a way to be true to Catholic teaching while respecting the dignity and free will of others.

One person observes a homosexual couple, disapproves of their actions, and feels compelled to eventually let them know “I am Catholic and, while I love you as people, I don’t approve of homosexuality.” They believe they have a duty to make certain the homosexuals know that what they are doing is a sin, so they can amend their lives and gain Heaven. They believe they are doing this out of genuine love.

The second person observes a homosexual couple and thinks “these people have made some very bad choices in life. I have no way of knowing why they are doing what they are doing, or what kinds of difficulties may have influenced them. The Church teaches what it does because it knows these types of decisions cause misery. What, if anything, can I do to help them?” Instead of saying “I don’t approve of homosexuality,” such a person will first of all pray for the welfare of his friends, and then be there as a genuine friend to provide support. It is when providing genuine support that the teachings of the Church can be useful – “I am so sorry about the abuse you suffered as a child. Have you ever considered talking to God about it?”

If one is genuinely concerned about others they see the teachings of the Church as a way of helping, not a way to condemn. The second method is very slow and uncertain, but in my experience far more likely to help.

Excellent!

I get so terribly confused why some seem to “just can’t wait” to tell the “sinner” about their sin. It seems a bit self-absorbed and self-righteous to me. Your remarks are dead on. Thanks.

 

[iamrefreshed]

It all depends on what “error” is in this discussion. Living a loving, monogamous relationship with two people of the same gender is not an “fatal, unending error”. The couple are what they are and loving them like yourself is to show support to them and wish them well in their loving union.

Sorry, but church teaching is not on your side concerning this issue.

You can sugarcoat it all you want with quotes to love one another but you’re going against church teaching. In effect, you are disobeying the Pope because it makes you feel better.

I love all my homosexual brothers and sisters. But I won’t comfirm them in their sin. You do.

But you are definitely in the majority as 90% of catholics don’t follow church teaching.

 

[ethant]

Excellent!

I get so terribly confused why some seem to “just can’t wait” to tell the “sinner” about their sin. It seems a bit self-absorbed and self-righteous to me. Your remarks are dead on. Thanks.

And I get terribly annoyed when some seem to “just can’t wait” to tell others about their sin and expect others to accept their sin as good. Seems scandalous to me.