Newly-wed desperately seeks advice

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SophiaCra said:
Yes, thank you Joe. I meant no offense about the womans appearance only that her belly was very swollen and she was very obviously pregnant.

Sorry that my post is long and rambling, my head was spinning and I was typing through tears when I posted.
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No need to apologize. That is completely understandable.
 
SophiaCra said:
Hello DL82
In answer to your question as to how I ‘found out’ about the cheating, lies and sex addiction, he has never confessed any of it to me willingly. I found out by first stumbling on explicit texts messages, then I did (knowing it was wrong to do so) hack into his facebook and email accounts and read the full extent of the addiction.
Girls and women have contacted me directly to ‘let me know what kind of man I married’ and even then my husband denies everything until I present him with proof such as texts, videos, messages ect, or the upset woman confronting him in my presence so he cant call her a liar. So almost everyday there is another shameful revelation.
My husband has not apologised or asked for forgiveness yet.
I rather naively thought that when I posted on here, lots of knowledgeable fellow Catholics would respond with advice such as 'Ban him from using the internet and with-hold intimacy until he shows remorse, then you can work things out in time ’ I love this man with all my heart and soul, I am terrified I will lose him to someone else. I desperately want to fix my marriage.
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Hi,
Firstly let me say how sorry I am for your heartbreak. I too am going thru some heartache. I understand what it is to love someone deeply and to be terrified to lose them but in my opinion you NEED to love yourself ( and God) more. I suggest you speak to your priest and at the risk of you not liking this advise, I also suggest you run! FAST! Banning him from the internet and witholding contact will not remedy the problem. It would be like putting a band-aid on a stab wound. Sure it might stop the bleeding mininally but eventually it will hemorage and the bandaid will be rendered useless. Unfortunatly these are issues he needs to deal with himslef. You can not fix it for him as much as you may want to. I do understand that everyone makes mistakes and deserves forgiveness but in this case you would be neglecting the well being of your soul if you decide to just continue on.
I will pray for you from the bottom of my heart and I wish you peace.
Please continue to pray, God will not abandon you!
This prayer truly helped me. Believe in it when you say it. All the best

Most holy apostle St. Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the name of the traitor who delivered your beloved Master into the hands of His enemies has caused you to be forgotten by many. But the Church honors and invokes you universally as the patron of hopeless cases–of things despaired of. Pray for me who feels so hopeless. Make use, I implore you, of that particular privilege and speedy help where help is almost despaired of. Come to my assistance in this great need, that I may recieve the consolations and succor of heaven in all my necessities, tribulations and sufferings, in particular (with my marriage) and that I may bless God with you and all the elect throughout eternity. I promise you, O Blessed St. Jude, to be ever mindful of this great favor, and I will never cease to honor you as my special and powerful patron, and to do all in my power to encourage devotion to you. AMEN!
 
Sophia I would instruct my own daughter who is in her 30’s to do the same as the others have mentioned. Get out of the house ASAP! DO NOT have marital relations of any sort with him! Get legal help ASAP! Speak to your priest! Get psychological help as well - you should talk to someone who can help you deal with that side of things as well. NO, YOU ARE NOT CRAZY!

Just remember, life happens and it isn’t your fault that this happened to you - DO NOT blame yourself! You are a good person, always remember that!

GOD bless and much peace!

Mike 🙂
 
dcru said:
Hi,

Most holy apostle St. Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the name of the traitor who delivered your beloved Master into the hands of His enemies has caused you to be forgotten by many. But the Church honors and invokes you universally as the patron of hopeless cases–of things despaired of. Pray for me who feels so hopeless. Make use, I implore you, of that particular privilege and speedy help where help is almost despaired of. Come to my assistance in this great need, that I may recieve the consolations and succor of heaven in all my necessities, tribulations and sufferings, in particular (with my marriage) and that I may bless God with you and all the elect throughout eternity. I promise you, O Blessed St. Jude, to be ever mindful of this great favor, and I will never cease to honor you as my special and powerful patron, and to do all in my power to encourage devotion to you. AMEN!
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Thank you
 
If you own the house, tell him to start flat hunting. Tell him that you are not necessarily seeking a decree nisi, but will seek a decree nisi if necessary. Most of all, get tested. If he gave you something like syphillis, it’s best to treat it now before it renders you infertile or turns your brain into Swiss cheese.

If he owns the house, of course, you yourself would need to go flat hunting.
 
I generally don’t like to tell people to leave their partner, but if it were me, I would run from this situation. The issue of trust is essential to marriage, and your “husband” deceived you in order to marry. Regardless of what I think, please see a priest ASAP.
 
SophiaCra said:
Thank you
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Your welcome!
Just close your eyes and believe and mean every word you say when you pray it. Everytime you feel like the waves of sadness and sorrow is coming say it again and again.
I promise you it will help you. It help me so much very recently. I am still amazed.
Also if you beging to feel weak I suggest you pray St. Michael’s Prayer. He will give you an amazing amount of strength. You will be astonished.

My prayers are with you,

Joyce
xo
 
SophiaCra said:
Hello DL82
In answer to your question as to how I ‘found out’ about the cheating, lies and sex addiction, he has never confessed any of it to me willingly. I found out by first stumbling on explicit texts messages, then I did (knowing it was wrong to do so) hack into his facebook and email accounts and read the full extent of the addiction.
Girls and women have contacted me directly to ‘let me know what kind of man I married’ and even then my husband denies everything until I present him with proof such as texts, videos, messages ect, or the upset woman confronting him in my presence so he cant call her a liar. So almost everyday there is another shameful revelation.
My husband has not apologised or asked for forgiveness yet.
I rather naively thought that when I posted on here, lots of knowledgeable fellow Catholics would respond with advice such as 'Ban him from using the internet and with-hold intimacy until he shows remorse, then you can work things out in time ’ I love this man with all my heart and soul, I am terrified I will lose him to someone else. I desperately want to fix my marriage.
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Honey, your situation has gone far beyond what anyone could fix - even if your husband wanted to change, I would still advise separation, at least, and possibly still divorce. He has taken cheating into another realm entirely. You are in love with a person that doesn’t exist. I’m so sorry. Please get out, get whatever money and possessions are yours out, and get a lawyer as well as seeing a doctor.
 
TheWarriorMonk said:
I generally don’t like to tell people to leave their partner, but if it were me, I would run from this situation. The issue of trust is essential to marriage, and your “husband” deceived you in order to marry. Regardless of what I think, please see a priest ASAP.
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👍👍👍
 
maryjk said:
(I snipped a bunch of your post, to shorten my post.)

:confused:

I’m sure I am reading this wrong, but it seems that this poor woman has been “heavily pregnant” for a very long time.

Two months before the wedding that was a month ago, means “three months ago.” Right? And now she still has a month until her delivery?

So 4 months before her due date?

Someone is lying here, and it isn’t just your husband.
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I’m sorry but, that’s all you got out of this?
This poor woman is going through hell and you call her a liar?
I have known many women, particularly if they are older and have already had kids, that look very pregnant at 5 months.
Way to show loving compassion.
 
Joe_5859 said:
Am I misunderstanding or are you accusing the OP of lying? :confused:

I think we should cut the OP some slack on this. I’ve known women (particularly if they have had kids before) who look quite pregnant by the 5th month. I’m sure by “heavily pregnant” she simply meant it was obvious she was pregnant just by looking at her.
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I took “heavily pregnant” to mean ready to give birth. So, I was wondering if the woman is actually pregnant if the birth hasn’t happened as yet. There are also the following considerations quoted below. If the woman is indeed troubled and indeed pregnant with his child, it would seem the roving husband and the pregnant neighbor make quite a pair. Even if the baby isn’t his, husband is still trouble for the OP and I think she should protect herself from him for so many reasons on several levels. Seeing her priest, her doctor and her lawyer is a good start.
SophiaCra said:
…He said the woman was a neighbour of his mothers and a troubled woman who has many children to different fathers and was just jealous of our happiness. I spoke to his mother and she confirmed the woman was ‘very odd and not right in the head ect’. After a week of rowing and debating and defending, my fiancée showed me a long message he sent the pregnant woman denying that he was her unborn childs father and saying it was impossible as he cannot father children due to a medical trauma as a teen. He told her he would insist on a paternity test to prove to everyone that this was not his child. She never replied to the message and we didn’t hear from her again. I was convinced that the pregnant neighbour was indeed just troubled/mistaken and we proceeded with our wedding…
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mommamaree said:
Please seek help from your pastor IMMEDIATELY. Call the parish office and ask for the next available appointment time, making sure to mention that this matter is very serious and urgent and that waiting to speak to him could be dangerous for your life and health.

I fear that you are right. Your husband lied and deceived you. If I were you, I would immediately cease physical relations, separate and initiate divorce proceedings. Then I would seek an annulment. You definitely have grounds for an annulment.
I would also seek counseling ASAP, to address the suicidal thoughts and feelings of betrayal and anger that you will have to work through.

I am praying for you right now. I am so sorry. God be with you. 😦
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I agree and you need to worry about STD’s too. I sure wouldn’t want to be stuck with someone like him for years and maybe have children by a man like him. Your still young and have a good life ahead of you.
We all have shattered dreams at times. Please don’t think your life isn’t worth living. It may be difficult for awhile going thru this but God will be there for you. Put your trust in Him. It will strengthen you.
My first husband suddenly died in an accident after 8 years of a wonderful marriage. We had 4 little boys. I didn’t think I would ever be happy again but I am and have been for many years. I remarried, had 3 more boys and now have 12 grandkids and 7 Great grandkids. God helps us thru our sorrows. God Bless, Memaw
 
PaleoConCatlick said:
I have trouble believing this situation due to its extremities, but I say cut no slack. You don’t have time to put up with this.

Dudes like this don’t deserve good Catholic girls like you.

This is like the 7th post I’ve read on this forum with a similar story to yours. I am considering starting a thread on this issue.
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I am beginning to have trouble believing it too. Sounds a little much for me. Funny there are 7 similar stories like it. God Bless. Memaw
 
UPDATE; I sat and talked with my husband this evening about our situation and I raised many of the points made here. He cried and said he doesn’t know why he cheats and he said he cant help it he is an attention seeker and always has been. He said sex with new people makes him feel better when he feels down but immediately after it he thinks ‘what have I done?’ and feels worse. He said he lies because he doesn’t want me to shout at him when he knows he has done something I wont like. He still hasn’t said sorry. We are going to meet with our Priest together on Friday morning.
 
SophiaCra said:
UPDATE; I sat and talked with my husband this evening about our situation and I raised many of the points made here. He cried and said he doesn’t know why he cheats and he said he cant help it he is an attention seeker and always has been. He said sex with new people makes him feel better when he feels down but immediately after it he thinks ‘what have I done?’ and feels worse. He said he lies because he doesn’t want me to shout at him when he knows he has done something I wont like. He still hasn’t said sorry. We are going to meet with our Priest together on Friday morning.
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I would also schedule a time to meet with the priest individually.
 
SophiaCra said:
UPDATE; I sat and talked with my husband this evening about our situation and I raised many of the points made here. He cried and said he doesn’t know why he cheats and **he said he cant help it **he is an attention seeker and always has been. He said sex with new people makes him feel better when he feels down but immediately after it he thinks ‘what have I done?’ and feels worse. He said he lies because he doesn’t want me to shout at him when he knows he has done something I wont like. He still hasn’t said sorry. We are going to meet with our Priest together on Friday morning.
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My bolding - what more do you need to know?

It’s time to go separetaly to see your priest, doctor, and lawyer. And let your family in so they can help protect you from this dishonourable man.
 
I rather naively thought that when I posted on here, lots of knowledgeable fellow Catholics would respond with advice such as 'Ban him from using the internet and with-hold intimacy until he shows remorse, then you can work things out in time ’
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I’m so sorry for all of what is happening to you.

The above is not how a marriage works; the above is how a mother diciplines a child. That’s not a spousal relationship.

IF he wants to change, and shows contrition for the past, you can accept this or not. Both of you need counseling, separate and together.

If he has no remorse or intention to seek help, I too suggest you leave now.

I would cease relations until he has ceased having relations with other women, and shows a Dr. note of no STD’s or other signs of disease.
 
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